A little piece of toast
September 12, 2017 9:25 AM   Subscribe

...said Paul Young in 1978, shortly before mislaying his hat. But toast is a food which raises many questions. What is toast? Where did the word come from? What is a cruminal? Are British people strange or normal? What do some Brits accompany their breakfast toast with? What is French toast? And Texas toast? Is the avocado on toast (thanks, Gwyneth) thing over yet? Is marmalade only eaten on toast? Is burnt toast a health risk? Is salad cream on toast nice? Or combining chocolate spread and cheese (police)? Has every conceivable variation of Nutella on toast (and French toast) been explored (so good)? Can toast be safely made in space? Can (or should) a bagel be toasted? Seriously, a jaffa cake filling? And is toast research influenced by Big Butter?

* Posh crab on toast: "Mark Sargeant's tasty crab mix makes a great snack for two or a quick supper for one."
* "Isaac Toast is a toast chain based in South Korea ... the original Isaac Toast registers at a mere $2.55 and the most expensive item comes in under $6."
* Toast Hawaii is a slice of toast with ham and cheese, and a maraschino cherry in the middle of a pineapple. There are many variations.
* Mince on toast: a thing, or not a thing?
* The Cadbury Creme Egg toastie is a nutritious and easy to make meal, with many variations. Alternately, combine with avocado for fusion cuisine. But this is not toast.

Beans on toast is an enduringly British dish which is socially acceptable (perhaps topped) for any meal of the day; for example, Sabrina Ghayour eats it for lunch. As so many tinned beans are consumed in Britain, it's not surprising that making this dish is taught in schools. Often associated with one particular brand of beans, there is constant speculation on whether Her Majesty or other Royalty are eaters. The dish, which can be eaten in numerous ways and is high in fibre, has alleged medicinal properties. Personified in cake.

* The cheese toastie, or grilled cheese sandwich, typically consists of melted cheese oozing between two slices of toast. The time between making the dish, and consuming it without ill effect, can greatly vary.
* Constructing a cheese toastie with Texas Toast can make for a possibly unhealthy snack. A good melting cheese is often recommended.
* In the UK the dish is repeatedly making a comeback, while cheese on toast eaters allegedly enjoy more frequent intimacy.
* Grilled cheese variations include goats cheese, while Welsh Rarebit (or rabbit) is (with variations) cheese, mustard, egg and Worcestershire sauce on toast.
* And in Melbourne, your cheese toastie could be parachuted to you.

Give peas a chance. Peas on toast are a dish in some trendy places. In Dublin: "One of its signature dishes is this peas on toast served with a soft fried egg and black pudding." In San Francisco: "Burrata over smashed English peas on toast with mint and black pepper." In Sydney: "I get all fancy by ordering the smashed peas on toast, topped with pecorino, goat's cheese and pancetta." In Melbourne, in a cafe that allegedly only serves toast, you can eat "Pea puree with bruleed egg". And in a recipe book: "Smoked mackerel is such a supermarket staple these days that we rarely bother dressing it up. Blanched peas, however, give a surprising fruity top-note to the smoky fish."

* A dual toaster and egg poacher.
* In The Guardian, a long toaster is reviewed, as is the inevitable selfie toaster.
* "Once you’ve dialed in your preferences, the app remembers how you like it. Connected Toaster links with other Griffin Home products for seamless integration into your daily routine."
* In this age of convenience, does your toaster have a motorized lift, or can it tell you the weather forecast?
* Curveball: a toaster ... for bacon.

Why go to a cafe and pay someone to make toast for you, when you can go there and toast it yourself (and still pay)? In Tokyo, the popular Centre the Bakery is perhaps not the cheapest option but the toast sampler comes with gourmet butter. In London, the Burnt Toast Cafe has toasters on some tables - as does Brody's Breakfast Bistro in Exeter. Over at Foxy's Restaurant in LA, there are toasters in front of each place at the counter and at the tables, while back in London at Bob Bob Ricard (my eyes) your teacake can be toasted at your table.

