The Glimmer Man
September 27, 2017 2:11 PM Subscribe
"I don't consider myself a martial-arts star." One-time Rinpoche. Victim of Mafia shakedowns. Former reserve deputy sheriff. Alleged sex criminal. Would-be Chechnya tour guide. Would-be governor of Arizona. Friend of Vladimir Putin. National-security threat to Ukraine. Steven Seagal has led many lives.
In my house we refer to him as 'Fat Uncle Steve'.
It's because he's skeezy.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:18 PM on September 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
It's because he's skeezy.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:18 PM on September 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
I wonder how many swords he has.
posted by adept256 at 2:23 PM on September 27, 2017 [44 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 2:23 PM on September 27, 2017 [44 favorites]
It's like he tried to be a discount Chuck Norris and failed.
posted by nubs at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by nubs at 2:35 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
You left out "Blues Guitar God", capable of Truly Epic Guitar Playing Face.
That's not just any old scale he's playing, it's a pentatonic scale. So actually, um...yeah, even for "dentist and lawyer blues guitar type playing", this is pretty pedestrian stuff.
posted by mosk at 2:36 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
That's not just any old scale he's playing, it's a pentatonic scale. So actually, um...yeah, even for "dentist and lawyer blues guitar type playing", this is pretty pedestrian stuff.
posted by mosk at 2:36 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
stephven seagull is NOT A REAL BIRD because no SLEF RESPECT BIRB would allow a fuzz caterpillar sit around their moufth and not eat it
posted by Countess Elena at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [33 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [33 favorites]
all you need to know about steven seagal, Spy magazine, 1993
posted by indubitable at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
I'd also like to add Proud Bloatee Evangelist based on whatever that thing on his face is
posted by Existential Dread at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Existential Dread at 2:38 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
capable of Truly Epic Guitar Playing Face.
Anyone have any insight into whether he is actually miming in that clip? His right hand doesn't seem to be in time with the notes, but I can't play guitar so don't really know.
posted by Brockles at 2:43 PM on September 27, 2017
Anyone have any insight into whether he is actually miming in that clip? His right hand doesn't seem to be in time with the notes, but I can't play guitar so don't really know.
posted by Brockles at 2:43 PM on September 27, 2017
I do want to see a remake of White Knights where instead of Baryshnikov helping Gregory Hines as an American expatriate escaping Russia, and both dance a lot, it is Chuck Norris helping Seagal, and instead of escaping, they both kill each other.
posted by maxsparber at 2:44 PM on September 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 2:44 PM on September 27, 2017 [12 favorites]
In the present circumstances, the amusement value of these guys has just gone to zero.
posted by praemunire at 2:45 PM on September 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 2:45 PM on September 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
That's not just any old scale he's playing, it's a pentatonic scale. So actually, um...yeah, even for "dentist and lawyer blues guitar type playing", this is pretty pedestrian stuff.
Well, you can do a lot with it
posted by thelonius at 2:45 PM on September 27, 2017
Well, you can do a lot with it
posted by thelonius at 2:45 PM on September 27, 2017
Anyone have any insight into whether he is actually miming in that clip?
Seems to me like he's playing it, yeah.
now how do I wash that horrible sound out of my brain
posted by Existential Dread at 2:50 PM on September 27, 2017
Seems to me like he's playing it, yeah.
now how do I wash that horrible sound out of my brain
posted by Existential Dread at 2:50 PM on September 27, 2017
Still never watched a Seagal film*
*Machete doesn't count
(Oh, alright I may have seen a bit of Under Siege on tv once... or perhaps it's just fragments of a horrible nightmare I had once)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
*Machete doesn't count
(Oh, alright I may have seen a bit of Under Siege on tv once... or perhaps it's just fragments of a horrible nightmare I had once)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
>"I don't consider myself a martial-arts star."
I think most martial-arts-movie buffs would agree with him on that.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
I think most martial-arts-movie buffs would agree with him on that.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [14 favorites]
Way back in the glory days of the video stores I'd rent just about any old shite if it looked fun on some level ... but judging from the trailers, Segal films always just seemed dull and boring and he came over as a totally uncharacteristic humorless prick. Everything I've heard about him since only reinforces that opinion.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:10 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:10 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Anyone have any insight into whether he is actually miming in that clip? His right hand doesn't seem to be in time with the notes, but I can't play guitar so don't really know.
In the uncanny-valley first article, it talks about how for a long while he would be playing guitar in the garage, so maybe it's real.
posted by alex_skazat at 3:12 PM on September 27, 2017
In the uncanny-valley first article, it talks about how for a long while he would be playing guitar in the garage, so maybe it's real.
posted by alex_skazat at 3:12 PM on September 27, 2017
Well, you can do a lot with it
Absolutely! My point was that *he* wasn't doing a lot with it.
posted by mosk at 3:13 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Absolutely! My point was that *he* wasn't doing a lot with it.
posted by mosk at 3:13 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
steven seagal is basically cut from the same cloth as djt in terms of cartoonishly toxic masculinity and arrested development
posted by entropicamericana at 3:13 PM on September 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 3:13 PM on September 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
Back in the early 80s I was lunch pals with a beautiful young woman at work. She Moved away to California and I lost touch with her. But she had a very unusual name and years later I Googled. She was in a couple of Seagal movies. I worried for her. Guy is creepy.
posted by Bee'sWing at 3:14 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by Bee'sWing at 3:14 PM on September 27, 2017
Man, looks like Count Floyd really has not aged well.
posted by holborne at 3:19 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by holborne at 3:19 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
More on his guitar...fascination: He owns some very collectible vintage instruments, including instruments that belonged to some influential, well known guitar players, players like Stevie Ray Vaughan, B.B. King, Albert Collins, etc. But as the first comment in the above video sates so succinctly, "he should donate them to people that can actually play."
posted by mosk at 3:20 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by mosk at 3:20 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
What was the one that takes place entirely on a train? I got dragged to the theater to see that.
