“...the humility that comes only with sucking and persevering.”
April 29, 2017 11:25 AM Subscribe
(It’s Great to) Suck at Something by Karen Rinaldi [The New York Times] “I suck at it. In the sport of (Hawaiian) kings, I’m a jester. In surfing parlance, a “kook.” I fall and flail. I get hit on the head by my own board. I run out of breath when held down by a four-foot wave. I wimp out when the waves get overhead and I paddle back to shore. When I do catch a wave, I’m rarely graceful. On those rare occasions when I manage a decent drop, turn and trim, I usually blow it by celebrating with a fist pump or a hoot. Once, I actually cried tears of joy over what any observer would have thought a so-so performance on a so-so wave. Yes, I was moved to tears by mediocrity. So why continue? Why pursue something I’ll never be good at? Because it’s great to suck at something.”
If I have to suck at something, it's going to be a hobby that's less expensive than surfing.
posted by chavenet at 11:31 AM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 11:31 AM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
I took a couple of surfing lessons when I visited Australia. The guy who taught them tempered the class's expectations by telling us that it took him four or five years of surfing all the time before he considered himself even a modestly-skilled surfer, which was not at all what a few people in the group, who I guess were expecting to be featured on posters by the end of the second day, wanted to hear.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:35 AM on April 29, 2017
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:35 AM on April 29, 2017
Something's in the air, I guess. One of the gaming YouTubers I like, Tony Mo, did a little commentary video on a similar topic entitled "You Suck & That's Ok".
posted by tobascodagama at 11:39 AM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by tobascodagama at 11:39 AM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
I sew, which is a very different skill from surfing, and it doesn't have the same 'waves will always come' thing going on, because eventually you run out of fabric (or money to buy fabric).
I sew badly. With much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Phone calls to my mother -- made easier in the Facetime era, when I can have her look at whatever I fucked up instead of trying to describe something that if I had the vocabulary to describe it, I probably wouldn't have fucked up in the first place.
But I still sew, because when it works its fun and you get something unique out of it. And when it doesn't work, you learn to problem solve.
Life skills don't come from being good at everything all the time, which is why I started a professional degree program with no study skills whatsoever. After floating through grade school and undergrad, I'd never needed to learn them. Boy, was law school an adjustment.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:49 AM on April 29, 2017 [16 favorites]
I sew badly. With much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Phone calls to my mother -- made easier in the Facetime era, when I can have her look at whatever I fucked up instead of trying to describe something that if I had the vocabulary to describe it, I probably wouldn't have fucked up in the first place.
But I still sew, because when it works its fun and you get something unique out of it. And when it doesn't work, you learn to problem solve.
Life skills don't come from being good at everything all the time, which is why I started a professional degree program with no study skills whatsoever. After floating through grade school and undergrad, I'd never needed to learn them. Boy, was law school an adjustment.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:49 AM on April 29, 2017 [16 favorites]
I once skied over my own arm.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:59 AM on April 29, 2017 [78 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:59 AM on April 29, 2017 [78 favorites]
Perhaps the real pleasure here is less a hobby that one is bad at and more the combination of the sea, the sun, the sand, athleticism, and having thousands of dollars to burn in joy.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:07 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 12:07 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
> I once skied over my own arm.
okay so this one is off the charts on both comedy per syllable and on questions raised per syllable.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:16 PM on April 29, 2017 [31 favorites]
okay so this one is off the charts on both comedy per syllable and on questions raised per syllable.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:16 PM on April 29, 2017 [31 favorites]
Jake the Dog: Dude, suckin’ at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something
posted by palindromic at 12:21 PM on April 29, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by palindromic at 12:21 PM on April 29, 2017 [9 favorites]
I only spent $21 on Dark Souls. It's given me hundreds of hours of equal parts rage and joy. I am truly blessed.
posted by Fizz at 12:22 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 12:22 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Anything worth doing is worth doing badly." -G. K. Chesterton.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:24 PM on April 29, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 12:24 PM on April 29, 2017 [10 favorites]
I think there's a lot to be said for doing things that you're not particularly great at but that are fun, especially if you do them in groups. People I know get a lot out of singing in a choir or being in a running group or playing in a softball league. I think a lot of us do that kind of thing as kids, but we don't do it as much as adults. And it's sort of nice to have an activity where the point is just to have fun, rather than being great at something.
Surfing would not be my thing, though, because of the money and because the potential for injury seems high if you're as klutzy as I am.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 12:28 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
Surfing would not be my thing, though, because of the money and because the potential for injury seems high if you're as klutzy as I am.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 12:28 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
I am mediocre to terrible at a number of things I love doing or which give me a good reason to be with people I enjoy being with or which give me room to exist without intention. (If you know me at all, you know that I am human who is never relaxed, even if I say I am, unless I am medicated) Letting go of the mediocrity for the joy of being is a skill and priority which deserves more value.
