Earthquake Safety Bed: The Bed That Eats!
July 14, 2017 11:29 AM   Subscribe

Do you live in a high seismic activity area? Are you not in any way claustrophobic? Then the Dahir Insaat Earthquake Safety Bed is for you! It's just one of the many innovations from Dahir Insaat, including quadcopters for destroying entire air forces, drive through grocery stores, and whatever this is.

Note: The even more bizarre movie referenced in the title is Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
posted by kmz (43 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
I'm mad at Dahir Insaat over the DMCA claims they used to kill retsupurae's commentaries on these videos, which were also quite hilarious. Slowbeef's incredulity at the grocery store was outstanding.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:36 AM on July 14 [2 favorites]


What's amazing about the store and the restaurant is how much real estate they would occupy, vertically and horizontally. It's a completely '60s way of looking at things. Sprawl away! People love it!

This channel is a delight, though. It's like a kid's notebook of elaborate ideas for a dream house or store.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:51 AM on July 14 [2 favorites]


Previously, although I don't know if it's the same design/designer or not, since the video for that one is gone.

In fact, there appear to quite a number of "earthquake bed" developments publicized on YouTube. Most of the inventors seem to be from somewhere in the Pacific Rim. Well, no wonder, I guess.
posted by Western Infidels at 11:55 AM on July 14 [1 favorite]


including quadcopters for destroying entire air forces

This is a completely fascinating "When you have a hammer...." solution for warfare. Quadcopters (and bigger quadcopters) for everything! I especially love the fact the the aerial missile platform is taking out grounded planes.

Anyone know where these videos come from? It's fun.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 12:04 PM on July 14


So, it won't close if your pillow is over the edge, or your hand? I'm going to spend $6000 for a bed and die anyway... yeah. Lucky I live on the Laurentian Shield.
posted by RedEmma at 12:18 PM on July 14


Also, as someone who lives in MN, all I can think of is how awful that market would be in the wintertime. Full of salt crud. Or in summer: bugs? Or is this the future where we've killed off all the wildlife?
posted by RedEmma at 12:23 PM on July 14


I guess it really does take five hits to sink an aircraft carrier.
posted by triangle at 12:27 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


>Anyone know where these videos come from?

The country code for the phone number that's given is for Turkey.
posted by kcds at 12:32 PM on July 14


If I had a quadcopter
I'd quadcopter in the morning
I'd quadcopter in the evening
All over this land!
I'd quadcopter danger
I'd quadcopter a warning
I'd quadcopter love between
My brothers and my sisters
All over this land!
posted by Naberius at 12:32 PM on July 14 [5 favorites]


The quad thingies look like whacking material for the sort who play with RC helicopters, while those beds that turn into instant coffins probably would be big with preppers and drug barons: just add an elevator to drop the whole thing through the floor and into a vault in their underground lair or on to the back of a getaway truck in the garage.
posted by pracowity at 1:01 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


I've watched some more of these videos now and the ideas are so badly conceived, they make my head hurt.

It's like someone decided they were going to channel Elon Musk, but a drunk or very high Elon Musk, or Elon Musk after a traumatic brain injury.
posted by kcds at 1:01 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


Quadcopters are almost certainly the future of warfare.

Tiny cheap ones, though, not tractor-trailer-sized.
posted by lastobelus at 1:10 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


Man, these things would be so cool in movies, but they're so awful as investment pitches. The minigun quadcopter would be a great first act villain attack in a superhero movie.
posted by ikea_femme at 1:11 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


Ok, I give up, does anyone have any idea what the point of the trucks and quad-copter in the last one? Why they'd need to be connected to those large ribbon cables? Google translate tells me that they're for transporting special cargo, but that doesn't help much.
posted by Hactar at 1:11 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


When I taught product design there would always one of twenty students thinking and designing stuff like this. There would never be any reasoning with them at all, and they would always be great at all the skills, like rendering, hand-sketching, welding, whatever. And they would never understand why they didn't get straight A's.
The strange thing isn't this channel, its that there aren't thousands of them out there.
posted by mumimor at 1:13 PM on July 14 [14 favorites]


Also, I hate how smug the drive through market is. To say they know better than their customers to pick only the absolute best product. As if people don't have tastes and allergies.
posted by ikea_femme at 1:13 PM on July 14 [2 favorites]


Hactar, I think the idea is each truck trailer has a big generator on it, to make electricity to power the quadcopter, and the quadcopter is carrying a large load you can't carry on the highway. It has two electrical tethers between the trucks that detatch and then reattatch to go under bridges. That is the one problem with the design, the rest is perfect.
posted by ikea_femme at 1:15 PM on July 14 [11 favorites]


Look, I've been playing D&D for like 25 years. I know a mimic when I see one.

Nice try, with all the scary "earthquake" talk. "Oh, oh, you can store bottled water under it." "No, those are air vents! Not a thin veneer over a ghastly breathing orifice!"

All that's down there is grasping tongues and rows of teeth. You're not putting one over on me.
posted by Phobos the Space Potato at 1:16 PM on July 14 [13 favorites]


This stuff looks like Next Media Animation stories from the future.
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:19 PM on July 14


Also, I hate how smug the drive through market is. To say they know better than their customers to pick only the absolute best product.

But this is how ALDI works, and it's fine for a lot of people. A 24-hour drive-thru ALDI would be kind of nifty, actually.

Then again, McDonalds tried this about 15 years ago with the original incarnation of Redbox, so maybe it's not a great idea after all.
posted by JoeZydeco at 1:46 PM on July 14


The jeans. They took the trouble to render the guys with specific jeans. Those jeans.
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 2:01 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


...each truck trailer has a big generator on it, to make electricity to power the quadcopter, and the quadcopter is carrying a large load you can't carry on the highway.