* "...the tasty little baltic sprat and parsley mayo on crunchy pumpernickel toast..."
* Chocolate peanut butter with Speculoos sprinkles on toast, or peanut butter with banana and coconut.
* Seaweed, garlic mushrooms and bacon, or chilli con carne with mayo.
* Toast (especially if it's French toast) can also form part of a birthday dish, with healthy options. Or just keep it simple.
* Need extra toast options? Here's a few more ideas.

"It's toast, but buttered with swathes of blue-green algae powder mixed with almond milk cream cheese." Mermaid toast, a visually colorful variation on toast suited for the Instagram age, can be thought of as "toast painting". Typically, cream cheese is used as a base. Some see mermaid toast as an artistic or culinary progression from unicorn toast, which has a similar ingredient list and construction techniques, while others wonder if mermaid toast is healthy (apparently it is).

Previously on MetaToast:
* 2017: Toasting is the essence of toastness
* 2015: Reality is squares of peanut butter toast
* 2014: Toaster oven or panini press?
* 2014: Toasters. Beautiful old toasters
* 2014: Fun variations on fried egg on toast?
* 2014: Toast is therapeutic
* 2009: Streamline my French toast production!
posted by Wordshore (70 comments total) 45 users marked this as a favorite
 
I just finished binging 3 seasons of "Toast of London". Very amusing.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:36 AM on September 12 [5 favorites]


This feels like an appropriate place to discuss something I've often thought about.

I've been told that my spreading butter on toast and then adding salt/pepper is a British thing to do? It's something we've always done in my household. And it is my favourite way to eat toast. Discuss please.

Also, great post. :)
posted by Fizz at 9:39 AM on September 12 [1 favorite]


1. Texas Toast is horrible; bread should not be sliced so thickly. The Texas Toast grilled cheese is an abomination that completely upsets the cheese / bread balance.

2. We eat eggs and toast for dinner about once a week, when we can't be bothered to cook. Trader Joe's sells a chili jam that's fantastic on an egg sandwich.

3. Right after we moved into our new house, I put a corn tortilla into the toaster to make it crispy. Instead it caught fire and shot flames quite high into the air and I panicked and threw the toaster out the back door.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:40 AM on September 12 [12 favorites]


This is relevant to my interests. I love toast so very, very much.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 9:44 AM on September 12 [7 favorites]


Toast is probably one of my immediate go-to comfort foods (as well as drunk food). Marmite, jam, avocado (which I like fine, but I never think to do it mostly), homemade vegan cheese, tinned beans etc. TOAST IS THE BEST
posted by Kitteh at 9:47 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]


Toast is also a key ingredient of the toast sandwich.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 9:50 AM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Instead it caught fire and shot flames quite high into the air Lardy, lardy!

But I had WW Toast with home made apple butter, and crumbled feta, this very AM.
posted by Oyéah at 9:50 AM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Grilled cheese and tomato I could eat every day of my life.
posted by JanetLand at 9:53 AM on September 12 [7 favorites]


Is toast not a very Jewish-American thing? I grew up with bagels and Jewish rye, and we didn't toast either. I think that's why I always loved BLTs when we ate out; it was the toast, just like a road trip breakfast at Denny's. Lightly toasted, with butter. I have very basic toast needs. Add an egg and I'm good for the day.

+1 for Sizzler's cheese toast, except when it would sometime pick up a metallic taste from the sizzle platter.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:56 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]


I blame Tolkein for the fact that I think toast with butter and honey is basically the best. Wheat toast preferably.

(yes, I know it was loaves and butter and honey but dammit I bet Bilbo knew how to toast a mean slice!)
posted by tocts at 9:57 AM on September 12 [4 favorites]


I was so busy thinking of toast I forgot to say great post!
posted by Room 641-A at 10:01 AM on September 12 [2 favorites]


No sugar on toast Wordshore? I guess you have gone upmarket since you started hanging around with all those posh crabs.
posted by biffa at 10:02 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]


I have gotten into the habit of toasting the bread on every sandwich I make (now extending to sandwiches made with buns and rolls). I'm hooked.

