Guys Experience Periods for the First Time

July 18, 2017 11:38 AM

"I've never had a period before! And maybe, I don't know, maybe it'll make me a better man." "People who experience [periods], they always seem like super stressed about it, and just like it's the end of the world. I want to understand more, why or how it's so stressful." "I won't be the first man to ever have a period, because there are definitely trans men who do have periods." Three men who have never had a period try a menstruation simulator for three days.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl (71 comments total)

what
posted by Melismata at 11:40 AM on July 18, 2017 [12 favorites]

I probably should have provided more description. A woman rigged up devices that would provide a steady flow of fake blood, while the men had to manage their "periods" (try to avoid getting it on their clothes, etc.) with pads over a period of three days. The point was for the men to understand what it's like to have to manage that aspect of a period. The video follows their reactions over the duration.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:50 AM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

This is EXCELLENT and I agree that every man should do this. You can really see how they understand at the end, and these are guys who seem to be Good Guys, you know?

"I don't think a pad or a tampon should be a privilege."

"This has been a major inconvenience for me over the past couple days and I'm only experiencing like one of a lot of symptoms of periods. Like, I'm not dealing with hormone stuff, I'm not dealing with cramps. I'm not dealing with bloating or anything!"

"I would say that every man should do this, 'cause it's hard for you to see something unless you're in it."
posted by cooker girl at 11:54 AM on July 18, 2017 [9 favorites]

Wow...how...unlike a period. But points for trying.
posted by agregoli at 11:56 AM on July 18, 2017 [17 favorites]

what

I probably should have provided more description.

I think Melismata's "what" was more "I do not believe this" than "I am uncertain of what this actually is". At least, that's what my reaction of "what" was.
posted by Etrigan at 11:56 AM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

I can't watch the vid at work, so pardon me for asking:

Is there any attempt to simulate the bloating, the tender breasts, the aching, the draggy feeling in the lower back, the nausea, the hot-knife-stabbing cramps that some of us experience(d) regularly, the blood clots, etc. along with the basic bleeding-out-the-nether regions?

Not that this isn't good enough for men to get a taste of the experience, mind you. It just sounds like it's missing the essential layer of uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhh that makes one's monthly Shark Week extra special.
posted by magstheaxe at 11:59 AM on July 18, 2017 [21 favorites]

My favorite of these was Men Try Birth Control for a Month (with tic tacs). She even set up a full "Pharmacy Experience" and they were SO.DAMN.ANNOYED at her "making them wait" when we have to do that every damn month.

It seemed the most "real" of these type from buzzfeed besides Try Guys Motherhood series which included a labor pain simulator.

Of course, the period one can't simulate the insane pain. (Speaking as someone with endometriosis.)
posted by Crystalinne at 12:00 PM on July 18, 2017 [9 favorites]

to be clear, they only simulate the bleeding

which at first annoyed me. but I guess considering how hard that was in itself for them it wasn't a bad first step. not to mention the logistics of simulating like.... everything goddamn other thing

I would have liked more than a one-sentence mention though about how this is only the bleeding part but I think they still got something good from the experience I guess
posted by suddenly, and without warning, at 12:03 PM on July 18, 2017

I think what they are experiencing is like what young adolescents experience--with all the mess and fuss and acute embarrassment potential--and less like what older people who have been menstruating for a while tend to go through. I could be wrong, maybe there are experienced people who haven't got the logistics sorted out, but it seems to me that after a few years people get the logistics sorted and then what you deal with is the uuuuuuuggggghhhh and less "do these pads work with these undies" or "how do I clean this up?!" kinda questions.

So, kind of useful? For like, 10% of the actual experience?
posted by epanalepsis at 12:03 PM on July 18, 2017 [6 favorites]

No, of course they can't simulate the cramps, etc. And instead of a steady flow, the menstrual rig was set up to flow at unpredictable times and varying rates. I think the woman who made the rig did a really, really good job of helping them experience the total unpredictability that some of us face.

