The picture that Britney doesn't want you to see.
May 2, 2002 9:55 AM   Subscribe

The picture that Britney doesn't want you to see.
posted by neilkod (62 comments total)

 
Oh my God! You mean she isn't a perfectly engineered dancing babe-droid??!?! She might actually be... dare I say... a PERSON?
posted by McBain at 10:01 AM on May 2, 2002


haha. that rules. im gonna go light up.
posted by Satapher at 10:02 AM on May 2, 2002


Smoking and drinking isn't what Christ wanted. It is disobedient," [the Rev. David] Kelly told Heat magazine

He's suprisingly silent on the subject of shaking your ass in front of thousands while half-undressed.
posted by yerfatma at 10:02 AM on May 2, 2002


HOLY SMOKE !
then...what McBain said/stole from me.
posted by XiBe at 10:04 AM on May 2, 2002


"I don't believe in drugs or even smoking. I believe in God,"

Don't know about drugs & smoking but I believe in that rump. Whooeeee!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:06 AM on May 2, 2002


Thanks. One thing the web doesn't have yet is enough pictures of Britney Spears.
posted by HTuttle at 10:12 AM on May 2, 2002


What a drag. Britney can't relax with a smoke after a leisurely morning of booze and sex without a paparazzo cartching sight of her.
posted by Holden at 10:18 AM on May 2, 2002


i think she's pretty.
posted by jpoulos at 10:19 AM on May 2, 2002


Britney saying she doesn't smoke/drink/have sex is the same as Ozzy claiming to be satanic (years ago, I mean...) It's part of the theatrics of her job and bears no relation to the real person. She, like all rock stars and other entertainers, portrays an image for the purpose of parting suckers from their money in exchange for the priveledge of worshipping her. The 'revelation' of this article should come as no surprise to anyone with even a particle of intelligence.

BTW, didn't Christ drink some wine in his day...or am I mistaken?
posted by plaino at 10:21 AM on May 2, 2002


Apparently she's been seen smoking before but never photographed.

You know, this is one more thing she and I have in common. All I need are washboard abs and a Rollingstone layout and we are a match made in heaven.
posted by remlapm at 10:26 AM on May 2, 2002


"She is such a well-known person that we want her to continue being a good example of what it is to be a Baptist."

But she IS being a perfect example of what it is to be a Southern Baptist!! She's a f**king lying hypocrite!
posted by nofundy at 10:34 AM on May 2, 2002


[this is good]
posted by moz at 10:37 AM on May 2, 2002


But she IS being a perfect example of what it is to be a Southern Baptist!! She's a f**king lying hypocrite!

Wow nofundy...that was pretty harsh. I think I call 2 min. for Snarky ; )
I'm not that big of a fan, but like McBain said, at least she isn't a robot after all. She could be real...right?
posted by plemeljr at 10:39 AM on May 2, 2002


Quoteth Spears "Girls will probably be like, 'Ew, she's a goody two shoes,' but my opinion is that it's like kind of, I dunno, kind of trashy'", World Entertainment News Network, Jun. 19, '01

But y'know the shimmying on stage with a snake, or in a flesh-colored unitard is totally respectable.

Actaully Im of the same vein as Plaino... it's all an act - these people are there to entertain.. what she does in her private life is her own business... and frankly, if she smokes and is trying to hide it from her fans to help deter them from starting up, then actually, Im pretty impressed. Heck this is the first pic out? If she has been smoking for any length of time, it's a pretty good feat to hide it for so long...

nH
posted by niteHawk at 10:40 AM on May 2, 2002


BTW, didn't Christ drink some wine in his day...or am I mistaken?

Yeah, Jesus enjoyed the occasional glass of wine, and transmorgrifying the occasional glass of water into the occasional glass of wine, and referring to the occasional glass of wine as his own blood....

Where the hell does the Baptist argument against drinking come from anyway? Faced with the opportunity to have another drink, I know I always ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" And then I have another drink.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:42 AM on May 2, 2002


Owillis is going to be mad. I'd abandon the arena, if I were any of you guys. Before it turns nasty.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:45 AM on May 2, 2002


I know I always ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" And then I have another drink.

Thats what I told the cops when they busted me with the prostitute.
posted by plemeljr at 10:45 AM on May 2, 2002


Well that does it... I guess I have to start smoking now.

Damn.
posted by spilon at 10:46 AM on May 2, 2002


That answers the other burning Britney question, y'know. In my junior high days, you "had to poke to smoke".
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:50 AM on May 2, 2002


where's owillis on this one?
posted by drezdn at 10:56 AM on May 2, 2002


Our entire western society is built on hypocrisy and "do as I say, not as I do". This is no surprise. Next, we'll pretend to be shocked that our presidents have extramarital affairs and have tried drugs. Woo.
posted by hurkle at 10:59 AM on May 2, 2002


where's owillis on this one?

Sobbing quietly in the corner, no doubt.
posted by plemeljr at 11:00 AM on May 2, 2002


i wish she'd get caught taking bong hits and going down on her backup singers. It seems that the majority of people posting here excuse her hypocrisy because everyone knows that the "real" Britney cannot be as pure and good and christian as the "public persona" Britney.

That's crap. For better or worse, she is a role model to millions of fans. To say one thing and do another. "Do as I say, not as I do" - that makes sense to who here? What's the rationale? I simply do not understand how her behavior is excusable. The hypocrisy, not the smoking. I don't think anyone really cares about the smoking, except her pastor I guess.
posted by chris0495 at 11:01 AM on May 2, 2002


well, at least she doesn't have to worry about ruining her voice.
posted by witchstone at 11:02 AM on May 2, 2002


[this is good].

Also, neilkod gets my vote for most enticing post title ever.
posted by adampsyche at 11:07 AM on May 2, 2002


Smoking and drinking isn't what Christ wanted.

Yep. Says so right there in the New Testament ... um, "Thou shalt not smoke." (I forget the chapter and verse.) And in case you were wondering, Jesus never turned water into wine at that wedding. It was Welch's Grape Juice. And don't you forget it.
posted by chuq at 11:07 AM on May 2, 2002


Look...here's the deal:

After Brit and I finished, I asked her if she smoked after sex. She told me that she never looked. We both had a laugh and then she bummed one from me.

It's not such a huge deal. Can't you vultures just leave us alone?
posted by ColdChef at 11:16 AM on May 2, 2002


If I only had a brain.

posted by quirked at 11:22 AM on May 2, 2002


well, from what ive heard in lame argument, the reason christ drank wine was that back in those days water was so dirty and unhealthy you had to drink wine to drink, well, water

but whatever. jesus is goofy.
posted by Satapher at 11:24 AM on May 2, 2002


You will forever regret your jesting and bantering when owillis gets off the phone with The New York Times. I am here to warn you. I don't even like the girl but, as Oliver says, that's no reason not to show the proper respect.

Quirked: does "leaving the country" mean anything to you?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:31 AM on May 2, 2002


Based on that pic....I must agree...

Yes, she is smokin'.
posted by BarneyFifesBullet at 11:42 AM on May 2, 2002


a better version of the photo.

and this one is supposed to be her smoking as well.
posted by mikhail at 11:44 AM on May 2, 2002


I don't understand where some Protestant denominations get the anti-wine thing, either. Certainly not from Judaism, which, among other things, has a holiday on which you're supposed to get tipsy. Teetotalism is morally questionable in some strains of Jewish thought, in any event (it's a rejection of God's goodness; vegetarianism is problematic for the same reason).

A friend of mine who teaches at a Jesuit university once told me about giving a lecture at a very Calvinist college. When she asked why they were serving grape juice at "sherry hour," they looked at her like she was some sort of heathen. "You mean people drink wine at X?" "Of course they do!" she said, in some exasperation. "The Jesuit residences are swimming in the stuff. They've got kegs of it!" People started moving away rapidly after that.
posted by thomas j wise at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2002


a thread about britney, and no posts by owillis.

a thread about smoking, and no posts by sapphireblue.

what's next, a sex thread without miguel?
posted by lescour at 11:49 AM on May 2, 2002


Just goes to show, you can take the girl out of the trailer park...

Also, re: Jesus turning water into wine. I figured this gimmick was what set him apart from all the other would-be Messiahs of the day, and there were many. I mean, what a sales pitch!

I bet he got sick of people asking for that same miracle over and over again, though. He's trying to heal the lame and some joker keeps yelling out "Water into wine! Water into wine!" sort of like "Freebird! Play Freebird!"
posted by Ty Webb at 12:42 PM on May 2, 2002


a thread about britney, and no posts by owillis.

His power is stronger in silence.
posted by thebigpoop at 12:50 PM on May 2, 2002


Why does anyone even care? She's a damn singer, not the second coming of Christ.
posted by SuzySmith at 1:00 PM on May 2, 2002


Christ is dead. Hes never coming back.
posted by Satapher at 1:05 PM on May 2, 2002


Wrong, Satapher. Dead wrong. Jesus is with you always.
posted by Danelope at 1:12 PM on May 2, 2002


So she smokes. Her voice is raspy and gross anyway, we all expected her to smoke. But what is this I see? Is that some cellulite on her thigh? Oh my god! Someone call Richard Simmons!
posted by animoller at 1:25 PM on May 2, 2002


Jesus: Jesus is with you always.

Britney: I will be there.
posted by ColdChef at 1:34 PM on May 2, 2002


She may have a little cellulite on the back of her thigh, but look at that muscle on the front! I have to say that Britney is quite ripped.
posted by arielmeadow at 1:35 PM on May 2, 2002


so we've concluded that britney spears is in fact jesus christ?
posted by Satapher at 1:39 PM on May 2, 2002


Well, that's what I said when I first saw the picture, so maybe so.
posted by yhbc at 1:58 PM on May 2, 2002


If she was, and all that "this is my body..." stuff was going on, I'd be there every Sunday.
posted by mikhail at 2:00 PM on May 2, 2002


Jesus and I love You ColdChef
posted by plemeljr at 2:01 PM on May 2, 2002


Britney fans around the world can no longer fantasize her as the forbidden innocent virgin teenager, but must now see her as the experienced maybe trashy over-18 girl. Now with Pam Anderson hepatitis positive, what is pop-culture going to do?!?! Mandy Moore your country needs you.
posted by skallas at 2:04 PM on May 2, 2002


jesus seems to really be there for that bank teller (whips tesrs HAJHAGSSSAAAAAA
posted by clavdivs at 2:09 PM on May 2, 2002


What I wanna know is - how does a smoker managed to dance for hours every night on a tour? If she were to quit smoking, would she suddenly gain 50 lbs?

10 years from now will she have a coughing fit halfway through "Slave 4 U"?
posted by Salmonberry at 2:19 PM on May 2, 2002


*cries*
*looks at picture of Britney*
*realizes cigarette smoke doesn't smell that bad*
*hugs ensue*

.... close curtain
posted by owillis at 2:21 PM on May 2, 2002


Where the hell does the Baptist argument against drinking come from anyway?

Drunkenness is a sin. And it is a sin to be a stumbling-block to your brother. That is, there are alcoholics, and drinking in front of them would be tempting them. Since you don't necessarily know which of your brothers have a problem with alcohol, and in fact you might not even know if you have a problem, you should abstain entirely.

That's the logic I heard growing up in a fundamentalist church, anyway. Not Baptist, but so far as I can tell, the Baptists were different from my church mainly in that they were going to hell and we weren't.
posted by kindall at 2:30 PM on May 2, 2002


I'm here for you, lescour. (And so is owillis!)

There are two smoking-related Rules For Proper Southern Ladies with which I am familiar:

1) Don't walk and smoke at the same time.
2) Always hold your cigarette above waist level.

To summarize, Britney should've just stood up straight and tall and smiled real pretty for that photog. While waving with her cigarette hand. As long as she wasn't wearing the *white* snake-and-thong combo before Memorial Day.
posted by Sapphireblue at 2:31 PM on May 2, 2002


question is, if she saw the photographer, why not just drop the smoke? furthermore, if it was thought that being caught smoking would hurt her career, why smoke outside? furthermore, maybe this is her way of rebelling and moving closer to a bad girl image similar to madonna. futhermore, if she wants to pollute her body and become addicted to nicotine that's her deal. it's too bad though, because smoking is an instant turnoff for me. peace out, yo.
posted by physics at 2:57 PM on May 2, 2002


Am I the only one who thinks that could be damn near anyone's ass? How do we know it's Brit if we can't see her face?

This smells of the Weekly World News.
posted by dogmatic at 3:41 PM on May 2, 2002


wouldnt it have been easier to just flick the cancer stick off the balcony?
posted by sixtwenty3dc at 4:44 PM on May 2, 2002


Then she'd be a litterer too.
posted by dchase at 4:52 PM on May 2, 2002


Am I the only one who thinks that could be damn near anyone's ass?

I can say with near certainty that it isn't mine.
posted by crunchland at 5:24 PM on May 2, 2002


This smells of the Weekly World News.

This smells of teen spirit.
posted by adampsyche at 5:52 PM on May 2, 2002


Most. Misleading. Post Title. Ever.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 6:31 PM on May 2, 2002


This is worse than when Greg Brady's sisters caught him smoking!
Seriously, a lot of men think a woman smoking is sexy--there have been videos of nothing but Women Smoking. Even guys who hate smoking will forgive it, if the woman is desirable enough to said guy (as owillis has 'fessed up, but I'd bet Britney could boost his computer to sell for crack).
(Sharon what'shername in Basic Instinct: "What are you going to do, charge me with smoking?")

About the title of the post (also the story headline): I liked the photo caption better: "CHECK OUT THAT BUTT"
posted by StOne at 9:49 PM on May 2, 2002


Makes you wonder what else she puts in her mouth...
posted by scotty at 3:59 AM on May 3, 2002


Kind of a drag
when Britney don't love you.
Kind of a drag
when you find she's been untrue.
posted by pekar wood at 5:04 AM on May 3, 2002


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