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July 31, 2017 1:41 PM   Subscribe

Have you ever found an egg with two yolks? An avocado without a pit? How about an extra long French fry? If so, congratulations! You're the Winner of The Food Lottery! 🎰 But don't gloat, because for every winner there is a Loser of the Food Lottery. Someday it could be you!
posted by Room 641-A (48 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
I'm weirded out by those abnormally large fruits/vegetables...like the lemon that is the size of a football. Was it grown in the shadow of Chernobyl?

I would be just fine with a pit-free avocado, though. More avocado toast for me!
posted by Elly Vortex at 1:49 PM on July 31


The Egg With No Yolk, is a thing that happens with usually either young or old hens, on either side of the bell curve of peak egg production, but usually are smaller than regular size eggs and don't make it into the supermarket egg market. If you raise hens, you've probably come across a few of these.
posted by jrishel at 1:58 PM on July 31 [4 favorites]


The orange inside an orange is pretty typical for navel oranges, isn't it? That's what the navel is. It looks a bit better developed than usual, maybe.
posted by tavella at 2:07 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


That watermelon on the lottery loser page made me so sad...
posted by telepanda at 2:09 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


A few weeks ago I got a Kit-Kat and in one stick, the wafers were vertical instead of horizontal. I'd post it, but Im not sure if thats a win or loss.
posted by Room 641-A at 2:16 PM on July 31 [2 favorites]


Yes, I have been a loser. I've gotten the short french fry.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 2:21 PM on July 31


I am an urban chicken weirdo (for about 30 years now). A few years back I purchased Black Star chicks. When they grew up they reliably laid double yoke eggs - huge ones, multiple times a week. I also had to have one put to sleep because she kept prolapsing. :(
posted by Tomboy at 2:27 PM on July 31


There is no greater prize than the well-done Cheez-it.

yes, I know you can buy them by the box now but it's just not the same.
posted by bondcliff at 2:35 PM on July 31 [8 favorites]


I have the worst luck with onions. The one inside rotten layer, multiple inner layers of skin, mutated onionceptions.

The best lottery win I ever got was chocolate peanut butter ice cream that had a boulder of that peanut butter ribbon stuff in the middle. I love that stuff.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:36 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


One of the local grocery stores sells packages of double yoke eggs, the kids think it funny. Never thought of hard boiling them.
posted by Marky at 2:36 PM on July 31


That watermelon on the lottery loser page made me so sad...

I got all excited because you can pickle the rind. It's kind of a production and I don't feel that a normal watermelon gives you enough rind to make it worth it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 2:39 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


When I was living in West Africa, for a while my go-to lunch was a rotisserie chicken place around the corner from my work. The chickens tended to be small enough that it wasn't unreasonable to eat a whole one in one sitting. At least that's what I told myself. Anyway, occasionally it would turn out that the chicken I got had been a hen close to laying when it was slaughtered. So I would win the food lottery by having effectively an extra hard-boiled egg with my lunch.
posted by solotoro at 2:49 PM on July 31 [11 favorites]


I am going to dispute that getting twice the "chocolate" on a Kinder Surprise is an fact a win. Ugh.
posted by arha at 2:57 PM on July 31 [4 favorites]


Some of the "wins" are pretty amazing, like the extra item in packaged food or the cookies-and-cream ice cream with an entire unbroken cookie, but some of the produce ones with multiple fruits or vegetables fused together are the food equivalent of Cronenbergian body horror.

On the other hand, a lot of the "losses" had me laughing out loud, especially the loaf of bread sliced the wrong way.
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:02 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


Last week my totally-normal-looking-from-the-outside nectarine was super mouldy in and around the pit :(
posted by quaking fajita at 3:24 PM on July 31


Ok some of the "wins" are definitely creeping me out.
posted by aclevername at 3:30 PM on July 31


I saw a documentary about some of those "win" vegetables when I was a kid.
posted by Guy Smiley at 3:35 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


I have a hen that consistently lays eggs that contain a tiny version of that hen that lays eggs that contain a tiny version of that hen that lays eggs...
posted by munchingzombie at 3:40 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


A month or so ago I cracked an egg open and it was fluorescent green and funky-smelling. I forget what the bacteria wound up being, but it was definitely Food Lottery Loser.
posted by curious nu at 3:47 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


i've had full dozens of eggs all with double yolk because i have the blessing of the Great Hen
posted by poffin boffin at 3:48 PM on July 31 [4 favorites]


These had me sobbing with laughter for some reason.

I've been keeping chickens for a few years now and I feel cheated that we've never gotten a really weird egg. A couple double-yokers, but that's about it. The eldritch horrors that get posted on the local chicken Facebook group from time to time would make your hair curl. Biology is weird.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:08 PM on July 31


I have a hen that consistently lays eggs that contain a tiny version of that hen that lays eggs that contain a tiny version of that hen that lays eggs...

Bought that hen from a Russian, didn't you?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:18 PM on July 31 [8 favorites]


Surely the Loser of the Food Lottery is that guy who got left out in the wilderness and chased down and eaten by hyenas. Not that he did't deserve it.

Or... so I've heard.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:18 PM on July 31


No - the loser of the food lottery was Tessie Hutchinson. The townspeople pelted her with stale rolls until she was really, really sore.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:22 PM on July 31 [11 favorites]


I've had a double yolk egg now and then, but I also had a giant pit, barely any flesh avocado recently and it was extremely disappointing.
posted by misskaz at 4:27 PM on July 31


The SpongeBob popsicle always makes me laugh.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 4:52 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


I love that Spongebob. It's like he gave up and went full Lovecraft.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:59 PM on July 31 [2 favorites]


I once had an entire carton of a dozen eggs (just a random carton of non-fancy Kroger eggs) where every single egg was double-yolked. It was a pretty thrilling week, anticipating if this egg was the one that was going to ruin the perfect run of double-yolks, only to grow more and more excited when it, too, had two yolks.