On preview, epanalepsis, my periods have always been super unpredictable and I never know if I need 4 or 8 Super+ tampons for one day, three days, or not at all, and sometimes I'm surprised by the date I start and I'm unprepared in that I forgot to load up my tampon bag after my last period and I'm at work with no way to get products unless I have two quarters for the feminine hygiene dispenser (and if I likely don't have tampons, how likely is it that I have quarters?). And some women have ADHD or lack the executive functioning necessary to properly plan for their periods. Not everyone gets the logistics sorted out that easily.
posted by cooker girl at 12:09 PM on July 18, 2017 [36 favorites]

some women have ADHD or lack the executive functioning necessary to properly plan for their periods

...or are competent at managing nearly every other complex aspect of their life but still exclaim "oh shit, blood!" from bathroom stalls every 4 weeks.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:13 PM on July 18, 2017 [37 favorites]

I thought this was just great. Will watch again.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 12:16 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

(guilty)
posted by cooker girl at 12:16 PM on July 18, 2017

Guys often lack the understanding that this is something that is more challenging to manage than, say, using the toilet; this seems like not a bad demonstration of the level of complexity involved. It's not that women can't learn to manage it--most do, if often imperfectly. It's that it's something that does take managing at a level that is more complex than, like, being able to hold it when you need to pee during a meeting.
posted by Sequence at 12:19 PM on July 18, 2017 [11 favorites]

I'm a man who bleeds from his arse now and then (crohn's) but I would never claim my experience is the same as having periods.
posted by Segundus at 12:20 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

"People who experience [periods], they always seem like super stressed about it, and just like it's the end of the world. I want to understand more, why or how it's so stressful."

I feel like I do have to mention how ridiculously untrue this statement rings to me. Anecdotal etc. etc. but basically everyone I know who has periods just kind of deals with it more or less silently. Which is I guess an issue in itself. Glad these dudes are exposed to such open discussion I guess?
posted by suddenly, and without warning, at 12:24 PM on July 18, 2017 [12 favorites]

Three days of bleeding.... well, it's a start. More like 4 or 5 days would be better, preferably with some simulacrum of cramps etc., but I guess this is better than nothing.

(And did these guys get to stay home for those three days, or did they have to carry out their full normal daily routines all the while?)
posted by easily confused at 12:26 PM on July 18, 2017

Not everyone gets the logistics sorted out that easily.

You are right! People are different. I think I fell for absence of evidence as evidence of absence--I very, very rarely hear anybody talk about those challenges so I guess I assumed they don't have them. My bad.
posted by epanalepsis at 12:31 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

As others pointed out above, the bleeding is often the least annoying part of a period to deal with. For me, it's more the all-encompassing rage, followed mere hours later by crushing depression and despair, rinse and repeat, for the few days preceding the blood. The bleeding is actually a welcome relief, as it's a sign that finally the violent mood swings are on their way out.
posted by aiglet at 12:33 PM on July 18, 2017 [20 favorites]

Pads are obviously way more feasible for this experiment, but I'd love to see the tampon version - less diapery discomfort but it really ups the stakes on the "when will blood randomly flood out of my vagina" guessing game.

Must include the bonus minigame of "better remember to change it at least once every 6 (?) hours no matter what (sleep? all-day hiking trip? ADHD? too bad, figure something out) or most likely nothing will happen but there's a tiny chance you'll DIE HORRIBLY." Endless thrills!
posted by randomnity at 12:37 PM on July 18, 2017 [18 favorites]

True fact: I went off birth control last year for the first time since my 20s, and it's like I was 13 all over again. What is all this BLOOD and WHERE DOES IT COME FROM???

But yeah, after that first month it was pretty much NBD. It's still way more annoying than not, though.
posted by muddgirl at 12:37 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

Unfortunately, the logistics change over time! Just about every aspect of my period has changed at least once since I started menstruating. Changes in heaviness of flow can completely alter the calculation of whether tampons are even a feasible option, for instance.
posted by praemunire at 12:46 PM on July 18, 2017 [12 favorites]

"People who experience [periods], they always seem like super stressed about it, and just like it's the end of the world. I want to understand more, why or how it's so stressful."

I feel like I do have to mention how ridiculously untrue this statement rings to me. Anecdotal etc. etc. but basically everyone I know who has periods just kind of deals with it more or less silently. Which is I guess an issue in itself. Glad these dudes are exposed to such open discussion I guess?

Yeah, but he doesn't remember that part. He may intellectually understand that people go through this every month, and he doesn't hear about it for days at a time each month from everyone in his life who menstruates, but that doesn't get imprinted on him like the occasional person who seems super stressed about it.
posted by Etrigan at 12:53 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

sometimes I'm surprised by the date I start and I'm unprepared in that I forgot to load up my tampon bag after my last period and I'm at work with no way to get products unless I have two quarters for the feminine hygiene dispenser (and if I likely don't have tampons, how likely is it that I have quarters?). And some women have ADHD or lack the executive functioning necessary to properly plan for their periods.

