'The word "sorry" escaped my mouth a hundred times a day'

June 30, 2017 10:08 PM

'Glow' Star Betty Gilpin: What It's Like to Have Pea-Sized Confidence With Watermelon-Sized Boobs. An essay touching on struggles many women face, and how the entertainment industry can also intensify them.
posted by smoke (20 comments total)

As someone whose boobs enter the room before I do, thank you for posting this amazing article.
posted by barchan at 10:12 PM on June 30, 2017 [4 favorites]

What I loved about GLOW -- the original women who were wrestling and the Netflix series -- is that it's about women being physical, first and foremost. Maybe they are "hot" or "attractive" in general terms, but it's about these women understanding the power their bodies have. And not just in terms of appearances.

I gained a lot of weight in recent years -- much more than I wanted to (not that anyone wants to) and I've been ... for lack of a better term, "dieting." Which is, I've been tracking what I eat and working out more. And it's doing a great job. And I've felt much happier in my body! And yeah, maybe there are some deep-seeded thing about societal expectations but mostly, genuinely, I haven't enjoyed being in my body or the way it looked. Connecting with its physical needs and limits have done that for me. I like my body more now because I understand it better.

Even at my thinnest (I remember being 20!), I'm always going to have a prominent chest and butt. That's just how my body is shaped. But I'm more than how my body looks. I want to like that, yeah. But I'm also what my body can do. I want to like that, too. I want to have both.
posted by darksong at 10:20 PM on June 30, 2017 [10 favorites]

"Sorry I suck, sorry if I smell, sorry if you hurt me."

Oh it hurts. Gilpin is funny af! When is she gonna get a comedy special?
posted by fritillary at 10:38 PM on June 30, 2017

her performance in American Gods was so incredible I don't even have words to describe it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:23 PM on June 30, 2017 [5 favorites]

Good show. Good show. (Despite my having watched it back in the day - Dementia4Lyfe!)

Ms. Gilpin is quite talented, despite me not making the American Gods connection somehow.

Also, this was spooky. See a link on MeFi and it is already flagged as read.
posted by Samizdata at 11:44 PM on June 30, 2017

Her writing is really unique and funny! I am looking forward to watching this show.

That said... I can't help but notice that Wonder Woman, Glow, etc. is not radically different than previous incarnations of "girl power" media, in that we still only listen to women when they take off their clothes. Now women can be strong and sexy, Black and sexy, or even fat and sexy--but you better make darn sure you're sexy.
posted by shalom at 1:05 AM on July 1, 2017 [31 favorites]

She's an entertaining writer. Fun read.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:02 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Kia's arms wrapped gently around my neck like my head was an injured piglet.

That is some evocative writing!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:15 AM on July 1, 2017 [4 favorites]

Studio 54 in 1600s Salem, Massachusetts, maybe.

Brilliant.
posted by chavenet at 3:36 AM on July 1, 2017

That was a good read. Loved her writing. Made me want to watch GLOW too
posted by motdiem2 at 4:16 AM on July 1, 2017

Glow was the first set I’d been on run by women. It was a magical never-never land run by type-A amazons. I saw power and care together for the first time. Seeing women possess those two things simultaneously was a huge lesson for me.

This.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:30 AM on July 1, 2017 [17 favorites]

I can't help but notice that Wonder Woman, Glow, etc. is not radically different than previous incarnations of "girl power" media, in that we still only listen to women when they take off their clothes.

For me *personally* the difference lies with the lack of a male gaze. It's nothing to do with what women (or men) wear or does not wear. It is about how they are being looked at. Does the camera linger a fraction of a second on someone's mouth? Are we being given a tantalising shot of a butt (whether naked or clothed)?

I first began thinking about how people are filmed when I saw Kathleen Bigelow's Strange Days and how the camera lingers over Ralph Fiennes' battered and bruised body. There was a particular scene in a night club where the camera pans slowly and lovingly over his body from his legs, over his torso and then his face (that stares longingly at Juliette Lewis). And I remember thinking: "Woah, that's superhot" and also "I've never seen anything like this. Oh wait, I have — this is how women are filmed all the time".