And what about the warning/threat "You're toast"??
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:06 AM on September 12 [4 favorites]


Someone needs to make a script to parse worshore's posts, because my link clicking finger is wearing out.
posted by Laotic at 10:07 AM on September 12 [2 favorites]


The church center where I grew up going to summer camp and where my family has recently started gathering for a yearly reunion is known for its toast. Not that it is particularly good, but people have come to expect it.
posted by TedW at 10:14 AM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Great toast, I mean post! Here is a quince marmalade recipe, I have put this up a couple of times, I don't use the oregano, I put chopped pecans and coconut in mine for reasons. I think quince is the original marmalade as its name is marmala. I used my last jar, but quince is ready in the fall, so I will make it again.
posted by Oyéah at 10:20 AM on September 12 [3 favorites]


Grilled cheese variations include goats cheese, while Welsh Rarebit (or rabbit) is (with variations) cheese, mustard, egg and Worcestershire sauce on toast.

I remember the story about the rabbit from Wales with a fondness for toasties. Every so often the bunny would appear in the local caff in Machynlleth, hop up onto the counter, and point a paw at the menu. The owners thought it was adorable, and would accommodate the rabbit's request. Some days he'd point at the plain cheese toastie, and they'd make him a couple of cheese toasties. Other days he'd point at the cheese and tomato toastie, and they'd make him a couple of those. The fame of the rabbit spread - people would come from miles around to see him make his order. However, one fateful day, the rabbit hopped to the counter, placed his order for cheese and tomato toasties, and they discovered that they were nearly out of tomatoes. Not wanting to disappoint the rabbit, the chef made him one cheese and tomato toastie, and one plain cheese toastie. The rabbit wrinkled its nose at this variation from routine, but performed a little bunny shrug and ate the toasties anyway. The assembled crowd let out a collective gasp as the bunny suddenly flopped on his back and expired. Pandemonium ensued. The local vet was summoned from the pet supply and homebrew store down the road, but just as he finished scolding the customers with some nonsense about how rabbits shouldn't subsist on a diet of toasted bread and cheese, a ghostly apparition appeared behind him. It was a spectral rabbit, extending a transparent accusatory paw at the chef. People screamed and fled, leaving only the chef to face this lapine revenant.

What… what do you want from me?

The rabbit's mouth did not move, but a booming voice echoed through the cafe.

ACH-Y-FI! GOOD JOB, BUTTY. YOU'VE KILLED ME, YOU HAVE.

Why, whatever did I do?

MIXIN' MA TOASTIES!
posted by zamboni at 10:43 AM on September 12 [15 favorites]


Pretty sure this post should replace the Toast Marketing Board website.
posted by asperity at 10:50 AM on September 12 [6 favorites]


This thread is not complete without POWDERED TOAST MAN!!! (who is 25 years young today)
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:58 AM on September 12 [7 favorites]


Marvelous post, but I do not understand the strange lack of cinnamon toast, a favorite from my childhood. I don't allow myself to have it much anymore, but every once in a long while...
posted by suelac at 11:03 AM on September 12 [12 favorites]


YEAH TOAST
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:15 AM on September 12 [6 favorites]


Posh crab on toast

I'm surprised "crab on avocado toast" isn't a thing. I'd be down for one of those right now.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:16 AM on September 12 [1 favorite]


How about the shrimp toast from the pupu platter at a cruddy Chinese restaurant? Haven't had or even seen it since I was a kid, but man I loved that stuff.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:04 PM on September 12 [4 favorites]


I love good toast. We went out for brunch this weekend at a place that does not butter the toast. It was an abomination. And the toast was cold. And to make it worse, when we asked for butter we got a glob of refrigerator-hard butter in a dish that was completely unspreadable.

Excellent post.

