“Winston from Overwatch...because he's adorable.”
June 21, 2017 2:51 PM   Subscribe

 
Sonic the Hedgehog, I mean if you treated him like a proper friend, respected him, you might work out an agreement where he'd be willing to run a few errands for you: pick up the pizza, grab some milk from the grocery store. I mean for him it's not going to be too big a deal.

Then again, there'd be some definite downsides. I imagine Sonic goes through a lot of running shoes and he's going to wear out the floor, leave marks. And then there's his constant eating of Chili-dogs. I imagine Sonic farts a lot.
posted by Fizz at 3:01 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Would Kirby let me sleep in his mouth?
posted by Space Coyote at 3:04 PM on June 21 [13 favorites]


Obviously the chef from Burger Time, because he can make tasty food and get rid of those crazy ingredients when they start walking around, man.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:11 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Luigi + Duke (Nukem) + Navi + Bowser + Ganon = celebrity big brother

wait what
posted by Foci for Analysis at 3:11 PM on June 21




Companion Cube.
posted by gurple at 3:14 PM on June 21 [22 favorites]


If you like a clean home, you could do worse than the Prince from Katamari Damacy... although it could be awkward when he eventually rolls you up too, and soon after, every house in your neighborhood.
posted by ejs at 3:16 PM on June 21 [6 favorites]


I'm going to go ahead and say Cloud because he's quiet.
...
posted by betweenthebars at 3:19 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Gordon Freeman.
PROS: keeps himself to himself, very quiet.
CONS: crowbar murderer.
posted by Artw at 3:22 PM on June 21 [5 favorites]


Dr Freeman, for being quiet and enjoying cleaning out the vents.
posted by Slackermagee at 3:23 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


(On edit) I see mine was already taken; rolled up by another comment, as it were.

My second choice: One of the park-attendees from RCT.
posted by mark242 at 3:29 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


I'm going to go ahead and say Cloud because he's quiet.

And now I'm thinking of the worst Final Fantasy character to have as a roommates and how I'd probably be charged with murder fairly quickly if I was forced to live with Tidus.
posted by Fizz at 3:30 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


Meanwhile, the worst roommate appears to be Navi from Ocarina of Time
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 3:30 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


Dr Freeman, for being quiet and enjoying cleaning out the vents.

"I swear to Christ, Gordon, if you built another goddamn tower of boxes just so you could jump into the ventilation system to do who fucking knows what, I'm going to break this lease so fast. How do you even fit in there?"

[45 seconds of silence]

"Just answer me, did you or didn't you pile crates in a stair-step in our living room?"

[45 seconds of silence]

"Go to fucking hell, you piece of shit. Also, if that gross hopping blob thing you keep as a pet ever touches me again, it will be the last time. I don't care if its fangs have been removed so it's not technically sucking my brains out, that thing is out of control and I can't live with it or you even one more day."
posted by Copronymus at 3:34 PM on June 21 [8 favorites]


Also he has crabs.
posted by Artw at 3:36 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


Drat.
posted by Artw at 3:36 PM on June 21


Lydia, from Skyrim. I cannot help but detect a note of sass in "I am SWORN to carry your burdens."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:39 PM on June 21 [14 favorites]


Lara Croft, 'cause she's gone a lot and you'd get to live in that crazy mansion with sinks so big you can stand in them, and you'd have your own butler. (Downside: He seems to have a really bad gas problem.)

I also considered Jen from Primal because she's funny and awesome and hangs around with NIN-esque industrial bands. She can also turn into cool monsters but she's still pretty chill as a monster so she's not going to disembowel you or anything.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:43 PM on June 21 [7 favorites]


Morgana from Persona 5, because you didn't really have anything that important to do tonight anyway. A good night's sleep is best for everyone!
posted by yellowbinder at 3:46 PM on June 21 [5 favorites]


I haven't watched the video yet, but I'm going to say Lara Croft, because she would definitely have really posh digs, and she would always be spelunking in Atlantis or something, so you'd usually have the place to yourself.