Sure, Diana Prince wears a skimpy costume and the ladies of GLOW wear leotards - but my eye is not invited to go 'pwhoar, look at that — that's so arousing'. Instead my eye is invited to go 'damn, look at that — that's so inspirational'.

But that is my personal take on it.
posted by kariebookish at 6:14 AM on July 1, 2017 [46 favorites]

Loved this article when I read it. Love GLOW.

How weird it must be to feel yourself transforming in others eyes from a person to an object. An object of desire, sure, but an object. New people you meet, who don't already know you, you are instantly an object, with all sorts of associations tied to it that have little to no connection to you as a person.

That's fucked up.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:22 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Good essay, smoke. Thank you. Puberty left me short and stacked, and I have struggled for years with where that left me, in light of others' responses to both aspects of that physical presentation. But for almost 10 years now, I've added strong: strong enough to haul 50-pound bags, to secure struggling animals, to lift heavy objects because I'm the only one around to to the job. The little brick house was built from necessity, and my vanity is still not sure what to make of it (or how to clothe it. Was defeated last night by a safety pin and a wrap dress.). The guilty secret is that I like it because I was never taught to accept my size and shape, because I hid my boobs behind books and found that being made fun of for my chest was expected, because I absorbed my culture's stories of should. "For the first time in my life, I could feel my whole body listening." YES. Yes to Betty Gilpin and the cast and crew of "Glow." Yes to hearing the body's voice over the self-despising whispers of shame and doubt. "Go here. Come here. Be still. Take charge. Now one, two, three, fly." Yes.
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:23 AM on July 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

For me *personally* the difference lies with the lack of a male gaze. It's nothing to do with what women (or men) wear or does not wear. It is about how they are being looked at. Does the camera linger a fraction of a second on someone's mouth? Are we being given a tantalising shot of a butt (whether naked or clothed)?

I'm in the middle of Glow, and so far one thing that has stood out so far is how rarely the filming is done in that typical way, where the eye is drawn straight to the crotch/ass/nipples and invited to linger. The actors spend most of the film in very skimpy attire, but it isn't filmed or portrayed like, say, Baywatch, almost at all.

There are moments -- I assume deliberate -- when this is reversed and the camera focuses in on, say, a bent-over, sexily-wiggling ass. I say "deliberate" because even those shots seem to have more going on, more like a woman's purposeful assertion of sexuality rather than the more typical way "dudes, check this out!" things are filmed.

Anyway, I started it with very low expectations and while it isn't perfect I am enjoying it a lot. The article is great and I am happy to read that she had such a positive experience with the filming, fellow actors, and staff.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:35 AM on July 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

Thanks for posting. I loved this.
posted by Valancy Rachel at 9:55 AM on July 1, 2017

Nthed. And she writes a lot better than many people whose actual job is writing.
posted by Flashman at 10:31 AM on July 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Thanks for posting! She really expertly captures the sense of "I am a person inhabiting my body, but also separate from my body." It can be too easy sometimes (at least for me) to look at an intimidatingly attractive or fit person and forget that there's a "there" there.
posted by Zephyrial at 11:28 AM on July 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Wow! I loved this.

I wonder if this could have happened on a set where the women weren't in charge.
posted by tuesdayschild at 2:46 PM on July 1, 2017

My wife and I first saw Betty Gilpin in Elementary, as the neuro-atypical love interest of Sherlock Holmes in Elementary, which was a very interesting role. Her role wasn't as an object of desire, but a very intelligent and socially awkward person, who Sherlock (Johnny Lee Miller) found as a kindred spirits of sorts. She wasn't unattractive, but her appearance wasn't played as a factor in their relationship. In fact, that whole show is pleasantly free the typical "sexual tension in opposite-sex partners," and that relationship seemed to continue the respect of individuals as individuals, not simply potential romantic interests, sources of drama and conflict.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:26 AM on July 7, 2017 [1 favorite]