I have this problem too and let me tell you, it was such a delight to walk into the restrooms at work for the first time and see a big supply of free pads and tampons. I emailed the office manager to thank them and to ask they be put in the men's room as well if they weren't already. The response? "No, they're not in the men's, and when the ones in the ladies run out we won't be replacing them." This from a tech company that bought lunch for every employee every day and had an endless supply of peanut butter stuffed pretzels.

I don't work there anymore.
posted by galaxy rise at 12:53 PM on July 18, 2017 [36 favorites]

While I like this video, I feel that it is once again a bunch of guys showing more guys that, yes, what women say about periods is actually true. I really wish that these videos were not necessary. If we just believed women when they told us about the pain, messiness and general difficulties with periods, we'd be all set.

It's taken me some time to drum this into my head, but when a woman talks about or complains about something I have no knowledge of or don't experience, I believe her. It took me a while to really get this. (Metafilter definitely helped along the way.) So until men are actually taught to believe women, I guess these videos are necessary.
posted by Hactar at 1:02 PM on July 18, 2017 [59 favorites]

No, they don't simulate the bloating, cramps, mood changes, and at the end of the video the men talk about how they realized they were only approximating one tiny sliver of what real menstruation is like.

And as someone with excruciating cramps, I'd have loved for them to be able to simulate at least the pain aspect (I do know not everyone has terrible cramps like mine though).

Still, I did like that they started to see how much extra planning and thought and just inconvenience goes into managing even a moderate but unpredictable flow. At one point, one of the men mentions to his girlfriend that his pad overflowed and he had blood all over his thighs and he asks, "Have you ever had that?" And she laughs very tolerantly and tells him of course she has had that happen.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:03 PM on July 18, 2017 [14 favorites]

At the risk of centering this discussion of period-having on men, this post definitely reminded me of this story, covered previously about Indian inventor and all around good guy Arunachalam Muruganantham who used himself in some early research in his quest to improve access to menstruation products in India.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 1:03 PM on July 18, 2017 [5 favorites]

(I should add that the believing women thing seems to be much less of a problem with the trans men I've met. My above comment is about cis men, who I wish our culture taught to believe women instead of belittling them.)
posted by Hactar at 1:04 PM on July 18, 2017

(I'm mentally replacing all otherwise unadorned instances of "man" with "cis man", and similar.)
posted by XtinaS at 1:13 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

exclaim "oh shit, blood!" from bathroom stalls every 4 weeks.

I do this because I'm 3 years older than my mom was when she went through menopause and apparently there's correlation with the daughter's age.
posted by bendy at 1:15 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

I think what they are experiencing is like what young adolescents experience--with all the mess and fuss and acute embarrassment potential--and less like what older people who have been menstruating for a while tend to go through.

Hah that was my thought exactly; watching this was like "oh wow, now I remember being 11."

I didn't have any clear period symptoms other than bleeding until I was probably 17 or 18? so the logistics of not bleeding everywhere were definitely at the forefront of my mind for a long time. So while yes, incomplete, it seems like a pretty good simulation of some percentage of experiences.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:16 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

ooh ooh ooh can we campaign to have this in high schools instead of that "take care of some egg for a week" thing??
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:17 PM on July 18, 2017 [53 favorites]

I think stuff like this is great for us cis men. Indeed, one eye-opening experience I had was just playing a female character in World of Warcraft for about a year, (on a lark, just liked how the character looked at the time). I got hit on in weird, creepy ways. Heard inappropriate comments. It helped me get a feel for how pervasive that stuff was, no matter how innocent an activity.

Anything that helps us experience the world the way women have to is a help, IMO. I want the culture to change so that we're raised to believe women, (I had a single mom, so I personally had a lot more of that than most), but I think the way that culture moves is by encouraging more of us to experience this sort of thing firsthand so more men pass it down to boys, and so on. Like, I think this is one mechanism that could help move the window overall.

On that note, I was most impressed with the labor simulator that Crystalinne linked myself. (I think pain should definitely be a part of the experience, and would be willing to sign up for it if it were workable locally just to dare other guys to do so.)

ooh ooh ooh can we campaign to have this in high schools instead of that "take care of some egg for a week" thing??