Edit: Aww, what the ass Ursula Hitler. Geez.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 3:46 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


Anyway, the correct answer is one of those cleaning robots from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy text adventure. Quiet, actively cleans without complaint, seems to have a steady job, and only interferes with my life when I do something stupid like shoot fish all over the floor.
posted by Copronymus at 3:47 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


Floyd a good friend roommate, huh?
posted by Wolfdog at 3:47 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


Dorian from DA: Inquisition.
He has the impeccable taste and style of a legit yes-he-earned-it snob, but beneath that thin layer of elitism he's a profoundly decent dude and a good friend.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:49 PM on June 21 [7 favorites]




Geez. I was going to say something snarky but Dorian is the actual correct answer here.
posted by selfnoise at 3:56 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


Mahatma Ghandi - Civilization: "Greetings from M.Ghandi, ruler and King of the Indians... Our words are backed with NUCLEAR WEAPONS!'

For starters, he'd leave my left overs in the fridge alone as long as they came from a steakhouse. Next, he's industrious and I think that would be reflective in his ability to pay rent on time. Third, I know he goes away for a month to visit his family every year. And, realistically - I don't mind giving him the bigger room to keep him pacified... great guy when he gets what he wants... and - there is no way in hell the neighbors would mess with us.
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:57 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Mega Man. Most people forget he was originally built as a cleaning robot, and I imagine there's a lot of down time between saving the world from Dr. Wily.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:04 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


I started to say that having Mario around could be handy for any plumbing issues, but then I realized that he's always chasing all over creation instead of doing his job.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:04 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


K.K. Slider or the Able Sisters from the Animal Crossing series.
Jade from Beyond Good & Evil
Alexstraza, WoW
Ulala, Space Channel 5
posted by ApathyGirl at 4:05 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


I also considered Jen from Primal because she's funny and awesome and hangs around with NIN-esque industrial bands. She can also turn into cool monsters but she's still pretty chill as a monster so she's not going to disembowel you or anything.

Yeah, but those fights with her boyfriend, sheesh!
posted by ejs at 4:08 PM on June 21


Deadpool. Yes there is a Deadpool game. We would so get along. Although I might freak him out a bit.
posted by Splunge at 4:15 PM on June 21


The Blob from A Boy and His Blob. He's furniture and a best friend.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:17 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Pyramid Head
PROS: Likes to chop
CONS: Drags feet

Sniper Elite
PROS: Infinite rocks
CONS: ???

Double Dragon
PROS: Double rent
CONS: Eating food from garbage

SHODAN
PROS: Efficient
CONS: Leaves nodes everywhere

The Avatar
PROS: The Avatar
CONS: Constantly forgets
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:20 PM on June 21 [7 favorites]


You'd think Lara Croft, but she is always hogging the frikking shower.
posted by biffa at 4:24 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


I meant to link that list but got distracted..


K.K. Slider
or the Able Sisters from the Animal Crossing series.
Jade from Beyond Good & Evil
Alexstraza, WoW
Ulala, Space Channel 5

posted by ApathyGirl at 4:31 PM on June 21


Batman. Comes with a mansion, butler and the best rides. Spends most of his time at Arkham, but even when he is home, he usually just sleeps in the bat cave.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:32 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


Nick Valentine for me for sure
posted by supercres at 4:32 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Garrus Vakarian.



I have a lot of stuff around the house that needs calibrating.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:34 PM on June 21 [15 favorites]


Or Codsworth, just so I can call him Metal Husband. Like, a lot.
posted by supercres at 4:34 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


[Stop with the editing of comments folks, just add a follow-up comment. Thanks.]
posted by jessamyn at 4:40 PM on June 21


Master Chief. I don't think he's coming back.
posted by bongo_x at 4:43 PM on June 21


kitten from nethack, it would randomly attack anyone who tried to bother me, and if it gets enough to eat it will wander around stealing things from people and leave them by my feet.
posted by idiopath at 4:43 PM on June 21 [11 favorites]


"J" tetronimo from Tetris. If you prop him up in the living room he's a comfy chair, or with a 90 degree rotation you can turn him into a nice cushy couch.

