April 30, 2002

3:47 PM

Aaah, the joys of PetitionOnline.com. As of right now, 840 people have petitioned Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema to change the name of "The Two Towers," the sequel to The Lord of the Rings, saying that Jackson purposely made the title in reference to the September 11th attacks. Nevermind the fact that the book of the same name was published by Tolkien in 1954. Naturally, there is a petition against the petition. Hooray, democratic process!
posted by littleyellowdifferent (39 comments total)

You're ignoring the fact that The Two Towers is a terrible name.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 3:50 PM on April 30, 2002

Reading the names of the first few signers of this petition, it seems like it was obviously a fake parody petition to begin with.
posted by Darke at 3:51 PM on April 30, 2002

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

-- Robert Heinlein
posted by Argyle at 3:53 PM on April 30, 2002

I hope it's a parody. 840 idiots ... grimace.
posted by donkeyschlong at 3:54 PM on April 30, 2002

When the first signing is someone called "I Fuck Pandas", I think it may not be legit.....
posted by Darke at 3:56 PM on April 30, 2002

along the same lines, here's the best headline ever.
posted by billder at 3:58 PM on April 30, 2002

Someone at MeFi predicted this would happen last October.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 3:59 PM on April 30, 2002

i signed the petition :) attack of the towers!
posted by kliuless at 4:08 PM on April 30, 2002

No discussion of online petitions would be complete without a link to the snopes article on the subject explaining why internet petitions are almost always worthless.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:09 PM on April 30, 2002

nevertheless, spirited away is coming to the US :) hooray!
posted by kliuless at 4:17 PM on April 30, 2002

It's not that the petitioners are stupid, it's that they don't know when and how to express grief for the twin towers
disaster , so they think asking somebody NOT to use "twin tower" is a sign of respect for victims ; rather, a sign of respect would be investigating:

a) if the family of the victims, all of them, received each and every dime of the donations that were sent to them
b) if there is a mandatory life/accident insurance for firemen
and if it's good enough or just another dime throwed at them

and that are just two ideas ! I'll start a petition for mandatory "get a clue" classes.
posted by elpapacito at 4:21 PM on April 30, 2002

I was the predictor in October. At the time all kinds of stuff was being cut out of movies, a Schwarzenhager vehicle was delayed, and inane media nonsense (example: How should 'Friends' handle the attacks?) was riding high in the saddle. But no one believed me.

So I am at least technically vindicated, although I don't think anyone will take this online petition seriously. But I expect it won't be the last we hear of this lunacy.
posted by crunchburger at 4:22 PM on April 30, 2002

31. Rename it "The Two Towering Breasticles"
posted by Ty Webb at 4:38 PM on April 30, 2002

Is my sense of humor so frat-oriented that this petition signer:

"643. I'll Smother you with my BALLS you ninny."

made my spit up Diet Coke? Eh, probably. Anyway, score one for our own local Nostradamus crunchburger. Good call!
posted by RJ Reynolds at 4:59 PM on April 30, 2002

You're ignoring the fact that The Two Towers is a terrible name.

I understand that Tolkien never intended for the Lord of the Rings to be published as a trilogy. (But I don't know if that means he meant it to be 6 books (it is divided that way), or one. ... )
posted by mattpfeff at 5:29 PM on April 30, 2002

One big book. The publisher got fed up with waiting for him to finish it, and pressured him into releasing it in installments.
posted by jjg at 5:53 PM on April 30, 2002

I also mentioned it here. Guess I wasn't the first to think of that :) Good job crunchburger.
posted by banished at 5:55 PM on April 30, 2002

865. no talent ass clown
posted by Optamystic at 6:01 PM on April 30, 2002

<takes bow> And Matt replied to my comment in another thread. Everything's comin' up crunchburger!
posted by crunchburger at 6:28 PM on April 30, 2002

Most 'net users apparently don't know how to spot a troll.

They'll learn.
posted by benh57 at 6:42 PM on April 30, 2002

And every time I hear about the second LoTR film, I think about how hard I laughed at Doug's comment in the same thread. Huzzah, irreverence!
posted by Danelope at 6:45 PM on April 30, 2002

i know the guy who started this petition.

anyone have any questions they'd like sent his way?
posted by jcterminal at 7:44 PM on April 30, 2002

I have one.