That would be so awesome.
posted by mordax at 1:34 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

ooh ooh ooh can we campaign to have this in high schools instead of that "take care of some egg for a week" thing??

I read somewhere (might have been a joke) that another option is that guys have to sign up as girls on a dating app and read every message they get.

That said, I want the "labor simulator" so I can get the setting right and show my damn doctor my "white flashes in front of my eyes" cycling pain caused by the semi functioning bits I have left ...
posted by tilde at 1:43 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

I feel that it is once again a bunch of guys showing more guys that, yes, what women say about periods is actually true

I mean, yes, this is true when it comes to listening, but also (as with ye olde boiling the frog metaphor) people who are suddenly plunged into something (if that thing is lifelong or slow-developing for others) can have a different, and differently perceptive, perspective on what is "unusual" about it - plus they may be able to articulate it in new ways having experienced both states. One of my favorite examples of this is this study done on trans men's experiences at work that highlights all kinds of things about how treatment at work is gendered in ways that are probably eye-opening to many average people including cis women. Many of the men interviewed talked about how they didn't even notice or believe the gendered inequity in certain things until they transitioned at work - and nobody can argue that they were blinded because of their privilege.
posted by R a c h e l at 1:59 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

> "People who experience [periods], they always seem like super stressed about it, and just like it's the end of the world. I want to understand more, why or how it's so stressful."

This quote makes it sound (to my ear) like he feels like having your period is stressful because it's a crisis. And sure, for some women, there is absolutely acute stress because they are literally in severe pain and bleeding very heavily. But whether your periods are particularly terrible or not, there's the chronic, dull stress of the grind to which we're accustomed. It's tiresome that on top of all of the ordinary slings and arrows and emotional labor and everything else, there one more goddamn thing to deal with every 28ish days.
posted by desuetude at 2:06 PM on July 18, 2017 [12 favorites]

The video VERY accurately expressed what I deal with in peri-menopause. Major flooding can happen any time.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 2:16 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

On that note, I was most impressed with the labor simulator that Crystalinne linked myself. (I think pain should definitely be a part of the experience, and would be willing to sign up for it if it were workable locally just to dare other guys to do so.)

I had a kidney stone a few years back and the doctor who treated me said basically, this is about as close as guys come to understanding childbirth. But then, he was a dude and I am a dude so I'm not sure that either one of us can know that for sure.

I could probably be guilted/peer pressured into a labor simulator, but just going from my experience with the kidney stone... well. I wouldn't be first in line.
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape at 2:23 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I had a kidney stone a few years back and the doctor who treated me said basically, this is about as close as guys come to understanding childbirth. But then, he was a dude and I am a dude so I'm not sure that either one of us can know that for sure.

When I had my first kidney stone, every woman I know who has given birth AND has had a kidney stone told me that the kidney stone was infinitely worse.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 2:58 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

They should've also had to eat a whole bag of sugar-free gummi bears, so they'd get the intestinal distress, nausea, and period-poops at the same time.
posted by lovecrafty at 3:00 PM on July 18, 2017 [55 favorites]

When I had my first kidney stone, every woman I know who has given birth AND has had a kidney stone told me that the kidney stone was infinitely worse

My kidney stone is the only time I've ever thrown up from pain, so I was using it as a comparator for someone's intense period cramps just today!
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 4:27 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

There's Is that normal wetness or am I having a random period? and Ohhhhh, so this is a month in which I will bleed *copiously*, great. and, always, 2 tampons and a super pad, sure, let's go dancing. and, best of all My tampon string is stuck in the elastic of my panties. It got sooooo much better after I had a baby, makes sense, women didn't evolve having long times without pregnancy. But women now typically have 0 to 2 kids and start much later. Periods are a drag. Yeah, if men had periods, there would be free tampons and pads and white pants would be illegal.

Menopause and no periods, hell yes.
posted by theora55 at 4:30 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

Bulgaroktonos, I have had period pain and cramps that made me throw up. More than once. Worst pain was something else, but, I so don't miss them. Sorry to hear about the kidney stones.
posted by theora55 at 4:33 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh yeah, the comparator was that my friend was throwing up from pain and that was the only time I could relate to the level of pain at all.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 4:37 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

Perhaps interesting counterpoint: The only person whose vagina I have known intimately *cough* was on the Pill when I met her. While she related how messy and unpredictable her periods were before she got on the Pill, she LOVED being on the Pill almost more for how it regulated and minimized her periods than for the no-kids thing. After almost 35 years together I can count the number of times I have been aware that she was on her period on my fingers.