"L" would be equally good except that she won't fit in my apartment without rearranging the furniture.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:51 PM on June 21 [18 favorites]


Sorry, jessamyn. That's just my roommate, Prince of Persia. He's always doing (and undoing) that.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:51 PM on June 21 [10 favorites]


The starting kitten from Nethack.
posted by kenko at 4:59 PM on June 21 [4 favorites]


Damn, idiopath.
posted by kenko at 5:00 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


Master Chief. I don't think he's coming back.

I also think he's not going to keep on paying rent.
posted by Fizz at 5:01 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


The guys from Journey. They'd play songs, they probably have good drugs and they can afford the rent plus the occasional pizza.
posted by jonmc at 5:03 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Solid Snake. He just hides in the box and pays the rent.
posted by The Bellman at 5:18 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


I'm going to make the case that Lolo from the ancient HAL Laboratories "Adventures of Lolo" games would be best. He's not the strongest, but he's still pretty good at moving boxes, and his evil twin Lololo notwithstanding, there's a pretty good chance he could get Kirby to show up for parties. Plus, if you need to avoid somebody in a pinch (as inevitably happens in roommate comedies), rather than making some unlikely excuse, he can just hide you in an egg, as long as you keep a spare heart container or two.
posted by jsnlxndrlv at 5:27 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


thought 1: you people seem to have forgotten the distinction between roommate and pet

thought 2: "roommate" should be a nethack monster. Represented by an @ sign, peaceful by default, doesn't do much, occasionally steals one of your food items.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 5:28 PM on June 21 [7 favorites]


Minecraft Steve.

Week One: Punches trees.

Week Two: Sky Palace.
posted by adept256 at 5:29 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


a pet is a room-mate that you've thrown food at, silly
posted by idiopath at 5:34 PM on June 21 [6 favorites]


Chibi-Robo is basically a sentient roomba who cleans up after people. And I bet he could help get my poor roomba unstuck from under the couch, as it does virtually every time it runs.
posted by pwnguin at 5:35 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


Microsoft Clippy.

No, you shut up.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:42 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Dorian is the actual correct answer here.

Most of the modern alternate universe Dragon Age fanfics out there agree!

So I've heard, that is.

... *disgusted noise*
posted by notquitemaryann at 5:47 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


You know who isn't a good roommate? That guy from Disco No. 1. Never let him be your wingman.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:49 PM on June 21


Alex, from Oxenfree. I felt like I got to know her well over the course of the game, she seems chill, and is relatively level headed, even in a crisis. Only problems would be standard teen drama, and possibly time traveling radio ghosts.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 6:00 PM on June 21


I thought of Jade from Beyond Good & Evil, but the downside there is that you'd presumably have to live under the thumb of the Alpha Section/DomZ!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 6:00 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


Only problems would be standard teen drama, and possibly time traveling radio ghosts.

If we remove the time-travelling radio ghosts from this equation, you'd have the cast of Life is Strange.

I'd definitely want to live with someone like Chloe as she seems really chill. Max is too straight edged for my tastes. But I also feel like Chloe can be a bit unstable at times. She's lots of fun to be around, but she also has a gun and is really good at provoking and pushing the buttons of other NPCs.

I think Chloe would have a good weed connection though, so there's that.
posted by Fizz at 6:06 PM on June 21


Well, instead of time-travelling radio ghosts, you have time-manipulating Max.
posted by Fizz at 6:08 PM on June 21


Ness's Dad from Earthbound. He'll never be at home and when you ask for rent, he'll deposit it directly into your bank account. All you need is to install a landline in your home to contact him.
posted by FJT at 6:15 PM on June 21 [6 favorites]


Jack from Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines. Totally chill, especially for a vampire.

Most video game characters would probably be a little too intense, especially if they brought their work home. Pierce from Saints Row would be great to hang out with, though.