But saying that "It's great to suck at something" is, in my opinion, missing the forest for the trees.
posted by crush at 12:38 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
But saying that "It's great to suck at something" is, in my opinion, missing the forest for the trees.
posted by crush at 12:38 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
I never made it off of Firefly Island in GTA4 so I decided winning meant stealing a garbage truck.
posted by lagomorphius at 12:42 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by lagomorphius at 12:42 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
I suck at many things I like doing, including but not limited to Scrabble and martial arts. There's a quote that sticks with me from Amy Chua's tiger mother book: "Nothing is fun unless you're good at it." I always thought she must live a very constricted (and unfun) life.
posted by pangolin party at 12:56 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by pangolin party at 12:56 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
and having thousands of dollars to burn in joy
Depending on where you live you can find serviceable surf gear for way less than that at yard sales and consignment shops
posted by not_the_water at 1:02 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
Depending on where you live you can find serviceable surf gear for way less than that at yard sales and consignment shops
posted by not_the_water at 1:02 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
If lots of stuff came easy for you as a kid, to the point that you could easily avoid things that didn't, it is a healthy and enlightening and empathy-building exercise to engage in an activity as an adult for which you have little to no natural aptitude.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2017 [23 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2017 [23 favorites]
The car I'm currently restoring has a wooden body frame. I rebuilt it from scratch. Let's just say I used almost 3x the amount of wood a proficient and skilled woodworker would use, some individual pieces I made four or five times. At the end, the product is pretty good but not something Norm Abrams would look at and go "that's good!" I'd love to make three or four more, by the fourth, I bet it would be OK. By the 20th, it would probably be pretty good.
Curiosity is the key to becoming skilled, in anything, hobby or your job. A lot working on anything is problem solving, and what separates the good (and potentially good) practitioner from the indifferent or bad is wanting to do a good job instead of just getting it done.
The first part is figuring out what the problem actually is, rather than what it looks like it is (sometimes they're the same, often they're not). That's a skill, and one that can be improved all the time, and it's satisfying to look at something and know "ok, I'll do A then B then C". And it's a leveling-up type of thing, that once you can do foo well, you have an epiphany that using bar makes sense, whereas if you can't do foo, bar seems ridiculous, and by using bar, all of a sudden you can see how baz can happen, and that thing the skilled person put together doesn't seem impossible any longer.
Doing A, B and C well: a lot of that is simply doing it again and again and again, because "book learning" in a physical activity only goes so far.
If you watched any of the skip-building videos from the great FPP posted a few days ago, a lot of the "simple" things the builder was doing were actually complex skills his years of experience made look easy. Which isn't to discourage anyone--I think one of the driving forces behind being "into" an activity is doing it and doing it and one day realizing you're now one of the people who is making a complex task look bewilderingly easy to an outsider.
I think a lot of the difference between drudge work and an enjoyable task is the amount of nuance you can bring to the task. Cleaning the gutters is a lot of work and there really isn't a ton of leveling-up to be accomplished there, so drudgery. Sanding the filler on a body panel flat is a lot of work, but there's actually a lot of finesse involved, so you're a lot more engaged in the work.
Writing metafilter comments which aren't pages and pages is a skill. Working on it...only been 11 years so far. I'll get there. Mostly by not adding sentences like the last one. Or that last one. Or...
posted by maxwelton at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2017 [13 favorites]
Curiosity is the key to becoming skilled, in anything, hobby or your job. A lot working on anything is problem solving, and what separates the good (and potentially good) practitioner from the indifferent or bad is wanting to do a good job instead of just getting it done.
The first part is figuring out what the problem actually is, rather than what it looks like it is (sometimes they're the same, often they're not). That's a skill, and one that can be improved all the time, and it's satisfying to look at something and know "ok, I'll do A then B then C". And it's a leveling-up type of thing, that once you can do foo well, you have an epiphany that using bar makes sense, whereas if you can't do foo, bar seems ridiculous, and by using bar, all of a sudden you can see how baz can happen, and that thing the skilled person put together doesn't seem impossible any longer.
Doing A, B and C well: a lot of that is simply doing it again and again and again, because "book learning" in a physical activity only goes so far.
If you watched any of the skip-building videos from the great FPP posted a few days ago, a lot of the "simple" things the builder was doing were actually complex skills his years of experience made look easy. Which isn't to discourage anyone--I think one of the driving forces behind being "into" an activity is doing it and doing it and one day realizing you're now one of the people who is making a complex task look bewilderingly easy to an outsider.