Man, what a piece of crap. Waste of a perfectly good villain performance by Eric Bogosian.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:24 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Man, what a piece of crap. Waste of a perfectly good villain performance by Eric Bogosian.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:24 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
There's something to be said about his movies as spectacle, which I think is how RTJ likes them, and his movies as expressions of his talent and personality, which are garbage.
posted by rhizome at 3:24 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 3:24 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
He's no JCVD.
posted by Artw at 3:27 PM on September 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
posted by Artw at 3:27 PM on September 27, 2017 [15 favorites]
Jesus Christ, Vampire Diarist?
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:31 PM on September 27, 2017 [23 favorites]
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:31 PM on September 27, 2017 [23 favorites]
Yes.
posted by Artw at 3:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [20 favorites]
posted by Artw at 3:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [20 favorites]
“Fans” of Seagal should check out Jon Gabrus’ High & Mighty podcast (ep. 23) for a very funny takedown of Hard to Kill. (NSFW)
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:44 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:44 PM on September 27, 2017
Now now....Such words hurt Seagal, 38, more than a karate kick to the solar plexus.
posted by ian1977 at 3:46 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by ian1977 at 3:46 PM on September 27, 2017
Seagal, a college dropout with no acting experience, was teaching aikido, a Japanese martial art, at the dojo (martial-arts school) he owns in Los Angeles
The editors at People magazine really didn't give their readers much credit back in 1990 did they?
(, a city in California.)
posted by ian1977 at 3:48 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
The editors at People magazine really didn't give their readers much credit back in 1990 did they?
(, a city in California.)
posted by ian1977 at 3:48 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
Sometimes I think I really don't like Reddit very much, but then I read something like that AMA.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:50 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:50 PM on September 27, 2017
Where did I read that story about Seagal stealing some guy's jacket at a bar in Thailand? It was on a site like Reddit or maybe Something Awful. Seagal decided he liked the jacket, took it off the chair, and just stole it while his bodyguard menaced the owner.
someone help me find a link
posted by ryanrs at 4:03 PM on September 27, 2017
someone help me find a link
posted by ryanrs at 4:03 PM on September 27, 2017
I've told my "Steven Seagal rode in my family's minivan as that was the only way he could get onto the military lab grounds to see the rail gun my dad built" story before, right?
And if not, that's about it. The minivan had the right security tags to drive around the Naval Research Labs. He was working on some movie where Seagal would play a genius inventor who made a rail gun in his back yard to shoot down some sort of Russian (!!) super-chopper that was going to like blow up all the things.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:04 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
And if not, that's about it. The minivan had the right security tags to drive around the Naval Research Labs. He was working on some movie where Seagal would play a genius inventor who made a rail gun in his back yard to shoot down some sort of Russian (!!) super-chopper that was going to like blow up all the things.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:04 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
"I don't consider myself a martial-arts star."
Don't worry, my dude, nobody else does either.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:07 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Don't worry, my dude, nobody else does either.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:07 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Holy shit. His wikipedia page has an awards section, and it is amazing:
Steven Seagal: Awards and Nominations
posted by ryanrs at 4:08 PM on September 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Steven Seagal: Awards and Nominations
posted by ryanrs at 4:08 PM on September 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Worst Screen Couple (shared with "his guitar")
posted by ian1977 at 4:11 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
all you need to know about steven seagal, Spy magazine, 1993
That article is amazing, thanks.
posted by mordax at 4:14 PM on September 27, 2017
That article is amazing, thanks.
posted by mordax at 4:14 PM on September 27, 2017
I feel like Seagal and Gorka take turns being each other's evil twin.
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Run The Jewels on the brutality, music, and magic of Steven Seagal
Including the quote
"I once heard a story about Steven Seagal—this is another reason that I love this motherfucker—I heard a story from somebody about Steven Seagal, that a producer came into his—I think this story’s out now, but I heard it years before it came out—that he called his producer into his home, and he said, “Come here, you have to come here,” and the guy came into his home, and Steven Seagal had a 10-foot wooden desk, and on the desk was a script and a gun. And Steven Seagal was sitting at the desk and he was crying and the guy said, “Steven, what’s wrong?” And he looked up and he said, “I just read the best script I have ever read in my life.” And the producer said, “Wow, that’s amazing. Who wrote it?” And he said, “I did.” Like, Steven Seagal is batshit, fucking insane."
posted by dr. moot at 4:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [21 favorites]
Including the quote
"I once heard a story about Steven Seagal—this is another reason that I love this motherfucker—I heard a story from somebody about Steven Seagal, that a producer came into his—I think this story’s out now, but I heard it years before it came out—that he called his producer into his home, and he said, “Come here, you have to come here,” and the guy came into his home, and Steven Seagal had a 10-foot wooden desk, and on the desk was a script and a gun. And Steven Seagal was sitting at the desk and he was crying and the guy said, “Steven, what’s wrong?” And he looked up and he said, “I just read the best script I have ever read in my life.” And the producer said, “Wow, that’s amazing. Who wrote it?” And he said, “I did.” Like, Steven Seagal is batshit, fucking insane."
posted by dr. moot at 4:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [21 favorites]
Anyone have any insight into whether he is actually miming in that clip?