There is no more perfect toast that that topped generously with salted butter, crunchy peanut butter, and a good-quality old cheddar cheese.
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:05 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


I always tell 'em I like toast.
posted by k5.user at 12:16 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]




Anyways, for the most epic page ever devoted to a single toaster, may I introduce you to the Toast-O-Lator?
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:27 PM on September 12 [4 favorites]


There is no more perfect toast that that topped generously with salted butter, crunchy peanut butter, and a good-quality old cheddar cheese.

At once? Are you insane?
posted by leotrotsky at 12:42 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


Yes. All at once. Try it. It is INSANELY good.
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:43 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


Ctrl-F for SOS: dissapointed.

Shit On a Shingle
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 12:45 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


Anyways, for the most epic page ever devoted to a single toaster, may I introduce you to the Toast-O-Lator?

It's… beautiful.
posted by zamboni at 12:49 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


Among the first of Stouffer's frozen foods my parents served to me were their Creamed Chipped Beef and Welsh Rarebit. I semi-loved them both (but I was a mere child). Recently surprised to see them both still in the freezer case at Vons/Safeway (but in microwaveable bags, not the double-boiler metal trays from my childhood).
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:53 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


re: Shit on a Shingle. My dad made this a few times when I was a kid. I don't rember it looking anywhere near as pretty as Mei's lost sandal's version. It was more of a grey glop with some mystery "meat" over toast. It wasn't awful, as long as you didn't look at it.
posted by doctor_negative at 1:01 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


uncleozzy: Right after we moved into our new house, I put a corn tortilla into the toaster to make it crispy. Instead it caught fire and shot flames quite high into the air and I panicked and threw the toaster out the back door.

How long did you set it to toast? How crumbly was the tortilla? We've recently had fine luck with (lightly) toasting small tortillas to turn them into taco-like shells, but less annoyingly crumbly. And for all our toasting, we've never created flames that shoot up.

But I did muck up one of the two toaster pairs by trying to melt cheese on the bread by turning the toaster on its end, or "pulling a grilled cheese 'hack'". Now the lever won't stay down to toast a normal slice of bread, but you can simply hold down the lever, which is a drag, but works in a pinch. Luckily, we have a four-slice toaster, so one pair of toaster slots still functions as they should.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:10 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


When I studied abroad in England, I was delighted to find people who loved toast as much as I do. Kindred souls!

One day, two of them -- Ed and Gary -- challenged me to a toast race: whoever could toast and eat, slice-by-slice, their own chosen load of bread would win. (Toppings were wide open.) They had no idea.

I chose a loaf of the harshest, healthiest, rocks-and-nuts-and-sticks bread I could find at the corner shop, and a big thing of butter: there was no way I would be accused of short-cuts. Ed brought a jar of Marmite, presumably intending to intimidate me. Gary had margarine and jam, I think; both had white bread.

One of the awful toasters failed partway through: it was like a Nazi's Luger jamming in an old movie. HA HA, I laughed! Ed ate a few slices with Marmite, then pushed it away in revulsion. HA HA, I laughed again!

I powered through the entire damn loaf of bread and most of the butter, and danced down the hallway in victory. (Ed groaned; Gary was silent in his discomfort.) There was no prize besides gloating & sanctimony, but that night I skipped dinner downstairs with the others in favor of a can of beer and felt fantastic.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:13 PM on September 12 [6 favorites]


How long did you set it to toast? How crumbly was the tortilla?

It was a pretty standard refrigerator-case corn tortilla. I'd toasted them like that a few times before with no trouble, so the flames were pretty surprising.

I usually just toast them in the toaster oven or warm them in a pan, but I was trying to speed up the process. It was a bad idea, turns out.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:13 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


...may I introduce you to the Toast-O-Lator?