I think a lot of the difference between drudge work and an enjoyable task is the amount of nuance you can bring to the task. Cleaning the gutters is a lot of work and there really isn't a ton of leveling-up to be accomplished there, so drudgery. Sanding the filler on a body panel flat is a lot of work, but there's actually a lot of finesse involved, so you're a lot more engaged in the work.
Writing metafilter comments which aren't pages and pages is a skill. Working on it...only been 11 years so far. I'll get there. Mostly by not adding sentences like the last one. Or that last one. Or...
posted by maxwelton at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2017 [13 favorites]
Sometimes there's not a lot of room for expressing yourself in pursuit of perfect technique or craft. That can be more stifling than rewarding, even if it means you're doing it "right."
I spent a very long time and invested a lot of my identity as a young person aspiring to be a professional illustrator. Somewhere in my late 20s I had to really sit down and take stock of whether it was a realistic goal. I had to acknowledge that I'm just not that good. My craftsmanship wasn't progressing, I lacked a lot of the soft skills of freelance work, and what I had always thought of as central to my sense of self was going to have to just be a hobby. I had a kind of rough time with it.
Anyway, the point is, once I officially gave up trying to be the next Windsor McKay or whatever, drawing as a pursuit very quickly became about what i felt like doing rather than what I thought I should be doing, or what I was trying to get people to pay me to do. Ironically I like my art (and myself) way better now as a goober weekend cartoonist than I ever did when I was pursuing it seriously.
I guess part of really being the best version of yourself is about knowing what you actually bring to the table and why you're bringing it.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 1:06 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
I spent a very long time and invested a lot of my identity as a young person aspiring to be a professional illustrator. Somewhere in my late 20s I had to really sit down and take stock of whether it was a realistic goal. I had to acknowledge that I'm just not that good. My craftsmanship wasn't progressing, I lacked a lot of the soft skills of freelance work, and what I had always thought of as central to my sense of self was going to have to just be a hobby. I had a kind of rough time with it.
Anyway, the point is, once I officially gave up trying to be the next Windsor McKay or whatever, drawing as a pursuit very quickly became about what i felt like doing rather than what I thought I should be doing, or what I was trying to get people to pay me to do. Ironically I like my art (and myself) way better now as a goober weekend cartoonist than I ever did when I was pursuing it seriously.
I guess part of really being the best version of yourself is about knowing what you actually bring to the table and why you're bringing it.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 1:06 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
I'm absolutely pants at playing the ukulele and while I know it's one of the easiest instruments to learn, I just cannot get past "I know the notes...sometimes" stage.
(This is not an invite to tell me how easy it is for you.)
posted by Kitteh at 1:41 PM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
(This is not an invite to tell me how easy it is for you.)
posted by Kitteh at 1:41 PM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
Because it’s great to suck at something.
Nope, still missing the point. Surfing is fun, whatever your level of skill is. There's a lesson in there about not being afraid of sucking but the reason you should surf, I know prescriptive asshole talking here, is pleasure.
posted by rdr at 2:06 PM on April 29, 2017
Nope, still missing the point. Surfing is fun, whatever your level of skill is. There's a lesson in there about not being afraid of sucking but the reason you should surf, I know prescriptive asshole talking here, is pleasure.
posted by rdr at 2:06 PM on April 29, 2017
Curiosity is the key to becoming skilled, in anythingAnd persistence. Took me five years in my 40s to learn to really know how to fence. Just showed up over and over again, sucking endlessly, never quite getting the hang of it. And what kept me going wasn't curiosity, exactly. It was just that I got to actually hit people.
posted by Peach at 2:35 PM on April 29, 2017 [6 favorites]
I just started learning to spin poi based on YouTube videos, and I love this essay. If anyone's looking for something fun and cheap to suck at, poi spinning is really cool! I got some glowy LED poi for 30 dollars and because of how pretty the lights are I find myself exclaiming wow this is so cool!
with every new trick I start to pick up. :)
posted by Gymnopedist at 2:51 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
with every new trick I start to pick up. :)
posted by Gymnopedist at 2:51 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
I expect we have seen this here before, but just in case I'm going to leave it here anyway: Hebocon: Robot Wars for crappy robots
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 3:24 PM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 3:24 PM on April 29, 2017 [1 favorite]
I am an adult onset musician. I am rubbish at playing the harp. Every so often I look at this thing and wonder why I am bothering doing this to kyself. And then I remember just to listen to the thing... And it's all joy.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 3:33 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 3:33 PM on April 29, 2017 [5 favorites]
This is sort of how I feel about road cycling. Last week I went out, and wound up riding with a local semi-pro club, that also contains a number of former pros. "This is great!" I thought on my classic lugged steel road bike, "I'm holding my own with the Wheels of Bloor crew." I even went out on a couple of attacks (mainly because I'm trying to get my fitness back, and I need to push it on uphill sections.
