The Old Skunk in the Outfield
August 19, 2017 6:38 AM   Subscribe

"A typical stolen base is over within four seconds; a typical single within eight; a typical triple within 12. The most elaborate and disorienting plays might get to 20 seconds. I have found a play that took 26 seconds, and one that took 29 seconds, but I have never seen a play that took longer." The Portsmouth High Patriots, though, once tried a trick play that ran two minutes and thirty two seconds.
posted by Literaryhero (42 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
 
Rhode Island - as weird as advertised.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:00 AM on August 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


If nothing else, reading that gives one a greater appreciation for the term "inside baseball".
posted by yhbc at 7:11 AM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


Yeah, it does kind of go on and on to basically no result. BUT! I am really interested in rules lawyering and find it super interesting that not only did the play take advantage of the weird definition of a basepath, but also that the umpires themselves were knowledgeable enough to not end the play in the face of hijinx. The cherry on top is that the rules apparently still allow this play, which makes me wonder if I could be some kind of baseball savant that obsessively reads the rule books and finds weird ways to exploit these things. Nah...too lazy.
posted by Literaryhero at 7:21 AM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


Oh, and at the risk of being accused of threadsitting, this quote was unceremoniously placed under one of the images:

Portsmouth pitcher Ryan Westmoreland would go on to become a top prospect with the Red Sox, but was forced to retire in 2013 after undergoing two life-threatening surgeries stemming from a cavernous malformation on his brain.
posted by Literaryhero at 7:24 AM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]


At higher levels, a play like that [the phantom pickoff] would never work.
I have seen the hidden-ball trick work in a major-league game, so I think never is an exaggeration.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:25 AM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]


I like the defense of the play. The huddle hidden ball trick should work. Or, just have the pitcher get back on the mound and throw the next pitch.
posted by AugustWest at 7:28 AM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


> which makes me wonder if I could be some kind of baseball savant that obsessively reads the rule books and finds weird ways to exploit these things.

The fact that the name of the team was the Patriots made me think that this was something Bill Belichick would have come up with if he'd been a baseball coach.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:38 AM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


Or, just have the pitcher get back on the mound and throw the next pitch.

Ironically, that might be the best defense - the skunk takes second, but as the article points out, it is having runners on first and third that creates the opportunity for havoc. But I expect just shrugging at it and carrying on with the game might not have had the same emotional rally.
posted by nubs at 8:41 AM on August 19, 2017


"The trick plays book had ways to defend the skunk play. The most ingenious defense is a huddle play, where the pitcher, second baseman and shortstop all huddle near the mound. One of them takes the ball, but the offense can't see which one. Then the shortstop goes toward the runner on third, and the second baseman goes toward the runner in right field. Both runners have to retreat, not knowing whether they're in danger of being tagged out."
posted by storybored at 9:03 AM on August 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Huh. I learned something new about the definition of the base line.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:11 AM on August 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


politics has infected my brain to the point where I thought the first nine words were about republican strategy
posted by Emily's Fist at 9:13 AM on August 19, 2017




But actually it does remind me of the decoy throw in the '91 World Series.
posted by starman at 9:26 AM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


This would be the greatest TOOTBLAN of all time except that no one was called out.
posted by delfin at 9:32 AM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]


So.

The most exciting baseball play of all time consisted of like three minutes of people standing around while nothing happened, and at the end of it everyone just went back to where they originally were.

Skunk in the outfield is not the play that broke baseball. It's the distilled essence of baseball. It's the apotheosis of baseballness.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 10:11 AM on August 19, 2017 [26 favorites]


This reads like something that would inspire Jon Bois to write twenty thousand words on humanity's destiny
posted by Itaxpica at 10:21 AM on August 19, 2017 [15 favorites]


My question is why the outfielders weren't moved in to back up the infielders and increase ball controll.
posted by parm=serial at 10:25 AM on August 19, 2017


"A typical stolen base is over within four seconds; a typical single within eight; a typical triple within 12. The most elaborate and disorienting plays might get to 20 seconds."

And yet the average game is three hours. That's a lot of scratching and spitting.
posted by Bee'sWing at 10:42 AM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


That's a lot of scratching and spitting.

I agree, baseball is a great game.
posted by maxwelton at 10:46 AM on August 19, 2017 [19 favorites]


I don't think I'll ever understand baseball, but that's ok. Apparently no one else does, either.
posted by loquacious at 11:37 AM on August 19, 2017


> My question is why the outfielders weren't moved in to back up the infielders and increase ball control.