On the other hand I am pretty constantly aware that she is going through menopause now. Waking up a few times to find the home thermostat set at 40 degrees F was one of the first clues.
posted by Bringer Tom at 4:53 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

The video VERY accurately expressed what I deal with in peri-menopause. Major flooding can happen any time.

OMG yes, and nobody warns you about it, it just starts happening. So I thought it was kind of normal, and it wasn't until it started up again a few years later that I was told flooding was also a symptom of endometrial hyperplasia, and I had to have a biopsy and meet with the oncologists, and and and... argh. Anyway, the point being, yes, flooding, argh.
posted by suelac at 4:55 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

...or are competent at managing nearly every other complex aspect of their life but still exclaim "oh shit, blood!" from bathroom stalls every 4 weeks.

I have an app on my phone that tells me when it's coming (and the app is scarily good, I'm not quite sure how, since I'm on like a 35 - 38 day cycle, but Clue is on it) and this is still me every. goddamn. month. And I'm not even using this equipment. I have tampons stashed EVERYWHERE and menopause cannot come fast enough.
posted by joycehealy at 5:15 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

I had kidney stones while pregnant. Labor was worse.
posted by annathea at 5:30 PM on July 18, 2017 [3 favorites]

I dream of womenopause. Evidently smoking and drinking keeps it from coming. I have peri and there are literally days like JETS SLOUGH SLOUGH SLOUGH!!! Props to these guys for trying something and sticking with it.
posted by LuckyMonkey21 at 5:32 PM on July 18, 2017

Estrogen never did me any favors*. Menopause is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like I'm finally turning into a normal person, and it's such a relief.

*But it did give me breast cancer eventually (that whole process was pretty quick and "easy" for me; I got lucky). And in a cool twist of fate, the cancer drug I'll be taking for the next five years controls my hot flashes! Hello, lovely middle age! I've waited my whole life to feel this good. Seriously. Hang in there. If you live through it, it gets better.
posted by heyho at 5:54 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I love this. Yes, it is only one facet of an experience which varies widely from woman to woman, but a lot of it rang true for me. If only they could have simulated the crippling cramps.
posted by torisaur at 6:18 PM on July 18, 2017

In Symbolic Wounds, Bruno Bettelheim argues that bloody and painful male puberty rites across a range of traditional cultures are at their most basic level an expression of male envy of female bodies and bodily functions.

This does seem to play right into that, but lacks a necessary element of pain that might make it into a true rite of passage -- maybe she could add the critical components of a dog's shock collar on an unpredictable timer?
posted by jamjam at 6:21 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

(your comment came while I was dithering about mine, torisaur, and made me decide to hit post).
posted by jamjam at 6:23 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

You are right! People are different. I think I fell for absence of evidence as evidence of absence--I very, very rarely hear anybody talk about those challenges so I guess I assumed they don't have them. My bad.

My first year of college, I lived in a suite with a couple people who did not use tampons. Some were from cultural backgrounds where tampons just aren't a thing and so had been taught that using pads over tampons was a-okay. But there were also people who had basically been led to think they were somehow broken for not using tampons and they were the only people on the planet who didn't. There's a very strong presumption in American culture that a) we don't not talk about periods and b) everyone experiences menstruation more or less the same way (both in terms of management and level of pain/hassle).

I mean, when they taught us about puberty in fifth grade, I was totally left with the impression that people unexpectedly gushed blood for like 30 seconds at random intervals. There was an animation in whatever video they showed us that depicted a sudden, all at once departure of the uterine lining as a liquid. I think they neglected to mention PMS was a thing, too.

(On a quasi-related note, we should probably back off this idea that trans men have magical insight into women's experiences. It does position you to not be blinded by cis male privilege (duh), but trans men are often very lousy reporters of women's experiences. "Listen to trans men about women's experiences" has this nasty habit of being a way of not actually listening to women while invalidating the genders of trans men.)
posted by hoyland at 6:43 PM on July 18, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just to be clear, I can believe someone to the very core of my being, and still not truly understand without direct experience. It's the difference between interviewing a pilot, and flying a plane. Some knowledge just doesn't transfer verbally.
posted by effugas at 6:49 PM on July 18, 2017 [1 favorite]

Speaking from several years post-menopause: oh thank god that's over!