Seems to me like he's playing it, yeah.
It's like none of you people went out and bought Steven Segal's debut album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, described on Wikipedia as "outsider country-meets-world music-meets-Aikido."
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Seems to me like he's playing it, yeah.
It's like none of you people went out and bought Steven Segal's debut album, Songs from the Crystal Cave, described on Wikipedia as "outsider country-meets-world music-meets-Aikido."
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Christ, what an asshole.
posted by ocschwar at 4:44 PM on September 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by ocschwar at 4:44 PM on September 27, 2017 [7 favorites]
In college, my RA Paula and me and my roommate Matt would watch Steve Seagal movies and drink and yell "Oooohhhh!" at the screen when he bent some guy's arm backwards or whatever. The booze didn't make the movies any worse buuuuuut it didn't make them any better, either.
Then he got fat and right-wingy and very skeevy. *sigh* You can just see where the Suck Fairy's wand left two little marks between his eyebrows.
posted by wenestvedt at 4:57 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Then he got fat and right-wingy and very skeevy. *sigh* You can just see where the Suck Fairy's wand left two little marks between his eyebrows.
posted by wenestvedt at 4:57 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Look, most of Steven Seagal's career has been less than stellar. But he did make a classic film: Under Siege. Which also features Gary Busey as a villain in drag and Tommy Lee Jones as a wacky villain (yes, wackier than Gary Busey) and the President and First Lady have walk-ons. (So does Dick Cheney.) And you don't mess with the Cook! No. That motto hangs in my kitchen. Under Siege is a movie right up there with Road House in terms of greatnessitude.
posted by CCBC at 5:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [26 favorites]
posted by CCBC at 5:00 PM on September 27, 2017 [26 favorites]
It's like none of you people went out and bought Steven Segal's debut album
I certainly did! (memail me)
but I'm going to sleep soon so you'll have to wait 12 hrs to snark on it
posted by ryanrs at 5:18 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I certainly did! (memail me)
but I'm going to sleep soon so you'll have to wait 12 hrs to snark on it
posted by ryanrs at 5:18 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
"I don't consider myself a martial-arts star." One-time Rinpoche. Victim of Mafia shakedowns. Former reserve deputy sheriff. Alleged sex criminal. Would-be Chechnya tour guide. Would-be governor of Arizona. Friend of Vladimir Putin. National-security threat to the Ukraine. Steven Seagal has led many lives.
And don't forget... Guest of honour at the World Nomad Games in Kyrgyzstan. "As the [opening] ceremony drew to a close, shaven-headed security guards frantically cleared a corridor in the media area of the stadium, and with a burst of dramatic music, Steven Seagal entered the arena atop a horse, clad in the armour of an ancient Kyrgyz warrior. After the excitement of the Kyrgyz riders, he looked somewhat incongruous gingerly trotting along, but the crowd enjoyed it."
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:22 PM on September 27, 2017
And don't forget... Guest of honour at the World Nomad Games in Kyrgyzstan. "As the [opening] ceremony drew to a close, shaven-headed security guards frantically cleared a corridor in the media area of the stadium, and with a burst of dramatic music, Steven Seagal entered the arena atop a horse, clad in the armour of an ancient Kyrgyz warrior. After the excitement of the Kyrgyz riders, he looked somewhat incongruous gingerly trotting along, but the crowd enjoyed it."
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:22 PM on September 27, 2017
Steven Segal's debut album, Songs from the Crystal Cave 
that... that is... something?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:24 PM on September 27, 2017
that... that is... something?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:24 PM on September 27, 2017
My son's karate teacher sold me a car that Seagal had given to him. Nothing interesting hidden in the glove compartment.
posted by Ideefixe at 5:35 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Ideefixe at 5:35 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
How can no one have posted this picture yet?
posted by rikschell at 5:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 5:39 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
He's no Steve'n'Seagulls, that's for sure.
posted by alex_skazat at 5:46 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by alex_skazat at 5:46 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Oh, I was just typing a comment about how he was in this one interesting movie where the bad guys on the boat hi-jacked all of the charisma...
posted by ovvl at 5:58 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by ovvl at 5:58 PM on September 27, 2017
In 1997-ish, my cousin and I walked through his company's production suites on the former Warner Hollywood lot (the one next to The Formosa Cafe) after they had moved out, and I found a vial of cocaine in some shag carpet in the one of the offices. While I have no proof the cocaine was Mr Seagal's, I did find it in the largest office and that office did have the worst looking carpet.