That is my take as well.

Even if each truck trailer contained a massive 2,000 KW diesel engine, of the sort you'd find in a freight locomotive, two trailers would still come short of the 6,000 KW the original Sikorsky Skycrane had on tap 55 years ago. The new ones have more. And the Skycrane doesn't have to stop for bridges.

But I have no engineering credentials. If I played an engineer on TV, I would probably play a disgraced, drunken engineer who did all his calculations on tear-stained cocktail napkins.
posted by Western Infidels at 2:02 PM on July 14 [4 favorites]


This has a 1960's Popular Mechanics feel to it.
posted by quazichimp at 2:05 PM on July 14 [4 favorites]


Ok, I give up, does anyone have any idea what the point of the trucks and quad-copter in the last one?

After watching the airforce destroying drone one, I assumed that one was a weapon for instantly stomping highway overpasses flat. But then it just continued on past the other side of the overpass without crushing it at all, so now I don't know.
posted by Naberius at 2:10 PM on July 14 [4 favorites]


From the drive-through grocery video:

"...you won't find dozens of identical versions of the same product with different brand names."

Phew! All that free market competition was way too much hassle. Thank goodness the store has already gone to the trouble of selecting the best versions of each product for me!
posted by Kevin Street at 2:12 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


Looks like Dahir Insaat is dedicated to improving human life on all scales. Check out their patented machine for digging cholesterol out of the arteries. Guaranteed to leave arterial walls untouched!
posted by Kevin Street at 2:23 PM on July 14 [2 favorites]


And their dental microdrill!

Maybe the reason that a permanent open air market seems like a good idea is that they're marketing it towards the Gulf states, where there is a lot of money sloshing around but not much rain.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:36 PM on July 14


This will probably mean nothing to anyone, but if by some chance you have read gifco by M. John Harrison you will immediately recognize Dahir Insaat as a gifco subsidiary.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 2:44 PM on July 14 [1 favorite]


I kind of like the dental drill. (At least it won't kill you if something goes wrong.) But like so many engineering fantasies, it doesn't take the random, uncontrolled nature of reality into account. The patient would have to hold their head absolutely still for the entire procedure, since even tiny subliminal movements would feel like an earthquake on the level of the drill. And if they think they can build something with roughly the same level of complexity as a surgical robot for $500-$1000... well, they've got another think coming.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:28 PM on July 14


"Hygienic bags for your cube prison--brought to you by Dahir Inshat."
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:05 PM on July 14 [2 favorites]


Once the bed activates, your mattress is going to be on top of all your survival supplies, making them pretty hard to get to - and it looks like there's not too much maneuver room once the lid is closed.
posted by mrbill at 10:56 PM on July 14 [2 favorites]


If you're not sleeping with at least one knife under your pillow (suitable for digging through your mattress to reach the food, water, and poop bags), you don't deserve to sleep through an earthquake in comfort and style.

(Don't try this at home. Could lead to being stabbed in the face by your nightmares.)
posted by asperity at 11:13 PM on July 14


including quadcopters for destroying entire air forces

B-2s! F-22s! F-16s! But also legacy Hornets? 111s and Harriers (or wait-- are those Yak 38s?)? A-4s? Are they attacking Tucson of 2030?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:20 PM on July 14


MetaFilter: Elon Musk after a traumatic brain injury.
posted by oheso at 3:57 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]


Alternative product name: steel coffin that will complicate trying to maneuver your way out from under 600 tonnes of former steel-reinforced concrete, minus a possible arm and/or leg.
posted by oheso at 4:02 AM on July 15


The more I think about it, the more curious I am... Does anyone know WHY these videos exist? I'd be on board with the "designer/engineer daydreams" theory, except each video appears to have far too much custom modeling and animation to be done by one person in their spare time...
posted by Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer at 4:56 AM on July 15 [1 favorite]




So, is the English translation of Dahir Inshat, 'go shit yourself' by any chance? That bed would give me nightmares. I mean, I wouldn't even be able to sleep on it. *shudder*
posted by Gadgetenvy at 11:51 AM on July 15


These guys taking down the Retsupurae commentary videos will easily earn them a permanent spot in every list of top 10 worst DMCA abuses.

...also, the fact that they took the mockery down means that they're serious about these, which is actually kinda frightening.

Long live the Hell Bed.
posted by wwwwolf at 12:43 PM on July 15 [1 favorite]


I'm being completely won over by every bonkers idea, especially this one, for which I didn't use the Google Translate first. Can you guess an earthly reason why anyone would want this? Try it and see!

Also, how about a new system of mass transit that combines quadcopters and monorails? I'm in love.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:55 PM on July 15 [1 favorite]


I can't tell if they actually produced these videos, or are merely linking them as an example of a type, but a company called Alconost links to several of these videos from a "you should pay us to make your videos" ad page on their site, along with promos for things I've actually heard of, like Periscope. I always figured these videos were some individual or small group's art project, but maybe not. (not hotlinking to avoid distributing any pagerank mojo if they're just slimy, but https://alconost.com/en/services/video-production)
posted by Alterscape at 12:36 AM on July 16


Ah, yes, Dahir Insaat, your favourite Russian solution for the ideal world, with ideal weather, no winds, no unpredictable elements, low-IQ adversary and absolutely no inside men.
posted by Laotic at 2:51 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]


Everyone should read parm=serial's link.
posted by quinndexter at 7:49 AM on July 17


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