Peri-menopause was in some ways a return to puberty, what with unpredictable flows (almost nothing this month, or will Niagara let loose without warning?), and they ain't kidding about those damn hot flashes (or cold flashes, for that matter), but the thing that gets you through is the knowledge that the end is indeed coming. You can't say exactly when that'll be, but you can hug to yourself the comfort that yes, this whole decades-long rollercoaster is almost over. It's wonderful!
posted by easily confused at 7:21 PM on July 18, 2017 [7 favorites]

No, I still bleed on things, and I am in my mid-thirties and I started this when I was 10. The mysterious 'second puberty' of my thirties has been brutal, with no medical rationale behind 'it happens to some women'.My husband intimately knows when I am suffering The Blooding as my daughter named it, because I am somewhere between immobile with pain and violently exhausted for a week.

Then I get a migraine.

And I cannot take many common painkillers for it now, because my stomach lining has disappeared and I simply replace 'agonising cramps' with 'painful cramps and a horrible stomach ache with no appetite' (but if I don't eat, my migraine will include vomiting).

A bit of bleeding on a regular basis would be much more manageable and much less irritating. I manage it because what is the other option, death? Leaving clots in my bed? Of course I manage it. But I have given up soft-speaking it, and my friends who I am visiting in a few weeks are prepped for either The Blooding or the migraine, depends on how short my cycle is this month. Even though they are men who have hardly had any experience, they're prepared but only because I refuse to stay quiet through the conversations pretending menstruation doesn't exist.
posted by geek anachronism at 8:21 PM on July 18, 2017 [12 favorites]

So many humiliations drenched in blood. As well as the pain of cramps, the agony of the "accident" can torment you— the terror that is the unexpected period.

Can you imagine the desperate shame of being 10 years old, on vacation, and waking up in your Great Aunt's fancy guest bed with the whitest of white sheet, being completely awash in in pool of blood that has soaked your pajamas, the sheets, the mattress pad, and the mattress itself. OMG how do you get the stain out of all those heavy items without anyone finding out what a disgusting, foul smelling stain you've made?

Well. I'm 64 years old and haven't bled in a decade, but my face still gets hot and tears come to my eyes when I remember the furtive hours of scrubbing blood out of many layers of fabric and still having to face my Great Aunt and admit I'd permanently stained her mattress.

Wearing a "blood" emitting contraption will never communication the scalding shame experienced by millions of girls and women.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:18 PM on July 18, 2017 [24 favorites]

> They should've also had to eat a whole bag of sugar-free gummi bears, so they'd get the intestinal distress, nausea, and period-poops at the same time.

Oooh, that is brilliant. It's a pretty close approximation. Sometimes your body handles it pretty okay! Sometimes it's...just...bad.
posted by desuetude at 10:37 PM on July 18, 2017 [8 favorites]

True, but this is as close as they can get, and the guys were getting it. Between this and the Tic-Tac pills video, it gives me some hope for half of the human race.

I nth that there should be Female Month or something for all guys in high school. Combine the Tic-Tac pills with the period machine (for a whole seven long days, guys), and if they miss one pill, they get an Empathy Belly and start the Baby Think It Over unit ahead of everyone else.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:41 PM on July 18, 2017 [4 favorites]

I don't know...I think if a guy is willing to do this, he's probably already pretty aware and could get the gist of the experience simply by listening to what women have to say. (Also seconding those who say this is a weak simulation of the real-life event.)

I'd rather see (some) men have the opportunity to experience what it's like to be a woman living with someone whose notions of the division of household chores mirrors what his dad thought back in the 1950s; who asks where things are (scissors, tape, whatever) even though you both moved into the place on the same day; continues to refer to adult women as "girls" even though you've told him it annoys the living fuck of you,...[insert your pet peeve here].
posted by she's not there at 11:25 PM on July 18, 2017

Aww I almost feel a bit bad for them that they couldn't use tampons
posted by mantecol at 12:14 AM on July 19, 2017

I'd also like to know about the scent of their "blood." Did it have any? Was it unpleasant? To me that smell is up there with the worst things about dealing with periods. I assume I'm not alone in this.
posted by mantecol at 12:20 AM on July 19, 2017 [6 favorites]

The first and almost certainly only time I'm going to reproduce a YouTube comment on Metafilter, but:

bleeding is just part of it, don't forget big bowel movements, extreme cramping, lower back pain, migraines, cravings, nausea, emotional waves, irritability and you feel so fatigued, and bloating and just not wanting to move, all you want to do is overdose on Excedrin, ibuprofen, wear a heating pad, wear a freaking towel underneath you curl up in the couch watching Nicholas sparks movies and cry yourself to sleep, oh! also you are either EXTREMELY horny Or if your boyfriend even speaks about doing you or so much tries to touch you with one of his moves you are doubtlessly going to smack him upside the head! THAT is what a period feels like not just blood gushing from you

via "michelle kearsey"
posted by iffthen at 1:57 AM on July 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

THAT is what a period feels like not just blood gushing from you

This is what this commenter's periods are like - but experiences are very different for everyone.