posted by sideshow at 6:23 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by sideshow at 6:23 PM on September 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
my nominally-Catholic Korean grandmother, probably the most open-hearted & loving person I have ever had the fortune to meet, once took the vital information of myself (her mixed-race granddaughter) to an infamous fortune-teller who specialised in doing foreign names & places of birth (myself being one possessing those attributes). her daughter - my mother - had been a former model & diplomat in Paris, the Middle East, North/South-East Africa, Europe, I'm being cagey on purpose -- because as soon as she saw the list of previous clients on the fortune-teller's wall she sort of keened the equivalent of 'oh, noooooo' & began clawing to get out. You can guess who was in one of the smiley pictures & calligraphic sign-offs that spelled publicity for this guy, & that was the clincher. She saw some laughable but tolerable names of all nationalities, South Korean included, matched to pics in the corridor, & this was the one which sent her bolting. nearly 15 years later, I can attest that not a single prediction by this weirdo money-grubber had come true, but that many have provided fodder to regale people on a drunken Saturday night; not a fair trade-off if you ask me. coincidentally I once (later) read in an in-flight magazine that Mr Seagal had apparently followed this dude's advice apparently to his career's detriment. i am happy i did not heed his warning about driving into trees!!! i am unhappy i was not world-beloved by age 25 & got into a stupid accident instead!!! I have crossed 30 & yet I do not own a major chaebol-style conglomerate thru the sheer force of my personality, brilliance, & presence in glossy magazines in which I must always turn my head to the right! (this, if anything, is true but it only takes a few minutes of observation). maybe esteemed fortune-teller dude just had issues with temporality idk & could see the past present & future all at once like a shitty pomo novel and communicated this vision thru grunts & magnificent calligraphy.
(NB: I have a profound respect for the profession of mudang (separate from the above fortune-tellers: Korean shamans, who tend to be women due to societal constraints, which is fascinating in of itself: it is one of the few endangered professions which will support the independence of the mentally ill) -- the old practices have in most part meshed or integrated well with Catholicism, as Santería has done in congruent if not altogether similar circumstances, altho I worry many international citizens pick up their knowledge of the latter (Santería) from pop-culture references in Orange Is the New Black, Dexter, The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, that one Rodarte for MAC color collection which got cancelled because they'd modelled their color story on the women walking home from the Ciudad Juárez factories at night (the year that 2666 came out)(the year that the horrors of Ciudad Juárez finally blipped the US national radar)(fuuuuuck)(& they made a sparkly pigment out of it)
i had often wanted to ask my mom why they just didn't spend the name-reader money on a mudang exorcism instead (since they thought I was nuts at the time but with good uni credentials & more or less the proper facial algorithms) but given my gran's passing the question seems irrevocably distasteful. So Steven Seagal, I hope you are getting some better life counseling than mine.
PS. JCVD from what I recall was a good film; i'd have to see it again but iirc it's a heist film (one of my fave genres) which goes fourth-wall & you get some Belgian accents for once; I just don't remember if it holds up / PPS Steven Seagal as I understand it is an asshat / honestly, I would welcome being proved wrong: i.e. that Seagal is just gullible but actually has much to offer the world or whatnot. I've had those Young-Hae Chang Heavy Industries flash vids messing with my head all week
posted by rallumer at 6:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
(NB: I have a profound respect for the profession of mudang (separate from the above fortune-tellers: Korean shamans, who tend to be women due to societal constraints, which is fascinating in of itself: it is one of the few endangered professions which will support the independence of the mentally ill) -- the old practices have in most part meshed or integrated well with Catholicism, as Santería has done in congruent if not altogether similar circumstances, altho I worry many international citizens pick up their knowledge of the latter (Santería) from pop-culture references in Orange Is the New Black, Dexter, The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, that one Rodarte for MAC color collection which got cancelled because they'd modelled their color story on the women walking home from the Ciudad Juárez factories at night (the year that 2666 came out)(the year that the horrors of Ciudad Juárez finally blipped the US national radar)(fuuuuuck)(& they made a sparkly pigment out of it)
i had often wanted to ask my mom why they just didn't spend the name-reader money on a mudang exorcism instead (since they thought I was nuts at the time but with good uni credentials & more or less the proper facial algorithms) but given my gran's passing the question seems irrevocably distasteful. So Steven Seagal, I hope you are getting some better life counseling than mine.
PS. JCVD from what I recall was a good film; i'd have to see it again but iirc it's a heist film (one of my fave genres) which goes fourth-wall & you get some Belgian accents for once; I just don't remember if it holds up / PPS Steven Seagal as I understand it is an asshat / honestly, I would welcome being proved wrong: i.e. that Seagal is just gullible but actually has much to offer the world or whatnot. I've had those Young-Hae Chang Heavy Industries flash vids messing with my head all week
posted by rallumer at 6:30 PM on September 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I do want to see a remake of White Knights where instead of Baryshnikov helping Gregory Hines as an American expatriate escaping Russia, and both dance a lot, it is Chuck Norris helping Seagal, and instead of escaping, they both kill each other.
Say you, say me
Say it for always, that's the way it should be
(They've gotta dance a little, tho.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:41 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Say you, say me
Say it for always, that's the way it should be
(They've gotta dance a little, tho.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:41 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Well, you can do a lot with it
Absolutely! My point was that *he* wasn't doing a lot with it.
Oh no doubt, it's really mediocre amateur playing; his phrasing sucks, and he's pretty much just mashing together whatever few canned licks are in his repertoire, without creating any kind of sense of having a direction in his solo, or any musical peaks and valleys. When he strays from those licks it's much worse too.
posted by thelonius at 6:42 PM on September 27, 2017
Absolutely! My point was that *he* wasn't doing a lot with it.