Then, about halfway into my route, they started actually riding, and it was like I was moving backwards.
"There's always someone faster than you out on the road, and someone slower than you," I said to myself, feeling somewhat like Boethius as they disappeared down the road ahead of me. "There's always someone faster than you and someone slower than you."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:02 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
Then, about halfway into my route, they started actually riding, and it was like I was moving backwards.
"There's always someone faster than you out on the road, and someone slower than you," I said to myself, feeling somewhat like Boethius as they disappeared down the road ahead of me. "There's always someone faster than you and someone slower than you."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:02 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
Ahh, sucking at surfing. I know how she feels. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, near a surf beach so famous it's mentioned in "Surfing USA" by the Beach Boys, yes, even though it's in Australia. My dad was a lifelong surfer, and my brother was good enough to enter bodyboarding competitions. But I never quite got it. After many years (and maulings on barnacles on south coast reef breaks) I kind of got ok enough to hold my own.
I have to say my first reaction to "surfing costs thousands of dollars!" was, are you joking? A few hundred for a second hand board, from any number of backyards or surf shops overflowing with old boards, a few hundred for a steamer (a full length neoprene wetsuit), ride an old pushbike to one of the four quality surf beaches in riding distance, with one hand on the bars and your board under your arm and you're set. Or in Sydney, it's pretty common to bring a surfboard on a public bus or train.
This is obviously some kind of location privilege. Now, if I wanted to go *skiing*, that would indeed involve thousands of dollars of rare equipment, and travel to expensive places. But imagine I was in Denver instead....the situation would be reversed! I was absolutely blown away that in Boulder you can catch the public bus to the local ski resort.
posted by other barry at 4:27 PM on April 29, 2017 [16 favorites]
I have to say my first reaction to "surfing costs thousands of dollars!" was, are you joking? A few hundred for a second hand board, from any number of backyards or surf shops overflowing with old boards, a few hundred for a steamer (a full length neoprene wetsuit), ride an old pushbike to one of the four quality surf beaches in riding distance, with one hand on the bars and your board under your arm and you're set. Or in Sydney, it's pretty common to bring a surfboard on a public bus or train.
This is obviously some kind of location privilege. Now, if I wanted to go *skiing*, that would indeed involve thousands of dollars of rare equipment, and travel to expensive places. But imagine I was in Denver instead....the situation would be reversed! I was absolutely blown away that in Boulder you can catch the public bus to the local ski resort.
posted by other barry at 4:27 PM on April 29, 2017 [16 favorites]
If you like music you should definitely try sucking at a musical instrument.
posted by straight at 4:30 PM on April 29, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by straight at 4:30 PM on April 29, 2017 [13 favorites]
I suck horribly at piano but derive great joy from figuring out and plinking out the melodies. Sometimes I even use *both* hands!
posted by emjaybee at 4:30 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 4:30 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
the humility that comes only with sucking and persevering
...phrasing?
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 4:34 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
...phrasing?
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 4:34 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
If you like music you should definitely try sucking at a musical instrument.
...And if the monetary hurdle of surfing or owning a double bass is hampering you, singing is free.
I suck at singing. All the time!
posted by carsonb at 5:36 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
...And if the monetary hurdle of surfing or owning a double bass is hampering you, singing is free.
I suck at singing. All the time!
posted by carsonb at 5:36 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
"We don't play golf to feel bad. We play bad golf, but we feel good."
— Leslie Nielsen, Bad Golf Made Easier
posted by LEGO Damashii at 5:55 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
— Leslie Nielsen, Bad Golf Made Easier
posted by LEGO Damashii at 5:55 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
"If lots of stuff came easy for you as a kid, to the point that you could easily avoid things that didn't, it is a healthy and enlightening and empathy-building exercise to engage in an activity as an adult for which you have little to no natural aptitude."
Amen to this. I had this revelation when my high school gym class had a golf unit, of all things, and I was absolutely awful at it but it was hilariously fun. Nobody else was any good, nobody had any experience, we all just sucked, and it really didn't matter that we sucked. I'd been good at basically everything that had mattered so far my entire life (academics), or shamed for sucking (team sports), so my entire frame of reference was "BE THE BEST AND GET STRAIGHT As" or "People will mock you mercilessly for being an uncoordinated klutz," there were no in-between spots. And there were definitely things I really enjoyed but gave up on because they required public embarrassment because I couldn't master them fast enough to compete for top spots. Golf was the first time in my entire life I went, "Wow, I totally suck at this, and nobody cares, and there are no consequences, and I am having fun." It was literally revelatory.