Do you think any actual 9/11 victims care?
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 8:33 PM on April 30, 2002

anyone have any questions they'd like sent his way?

I am still trying to decide if this is a joke, but every now and then I am disappointed without clueless people really are. I think it is also good to point out that if "The Two Towers" refers to the terrorist attacks, then Peter Jackson is one up on Nostradamus, because the title of all three movies was announced during preproduction.


You're ignoring the fact that The Two Towers is a terrible name.

I'm still trying to figure this out. Granted, Tolkein wasn't all that creative with his titles simply pulling out the most significant nouns from the inside and slapping them on the cover. The Two Towers doesn't seem like a terrible name because the action involves two different towers (Minas Morgul and Isengard) while "A Saturday Afternoon in the Park with Gandalf" would be a terrible title because it doesn't have anything to do with the book. Granted, Tolkein could have specified a title that better indicates the rising action of the entire saga but "Two Towers" isn't bad and it certainly isn't terrible.

But I'm honestly mystified by the association and a quick web search reveals that no other media seems to take this seriously.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 10:21 PM on April 30, 2002

Why didn't Tolkein pick something clever, like "M" is for Mordor? </intentionally naive>
posted by Danelope at 11:03 PM on April 30, 2002

I personally favour Attack of the Trees
posted by Grangousier at 12:15 AM on May 1, 2002

How about That's Ent-ertainment?
posted by rory at 2:14 AM on May 1, 2002

KirkJobSluder - I thought the two towers referenced in the second book were Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul, and not Isengard. Tolkien seemed to be tower-happy. Maybe "The Three Towers" is more appropriate.
posted by cowboy at 5:57 AM on May 1, 2002

a) if the family of the victims, all of them, received each and every dime of the donations that were sent to them

Because the charities that collected the funds are entirely staffed by volunteers, and also have no administrative costs whatsoever?
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:29 AM on May 1, 2002

(trying to confine my comments to the truly meaningful issues...)

Here ends the first part of the history of the War of the Ring.
The second part is called The Two Towers, since the events recounted in it are dominated by Orthanc, the citadel of Saruman, and the fortress of Minas Morgul that guards the secret entrance to Mordor...

I was only half-right: I thought it referred to Orthanc and Barad-Dur.
posted by StOne at 7:41 AM on May 1, 2002

I was only half-right: I thought it referred to Orthanc and Barad-Dur.

And I wondered if it might be Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul, or Minas Tirith and Barad-Dur, or (when i was younger) the colossi flanking the river at the place where they pulled off.

There are just too damn many towers in the story at that point.
posted by Foosnark at 8:01 AM on May 1, 2002

"Too Damn Many Towers"

Perhaps the title he settled on, then, is just a truncation.
posted by yhbc at 8:12 AM on May 1, 2002

The Ent Ire Strikes Back
posted by rodii at 8:19 AM on May 1, 2002

Entemy Mine?
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:32 AM on May 1, 2002

Lord of the Rings II: "You Better Give Me A Best Director Oscar For This One, You Bastards"
posted by Shadowkeeper at 11:44 AM on May 1, 2002

The Ent Ire Strikes Back

I was going to say something clever, but I guess it's moot now.
posted by iceberg273 at 12:15 PM on May 1, 2002

ok. asked.

"Do you think any actual 9/11 victims care?"

answer: they're dead, duh. how could they care?
posted by jcterminal at 3:10 PM on May 1, 2002

'Springtime for Sauron', out of the first thread, is still the best name.
posted by crunchburger at 11:09 PM on June 21, 2002

Frodo Baggins and the Towers of Doom would be even worse, huh. How about, Baggins Forever?

Probably not. I guess no one will ever come up with anything quite as bad as The Ent Ire Strikes Back....

(Of course, I only mention it now because rodii is on forced hiatus, heh heh heh. </shadenfreude>)
posted by mattpfeff at 8:49 PM on June 22, 2002