Any one section of that web page would be a treat, but all together like that it's...almost too much to bear.
posted by wenestvedt at 1:17 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


the toast sandwich is an abomination that befouls both the good name of toast and that of the majestic sandwich
posted by poffin boffin at 1:27 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


I chose a loaf of the harshest, healthiest, rocks-and-nuts-and-sticks bread I could find at the corner shop

...and of the three, you were probably the only one who had a bowel movement for the next week. That much white bread is not your buddy.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:51 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


the toast sandwich is an abomination that befouls both the good name of toast and that of the majestic sandwich

I can't understand anything you're saying with all that bread stuck to the roof of your mouth.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:51 PM on September 12 [4 favorites]


This post is so impressive that I couldn't finish it without stopping to have some toast (with honey and banana). I love toast too.

The mention of the awful toast sandwich reminds me of another horrible toast recipe, though. Toast Water is a drink that was recommended for invalids around the turn of the last century, presumably because tea would be too exciting.
posted by Fuchsoid at 2:10 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Mmm. Cinnamon toast. My sister, who puts three packs of fake sugar in her tea, gives me shit when I make it.

You can get Heinz beans in the blue can here in the US. They are notable for not being 50% corn syrup like baked beans made in the US are. Never had them on toast, but I like them with extra fried onion and tomato, curry powder and some bratwurst.
posted by Bee'sWing at 2:45 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


My three comfort foods are Ramen noodles, toast and peanut butter, and oatmeal with bacon bits and Lowrey's seasoned salt, from those long-gone college days when that was all I could afford.
posted by eclectist at 3:09 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


I keep recommending this in various toast-related threads: Johnnybird's Toast Dope (oh so good). Suggestions from that thread on how to use it:
If I kept track of all the ways I've used Johnnybird's Toast Dope, I would be able to publish a cookbook about the stuff. ...Used it in an orange french toast recipe this morning, and sauteed apples in butter and Toast Dope recently and then put vanilla ice cream on top. Another thing I love when I have a slight sweet tooth late at night is buttered popcorn with Toast Dope on it, and to drink bubbly with it.
I've made it with various citruses and it's always turned out well.
posted by Lexica at 3:29 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


...may I introduce you to the Toast-O-Lator?

Any one section of that web page would be a treat, but all together like that it's...almost too much to bear.


The "Hi Lindy Hoppers!!!" greeting has ensorcelled me.
posted by Iris Gambol at 3:47 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


i was tricked into eating beans on toast almost 20 years ago surrounded by brit expats in spain and i have not been able to stop since, why is it so good
posted by poffin boffin at 4:06 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


My favorite toast is crunchy peanut butter, sriracha and bacon on toasted wheat. Either be amazed at my genius or amazed at my folly. I'm just happy you're amazed.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 4:16 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


The church center where I grew up going to summer camp and where my family has recently started gathering for a yearly reunion is known for its toast. Not that it is particularly good, but people have come to expect it.

TedW! I go to that church center for meetings and I am always puzzled at why that toast is what they want to be known for, to the point of printing up bumper stickers.

I am not a big toast aficionado or anything, but using margarine-slathered diner toast to sop up the remains of sunny side up eggs is a very good thing.
posted by acrasis at 4:35 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


When I was a kid, we had SOS (which was not called that in my house, thankyouverymuch) once or twice a month. Yummy. It wasn't until much later I learned its "real" name. Then, about 18 years ago, we went to Bremerton, WA and toured the USS Turner Joy. Great was my delight to walk by the mess and see "SOS" as one of the menu items.
posted by lhauser at 4:42 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


My memories of intense anticipation and pleasure at eating SOS as a kid are totally out of whack with what it is. I don't know why I liked it so much but it was right up there in the top 5 favorite dinner meals. I think my mom added chopped hard boiled egg. One thing was there was not very much chipped beef in those jars so it seemed like a rare and precious commodity.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 5:26 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


Oh we didn't call it SOS in the house either. It was just chipped beef on toast.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 5:28 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Have you seen the glory that is brick toast ?
posted by emeiji at 6:39 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


Say roast.
Say boast.
Say most.
Say host.