As an adult I like to take community rec classes for things I'm passingly interested in, like pottery, and learn to throw terrible pots, and it's SO FUN. I learn an interesting thing, I suck at it, and I feel no compulsion to get any better. I still feel the perfectionist compulsion in things I'm "supposed to" be good at, and I end up avoiding some things because of it, but the lessons of sucking at golf help me be braver and less perfectionist about even those things. It's even one of the reasons I'm shy with strangers; I'm worried I'll be bad at small talk, bad at making friends, uninteresting, not good enough at $cool impressive skills, so I freeze up and I'm just unable to approach people at all. If you don't suffer from paralyzing perfectionism you may not fully understand the joy of sucking at something and not giving a shit.
I was just complaining the other day that I can never get my (Type A) friends to go to karaoke with me, which I think is absurdly fun, but they're all like, "But I'm bad at singing!" and I'm like, "That's why it's fun!" but none of them will do it because they're all really used to being great at everything.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:09 PM on April 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
Amen to this. I had this revelation when my high school gym class had a golf unit, of all things, and I was absolutely awful at it but it was hilariously fun. Nobody else was any good, nobody had any experience, we all just sucked, and it really didn't matter that we sucked. I'd been good at basically everything that had mattered so far my entire life (academics), or shamed for sucking (team sports), so my entire frame of reference was "BE THE BEST AND GET STRAIGHT As" or "People will mock you mercilessly for being an uncoordinated klutz," there were no in-between spots. And there were definitely things I really enjoyed but gave up on because they required public embarrassment because I couldn't master them fast enough to compete for top spots. Golf was the first time in my entire life I went, "Wow, I totally suck at this, and nobody cares, and there are no consequences, and I am having fun." It was literally revelatory.
As an adult I like to take community rec classes for things I'm passingly interested in, like pottery, and learn to throw terrible pots, and it's SO FUN. I learn an interesting thing, I suck at it, and I feel no compulsion to get any better. I still feel the perfectionist compulsion in things I'm "supposed to" be good at, and I end up avoiding some things because of it, but the lessons of sucking at golf help me be braver and less perfectionist about even those things. It's even one of the reasons I'm shy with strangers; I'm worried I'll be bad at small talk, bad at making friends, uninteresting, not good enough at $cool impressive skills, so I freeze up and I'm just unable to approach people at all. If you don't suffer from paralyzing perfectionism you may not fully understand the joy of sucking at something and not giving a shit.
I was just complaining the other day that I can never get my (Type A) friends to go to karaoke with me, which I think is absurdly fun, but they're all like, "But I'm bad at singing!" and I'm like, "That's why it's fun!" but none of them will do it because they're all really used to being great at everything.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:09 PM on April 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
"There's a quote that sticks with me from Amy Chua's tiger mother book: "Nothing is fun unless you're good at it." I always thought she must live a very constricted (and unfun) life."
I also meant to add, I feel this SO HARD. I mean Amy Chua's comment, not the objection. A good 90% of my brain thinks things are only fun if you're good enough at them to make them feel natural. The 10% of my brain that sucks at golf is always fighting it down.
(I don't PLAY golf, it's only fun if I don't try to get good at it. If I practice it will cease to be fun, until I master it and it can be fun again.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:11 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
I also meant to add, I feel this SO HARD. I mean Amy Chua's comment, not the objection. A good 90% of my brain thinks things are only fun if you're good enough at them to make them feel natural. The 10% of my brain that sucks at golf is always fighting it down.
(I don't PLAY golf, it's only fun if I don't try to get good at it. If I practice it will cease to be fun, until I master it and it can be fun again.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:11 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
I was one of those kids who was praised for results rather than efforts, and quickly learned to immediately drop anything I wasn't immediately talented at, because it was a waste of time that got me nothing. As an adult I am striving hard to change that, because I see the value in sticking with something and persevering, and because there are skills I genuinely desire or need, but for which I don't have a lot of motivation for actually doing the work to get them.
The background of my laptop is meant to remind of this: A picture of Jake the Dog, from Adventure Time, saying "Dude, sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something." (Note: Not being a master, or the best. Just becoming sorta good.)
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 6:48 PM on April 29, 2017 [6 favorites]
The background of my laptop is meant to remind of this: A picture of Jake the Dog, from Adventure Time, saying "Dude, sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something." (Note: Not being a master, or the best. Just becoming sorta good.)