If they pulled in all the outfielders the runner on first could have stolen right field with impunity.

I know, I know, you're thinking they could have pulled in center and left and kept the right fielder out to cover... but then the runner could have made an attempt to steal center. The fielding team would be faced with a risky throw to the sprinting right fielder in order to prevent an imaginary run from scoring. And even if this throw were successful, it would still allow the runner at third to steal home with impunity, thereby increasing the real component of his team's score — and in most cases it's the real component that determines whether or not a team wins.

baseball is a complex game.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 11:37 AM on August 19, 2017 [8 favorites]


I mean maybe if the right fielder were incredibly fast and had a rocket for an arm, he could have fielded the throw to center — preventing the imaginary run — then immediately made a laser beam throw back to the catcher to block the real run. But even major leaguers would have serious trouble with that play. A high schooler wouldn't stand a chance.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 11:42 AM on August 19, 2017


Thank you for reminding me how much I hate baseball.

When my kids were little we came into possession of some tickets for the local AAA team. We settled into our seats with their dippin dots, and after a little while my son says "Gawd! This is so boring! When is the game going to start?!"

It was the top of the 3rd.
posted by zakur at 12:46 PM on August 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


I had to read that two or three times to figure out what actually happened, but I have a new appreciation for how complex baseball is. It's one of few sports I actually enjoy watching.

A question though, when in the third gif, Pedrotty is far from the base but almost surrounded by the other team, why wouldn't Bracey have thrown the ball to one of them? Or thrown to the 1st baseman when he was on the base and Pedrotty was out standing in the field (heh). Was that because the baseline couldn't be determined?
posted by bendy at 12:48 PM on August 19, 2017


> Was that because the baseline couldn't be determined?

Well, it's possible to determine the absolute value of the baseline, but not its sign. So they could have tried your strategy, but it's a 50/50 play. A coin toss.

There's an analogy to be made here between the location of the baseline during the skunk in the outfield play and penalty kicks in soccer. Because there's no way to cover both potential locations of the baseline — just like there's no way to cover both sides of the goal — the opposing team would have just had to guess.

There's arguments to be made for both strategies, honestly. Holding onto the ball is a low-risk low-reward play, whereas guessing about the location of the baseline is a high variance, high-risk high-reward play. I'd say that if the fielding team were down by more than just two runs, they should have gone for it, but in the actual situation it's better to play it safe.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:59 PM on August 19, 2017


Yes, yes, I know, I'm leaving out historical materialist strategies that involve determining the location of the baseline by analyzing the behavior of the superstructureline — but again, even MLB players have trouble with dialectical baseball, and so expecting a high school team without preparation to come up with correct praxis on the fly is out of the question.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:05 PM on August 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Thanks You Can't Tip A Buick. Since they couldn't tell whether the runner was heading back to first or onward to second there was no way to figure out who was in the best position to meet him at the base? Isn't tagging someone out a thing, ie. touching them with the ball? If not, then this makes sense I think. And I can also see why it wouldn't make sense to throw to third or home either.
posted by bendy at 1:23 PM on August 19, 2017


okay so I'm going to stop having a fantasia about dialectical analysis of baseball results and give a serious answer.

So the business with the baseline doesn't have anything to do (as far as I can tell) with why they couldn't throw to either base; they couldn't throw to either base because if they tried, the runner at third could break for home. Likewise, this is why they couldn't really just come over to tag him — if they tried, the runner at third would have a shot at stealing home, and that's the only thing that really matters in this situation.

The business with the baseline is only important because the play exploits a mismatch between commonsense conceptions of what the baseline is (the line between two bases) and how the baseline is formally defined in the rules — which is to say, the line between the runner and the base the runner is running to, with the baseline only mattering when someone is attempting to tag the runner out. So because throughout the play no one was trying to tag Pedrotty out, he was free to move in any direction he wanted, without regard for whether or not that direction was toward a base — unless someone comes over with the ball to tag him the concept of "baseline" itself is undefined.

