It's the Feds! Cheese it!
May 12, 2017 8:05 AM Subscribe
"Federal authorities are investigating whether a former Cabot Creamery employee committed what could be one of the Vermontiest crimes ever: stealing parts from a major Vermont cheese company to make maple syrup manufacturing machines." Vermont State Police began investigating earlier this year. The FBI was eventually brought in to assist with the investigation.
Cheese and maple syrup heists previously but probably non-exhaustively:
Metafilter
A sappy ending?
The illustrated farmer
Inside Quebec’s Great, Multi-Million-Dollar Maple-Syrup Heist
Sticky Fingers
MetaTalk
The Cheese Heist Movie
Ask Metafilter
Friend acquires a lot of cheese. What to do with it?
Cheese and maple syrup heists previously but probably non-exhaustively:
Metafilter
A sappy ending?
The illustrated farmer
Inside Quebec’s Great, Multi-Million-Dollar Maple-Syrup Heist
Sticky Fingers
MetaTalk
The Cheese Heist Movie
Ask Metafilter
Friend acquires a lot of cheese. What to do with it?
"Vermontiest" is a word? I learned something today.
I'm off to notify the Oxford English Dictionary...
posted by dfm500 at 8:21 AM on May 12, 2017
I'm off to notify the Oxford English Dictionary...
posted by dfm500 at 8:21 AM on May 12, 2017
That sucks. Cabot is a decent cooperative company.
posted by Miko at 8:25 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Miko at 8:25 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
I would like to stand and applaud this thread title
posted by Existential Dread at 8:27 AM on May 12, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Existential Dread at 8:27 AM on May 12, 2017 [9 favorites]
Either way it's
(puts on sunglasses)
a cold case.
YEAAHH
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:39 AM on May 12, 2017 [5 favorites]
(puts on sunglasses)
a cold case.
YEAAHH
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:39 AM on May 12, 2017 [5 favorites]
It's like we're getting bleedthrough from some alternate universe in which maple syrup is like cocaine, and ruthless syrup kingpins are making billions off it, corrupting governments and intimidating the police, and there's a whole genre of ballads by bands with thinly veiled names about the short, violent life of a soldier in the syrup cartels.
posted by Naberius at 8:53 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 8:53 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
The Niagara (Ontario, Canada) Regional Police have had their own issues here in my region, specifically with cheese smuggling.
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on May 12, 2017
“Heron had been charged with six counts, three of which related to the Customs Act, and three breaches of trust charges that related to his duties as a police officer. During an earlier court appearance, Justice James Ramsay found Heron guilty on all three of the charges laid under the Customs Act, but only one breach of trust charge. The court heard the accused had evaded a total of $325,729 in duties and taxes.It's so embarrassing. And also just sad.
In the beginning, the investigation focused on Purdie's cross-border activities, and it led to the large-scale cheese and chicken wings smuggling operation. The steroids were being smuggled across the Peace Bridge from the United States into Canada.”
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on May 12, 2017
Cheese, chicken-wings, and steroids. The holy trinity.
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
The cheese and maple syrup combo is so meta.
The reverse osmosis machines are so filter.
posted by Kabanos at 9:04 AM on May 12, 2017 [7 favorites]
The reverse osmosis machines are so filter.
posted by Kabanos at 9:04 AM on May 12, 2017 [7 favorites]
I was once working on a project in Ludlow, Vermont and was staying in a hotel. When I arrived to my room, I flipped on the TV for background noise to listen to while I was unpacking. It was on the 5 o'clock news, and on it I heard the three Vermontist things, in a row, that anyone has ever heard.
First up was a report about two teenage boys who were doing some kind of project where they were touring the country playing music for kids or senior citizens in nursing homes or something sweet like that and filming it to put on YouTube as part of some community building high school senior project.
Next was a story about how the green roof at the Burlington Airport had just been completed, and in addition to, of course, the very nice environmental impact of a green roof, now people could spend their extra time (or layovers I guess?) at the airport strolling around and enjoying the garden up top.
Then, to cap it all off, the anchors segued to the traffic report, and with no break in tone, calmly announced that there had been a herd break out on Route 4, and caution was advised.