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 6:48 PM on April 29, 2017 [6 favorites]
Seriously, being good at something is FUN. Doing something really well is incredible fun. But part of why it's fun, for me, is usually that I worked very hard at it and persisted when other people were giving up and it PAID OFF.
posted by Peach at 7:34 PM on April 29, 2017
posted by Peach at 7:34 PM on April 29, 2017
I was just complaining the other day that I can never get my (Type A) friends to go to karaoke with me, which I think is absurdly fun, but they're all like, "But I'm bad at singing!" and I'm like, "That's why it's fun!" but none of them will do it because they're all really used to being great at everything.
Some people just hate karaoke.
posted by srboisvert at 8:20 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
Some people just hate karaoke.
posted by srboisvert at 8:20 PM on April 29, 2017 [4 favorites]
One of my private and personal goals is to sing "Der hoelle Rache," which is basically the Mount Everest of the aria. There's a lot of ducks I'd have to put in a row for that; I'd need a sound-resistant practice space, I'd need a transposed version for a slightly lower range, and I'd need a lot of practice. I haven't practiced classically in twenty years. No one in the wider world is clamoring to hear one more transposed version of this aria. Certainly no one I know is. People like to hear me sing karaoke, but when I sing bel canto, I apparently "sound like Margaret Dumont." Okay you know what she was awesome and I still want to sing that damned song.
It is okay to make a beautiful thing for yourself. Sometimes the beauty is not in what everyone else can perceive.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:23 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
It is okay to make a beautiful thing for yourself. Sometimes the beauty is not in what everyone else can perceive.
posted by Countess Elena at 8:23 PM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
I love that
but is anyone else still trying to picture a person skiing over their own arm
posted by changeling at 8:57 PM on April 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
but is anyone else still trying to picture a person skiing over their own arm
posted by changeling at 8:57 PM on April 29, 2017 [12 favorites]
I'm writing this instead of practicing my violin. I've been playing for about eight months now. It's hard. I'm struggling with the rhythm of a tricky minuet. That's a bit like a surfer saying "I'm struggling to put my wetsuit on."
Music is an amazing thing to suck at. Every time you scale another peak, the vista expands to reveal just how much you have underestimated the journey.
It's probably the most fun I've ever had.
Mrs. Womat has acquired a cello. This is the best mid-life crisis ever.
posted by Combat Wombat at 9:07 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
Music is an amazing thing to suck at. Every time you scale another peak, the vista expands to reveal just how much you have underestimated the journey.
It's probably the most fun I've ever had.
Mrs. Womat has acquired a cello. This is the best mid-life crisis ever.
posted by Combat Wombat at 9:07 PM on April 29, 2017 [8 favorites]
"Seriously, being good at something is FUN. Doing something really well is incredible fun. But part of why it's fun, for me, is usually that I worked very hard at it and persisted when other people were giving up and it PAID OFF."
Right, all us perfectionists get that, but this article is about how it can ALSO be fun to be shitty at something but to enjoy doing it nonetheless.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:15 PM on April 29, 2017 [6 favorites]
Right, all us perfectionists get that, but this article is about how it can ALSO be fun to be shitty at something but to enjoy doing it nonetheless.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:15 PM on April 29, 2017 [6 favorites]
"There's a quote that sticks with me from Amy Chua's tiger mother book: "Nothing is fun unless you're good at it." I always thought she must live a very constricted (and unfun) life."
I partly agree with Tiger Mom. If I'm doing something because I want a certain result (writing, crafts, cooking), then being bad at it means hours of frustration making something I can't even stand looking at. If it's about the process (singing, yoga, playing games), then it doesn't matter if I suck. However, becoming more skillful does make it more fun.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:39 PM on April 29, 2017
I partly agree with Tiger Mom. If I'm doing something because I want a certain result (writing, crafts, cooking), then being bad at it means hours of frustration making something I can't even stand looking at. If it's about the process (singing, yoga, playing games), then it doesn't matter if I suck. However, becoming more skillful does make it more fun.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:39 PM on April 29, 2017
I took up capoeira years ago, in my 30s, as a not very active, not very physical adult. It has been the work of years to get to a point some people almost seemed to start with. I have got a lot out of it, nonetheless. Originally, I wanted to be able to walk on my hands, and I can. It took a loooong time.
Mestre Plinio said to us: the sweetest fruit is at the top of the tree.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:44 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
Mestre Plinio said to us: the sweetest fruit is at the top of the tree.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:44 PM on April 29, 2017 [3 favorites]
I took up trick hooping a year or so ago. I am 33 and I still can not keep the damn thing up around my waist for more than oh, 10 seconds, which makes it difficult to do a lot of on body tricks. But I can do some pretty nice off body tricks and the whole process makes me laugh, so I keep at it.
