I'm about 30 brindled bandicoots, give or take...
May 8, 2017 7:01 AM Subscribe
Feeling particularly bad (or good) about your weight these days? My Animal Weight lets you find out just how much you weigh - in other species.
I am pleased to report that I have lost almost 150 cockatiels in the last year. Now to blanket the neighbourhood with baffling Lost Bird posters.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:10 AM on May 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:10 AM on May 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
Finally confirmation that I'm actually 35 yorkies inside a human suit.
I fucking knew it.
posted by phunniemee at 7:15 AM on May 8, 2017 [15 favorites]
I fucking knew it.
posted by phunniemee at 7:15 AM on May 8, 2017 [15 favorites]
Wow! I've lost 1.059 iguanas since I started my diet. 6 mongeese more and I'll be at my ideal weight!
posted by pangolin party at 7:34 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by pangolin party at 7:34 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
do you ever get the feeling that people are busy advancing their careers and lives and you not so much?
like everyone else's local maxima is your mount everest?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:35 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
like everyone else's local maxima is your mount everest?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:35 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
No, instead I get the feeling that I'm 76 hedgehogs!
posted by lepus at 7:38 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by lepus at 7:38 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
Checks...
Yes, that's the correct number of bees.
posted by emelenjr at 7:39 AM on May 8, 2017 [16 favorites]
Yes, that's the correct number of bees.
posted by emelenjr at 7:39 AM on May 8, 2017 [16 favorites]
I am really bothered by the lack of zebra as an option. It's an alphabetical list of animals. Zebra should be the last one on the list. THAT'S HOW THE ALPHABET WORKS. Zebra is last.
posted by The Man from Lardfork at 7:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by The Man from Lardfork at 7:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [10 favorites]
Yes, good. The crows. Their secret is still hidden.
posted by FirstMateKate at 7:44 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by FirstMateKate at 7:44 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm one third of a Bongo. I have no idea what a Bongo is, but I'm 33% of one.
Alternatively,
How much Dave would a woodchuck weigh if a Woodchuck Could Weigh Daves.
A woodchuck would weigh 25 Daves, but a woodchuck can't weigh Daves.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:45 AM on May 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
Alternatively,
How much Dave would a woodchuck weigh if a Woodchuck Could Weigh Daves.
A woodchuck would weigh 25 Daves, but a woodchuck can't weigh Daves.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:45 AM on May 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
(By which I mean I weigh nearly 25 Woodchucks)
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:45 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:45 AM on May 8, 2017
I'm about 22 striped skunks, but I could probably stand to lose at least thirty toucans.
(And I think a Bongo is some sort of ape)
posted by easily confused at 7:56 AM on May 8, 2017
(And I think a Bongo is some sort of ape)
posted by easily confused at 7:56 AM on May 8, 2017
I'm 2.26 Otters! Are otters really that heavy? Gosh
posted by Hermione Granger at 8:06 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 8:06 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm 0.87 of a Javan Pig. It's been said before.
posted by billiebee at 8:17 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 8:17 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm one third of a Bongo. I have no idea what a Bongo is, but I'm 33% of one. . .
(And I think a Bongo is some sort of ape) . . .
bongo is an ungulate!!! We have several at the local zoo. They pee A LOT.
posted by FirstMateKate at 8:23 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
(And I think a Bongo is some sort of ape) . . .
bongo is an ungulate!!! We have several at the local zoo. They pee A LOT.
posted by FirstMateKate at 8:23 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I used to announce my weight loss while dieting in terms of chickens because it was fun to say I had lost 10 chickens. Unfortunately some of the chickens have come home to roost.
posted by srboisvert at 8:26 AM on May 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 8:26 AM on May 8, 2017 [11 favorites]
They pee A LOT.
So the weight of a Bongo varies considerably by time of day. This may explain why it's never become a standard measure.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:41 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
So the weight of a Bongo varies considerably by time of day. This may explain why it's never become a standard measure.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:41 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I am 23 million bees and also 8.7 corgis. I find this oddly satisfying.
posted by hanov3r at 9:11 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by hanov3r at 9:11 AM on May 8, 2017
They pee A LOT.
I pee approximately one third as much.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 9:22 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I pee approximately one third as much.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 9:22 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't know what weight they're using for goldfish, but it seems rather light.
Chegwin was one and a half pounds when he went, so, really, I'm made up of roughly 187 Chegwins, not 56,000 goldfish.
(I am totally okay with being half a grizzly bear, though. I'm just evolving into my final form.)
posted by Katemonkey at 9:24 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Chegwin was one and a half pounds when he went, so, really, I'm made up of roughly 187 Chegwins, not 56,000 goldfish.
(I am totally okay with being half a grizzly bear, though. I'm just evolving into my final form.)
posted by Katemonkey at 9:24 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's late spring and I'm still trying to drop my Christmas 0.12 German Shepherd.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:28 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by Wolfdog at 9:28 AM on May 8, 2017
I have the weight of almost 2 gray wolves, but the strength of none
posted by rmless at 9:34 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by rmless at 9:34 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
9.8 honey badgers. I don't give a fuck.
posted by mkhall at 9:38 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by mkhall at 9:38 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have lost a little over half a capybara since starting my medically supervised fast in November. OK, now I'm grossed out thinking about half a capybara.
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
The otter stats are for the Giant River Otter, which are indeed sizeable beasties.
posted by The otter lady at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
I am seven and a half koalas and now have a really good idea for a Halloween costume
posted by Mizu at 9:50 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by Mizu at 9:50 AM on May 8, 2017
I should lose 18 Gambian rats.
posted by Splunge at 9:58 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 9:58 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
And some weight too.
posted by Splunge at 9:59 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 9:59 AM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
20 bald eagles, patriotic AF.
posted by Fig at 10:12 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Fig at 10:12 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
Three observations:
Really curious as to the provenance of the "Raccoon Holding Bowling Ball" entry.