Oh no doubt, it's really mediocre amateur playing; his phrasing sucks, and he's pretty much just mashing together whatever few canned licks are in his repertoire, without creating any kind of sense of having a direction in his solo, or any musical peaks and valleys. When he strays from those licks it's much worse too.
posted by thelonius at 6:42 PM on September 27, 2017
That said, I am fully on board with the gloriousness of Under Siege, tho that is due as much or more to the work of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey as it is to Seagal.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:50 PM on September 27, 2017
posted by octobersurprise at 6:50 PM on September 27, 2017
Look, most of Steven Seagal's career has been less than stellar. But he did make a classic film: Under Siege. Which also features Gary Busey as a villain in drag and Tommy Lee Jones as a wacky villain (yes, wackier than Gary Busey) and the President and First Lady have walk-ons. (So does Dick Cheney.) And you don't mess with the Cook! No. That motto hangs in my kitchen. Under Siege is a movie right up there with Road House in terms of greatnessitude.
Absolutely, Under Siege is the Road House of battleship movies. The perfect storm of terrible and ridiculous.
I'm just a cook.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:14 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Absolutely, Under Siege is the Road House of battleship movies. The perfect storm of terrible and ridiculous.
I'm just a cook.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:14 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
A friend of mine used to work for a PR firm and dealt with celebrities as they did junket tours around the country. Over many years he met many celebrities, and said most people are pretty nice, some were jerks, a few people were really friendly. But there was ONE celebrity that was such a pain, such a jerk, such an asshole to everyone, someone who was guaranteed to cause a stink, complain about one or many things, treat people trying to help him like trash, and just generally be a 24-karat prick.
Yep, Steven Seagal. How'd you guess?
posted by zardoz at 8:37 PM on September 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
Yep, Steven Seagal. How'd you guess?
posted by zardoz at 8:37 PM on September 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
This tough guy was famously choked out on the set of Out for Justice.
The story goes that he got abusive with his stuntmen and was asked to stop by Gene Lebell, a famous judoka and stuntman. (Gene was already an old man at that point.) Seagal claimed he could get out of any of Gene's holds. Gene put him in a rear naked choke, Seagal failed to escape, lost consciousness and control of his bowels.
Seagal says it didn't happen. Lebell and the stuntmen say it did. I find it pretty believable, given the known abilities of the two.
posted by ignignokt at 9:01 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
The story goes that he got abusive with his stuntmen and was asked to stop by Gene Lebell, a famous judoka and stuntman. (Gene was already an old man at that point.) Seagal claimed he could get out of any of Gene's holds. Gene put him in a rear naked choke, Seagal failed to escape, lost consciousness and control of his bowels.
Seagal says it didn't happen. Lebell and the stuntmen say it did. I find it pretty believable, given the known abilities of the two.
posted by ignignokt at 9:01 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
Gene put him in a rear naked choke, Seagal failed to escape, lost consciousness and control of his bowels
I'm not sure Gene gets the best of the deal here
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:07 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
I'm not sure Gene gets the best of the deal here
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:07 PM on September 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Seagal seems like a very unpleasant person, but even so, Under Siege really is one of the better Die Hard knockoffs, and the sequel, while not as good, is IMO watchable. (As noted upthread, the performances of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in the former and Eric Bogosian in the latter help a lot.)
The only other film of his I've ever been able to watch all the way through is Hard to Kill, which I saw in a theater when it came out. It has some entertaining fight scenes, but rewatching it on TV a few years ago, it was hard to ignore that the Jamaican villains are depicted with absurdly cartoonish racism.
There seem to be about 50 of Seagal's latter-day direct-to-video movies on Netflix, and I've never been tempted to watch any of them.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 9:10 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
The only other film of his I've ever been able to watch all the way through is Hard to Kill, which I saw in a theater when it came out. It has some entertaining fight scenes, but rewatching it on TV a few years ago, it was hard to ignore that the Jamaican villains are depicted with absurdly cartoonish racism.
There seem to be about 50 of Seagal's latter-day direct-to-video movies on Netflix, and I've never been tempted to watch any of them.
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 9:10 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
I noticed years ago that all his movies have titles that complete the phrase "Steven Seagal is" for a concise plot summary. Steven Seagal is Above The Law. Steven Seagal is Hard to Kill. Steven Seagal is Marked for Death. Steven Seagal is Out For Justice. Steven Seagal is Under Siege. Steven Seagal is On Deadly Ground. (That is his first half-dozen movies.)
Later in his career this gets a little more wobbly: sure, we could say Steven Seagal is Born to Raise Hell, Steven Seagal is A Dangerous Man, or Steven Seagal is Driven to Kill and for a moment we are back in the early-nineties glory days, but really, since the new millennium began, they range from stilted (Steven Seagal is Flight of Fury) to someone-set-us-up-the-bomb Engrish (Steven Seagal is Today You Die) to just unfortunate (the ever-paunchier Steven Seagal is Belly of the Beast).