The same with tap dance, I'm four years in, I have actually performed in public multiple times (it is amazing what people will sit through for charitable causes...), I am never going to be the next Anne Miller or Eleanor Powell and often, rhythm forsakes me but my fitness level has improved, I can perform in public without it being actually terrible and again, it is fun and it makes me laugh.
After a childhood of being very good at certain things and immediately ditching the things that were hard, I am really enjoying this (quite frankly) hard won enjoyment of sucking. It is is a personal victory over the headweasels of 'everything must be perfect or you are the Worst'.
posted by halcyonday at 12:38 AM on April 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
The same with tap dance, I'm four years in, I have actually performed in public multiple times (it is amazing what people will sit through for charitable causes...), I am never going to be the next Anne Miller or Eleanor Powell and often, rhythm forsakes me but my fitness level has improved, I can perform in public without it being actually terrible and again, it is fun and it makes me laugh.
After a childhood of being very good at certain things and immediately ditching the things that were hard, I am really enjoying this (quite frankly) hard won enjoyment of sucking. It is is a personal victory over the headweasels of 'everything must be perfect or you are the Worst'.
posted by halcyonday at 12:38 AM on April 30, 2017 [4 favorites]
I have to say my first reaction to "surfing costs thousands of dollars!" was, are you joking?
Yeah, surfing is cheap as shit. I think I paid $200 for my wetsuit on sale and I bought a used (fun) board off a friend over a decade ago for $50 and a case of beer. I will never, ever get good enough to need a better board in a million years so as long as I don't break it I'm good to go. Surfing is cheap as shit. I do 95% more paddling around than actual surfing but I thoroughly enjoy it.
Metafilter has a weird attitude that all sports are elitist money burning activities for some weird reason. I've seen running being called an expensive sport on here before.
posted by fshgrl at 12:56 AM on April 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
Yeah, surfing is cheap as shit. I think I paid $200 for my wetsuit on sale and I bought a used (fun) board off a friend over a decade ago for $50 and a case of beer. I will never, ever get good enough to need a better board in a million years so as long as I don't break it I'm good to go. Surfing is cheap as shit. I do 95% more paddling around than actual surfing but I thoroughly enjoy it.
Metafilter has a weird attitude that all sports are elitist money burning activities for some weird reason. I've seen running being called an expensive sport on here before.
posted by fshgrl at 12:56 AM on April 30, 2017 [10 favorites]
Metafilter has a weird attitude that all sports are elitist money burning activities for some weird reason. I've seen running being called an expensive sport on here before.
In this case, the notion of spending “thousands of dollars on surfing” comes from the article itself. The author talks about spending that much money on her habit.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:13 AM on April 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
In this case, the notion of spending “thousands of dollars on surfing” comes from the article itself. The author talks about spending that much money on her habit.
posted by Going To Maine at 1:13 AM on April 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
I credit juggling as my entryway into learning to fail. Dropping things all over the floor and hitting yourself in the face with a club are pretty much the platonic ideals of failure. It was the first time I learned that I could fail terribly and repeatedly and still not be a failure myself.
posted by tofu_crouton at 3:25 AM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by tofu_crouton at 3:25 AM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
I suck at everything. Trust me, it's not great. It's not even close.
posted by tommasz at 5:21 AM on April 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 5:21 AM on April 30, 2017 [5 favorites]
I've seen running being called an expensive sport on here before.
i have written one of those comments, but my intention was more like, "bourgeois dickbags will find creative ways to turn even the simplest activity into an act of conspicuous consumption". i am unsurprised that an inert plank of fiberglass plus a wetsuit comes in well under the claimed thousands of dollars. i support this.
posted by indubitable at 6:07 AM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
i have written one of those comments, but my intention was more like, "bourgeois dickbags will find creative ways to turn even the simplest activity into an act of conspicuous consumption". i am unsurprised that an inert plank of fiberglass plus a wetsuit comes in well under the claimed thousands of dollars. i support this.
posted by indubitable at 6:07 AM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
In this case, the notion of spending “thousands of dollars on surfing” comes from the article itself. The author talks about spending that much money on her habit.
Well, yeah, the more one gets into something, the more (and better) gear one tends to accumulate (as one can)--at least to a point--not to be a bourgeois dickbag or (in Bike Snob parlance) a Fred, but to have a better (and safer) time. And it tends to happen over a period of years and careful consideration of costs.
