Finger Lickin' Good

May 5, 2017 10:01 AM

Give Mom her true heart’s desire this Mother’s Day—a family meal and a romance novel featuring Colonel Sanders. — KFC (@kfc)

Promo video, Amazon Reviews
posted by romakimmy (30 comments total)

These reviews speak for me, mostly:

This erotic mixing of battered chicken and baby batter would have gotten five stars from me, but unfortunately the cover kills it. This historical romance is supposedly from the past, yet the woman in the cover is wearing jeans and has a purse which has car keys hanging from it. My immersion was completely ruined.

and

You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but in this instance it's entirely acceptable.

By bringing her purse and keys, it seems she's trying to have it both: original and crispy, a life of order and a man of passion.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:05 AM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]

The title of the book, I must admit, made my day. But there's actually an odd history of similar things - medical romance, NASCAR romance, Amish romance, outlaw biker romance...I've seen all these and more at my store. The bodice buster has been diversifying.
posted by jonmc at 10:19 AM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

You men eat your dinner
Eat your pork and beans
I fry more chicken
Than any man ever seen, yeah, yeah
posted by octobersurprise at 10:22 AM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

I love your thighs, your breasts, your ...wings.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:27 AM on May 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

Yeah, but, jonmc, this one is... very specific. We don't need this to be a trend. We don't need a Ronald McDonald romance. *shiver*

I am totally checking out those outlaw biker romances, though.
posted by LindsayIrene at 10:33 AM on May 5, 2017

But what about the Burger King and the Dairy Queen? Living in their White Castle?
posted by jonmc at 10:38 AM on May 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

What about the singing rats from the much-reviled Quiznos commercial of a decade ago?
posted by LindsayIrene at 10:43 AM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

The cover is amazing!

But I read the first few pages and it's... kind of a missed opportunity? It's all about our heroine and how she hates embroidery and the dull duke her parents are nudging her to marry, and she's got a prim sister but our Madeline wears her hair down and dreams of something more. It's like how any romance novel starts.

There should be more suggestion. Why isn't she occasionally dreaming of exotic spices, yearning for an erstwhile military man, having rhapsodies about white suits and string ties and the tickle of a neat white moustache? Why isn't she going to a ball dressed finely in a red-and-white gown with a generous bell skirt? Does she fixate on pulling up to a dining establishment in her little phaeton with ponies and never leaving the carriage?
posted by mochapickle at 10:54 AM on May 5, 2017 [15 favorites]

He should have stuck with his first look.
posted by lagomorphius at 11:18 AM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

LindsayIrene, I had totally forgotten about those commercials and the dude who spawned them.
posted by KirTakat at 11:49 AM on May 5, 2017

Hot inter-species romance between the Taco Bell chihuahua and the Chick-fil-A cow brought together by their shared passion for chicken. Sort of like Animal Farm, but spicy!
posted by octobersurprise at 11:57 AM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yeah, but, jonmc, this one is... very specific. We don't need this to be a trend. We don't need a Ronald McDonald romance. *shiver*

I think Chuck Tingle could make that... tingly. Yes, that's the best word, tingly.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 12:00 PM on May 5, 2017 [5 favorites]

That's disappointing, Mochapickle. I guess this is no Hamburger Helper mixtape.
posted by redsparkler at 12:26 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

Actually, the Hamburger Helper hand has been keeping company with the Arby's oven mitt.
posted by jonmc at 12:29 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

Who has they keys to the Chuck TIngle batsignal? Do we need to turn two of them at the same time?
posted by mhoye at 12:31 PM on May 5, 2017

We don't need a Ronald McDonald romance.

Yeah, what kind of warped person would like that. Now to get back to my Mayor McCheese/Hamburglar slash...
posted by 445supermag at 12:32 PM on May 5, 2017

The book, called Tender Wings of Desire (yes, they went there), reportedly tells the story of Lady Madeline Parker, who runs away from a loveless betrothal, only to meet a “handsome sailor with a mysterious past.”

But...colonel is an army rank.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:36 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Ummm... naval infantry colonels... there's a Kentucky in Australia. Maybe this Kentucky Colonel is a colonel in the Indonesian naval infantry stationed in Kentucky, New South Wales. For some reason. Who traveled back in time to Victorian England. That explains the car keys!
posted by XMLicious at 12:49 PM on May 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

Don't forget the Burger Chef guy, who was... just a chef.
posted by LindsayIrene at 12:58 PM on May 5, 2017

I have the suspicion that the post title here is more erotically charged than the whole novela.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:13 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

Relevant 1

Relevant 2 (maybe NSFW)
posted by Sangermaine at 2:00 PM on May 5, 2017

As she lied in Colonel Sanders' arms...

I foresee trouble in this romance. You don't lie to the Colonel!
posted by languagehat at 2:22 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

lagomorphius: He should have stuck with his first look.

Whut? Digging deeper: Colonels of Truth • Damn Interesting story/podcast.


XMLicious: Ummm... naval infantry colonels... there's a Kentucky in Australia.

Which gets back to that Damn Interesting story:

In 1952, Harland Sanders decided to visit Australia. Much had changed in his life after the war. Harland and Josephine had divorced after 39 years, and Sanders married his long-time employee and mistress Claudia. Governor Wetherby recommissioned him as a Kentucky Colonel in honor of his cuisine, and this time Sanders fully embraced the honorific. He began introducing himself as “Colonel Sanders,” and he started to put together his signature look, growing a salt-and-pepper goatee and wearing black frock suits with a Kentucky-style string tie.

It's all starting to make sense.

There is no sense to be had here.

We can't stop here, it's bat country!
posted by filthy light thief at 2:22 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

I downloaded it and searched for DRUMSTICK.
Search Results (0)

I was hoping there would be some fun, food-oriented double entendres but no.
posted by mochapickle at 2:59 PM on May 5, 2017

I read this entire book and was ENORMOUSLY disappointed. The flames of passion never get explicit! I expected a lot more KFC related sex imagery.
posted by corb at 3:58 PM on May 5, 2017

I admit to downloading this and reading a few chapters for novelty. It is not in any way good or worth reading, but the idea and cover art? The idea that some poor content writer was asked to do this? As a marketing agency person it KILLED in slack today.
posted by hapaxes.legomenon at 6:50 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

I expected a lot more KFC related sex imagery.

corb, I bet you a shiny quarter that when you woke up this morning, you never dreamed you'd be typing this particular sentence today.
posted by mochapickle at 7:23 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

I don't get the cover, which one is damiel and which one is cassiel
posted by queenofbithynia at 8:35 PM on May 5, 2017

I expected a lot more KFC related sex imagery.

Corb, you have to give the fan-fic writers a day or so. I imagine you'll be able to read all that and then some by Sunday evening.
posted by magstheaxe at 7:54 AM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

She should be careful, the Colonel has a history of battering chicks.
posted by Hot Pastrami! at 8:27 AM on May 6, 2017