Bless you Vermont, you are too pure for this world.
posted by Queen of Spreadable Fats at 9:06 AM on May 12, 2017 [8 favorites]
First up was a report about two teenage boys who were doing some kind of project where they were touring the country playing music for kids or senior citizens in nursing homes or something sweet like that and filming it to put on YouTube as part of some community building high school senior project.
Next was a story about how the green roof at the Burlington Airport had just been completed, and in addition to, of course, the very nice environmental impact of a green roof, now people could spend their extra time (or layovers I guess?) at the airport strolling around and enjoying the garden up top.
Then, to cap it all off, the anchors segued to the traffic report, and with no break in tone, calmly announced that there had been a herd break out on Route 4, and caution was advised.
Bless you Vermont, you are too pure for this world.
posted by Queen of Spreadable Fats at 9:06 AM on May 12, 2017 [8 favorites]
Cheese, chicken-wings, and steroids.
Let's not forget the real threat to American security: Kinder Surprise Eggs*
*Fake News warning to USian and other global readers. The worst part of this is that this source is nationally funded and officially sanctioned "news".**
**If it's "humour" as well is a subject of considerable debate internally, especially on AM radio.
posted by bonehead at 10:08 AM on May 12, 2017
Let's not forget the real threat to American security: Kinder Surprise Eggs*
*Fake News warning to USian and other global readers. The worst part of this is that this source is nationally funded and officially sanctioned "news".**
**If it's "humour" as well is a subject of considerable debate internally, especially on AM radio.
posted by bonehead at 10:08 AM on May 12, 2017
Wasn't this part of a questchain in Pillars of Eternity?
posted by symbioid at 10:32 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by symbioid at 10:32 AM on May 12, 2017 [3 favorites]
Cheese, chicken-wings, and steroids.
This sounds like it really, really, really needs to be the title of a Fred Eaglesmith album.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:01 AM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
This sounds like it really, really, really needs to be the title of a Fred Eaglesmith album.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:01 AM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
Let's not forget the real threat to American security: Kinder Surprise Eggs*
FWIW I used to sell loads of Kinder eggs to the US all through my university years in the 90's. I sold a lot of them.
As for This is That being "Fake News", I find it funny for CBC Radio. And at least they are not intentionally trying to distort the truth like Fox News or Breitbart or any number of "real" news agencies.
Fred Eaglesmith album.
I think you'd need a reference to a locomotive in there as well to be a true Fred Eaglesmith album.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
FWIW I used to sell loads of Kinder eggs to the US all through my university years in the 90's. I sold a lot of them.
As for This is That being "Fake News", I find it funny for CBC Radio. And at least they are not intentionally trying to distort the truth like Fox News or Breitbart or any number of "real" news agencies.
Fred Eaglesmith album.
I think you'd need a reference to a locomotive in there as well to be a true Fred Eaglesmith album.
posted by Ashwagandha at 12:22 PM on May 12, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Vermontiest" is a word? I learned something today.
I think that suffix is incorrect in the context. Given that 'est' denotes a superlative it shouldn't really be "one of". There should be only one Vermontiest crime.
I think the suffix 'esque' would be the better choice.
posted by srboisvert at 1:39 PM on May 12, 2017
I think that suffix is incorrect in the context. Given that 'est' denotes a superlative it shouldn't really be "one of". There should be only one Vermontiest crime.
I think the suffix 'esque' would be the better choice.
posted by srboisvert at 1:39 PM on May 12, 2017
"one of the Vermontiest crimes ever" is gramatically correct (assuming that we grant "Vermonty" as an adjective, adding 'est' as a superlative is fine, and it works for either singular or plural subjects - "the Vermontiest crime" or "one of the Vermontiest crimes").
It's parallel to saying "Chunky Monkey is one of the tastiest flavors of Ben and Jerry's."
posted by Miko at 1:43 PM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]
It's parallel to saying "Chunky Monkey is one of the tastiest flavors of Ben and Jerry's."
posted by Miko at 1:43 PM on May 12, 2017 [4 favorites]
Title just makes me think who would have thought a whale could be so heavy?
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:26 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:26 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
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posted by bonehead at 8:11 AM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]