That said, my version of baseball is much more interesting than the version of baseball we're discussing here, since as we know bourgeois baseball is played under rules that structurally benefit the capitalist class and oppress all others, rules that can only be overthrown through revolutionary (rather than reformist) means.

p.s. HOTBOX!
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:31 PM on August 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


the thing I want to know is why the baseline is defined in terms of the location of the player when the fielding team is trying to tag them, rather than in terms of the actual painted lines between bases on the field. Is it just so that players can round corners wide without running the risk of being declared out of the baseline?
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:41 PM on August 19, 2017


Case in point, Byron Buxton's 14 second inside-the-park home run.
posted by Bee'sWing at 2:14 PM on August 19, 2017


A great piece (by Sam Miller of ESPN.com); I'm just sorry it didn't involve an actual skunk. Also, I'm learning a great deal from YCTAB's dialectical analysis!
posted by languagehat at 2:22 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


yeah I'm working on putting together a manifesto for the DABRmetrics movement. (dialectical analysis of baseball results).
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:39 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


I'm partial to Max Webermetrics, myself.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 2:44 PM on August 19, 2017 [4 favorites]


There are no painted lines between first and second, or second and third.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 2:50 PM on August 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


okay so I'm going to stop having a fantasia about dialectical analysis of baseball results and give a serious answer.

George Will is still alive (I had to check, he is) but I don't think we can get him on this short notice.
posted by scalefree at 3:36 PM on August 19, 2017


...Pedrotty is far from the base but almost surrounded by the other team, why wouldn't Bracey have thrown the ball to one of them? Or thrown to the 1st baseman when he was on the base and Pedrotty was out standing in the field ...

Either of those throws would allow the runner on 3rd to go home, which is worse than allowing the wandering Pedrotty to take 2nd. With the pitcher holding the ball by the mound, the runner on 3rd can't safely try for home.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:27 PM on August 19, 2017


The business with the baseline is only important because the play exploits a mismatch between commonsense conceptions of what the baseline is (the line between two bases) and how the baseline is formally defined in the rules — which is to say, the line between the runner and the base the runner is running to, with the baseline only mattering when someone is attempting to tag the runner out. So because throughout the play no one was trying to tag Pedrotty out, he was free to move in any direction he wanted, without regard for whether or not that direction was toward a base — unless someone comes over with the ball to tag him the concept of "baseline" itself is undefined.

This is a great explanation, and reflects why the baseline concept is emphasised in these guidelines for umpires for how to deal with this play. And when this play is pulled off correctly, it is a chaotic and beautiful thing.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 5:43 PM on August 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


Is there a good reason that the baseline is formally defined in such an unintuitive way? If the rules were rewritten to make it match the commonsense conception, would anything break?
posted by painquale at 5:54 PM on August 19, 2017


I can't believe how pissed everyone got!

I mean, yes, young athletes and their parents -- ugh, especially the parents -- get super over-invested in sports. But why so much shouting and umbrage?

Personally I think it's hilarious that this play is even possible, and I love that all the kids who think they are so smart about their sport just go TILT like a pinball machine when something truly novel happens. Delightful!
posted by wenestvedt at 6:01 PM on August 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Long enough to get everybody mad, not long enough for them to get the joke.
posted by bryon at 6:16 PM on August 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


I mean, yes, young athletes and their parents -- ugh, especially the parents -- get super over-invested in sports. But why so much shouting and umbrage?

It's fucking Portsmouth, is why. Every single Thanksgiving my Middletown Islanders get their teeth kicked in by the Portsmouth Patriots on the football field.

Portsmouth is a very well-off suburb of Newport, while also being a Bedroom Community for Providence, Fall River, New Bedford and even Boston. They aren't McMansion rich like North Smithfield, and the vibe is typically "working-class that made it good." Unlike the aformentioned Nawf Smiddy, while there is lacrosse and soccer, they're side-shows. There is Fubball, there is Basketball, there is Wrasslin', there is Track and Field, and in the spring, there is Baseball.

I mean, they're not all-conquering. Middletown wrestling, when I was in Highschool, was the THE program to beat. Super competitive to get into, super competitive on the mat. My new home, Tiverton, usually makes it deep into the playoffs with its Basketball might. But Portsmouth, they're always in the mix. Always there. Lots of money from the community for public schools and sports, gleefully voted for and raised with well attended bake-sales and raffles. I mean, they have a professional paid coach! Our coach in Middletown for any given varsity team was the HS gym teacher with a stipend.

They also have the good luck of naturally gifted athletes being born or raised there.

All that said, if it was Tollgate HS that pulled this play, there would have been a light-the-garbage-barrel-on-fire riot.
posted by Slap*Happy at 3:46 AM on August 20, 2017 [5 favorites]


Agreed on the Tollgate thing. Or Prout.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:38 PM on August 21, 2017 [1 favorite]


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