Note that his most recent credit is Zhong Guo Tui Xiao Yuan, but I think it is hardly fair to line him up with the title (something about a Chinese salesman?): he is sixth-billed. FWIW, Mike Tyson is billed second, and I don't think he is the titular salesman either.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
Later in his career this gets a little more wobbly: sure, we could say Steven Seagal is Born to Raise Hell, Steven Seagal is A Dangerous Man, or Steven Seagal is Driven to Kill and for a moment we are back in the early-nineties glory days, but really, since the new millennium began, they range from stilted (Steven Seagal is Flight of Fury) to someone-set-us-up-the-bomb Engrish (Steven Seagal is Today You Die) to just unfortunate (the ever-paunchier Steven Seagal is Belly of the Beast).
Note that his most recent credit is Zhong Guo Tui Xiao Yuan, but I think it is hardly fair to line him up with the title (something about a Chinese salesman?): he is sixth-billed. FWIW, Mike Tyson is billed second, and I don't think he is the titular salesman either.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:08 PM on September 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
Seagal seems like a very unpleasant person, but even so, Under Siege really is one of the better Die Hard knockoffs, and the sequel, while not as good, is IMO watchable. (As noted upthread, the performances of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in the former and Eric Bogosian in the latter help a lot.)
The only other film of his I've ever been able to watch all the way through is Hard to Kill, which I saw in a theater when it came out.
His debut, Above the Law, was directed by Andrew Davis, a good director that never really made it to household name status, but who's really talented. Anyway his direction makes this film his most watchable, IMHO. Not that I've seen all that many.
posted by zardoz at 10:52 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
The only other film of his I've ever been able to watch all the way through is Hard to Kill, which I saw in a theater when it came out.
His debut, Above the Law, was directed by Andrew Davis, a good director that never really made it to household name status, but who's really talented. Anyway his direction makes this film his most watchable, IMHO. Not that I've seen all that many.
posted by zardoz at 10:52 PM on September 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
(the ever-paunchier Steven Seagal is Belly of the Beast
Belly Of The Beast is fantastic. I'm not sure who exactly was trolling Steve with the name, and also basically everything that happens in the film, but Segal's intense self-seriousness and self regard is the special sauce that elevates it from a merely terrible and ludicrous movie into an at least sometimes spectacular travesty of one.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:44 PM on September 27, 2017
Belly Of The Beast is fantastic. I'm not sure who exactly was trolling Steve with the name, and also basically everything that happens in the film, but Segal's intense self-seriousness and self regard is the special sauce that elevates it from a merely terrible and ludicrous movie into an at least sometimes spectacular travesty of one.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 11:44 PM on September 27, 2017
Glimmer Man is watchable.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:46 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Brocktoon at 11:46 PM on September 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Regarding his guitar playing, he actually performs and sings in the film ' Fire Down Below' which was an early entry in Seagal's transition from cinema actor to Straight to Video schlock-meister, and if you're complaining about Under Siege 2 then boy have you got a long way to go before you hit rock-bottom. Of all the Seagal films the worst I've seen is 'Against the Dark' where he is a sort of mercenary in a post-vampire apocalypse world. He phones it in such that it makes it look like he was making an effort in everything else he has ever been in.
Other things to look out for: Katherine Heigl has an early career entry as Seagal's niece in under Siege 2.
posted by biffa at 12:12 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Other things to look out for: Katherine Heigl has an early career entry as Seagal's niece in under Siege 2.
posted by biffa at 12:12 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
The Reddit AMA includes a link to a TMZ article whose URL slug is steven-seagal-cockfight-raid-photos-house-destruction-puppy-death-maricopa-county-arizona-sheriff-joe-arpaio-lawsuit-threats-letter. It's pure poetry.
posted by Nelson at 12:38 AM on September 28, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 12:38 AM on September 28, 2017 [13 favorites]
I think my absolute favorite thing about On Deadly Ground is that pretty much any time he's on screen, you hear people in the background talking about how awesome he is. His character's name is Forrest (because he's saving nature, obviously), and you're always hearing people say stuff like "oh, Forrest is here, this fire is as good as out!" or "boy, Forrest is really going to kick his ass!" I think even the bad guys say stuff about how badass he is. It's amazing. He is such a genuinely awful person.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:14 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:14 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
And yet ...which other action films were advocating protection of the environment at that time?
posted by biffa at 1:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by biffa at 1:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
and if you're complaining about Under Siege 2 then boy have you got a long way to go before you hit rock-bottom.
Haha, yes. I can't remember the title but I saw one of his recent DTV movies couple of months ago by chance on tv and, man, it was absolutely awful. He can't move that well anymore so the fight scenes were basically cut together in a frenetic fashion in order to make it seem like Steve was moving his body and limbs extremely quickly. What resulted was simply a dizzying assault of flickering cuts; I mean, really, at times it seemed that he had four hands and three feet or sth. And he's just standing there with a serious face - trying to look like he's making an effort, but it comes out like he's taking a crap - while the other guy's bones are magically broken. And of course in the end he went home and his hot young wife immediately took off her top. It was almost as awful as his duet with Lady Saw, which I was forced to listen to last week at a movie quiz.
posted by sapagan at 2:55 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Haha, yes. I can't remember the title but I saw one of his recent DTV movies couple of months ago by chance on tv and, man, it was absolutely awful. He can't move that well anymore so the fight scenes were basically cut together in a frenetic fashion in order to make it seem like Steve was moving his body and limbs extremely quickly. What resulted was simply a dizzying assault of flickering cuts; I mean, really, at times it seemed that he had four hands and three feet or sth. And he's just standing there with a serious face - trying to look like he's making an effort, but it comes out like he's taking a crap - while the other guy's bones are magically broken. And of course in the end he went home and his hot young wife immediately took off her top. It was almost as awful as his duet with Lady Saw, which I was forced to listen to last week at a movie quiz.
posted by sapagan at 2:55 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
That speech at the end of On Deadly Ground? The one where he goes on about the environment for a stultifying three and a half minutes?