Almost anyone from Overwatch. Not Reaper. Dude, that's my My Chemical Romance album and anyway you scratched it.
posted by zompist at 6:15 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


Simon Belmont. He would suss out all the pesky invisible holes in your floor by cleverly taking baby steps and dropping vials of holy water.
posted by ian1977 at 6:22 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


Yeah, so Winston's adorable and smart. And his ultimate is getting enraged, rapidly dashing about and slapping the SHIT out of things.

So, YOU tell him you accidentally threw out the last of the banana pudding in the fridge.
posted by Samizdata at 6:33 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


The Wizard of Yendor would not be so bad, if you don't get on his bad side. Interesting conversationalist, lots of stories to tell, definitely someone you'd want on your side in a fight, keeps a tidy little room. Just don't touch his books and amulets and stuff.
posted by sfenders at 8:30 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


the worst Final Fantasy character to have as a roommates

...whatever.
posted by byanyothername at 8:30 PM on June 21 [5 favorites]


So anyway, I was gonna say Max Caulfield, but I think I already am Max Caulfield so that might collapse spacetime or something. Ditto Estelle Bright. I'm not groovy enough to live with Earthworm Jim. I'm not bad enough to rescue the president. I'm too together to stand Plok.

Then it hit me. Bubsy the Bobcat. Listen, I know, but that cat is practically giving the room away. Rent's free, I'm not judged for wearing just a tee shirt... What could possibly go wrong?
posted by byanyothername at 8:47 PM on June 21


Pretty much anyone from Goldeneye 64, because proximity mines would make life interesting and fun.
posted by The World Famous at 9:00 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


Arcade Gannon. Seems reliable, so he'd probably pay his rent and his share of the bills however you agreed. Seems interesting and fun to be around, busy enough not to be around too much, and not super-demanding of your attention.

At the other extreme: Shaundi from Saint's Row. Specifically, Fun Shaundi rather than Angry Shaundi.

Important benefit for Garrus or Tali as roommates: they can't eat your food.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:20 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


ED-E. Doesn't make a mess, fixes stuff, carries things for me, creates ammo and will disintegrate my enemies.
posted by suetanvil at 9:31 PM on June 21 [2 favorites]


The little white-capped protagonist from Samorost.

Pros: his house is a whole planet.
Cons: none.
posted by flabdablet at 9:33 PM on June 21


Fuck, Leisure Suit Larry is still on my couch.
posted by Kabanos at 10:23 PM on June 21 [9 favorites]


Geralt of Rivia, because he's actually a very supportive dude and would help you hide a body no questions asked. Also he'd probably host a mean BBQ.
posted by InkDrinker at 10:34 PM on June 21 [5 favorites]


Toriel from Undertale. She's polite, kind, and leaves you freshly baked pies.
posted by davejay at 11:34 PM on June 21 [3 favorites]


I am going with the pokemon trainer from all pokemon games.
1.Is never in flat/room as is off around the world having pokemon adventures.
2. Free Nintendo system for flat
3. Keeps room spotless at all times
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory at 11:46 PM on June 21 [1 favorite]


Delilah from firewatch, except that she woud live in the apartment next door and you'd only communicate via walkie-talkie

Or GlaDos if you like to live dangerously
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:54 AM on June 22


Has anyone said Quiet from Metal Gear Solid yet?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:39 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Link from Breath of the Wild. He can cook delicious, healthy meals in 3 seconds, and all the ingredients are obsessively foraged from different microclimates (on par with the best Michelin restaurants?) He finds valuable mineral deposits everywhere so he can pay the rent easily. With his rune powers the chores are done effortlessly. All the girls seem to obsess over him but he doesn't reciprocate, so there might be an opening for me. I can just offhandedly mention something I wish would happen, and he treats it like a quest to be fulfilled. He doesn't seem to have a job but just wanders around a lot looking for unusual rock formations or landscape puzzles, so he never gets in the way or hogs the TV.
posted by naju at 4:05 AM on June 22 [2 favorites]


Worst Mass Effect roommate: Peebee. You actually get to see her apartment on the Nexus, and it's... not pretty.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:33 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Or GlaDos if you like to live dangerously

I think you mean deliciously! Because of all the cake!
posted by GLaDOS at 5:05 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]