What do you put in a toaster?
posted by obiwanwasabi at 7:04 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


All I know is that if I have toast with some peanut butter on it, and there is a dog near me, that dog will get a little snicky-lick of peanut butter. That's just how I roll.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:14 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


Melba is the saddest toast
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:12 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


A toast - to Melba!
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:21 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


Um I think I just want to move in to that Bob Bob Ricard restaurant and never leave. I'll just live at one of the tables...until the money runs out.
posted by Rufous-headed Towhee heehee at 8:41 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


A toast - to Melba!

Ain't she a peach?
posted by zamboni at 8:55 PM on September 12 [2 favorites]


I got involved with her once, against my butter instincts, and got burnt.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:29 PM on September 12 [3 favorites]


There is no more perfect toast that that topped generously with salted butter, crunchy peanut butter, and a good-quality old cheddar cheese.

At once? Are you insane?


Try the Elsie's Combo at Tommy's in Cleveland Heights.
Three slices of toast loaded with tomato, lettuce, eggs, American cheese, bacon, mayonnaise and fresh-ground peanut butter. “It seemed kind of strange,” says (Tommy) Fello. “But I just made it [by customer request, like nearly all Tommy's sandwiches]. It’s been on the menu for around 32 years now. When people try it, they absolutely love it.”
It's right up there with Lister's fried egg chilli chutney buttie. A world-class sarnie.
 
posted by Herodios at 9:36 PM on September 12 [1 favorite]


I feel very impressed by these toasty goodnesses, but I'm also a little voice from Australia, putting in a good word for Vegemite and Cheddar on buttery toast. It's a thing you can get from your morning Toastface Grillah deli stop. You don't melt the cheese much/at all, and oh hell yes, down the hatch mate.
posted by honey-barbara at 12:56 AM on September 13 [2 favorites]


I go weeks without toast cravings and then Roxette comes on my Google play mix and I just can't help myself. She's right, damnit! Milk and toast and honey make it sunny on a rainy Saturday, he-he-hey.
posted by lollusc at 3:03 AM on September 13 [1 favorite]


Also omg, you don't need a recipe for mince on toast. Take mince, put it on toast. It's a leftovers meal for the day after you had lasagne or spag bol and someone miscalculated portion sizes. (New Zealander)
posted by lollusc at 3:08 AM on September 13 [2 favorites]


I go weeks without toast cravings and then Roxette comes on my Google play mix and I just can't help myself

Oh hell, I thought that said “Roxanne” and thought, wait, is the “red light” the heating element in a toaster?

Roxanne
You don’t have to put on the red light
Those days are over
You don’t have to turn the bread to brown from white

posted by uncleozzy at 3:10 AM on September 13 [4 favorites]


Creamed chipped beef on toast was also a staple when I was growing up. I didn't learn the SOS name for it until later but it is still definitely a comfort food for me.
posted by TedW at 5:07 AM on September 13 [1 favorite]


emeiji: Have you seen the glory that is brick toast ?

God DAMN.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:19 AM on September 13 [1 favorite]


My dad made SOS for me during my childhood, and he called it SOS and yes, the first word was 'shit.'

When I started making it for my kid, he decided to call it 'special breakfast' because I'd only make it if we 1) had time in the morning and 2) if I had remembered to pick up the beef* at the store.

*I have never seen the beef in the jar! We've always, always used Buddig!

And now I want SOS.
posted by cooker girl at 8:40 AM on September 13 [1 favorite]


Ironically, am currently eating a piece of toast, with a thin but even covering of marmite, no butter. Though I am majorly distracted by this awesome AskMeFi by tractorfeed ("Help me think of typical UK foods with US ingredients and vice versa") that's currently happening:

US food + UK food = ??
posted by Wordshore at 9:10 AM on September 13 [1 favorite]


Noting that people in the replies are generally focusing on the toast rack.
posted by Wordshore at 10:20 AM on September 16


Can't believe no one has mentioned the toast episode of Going Deep with David Rees
posted by LizBoBiz at 8:48 AM on September 20


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