Apparently in the original cut it was over ten minutes.
themoreyouknow.gif
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:34 AM on September 28, 2017 [8 favorites]
Apparently in the original cut it was over ten minutes.
themoreyouknow.gif
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:34 AM on September 28, 2017 [8 favorites]
Loved him in Executive Decision.
posted by rodlymight at 4:46 AM on September 28, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by rodlymight at 4:46 AM on September 28, 2017 [6 favorites]
No mentions of his deep understanding of Eastern medicine ?
posted by k5.user at 6:25 AM on September 28, 2017
posted by k5.user at 6:25 AM on September 28, 2017
Loved him in Executive Decision.
Okay, I'm gonna spoil something from Act One of a movie from the last millennium now:
Seagal is playing the bad-ass special-operations team leader who has to board a hijacked plane in flight. It does not end well for him.
I have never heard an entire movie audience gasp, laugh, and erupt in cheers so quickly.
posted by Etrigan at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Okay, I'm gonna spoil something from Act One of a movie from the last millennium now:
Seagal is playing the bad-ass special-operations team leader who has to board a hijacked plane in flight. It does not end well for him.
I have never heard an entire movie audience gasp, laugh, and erupt in cheers so quickly.
posted by Etrigan at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
A kid in the row behind me seeing Executive Decision was audibly convinced that Seagal was going to be hanging off the tail of the Stealth bomber after he was swept out of the transfer tube.
posted by biffa at 7:39 AM on September 28, 2017
posted by biffa at 7:39 AM on September 28, 2017
Okay, I'm gonna spoil something from Act One of a movie from the last millennium now:
Seagal is playing the bad-ass special-operations team leader who has to board a hijacked plane in flight. It does not end well for him.
I remember seeing that film in the theatre, and the moment that happened, I was about ten times more interested in the film than I had been going in.
It was awesome.
posted by nubs at 7:40 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Seagal is playing the bad-ass special-operations team leader who has to board a hijacked plane in flight. It does not end well for him.
I remember seeing that film in the theatre, and the moment that happened, I was about ten times more interested in the film than I had been going in.
It was awesome.
posted by nubs at 7:40 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Look, ok, I think that thanks to internets I think that the guy is a prick plus plus, but, two anecdotes, if I may:
1.) At a NAMM show, I hear this guy playing guitar through a small amp, hiding behind a big display cutout. I look behind and it is Seagal. Really good blues, semi-pro level, just by himself. It was nice.
2.) Christmas time, early 90s, the 900 North Michigan Avenue building, sort of a vertical mall of high end shops. It's evening and the shops are closed, but my wife wanted to use the washroom, so we go up to the 2nd floor and while waiting for her I wander over to admire the Christmas tree, 2 stories tall in the atrium, easily the best looking tree on a shopping street filled with nice trees.
Outside of the security guards the whole place is empty, when out of nowhere a couple with a baby come up to the tree and start snapping pictures posing against the tree. I start noticing that the guy is big, black leather jacket and designer jeans, long dark hair, and the mommy is stunning, possibly the best looking hair I've ever seen on a woman. I realize that I am looking at Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock. Christmas, family thing, just doing touristy stuff. It was nice.
posted by Chitownfats at 7:48 AM on September 28, 2017 [5 favorites]
1.) At a NAMM show, I hear this guy playing guitar through a small amp, hiding behind a big display cutout. I look behind and it is Seagal. Really good blues, semi-pro level, just by himself. It was nice.
2.) Christmas time, early 90s, the 900 North Michigan Avenue building, sort of a vertical mall of high end shops. It's evening and the shops are closed, but my wife wanted to use the washroom, so we go up to the 2nd floor and while waiting for her I wander over to admire the Christmas tree, 2 stories tall in the atrium, easily the best looking tree on a shopping street filled with nice trees.
Outside of the security guards the whole place is empty, when out of nowhere a couple with a baby come up to the tree and start snapping pictures posing against the tree. I start noticing that the guy is big, black leather jacket and designer jeans, long dark hair, and the mommy is stunning, possibly the best looking hair I've ever seen on a woman. I realize that I am looking at Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock. Christmas, family thing, just doing touristy stuff. It was nice.
posted by Chitownfats at 7:48 AM on September 28, 2017 [5 favorites]
National-security threat to the Ukraine
Don't call it The Ukraine.
posted by miguelcervantes at 7:51 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Don't call it The Ukraine.
posted by miguelcervantes at 7:51 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
“Fans” of Seagal should check out Jon Gabrus’ High & Mighty podcast (ep. 23) for a very funny takedown of Hard to Kill. (NSFW)
I will do this, because I remember seeing Hard to Kill as a callow, overly entitled nineteen year male and being shocked at the bizarre way in which Kelly LeBrock's character was written; it was such obvious male self-aggrandizement fantasy that it shocked someone who was pretty clueless about how much of our media bathes in such things. I haven't seen the film since, but two moments stick out in my mind - LeBrock, lifting the sheet on the comatose Seagal, checking out his "equipment" and openly hoping he'll come back; and, after she's taken this convalescing stranger into her guest house, dropping by to see how he's doing while wearing a skin tight dress she almost missed getting into, likely because she was wearing heels of the kind you only see in certain fetish films. And, of course Seagal, who is supposed to still be in mourning for his dead wife & kid that are the reason for his revenge plot, has no problems with jumping into the sack with another woman.
