Thursday Candy Review
September 7, 2017 6:49 PM   Subscribe

 
Wow, so that's what the most annoying sound in the world sounds like when modulated with English words.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:53 PM on September 7 [4 favorites]


My entire family was once stranded one evening at the Floral Clock in Toronto, due to car trouble. Fortunately, my brother had half a gummy rat with him, so we didn't starve to death as we waited for a tow.
posted by merriment at 6:54 PM on September 7 [3 favorites]


I've been a gummi fan since JCPenney had candy counters. These have been around for a long time, I'll say 20 years, though not by Jelly Belly, and they taste bad, are not really gummi (or the right kind), and are too large besides. I can eat a half-pound of gummi bears in one sitting, but this? It's gross, in all senses of the word. There's a reason why the name on the package isn't "Trolli."
posted by rhizome at 7:05 PM on September 7


Fortunately, my brother had half a gummy rat with him, so we didn't starve to death as we waited for a tow.

Hold the darn phone. A "Gummi Rat" is one thing. A gummy rat is another entirely.
posted by duffell at 7:59 PM on September 7 [9 favorites]


I made it ten seconds. Why? Just why?
posted by runcibleshaw at 8:27 PM on September 7 [10 favorites]


no
posted by FritoKAL at 8:30 PM on September 7 [2 favorites]


I made it ten seconds. Why? Just why?

Seconded.

Not only was the voice agonizing, but I was only able to understand about 40% of what they were saying. I mean, really, people, THINK OF THE DAMN HEARING IMPAIRED!
posted by Samizdata at 9:13 PM on September 7


Oh my god, I'd heard this referenced eons ago but had never actually seen the video itself and had no idea it could be this bad. I... don't get it. I really don't.
posted by Sequence at 9:19 PM on September 7


OMG YOU GUYS turn on the closed captions option
posted by ananci at 10:02 PM on September 7 [1 favorite]


what the hell is that voice

why is any of this
posted by louche mustachio at 10:58 PM on September 7


OK, turn the closed captioning on and the audio off.

It won't make more sense, but it.. enhances the experience.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:03 PM on September 7 [2 favorites]


I, too, could only make it for ten seconds. A sampling of the comments:

This video is a sign of the end times.

I'm wearing headphones and every syllable makes me jump.

What is the opposite of subscribing

Mispronounce a word if you're being held hostage.

this is the opposite of asmr

Feel if I showed this to a police officer I would be arrested immediately.

I want these videos played at my funeral while everyone just sits in silence

posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:37 PM on September 7 [7 favorites]


I understood the whole thing and I laughed, I admit it. Then I turned on the closed captions and watched it again and laughed some more.

In very-likely-related news, I have taught middle school for 17 years now and my brain is permanently broken.
posted by charmedimsure at 12:05 AM on September 8 [3 favorites]


For people who can't understand it, the whole text is in the video description. Or you could just not watch. I recommend the latter.
posted by lollusc at 1:11 AM on September 8 [3 favorites]


If I was a middle school teacher I would download this and just start playing it instead of wasting my vocal cords on "alright class, be quiet." It probably wouldn't take too many weeks to get a Pavlovian quieting in class from merely gesturing toward my tablet or laptop.
posted by rhizome at 2:44 AM on September 8 [1 favorite]


This is a parody of some of the many many weird product reviews out there. Usually by a non-english speaker, looking for free swag and, well, you've got to start somewhere, don't you?
posted by Homemade Interossiter at 4:18 AM on September 8


I thought it was pretty funny, but not as funny as Matt Gourley's Ian Fleming character.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 5:28 AM on September 8


This is a parody of some of the many many weird product reviews out there. Usually by a non-english speaker

So it's racist as well as misery inducing?
posted by howfar at 12:20 PM on September 8


So it's racist as well as misery inducing?

Eh, linguist maybe.
posted by rhizome at 1:06 PM on September 8


I don't think that's what's happening here - there's a clear system of vowel sound replacement that's unique to his videos. Still, it's weird as fuck and watching them is an esoteric form of self-harm.
posted by stinkfoot at 5:25 PM on September 8


They're the Captain Beefheart of unboxers.
posted by rhizome at 5:47 PM on September 8 [1 favorite]




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