I think the reason generalizing bothers me is because how often the existence of periods is used to support the belief in female weakness. Oh, women - a quarter of the time they're hormonal, emotional wrecks and in pain, and so we should take care of them and not expect them to do the work a man does. (Of course this is hypocritical, because the same people are happy as long as the work is female-coded.)

Is there a a way to discuss how difficult periods are for some women and how we should be more understanding/accommodating in a way that's not so easily co-opted? I don't know, but I think not generalizing might help.

It also bothers me because the idea that it's normal to suffer tremendously prevents women from getting help with their symptoms.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:19 AM on July 19, 2017 [6 favorites]

Another kidney stones while pregnant person speaking up. Labor was worse, and a ruptured ovarian cyst (had two of those before getting pregnant) was a close second. Kidney stones were bad, but not "I am crying with relief after getting Dilaudid" bad.
posted by jeanmari at 9:14 AM on July 19, 2017 [2 favorites]

It also bothers me because the idea that it's normal to suffer tremendously prevents women from getting help with their symptoms.

Oh my yes! When I was in my late teens and early 20s, my period pain became so terrible that I missed a few day or two of work/class each month, and spent that day shivering, curled up in my room, between bouts of vomiting or diarrhea. I had no idea this was uncommon or treatable because the information about periods seemed to indicate that 1) we mostly shouldn't talk about it at all, shameful blood, and 2) it was a woman's painful cross to bear.

I never saw a doctor about it and my gynecologists never asked me simple questions about my level of pain or suffering, although of course I had to answer lots of questions about sexual activity. I independently decided to go on hormonal birth control and found, as a side effect, that my period was now a little inconvenient, rather than a painful blur of blood, shit, and vomit.

*Then* much later, I went on one of those three-months without a period pills in an attempt to reduce my cycle related migraines and my period pretty much vanished entirely and I was so fucking happy! The nurse and doc made concern-face at me during a lot of my 40s when I couldn't tell them the date of my last period but I was pretty adamant that I liked my hormone levels just where they were.

Because of so many years of habit, and just in case someone around me needs one, I still carry pads and tampons, but not having a period for most of this decade of my 40s has been such a relief from one more fucking thing to worry about.
posted by Squeak Attack at 9:49 AM on July 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

+1 Perimenapause! For 3 years now, I have periods for months at a time, could start any time, could be any intensity, and could mean I immediately start hemorrhaging enough to need to go to the ER. I would kill for my "normal" period.
posted by greermahoney at 9:55 AM on July 19, 2017

I never saw a doctor about it and my gynecologists never asked me simple questions about my level of pain or suffering, although of course I had to answer lots of questions about sexual activity.

You know, it just occurred to me how nuts this is. Shouldn't it be routine to ask, especially for girls who are just beginning their period?

I had chronic migraines as a teenager and doctors tried to see if there was a correlation with my period, but as far as the symptoms go - not much concern showed there. I probably learned more about what's normal from MeFi than I did from my doctors. And that's just messed up, especially for someone who's seen as many doctors as I have.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 11:56 AM on July 19, 2017 [4 favorites]

My 17-year-old recently started seeing a new pediatrician. One of the doctor's questions was how much/if any pain or other symptoms (she listed them out) my daughter experiences during her periods. Her old pediatrician asked her the same questions when she first started her period, too.

I don't know if we just got really lucky, but it's not because they're both doctors who are women; her old pediatrician is a man. My GYN regularly asks me about co-morbid symptoms with my periods, and my answers are why I'll be undergoing a uterine ablation soon.
posted by cooker girl at 12:33 PM on July 19, 2017 [1 favorite]

Made me think of Lucille Clifton's poem, wishes for sons.
posted by Lossewen at 9:58 PM on July 19, 2017 [2 favorites]