I've yet to encounter that kind of food magic in the wild again, so apparently I'm only partially blessed by the Great Hen.
posted by paisley sheep at 5:00 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


Me looking at a conjoined strawberry/cherry: omg that looks delicious

Me looking at pretty much any other conjoined fruit: ehcchch, I could not each that without cutting it up first and maybe not even then
posted by 23skidoo at 5:14 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


I had a friend in a similar situation, paisley sheep. A few eggs into the carton, he noticed that they had all been double-yolked. Around egg five or six, he started posting live videos when cracking a new egg. People were tuning in to see if the streak would continue; it was high drama. After a few days, and with eggs ten and eleven, people were worked into a furor, leaving comments and sharing the phenomenon all over. Finally came the video for the final egg, and he was prepared. He gave a speech about the uncertainty of life, waxed poetic about the egg carton as a metaphor thereof, and...

...cracked the last egg down the sink (yolk status unseen). There were nearly riots.
posted by Expecto Cilantro at 5:17 PM on July 31 [11 favorites]


The correct name for the extra long french fry is "The Potentater."
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:55 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


Just a reminder that your abnormal Cheeto could win you cash.
posted by JoeZydeco at 5:56 PM on July 31


I once found a giant chunk of sour cream & onion flavoring at the bottom of a bag of Chex mix. It was so good, and probably ruined my metabolism for life.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:26 PM on July 31 [2 favorites]


I've mentioned it here before but in the middle of dealing with a serious illness, a freshly crumbling marriage, and a dying pet, ....I cracked open an egg and bright red blood poured out. It was a living nightmare.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:38 PM on July 31 [14 favorites]


My submission - Conjoined Cucumbers
posted by zakur at 7:16 PM on July 31 [3 favorites]


Why would you ever eat a cheeseburger purchased on the streets of Manila?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:45 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


I love that Spongebob. It's like he gave up and went full Lovecraft.
Whooooo... lives in a pineapple under the sea?

CTHULU F'TAGHN!
posted by pykrete jungle at 7:55 PM on July 31 [13 favorites]


Whoa, the truest lottery winner here is the extra bacon guy!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:02 PM on July 31 [2 favorites]


I almost lost my *mind* laughing at these. Thanks!
posted by BaffledWaffle at 8:32 PM on July 31


I went to a harvest festival on a farm in India where they basically cook every living thing on the farm in some kind of curry for the holiday. Now, I'm a meatatarian and I didn't even have a problem eating the goat that my son rode around on the day before, but I am not an internal organ guy. Liver, kidneys, heart...that shit doesn't taste good generally and specifically within an hour of it ceasing to serve its biologic function, it is the furthest thing from appetizing.

So I figure I'm pretty good sticking to the chicken dishes. I mean, what the hell is a gizzard anyway? So I'm digging in with a delicious dosa and there's this weirdly shaped piece, sort of nodular and long, seems strange and I dig in. Every bump turns out to be an unlaid egg effectively hard boiled in this dead chicken's uterus. Everyone is congratulating me on my gastronomical luck and my stomach has just turned completely. I was a total vegetarian for about a year after this.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:52 PM on July 31 [7 favorites]


I looooooove these I couldn't stop narrating.

Also, here's my contribution: a pink orange with a single slice of orange orange.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:00 PM on July 31 [7 favorites]


The wins are sometimes delightful but I laughed much harder at the losses. For some reason I keep going back to the "cauliflower and broccoli" bag that's all cauliflower with one tiny little broccoli. And the "can of black beans" that just had water inside. And the dollar store "ribeye steak".
posted by potrzebie at 10:37 PM on July 31 [1 favorite]


that pink orange ate its orange orange fraternal twin in utero
posted by poffin boffin at 10:38 PM on July 31


Oh my god I cannot stop laughing at the Food Lottery Losers. I don't know why. The ridiculous photos are sometimes enough, but the dry captions really put them over the top.

This one is rather stomach turning--it's a tin of boiled peanuts with a bonus cricket (?) that presumably met its demise in the boiling vat. Gross, but as one commenter points out, "Kind of like when the Pharaoh died and a retinue of his servants, horses and pets were buried along with him along with enough food to get him to the afterlife." Godspeed, Tutankricket.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:09 AM on August 1 [14 favorites]


I'm glad people found these as funny as I did. I didn't expect it to be that great when started looking at them. Here's my vertical Kit-Kat.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:25 AM on August 1 [2 favorites]


I once found a giant chunk of sour cream & onion flavoring at the bottom of a bag of Chex mix. It was so good, and probably ruined my metabolism for life.

Yeah, I once got a bag of BBQ chips that had like 3 chips and one giant lump of congealed BBQ seasoning. Did not occur to me to eat it, but I did complain to Frito-Lay and get a stack of coupons for my trouble.
posted by misskaz at 7:10 AM on August 1


The correct name for the extra long french fry is "The Potentater."

As opposed to "The Commontater."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:23 AM on August 1 [4 favorites]


These are really fun.

I'm surprised that the person who found this didn't order a second to investigate further. Is there no curiosity left in the world?

You can keep the palm-sized, pale pink strawberries, though. Lucky you. Perhaps you can split them with the people excited about fused pairs of cherries. Next week when they buy their second bag of cherries they'll probably need some cheering up.
posted by eotvos at 12:49 PM on August 1


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