"I'm real cream! I'm real cane sugar!"

June 15, 2017 7:29 AM

Summer is here again, and with it the dulcet tones of the Mister Softee jingle (previously) you know and love. What you probably didn't know (but will love) was that someone made a movie starring an anthropomorphic ice cream cone based on the Softee brand. It also features David Caruso.

"Swirlee" (1990) was directed by James Lorinz, a B-movie actor with roles in such "classics" as Frankenhooker and Jerky Boys: The Movie.

If you have 15 minutes to spare, the full movie is available here.

Discoverd via the saccharine rabbit hole of the Mister Softee YouTube Channel.

posted by grumpybear69 (10 comments total)

I'll reach out to Zesto's
posted by thelonius at 8:03 AM on June 15, 2017

LMFTFY

and with it the dulcet tones of the Mister Softee jingle (previously) you know and love TO FANTASIZE ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE GODDAMN ICE CREAM VAN WITH A RPG. WHY O WHY IS THAT SONG BORING ITS WAY THROUGH MY BRAIN MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOPMAKE IT STOP
posted by lalochezia at 8:21 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

I wrote lyrics to the Mr Softee truck several years ago, after one was parked on my block for an ungodly number of hours.

Won't you please buy me an ice cream cone,
Or else I'm gonna kill you
Won't you please buy me an ice cream cone,
Or else you're gonna die
Ice cream cone, an ice cream cone
Comes in many flavors
Ice cream cone, an ice cream cone
Poison in your eyes
Oh, Won't you please buy me an ice cream cone,
Or else I'm gonna kill you...

repeat ad infnitum.

TL;DR - not clicking the link, not watching the movie, those trucks are dangerous to one's mental health
posted by Mchelly at 9:25 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

FWIW, neither the trailer nor the movie contain the jingle or a truck.
posted by grumpybear69 at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]

I bleed Triple Ripple Vanilla Road Monkey! I sweat Triple Ripple Vanilla Road Monkey! I everything Triple Ripple Vanilla Road Monkey!
posted by Scattercat at 9:58 AM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

It has lyrics! Which I'm not posting, 'cause I don't want them in my head again.

It's really funny to hear a bit in a piece as old as Delirious in which Eddie Murphy recognizably reproduces the jingle. ("ICE CREEEEEEEEEEEAM!")

Meanwhile, there's an entire war still going on between Mister Softee and a ripoff fleet, featuring trademark suits and baseball bats.
posted by praemunire at 10:29 AM on June 15, 2017

I was driven to near madness by a Mr Softee truck that used to park itself on the block behind mine and blare that music until the wee hours.
This would never have been tolerated in a wealthy neighborhood. But since we were all poor, it went on and on ...
posted by Modest House at 1:10 PM on June 15, 2017

Meanwhile, there's an entire war still going on between Mister Softee and a ripoff fleet, featuring trademark suits and baseball bats.

If it's not a Scottish ice cream war, it's crap. Wait, that actually happened.

Bonus - The Mister Softee sheet music is pretty easy to find.
posted by lagomorphius at 1:13 PM on June 15, 2017

There's an episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete where they attempt to find Mister Tastee after the summer is over.

I mostly remember it because Michael Stipe (yes, that Michael Stipe) is in it and makes a hand gesture while saying "big plastic head" that I always think of whenever I hear an ice cream truck.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:00 PM on June 15, 2017 [2 favorites]

James Lorinz is one of my all time favorite B-movie actors. When I saw Mathew Perry rocket to stardom on "Friends" by basically biting his schtick, I was like "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU, LORINZ, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!"
posted by KingEdRa at 8:31 PM on June 15, 2017 [1 favorite]