Some ~15 varieties of domesticated dogs, one entry for Cat.
Thankful from the Nope! perspective that no variant of Spider is an option.
posted by martin q blank at 10:28 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Really curious as to the provenance of the "Raccoon Holding Bowling Ball" entry.
Some ~15 varieties of domesticated dogs, one entry for Cat.
Thankful from the Nope! perspective that no variant of Spider is an option.
posted by martin q blank at 10:28 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
How many jonmcs tho
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:44 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:44 AM on May 8, 2017
Say what you want about MetFilter, but one Tevin sure gets you a hell of a lot of hog badgers (eleven give or take).
posted by Tevin at 10:45 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by Tevin at 10:45 AM on May 8, 2017
I am considerably more ferrets than I have previously claimed.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:12 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 11:12 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I am 1.04 Komodo dragons.
I think I like that. I'm going to stop thinking of myself as a pudgy, slow middle-aged woman and think of myself as implacable, sleek, and deadly.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 11:14 AM on May 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
I think I like that. I'm going to stop thinking of myself as a pudgy, slow middle-aged woman and think of myself as implacable, sleek, and deadly.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 11:14 AM on May 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
This needs weights for laden and unladen african and european swallows.
posted by srboisvert at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
The fact that i am about a capybara and a half means that, contrary to my husband's thinking, a capybara is a perfect size for a backyard pet
posted by Cocodrillo at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Cocodrillo at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2017 [6 favorites]
More curious what size animal would I be... Say I'm a male in the 75% percentile for human weight. What would a male mountain lion at 75% percentile of weight weigh?
posted by shaqlvaney at 11:23 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by shaqlvaney at 11:23 AM on May 8, 2017
I am delighted that this exists only six months after I suggested it.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:44 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:44 AM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Thanks to this website and a little calculation, I now know that a 75 kg human is the equivalent of a 620 g meal to a T-rex, but a mere 41 g snack to a blue whale.
posted by dashdotdot dash at 11:47 AM on May 8, 2017
posted by dashdotdot dash at 11:47 AM on May 8, 2017
No matter how many cats you weigh, a single well-placed kitten can hold you down.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:50 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:50 AM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
My cat is actually 1.71 cats. This might explain a lot of his behavior.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 12:21 PM on May 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 12:21 PM on May 8, 2017 [9 favorites]
Wolverines!! Slightly over six of them.
posted by Standeck at 12:40 PM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Standeck at 12:40 PM on May 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Thanks to this website and a little calculation,
I have learned that one pound of human is equivalent to 199,999.9999999 mosquitoes. But not 200,000; that would be exaggerating by a micromosquito.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:54 PM on May 8, 2017
I have learned that one pound of human is equivalent to 199,999.9999999 mosquitoes. But not 200,000; that would be exaggerating by a micromosquito.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:54 PM on May 8, 2017
I weigh roughly 15 raccoons.
Or 3 Toronto raccoons.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:32 PM on May 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
Or 3 Toronto raccoons.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:32 PM on May 8, 2017 [5 favorites]
They should include Hugh Jackmans in the dropdown list.
Hugh Jackmen?
Hughs Jackman?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:33 PM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
Hugh Jackmen?
Hughs Jackman?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:33 PM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
I was hoping this would automatically tell you the animal that weighs the same as you.
posted by apricot at 2:58 PM on May 8, 2017
posted by apricot at 2:58 PM on May 8, 2017
No, just a regular sized Ackman.
posted by zamboni at 3:04 PM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 3:04 PM on May 8, 2017 [4 favorites]
I want to know where they found their grasshopper. It must be horrifying to gaze upon.
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 3:52 PM on May 8, 2017
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 3:52 PM on May 8, 2017
I am oodles of hedgehogs.
posted by susiswimmer at 5:49 PM on May 8, 2017
posted by susiswimmer at 5:49 PM on May 8, 2017
I'm ~27.72 ring-tailed lemurs!
Should I be less excited by this?
posted by nickthetourist at 7:33 PM on May 8, 2017
Should I be less excited by this?
posted by nickthetourist at 7:33 PM on May 8, 2017
This is a useful supplement to the Reg online standards converter.
posted by fredludd at 9:40 PM on May 8, 2017
posted by fredludd at 9:40 PM on May 8, 2017
I AM ONE TIGER!
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:21 PM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:21 PM on May 8, 2017 [3 favorites]
Wow! I've lost 1.059 iguanas since I started my diet. 6 mongeese more and I'll be at my ideal weight!
posted by pangolin party at 7:34 AM on May 8
[1 favorite +] [!]
But how many pangolins?
posted by Maxwell's demon at 11:52 PM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by pangolin party at 7:34 AM on May 8
[1 favorite +] [!]
But how many pangolins?
posted by Maxwell's demon at 11:52 PM on May 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Their emperor penguin numbers seem off to me.
posted by srboisvert at 10:56 AM on May 9, 2017
posted by srboisvert at 10:56 AM on May 9, 2017
I AM ONE TIGER!
posted by a humble nudibranch
And what a good sea slug you are!
posted by cynical pinnacle at 11:19 AM on May 9, 2017
posted by a humble nudibranch
And what a good sea slug you are!
posted by cynical pinnacle at 11:19 AM on May 9, 2017
It says I'm 23 cats.
I... think their cats are smaller than mine?
posted by bile and syntax at 4:28 PM on May 9, 2017 [3 favorites]
I... think their cats are smaller than mine?
posted by bile and syntax at 4:28 PM on May 9, 2017 [3 favorites]
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