Dunno about Winston, but I've certainly lived with a bloke that reminds me of Junkrat.
posted by pompomtom at 5:51 AM on June 22


Can I just say how much I love the nerds of Metafilter right now?
posted by zeusianfog at 6:14 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]


I think you mean deliciously! Because of all the cake!
posted by GLaDOS


We don't need to live with *all of* you to get the cake. Only your intelligence core. *eyes screwdriver menacingly*
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:28 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


The intelligence core is a lie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:33 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


IF you've got a small kitchen it being s series of configurable panels some of which shoot flame could be quite handy.
posted by Artw at 6:35 AM on June 22


Or GlaDos if you like to live dangerously

I think you mean deliciously! Because of all the cake!
posted by GLaDOS at 8:05 AM on June 22 [2 favorites +] [!]


Further proof that GLaDOS is another avatar of Lucifer, a la Black Phillip.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:52 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Double Dragon
PROS: Double rent
CONS: Eating food from garbage


dying

Rampage - George, Lizzie, or Ralph
PROS: Views constantly improving due to demolition of local buildings
CONS: Hard to sleep with all the background tank and helicopter noise
posted by Existential Dread at 7:57 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Cayde-6 seems like a fun guy to have around.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 7:57 AM on June 22


Worst Mass Effect roommate: Peebee. You actually get to see her apartment on the Nexus, and it's... not pretty.

But on the other hand, when she moves onto the Tempest it's into the escape pod, so you can easily jettison her if she becomes too much of a slob.
posted by ejs at 7:57 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


How about EDI? Though I suppose the full benefits would only be realized if you had a smart home setup.
posted by rewil at 9:14 AM on June 22


Move in to XCOM base:
PROS: Space always opening up in the barracks. Always something going on in the research lab.
CONS: High likelihood of being annihilated during massive alien attack shortly after successful recovery of Hyperwave Beacon.
posted by Artw at 10:09 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Also Dr. Shen says he can make me a cool robot.
posted by Artw at 10:14 AM on June 22


OH GOD NOT LIKE THAT I'VE MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.
posted by Artw at 10:15 AM on June 22 [6 favorites]


Actual best room-mate from a video game is Feltwip, the healer mob from the MUD I used to play. He's a druid which is awesome, and he would randomly cast beneficial spells on everyone all the time, and hand you food if you are hungry, and create magical water fountains if you are thirsty. And his room is a literal safe space, where the laws of physics made it impossible for anyone to come to any sort of harm.
posted by idiopath at 10:34 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]


Maybe a Supox? They all seem super chill, and I've always wanted my apartment to be full of greenery, especially greenery that can water itself. Plus they'd spend most of the day outside and I wouldn't have to share the bathroom much, and they almost certainly wouldn't steal much of my food.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:19 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]


The dot from Atari Adventure is quiet enough, except it's always trying to stick a bridge through the wall, and repeatedly tries to stab my chickens.
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:58 PM on June 22


Anybody from any escort mission is out, obviously. They'd get stuck in a doorframe the moment you went shopping or whatever.
posted by Artw at 1:52 PM on June 22 [4 favorites]


Atrus! Quiet fellow, seems to be pretty handy at diy, can link you to a world with anything you need.
posted by lucidium at 5:44 PM on June 22


Maybe a Supox? They all seem super chill, and I've always wanted my apartment to be full of greenery, especially greenery that can water itself. Plus they'd spend most of the day outside and I wouldn't have to share the bathroom much, and they almost certainly wouldn't steal much of my food.

They're always introducing themselves to strange alien vessels and bringing home weirdos to "cheer" you up, though
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:51 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]


As long as it's not a sad-sack Utwig wearing the Mask of Apathetic Disengagement who ends up crashing on my couch for six months.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:40 PM on June 23


I found this roommate named slither.io on Craigslist. It seemed cool at first, but now shit is out of control.
posted by Literaryhero at 8:49 PM on June 24


« Older NYC divests pension fund from private prisons   |   Fashions of the Plain People Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments