They even have their own ship now
July 27, 2017 8:37 AM Subscribe
It's been a few months since a good EVE Online story. Unfortunately, all we have is this horrible EVE Online story about people who collect, buy, and sell digital space-frozen corpses.
Glad to see that GSV Sleeper Service is still getting work.
posted by mhoye at 8:45 AM on July 27, 2017 [19 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 8:45 AM on July 27, 2017 [19 favorites]
I went straight to "this is something a fucked up Mind would do" too.
posted by Artw at 8:52 AM on July 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Artw at 8:52 AM on July 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
Has there ever been a good Eve Online story?
I mean, I like a bad Eve Online story as much as the next girl who has never actually played Eve Online, but I don't think I've ever read an Eve Online story and thought, "What nice people these are, who play Eve Online, and are so kind and courteous to children and old people."
posted by jacquilynne at 8:53 AM on July 27, 2017 [20 favorites]
I mean, I like a bad Eve Online story as much as the next girl who has never actually played Eve Online, but I don't think I've ever read an Eve Online story and thought, "What nice people these are, who play Eve Online, and are so kind and courteous to children and old people."
posted by jacquilynne at 8:53 AM on July 27, 2017 [20 favorites]
When I used to play, I tried to avoid PVP, but that doesn't mean my character wasn't spaced a time or three. I tried to recover my clone's corpse whenever I could, but one time I found someone had claimed it. I looked on the local markets to see if I could buy it back, nut never saw it.
Which is okay; my character collects the random junk found in EVE, and has a container in her home station marked [Character Name]'s Freezer, which contains nothing but the frozen corpses she's found floating in space.
posted by Gelatin at 8:57 AM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Which is okay; my character collects the random junk found in EVE, and has a container in her home station marked [Character Name]'s Freezer, which contains nothing but the frozen corpses she's found floating in space.
posted by Gelatin at 8:57 AM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Thought it's not totally correct usage I'm slightly sad the're not using the old skool sf term 'corpsicle'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:59 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:59 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
I used to collect heads in Ultima Online. I had 500+ different characters heads by the time I quit playing. I kept them in separate storage depending on if they were my kill or not, and had a special head display room for the memorable ones.
Ahhh, the good ole days.
posted by mayonnaises at 9:02 AM on July 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Ahhh, the good ole days.
posted by mayonnaises at 9:02 AM on July 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I used to collect heads in Ultima Online. I had 500+ different characters heads by the time I quit playing. I kept them in separate storage depending on if they were my kill or not, and had a special head display room for the memorable ones.
You have earned the "...With Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti" achievement.
posted by zombieflanders at 9:04 AM on July 27, 2017 [18 favorites]
You have earned the "...With Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti" achievement.
posted by zombieflanders at 9:04 AM on July 27, 2017 [18 favorites]
Are they stocking up for when ancillaries get added to the game?
posted by seansbrain at 9:25 AM on July 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
posted by seansbrain at 9:25 AM on July 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
At the time, Macabre offered 500,000 ISK for a male corpse, and a million for a female, due to the relative rarity of female pilots in the world of EVE
I don't like this word, but this sentence is so icky.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:43 AM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
I don't like this word, but this sentence is so icky.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:43 AM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
I once did the math to figure out how much of the Grand Canyon would be filled if you took everyone on Earth and put them in a giant trash compactor and smooshed them.
Turns out not very much...about a cubic mile.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:43 AM on July 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Turns out not very much...about a cubic mile.
posted by sexyrobot at 9:43 AM on July 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
The Ferengi have only positive things to say about such transactions I'm sure.
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:45 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 9:45 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
Yea, as a EVE player (ping me if you want to join up / play! /shamelesspromotion) the corpse collecting thing is weird, but far from the weirdest thing in EVE.
At the lowest level of things, they're a commodity with no functional use in the game as of now (and ever I think). This doesn't make them unique, there's all manner of trade goods that serve no other purpose than market speculation/collecting/world building. Those range from the rare and valuable but completely pointless to the just odd (such as, I think, glitched modules and ships that date from previous release points and still retain old configurations of modules (not that you can actually undock said ship without it being fixed first)) to the sentimental (Fedo, I'm looking at you).
Corpses, and the subsequent pricing of them differently across the sexes, are just another economic sandbox blip, supply sets the prices w/r/t sexes it seems... at least I hope it isn't demand *shiver*.
I await the day when they have a use, it may never come but I think it'd be cool if they could balance it and prevent abuse somehow, which is hard for a commodity that is somewhat rife for farming (via simple self destruct commands and subsequent collection of one's own corpse a short time later).
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:00 AM on July 27, 2017
At the lowest level of things, they're a commodity with no functional use in the game as of now (and ever I think). This doesn't make them unique, there's all manner of trade goods that serve no other purpose than market speculation/collecting/world building. Those range from the rare and valuable but completely pointless to the just odd (such as, I think, glitched modules and ships that date from previous release points and still retain old configurations of modules (not that you can actually undock said ship without it being fixed first)) to the sentimental (Fedo, I'm looking at you).
Corpses, and the subsequent pricing of them differently across the sexes, are just another economic sandbox blip, supply sets the prices w/r/t sexes it seems... at least I hope it isn't demand *shiver*.
I await the day when they have a use, it may never come but I think it'd be cool if they could balance it and prevent abuse somehow, which is hard for a commodity that is somewhat rife for farming (via simple self destruct commands and subsequent collection of one's own corpse a short time later).
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:00 AM on July 27, 2017
Not an MMORPGer, but to me this is strangely mesmerising.
posted by runcifex at 10:06 AM on July 27, 2017
posted by runcifex at 10:06 AM on July 27, 2017
MetaFilter: means you can stash 100,000 corpses before you run out of room.
posted by Splunge at 10:12 AM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 10:12 AM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I once did the math to figure out how much of the Grand Canyon would be filled if you took everyone on Earth and put them in a giant trash compactor and smooshed them.
Smooshed as in no voids, or smooshed as in juiced?
posted by zippy at 10:17 AM on July 27, 2017
Smooshed as in no voids, or smooshed as in juiced?
posted by zippy at 10:17 AM on July 27, 2017
Also, when someone asks you what math is good for, maybe don't lead with this one.
posted by zippy at 10:18 AM on July 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by zippy at 10:18 AM on July 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Smooshed as in no voids, or smooshed as in juiced?
Like...smooshed, like, into a paste.
posted by sexyrobot at 10:27 AM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Like...smooshed, like, into a paste.
posted by sexyrobot at 10:27 AM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, it's not like this is anything that would ever happen. I mean, like, you'd need a really huge trash compactor...like, big enough to contain not only the entire smooshed volume of humanity, but also beforehand when they're all like, squirming and really upset. (Of course, the ones on the bottom would probably squish down on their own...) And if you wanted to put everyone in it, you'd need some sort of timer or robot to activate it once you got everone inside. It just seems like something that would be really complicated and expensive to build...
posted by sexyrobot at 10:58 AM on July 27, 2017
posted by sexyrobot at 10:58 AM on July 27, 2017
Yeah you could fit way more if juiced by subtracting a substantial amount of incompressible water. Just saying. Plus you'd leave a grand canyon filled with jerky for subsequent hungry civilizations to enjoy.
posted by zippy at 11:02 AM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by zippy at 11:02 AM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Unless of course you went with the assembly-line process and just ran everybody through a 1-person People Compactor(tm) before dumping them in a pit. Hey! It could probably do double duty in the funeral industry: People Compactor! Compact your loved ones after they die!
posted by sexyrobot at 11:03 AM on July 27, 2017
posted by sexyrobot at 11:03 AM on July 27, 2017
"give your loved ones one last squeeze"
posted by zippy at 11:05 AM on July 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by zippy at 11:05 AM on July 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
Plus you'd leave a grand canyon filled with jerky for subsequent hungry civilizations to enjoy.
posted by sexyrobot at 11:07 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by sexyrobot at 11:07 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
One lives in hope that the EVE game designers will eventually raise the zombie apocalypse
posted by mbo at 12:00 PM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by mbo at 12:00 PM on July 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Also, it's not like this is anything that would ever happen.
Well, sure- just as long as we STOP GIVING FUCKING SKYNET IDEAS!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:35 PM on July 27, 2017
Well, sure- just as long as we STOP GIVING FUCKING SKYNET IDEAS!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:35 PM on July 27, 2017
Yea, as a EVE player (ping me if you want to join up / play! /shamelesspromotion) the corpse collecting thing is weird, but far from the weirdest thing in EVE.
I keep waiting for actual in game slavery to happen in a MMO somehow, in some way that compels users to keep logging in.
Then I'm reminded that that's pretty much already a real world thing with cash/item farms mining in a wide variety of games.
posted by loquacious at 2:52 PM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I keep waiting for actual in game slavery to happen in a MMO somehow, in some way that compels users to keep logging in.
Then I'm reminded that that's pretty much already a real world thing with cash/item farms mining in a wide variety of games.
posted by loquacious at 2:52 PM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
at least I hope it isn't demand *shiver*.
I mean the fact that the market for corpses is bifurcated by sex by definition is something on the demand side.
posted by PMdixon at 3:45 PM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I mean the fact that the market for corpses is bifurcated by sex by definition is something on the demand side.
posted by PMdixon at 3:45 PM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Slaves are also a tradeable commodity in Eve Online. They don't have many uses, but I think they function as a special commodity to complete certain missions. They lack the personal trophy nature of named corpses, but people trade them and do creepy role playing things with them.
posted by Nelson at 3:52 PM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Nelson at 3:52 PM on July 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Plus you'd leave a grand canyon filled with jerky for subsequent hungry civilizations to enjoy.
posted by herrdoktor at 8:30 PM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by herrdoktor at 8:30 PM on July 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
> Slaves are also a tradeable commodity in Eve Online.
Not to mention Exotic Dancers in separate female and male varieties.
posted by dendrochronologizer at 5:07 AM on July 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not to mention Exotic Dancers in separate female and male varieties.
posted by dendrochronologizer at 5:07 AM on July 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not to mention Exotic Dancers in separatefemale and male varieties.
Wait, what? And why is the 'Caldari Navy Assembly Plant' buying and selling so many male strippers? Are they buying in bulk and then selling off the ugly ones? Are they trying to have the 'best Fleet Week ever'? Are they attempting to weaponize them somehow? I mean, it's hard enough to keep go-go boys organized enough to be on stage at the right time, I can't imagine trying to get them ready for an actual battle, no matter how many gladiator or policeman costumes they own. I can only assume that they are being deployed defensively, like:
-Captain! We're under attack!
-Release the Himbos!
*cargo bay doors open, spilling 11,785 Chippendales, bumping and grinding, into the vacuum of space, slowly spreading out like ink from a squid*
-And now we make our escape! They'll think twice about messing with us again after scraping all that man-candy off their windshields! Another success for Thong Patrol!
posted by sexyrobot at 10:04 AM on July 28, 2017 [4 favorites]
Wait, what? And why is the 'Caldari Navy Assembly Plant' buying and selling so many male strippers? Are they buying in bulk and then selling off the ugly ones? Are they trying to have the 'best Fleet Week ever'? Are they attempting to weaponize them somehow? I mean, it's hard enough to keep go-go boys organized enough to be on stage at the right time, I can't imagine trying to get them ready for an actual battle, no matter how many gladiator or policeman costumes they own. I can only assume that they are being deployed defensively, like:
-Captain! We're under attack!
-Release the Himbos!
*cargo bay doors open, spilling 11,785 Chippendales, bumping and grinding, into the vacuum of space, slowly spreading out like ink from a squid*
-And now we make our escape! They'll think twice about messing with us again after scraping all that man-candy off their windshields! Another success for Thong Patrol!
posted by sexyrobot at 10:04 AM on July 28, 2017 [4 favorites]
Usually you find just a single Exotic Dancer in someone's inventory, for the lulz. But then there was the time $1B ISK worth of Exotic Dancers got blown up.
That Caldari Navy Assembly Plant is Jita IV, the biggest player-stocked market in the game. Those prices reflect the actual market for that commodity. Note that Exotic Dancers, Female are worth about 30% more than the male version.
posted by Nelson at 10:41 AM on July 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
That Caldari Navy Assembly Plant is Jita IV, the biggest player-stocked market in the game. Those prices reflect the actual market for that commodity. Note that Exotic Dancers, Female are worth about 30% more than the male version.
posted by Nelson at 10:41 AM on July 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
sexyrobot: "I once did the math to figure out how much of the Grand Canyon would be filled if you took everyone on Earth and put them in a giant trash compactor and smooshed them.
Turns out not very much...about a cubic mile."
Could they all stand shoulder to shoulder on Zanzibar?
posted by Chrysostom at 10:32 PM on July 29, 2017
Turns out not very much...about a cubic mile."
Could they all stand shoulder to shoulder on Zanzibar?
posted by Chrysostom at 10:32 PM on July 29, 2017
« Older All surroundings are evolving, in the stream that... | “All the dads here just are queer in some way—and... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
oh eve
posted by poffin boffin at 8:41 AM on July 27, 2017 [5 favorites]