I can see how investing in good surfing gear, lessons, transportation (where do you put that board to get to the beach? Surely you don't just lash it to the roof like a piece of plywood) and so forth could add up. It's kind of embarrassing how much kayaking gear we've accumulated over the past few years, but we use it all, and it's well worth it. And good instruction (the kind we get formally and informally from attending a yearly workshop on the Great Lakes with other sea kayakers at all levels of expertise) is priceless.
Every time I have to go to Best Buy I wonder how much people spend to sit at home and play video games.
posted by tully_monster at 7:19 AM on April 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Well, yeah, the more one gets into something, the more (and better) gear one tends to accumulate (as one can)--at least to a point--not to be a bourgeois dickbag or (in Bike Snob parlance) a Fred, but to have a better (and safer) time. And it tends to happen over a period of years and careful consideration of costs.
I can see how investing in good surfing gear, lessons, transportation (where do you put that board to get to the beach? Surely you don't just lash it to the roof like a piece of plywood) and so forth could add up. It's kind of embarrassing how much kayaking gear we've accumulated over the past few years, but we use it all, and it's well worth it. And good instruction (the kind we get formally and informally from attending a yearly workshop on the Great Lakes with other sea kayakers at all levels of expertise) is priceless.
Every time I have to go to Best Buy I wonder how much people spend to sit at home and play video games.
posted by tully_monster at 7:19 AM on April 30, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah if I'd spent money on surfing lessons I could likely actually surf by now. Still, most sports at the old person amateur level that, let's face it, we are all at cost less over time than having an internet connection or eating out or travel. I think a lot of mefis just hate exercise and are unreasonably nasty about people who enjoy it and are willing to invest resources in it.
posted by fshgrl at 12:12 PM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fshgrl at 12:12 PM on April 30, 2017 [1 favorite]
>I took up trick hooping a year or so ago.
This comment reminded me that I took a trick hooping class about 10 years ago. I happily sucked for a few months and then I broke my hoop and never replaced it. But it was so much fun! So I've just ordered myself an adult hoop from Amazon and it arrives on Weds - I can't wait!
posted by drunkonthemoon at 1:08 AM on May 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
This comment reminded me that I took a trick hooping class about 10 years ago. I happily sucked for a few months and then I broke my hoop and never replaced it. But it was so much fun! So I've just ordered myself an adult hoop from Amazon and it arrives on Weds - I can't wait!
posted by drunkonthemoon at 1:08 AM on May 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Surprised that no one has mentioned languages yet; this is probably at least 50 percent of the reason I still struggle on with Japanese. I guess it's different from music in that it has an immediate practical application and thus it's somewhat unseemly to take joy in sucking at it (especially when it inconveniences others), but I was the archetypal kid who got praised for everything in school, and suddenly being SO BAD at something as simple as communicating gave me some much-needed perspective.
I'm just gonna quote from one of my Lang-8 friends here:
I truly recommend you that you try to make a sentence which you make even though it's strange, unnatural and awkward in order to get some corrections by native Japanese. Don't worry about detail grammar thing till then. Let me tell you the truth, my English is still broken but I don't care about it because it's a certain fact. This fact can't make me give up continue to post some. I really think that here is the heaven for English and Japanese learners so just post some texts or try to speak some or a few Japanese words or even one sentence. After that, your world or perspective will change. I don't make a promise though 😃
posted by sunset in snow country at 10:46 AM on May 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'm just gonna quote from one of my Lang-8 friends here:
I truly recommend you that you try to make a sentence which you make even though it's strange, unnatural and awkward in order to get some corrections by native Japanese. Don't worry about detail grammar thing till then. Let me tell you the truth, my English is still broken but I don't care about it because it's a certain fact. This fact can't make me give up continue to post some. I really think that here is the heaven for English and Japanese learners so just post some texts or try to speak some or a few Japanese words or even one sentence. After that, your world or perspective will change. I don't make a promise though 😃
posted by sunset in snow country at 10:46 AM on May 1, 2017 [4 favorites]
Learning a language and sucking at it is especially good, because it can teach you so much empathy and respect for non-native speakers of your own language.
posted by mbrubeck at 4:13 PM on May 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by mbrubeck at 4:13 PM on May 1, 2017 [5 favorites]
I'm really bad at archery, and shoot at a range next to potential future Olympians (or rather I shot, I haven't been able to for a while because of an injury). One thing I love about archery, at least as it's done at my range, is that people of all abilities can be doing the same thing at the same time. Beginners or people who just like throwing arrows around can have the bale up close, experts are shooting to the end of the range, but we're all on more or less the same rhythm.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:06 PM on May 2, 2017
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:06 PM on May 2, 2017
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posted by Fizz at 11:29 AM on April 29, 2017 [2 favorites]