Anyways, it was bad enough that it made me cock and eyebrow and look at my girlfriend and say "this is some bad shit, huh?", which was pretty insightful for me at the time.
posted by nubs at 7:52 AM on September 28, 2017
I will do this, because I remember seeing Hard to Kill as a callow, overly entitled nineteen year male and being shocked at the bizarre way in which Kelly LeBrock's character was written; it was such obvious male self-aggrandizement fantasy that it shocked someone who was pretty clueless about how much of our media bathes in such things. I haven't seen the film since, but two moments stick out in my mind - LeBrock, lifting the sheet on the comatose Seagal, checking out his "equipment" and openly hoping he'll come back; and, after she's taken this convalescing stranger into her guest house, dropping by to see how he's doing while wearing a skin tight dress she almost missed getting into, likely because she was wearing heels of the kind you only see in certain fetish films. And, of course Seagal, who is supposed to still be in mourning for his dead wife & kid that are the reason for his revenge plot, has no problems with jumping into the sack with another woman.
Anyways, it was bad enough that it made me cock and eyebrow and look at my girlfriend and say "this is some bad shit, huh?", which was pretty insightful for me at the time.
posted by nubs at 7:52 AM on September 28, 2017
A kid in the row behind me seeing Executive Decision was audibly convinced that Seagal was going to be hanging off the tail of the Stealth bomber after he was swept out of the transfer tube.
I feel like it would be a good AskMe to hear what wild-ass implausible theories mefites and their friends (or neighbours in the cinema) have come up with to explain developments in the plot.
Infamously in this house, when we saw Avengers, Mrs Biscuit had seized on an early moment where Captain America fanboy Agent Phil Coulson mentions he has made some modifications to [Captain America's] suit. Much later Cap destroys a bunch of alien mooks by throwing one of their own explosive devices into a building were they are. This is shortly after Captain America has lost his headgear, and she reasoned* that Coulson had added some powerful high explosives to the cowl, which were then used to blow up some bad guys. After all, "Phil made some modifications to the suit."
*I use the word "reasoned" quite wrongly here.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:55 AM on September 28, 2017
I feel like it would be a good AskMe to hear what wild-ass implausible theories mefites and their friends (or neighbours in the cinema) have come up with to explain developments in the plot.
Infamously in this house, when we saw Avengers, Mrs Biscuit had seized on an early moment where Captain America fanboy Agent Phil Coulson mentions he has made some modifications to [Captain America's] suit. Much later Cap destroys a bunch of alien mooks by throwing one of their own explosive devices into a building were they are. This is shortly after Captain America has lost his headgear, and she reasoned* that Coulson had added some powerful high explosives to the cowl, which were then used to blow up some bad guys. After all, "Phil made some modifications to the suit."
*I use the word "reasoned" quite wrongly here.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:55 AM on September 28, 2017
Oh, also, listen to the How Did This Get Made? episode (71) on The Glimmer Man. Good stuff!
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 8:02 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 8:02 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
And yet ...which other action films were advocating protection of the environment at that time?
Yes, but he advocates for the protection of the environment by blowing up an Alaskan oil refinery so, thanks?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:00 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yes, but he advocates for the protection of the environment by blowing up an Alaskan oil refinery so, thanks?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:00 AM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
I used to enjoy his movies, but then I noticed something. Seagal never gets hit, in any of his movies. Maybe the early ones, but not in the last twenty years. Every fight scene is Seagal beating the snot out of guys who simply fail at hitting him. The Gary Stu-ness of it really killed it for me. I mean, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, actual martial artists, and they get the snot kicked out of them in movies. Not Seagal, though.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Ghidorah at 9:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [5 favorites]
Note that his most recent credit is Zhong Guo Tui Xiao Yuan, but I think it is hardly fair to line him up with the title (something about a Chinese salesman?): he is sixth-billed. FWIW, Mike Tyson is billed second, and I don't think he is the titular salesman either.
It's a nationalist propaganda movie -- the Chinese salesman is played by a Chinese actor. According to the synopsis, Seagal plays a mercenary hired by the French to stop a Chinese telecom company from establishing service somewhere in north Africa. The trailer is very bad.
posted by bradf at 9:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's a nationalist propaganda movie -- the Chinese salesman is played by a Chinese actor. According to the synopsis, Seagal plays a mercenary hired by the French to stop a Chinese telecom company from establishing service somewhere in north Africa. The trailer is very bad.
posted by bradf at 9:24 AM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
I once ghost wrote an article for Stephen Segal. He was supposed to say nice things about a children's hospital. At first, I was supposed to edit what he would write. Then, he just didn't write anything, and I had to do it for him.
posted by vibrotronica at 9:25 AM on September 28, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by vibrotronica at 9:25 AM on September 28, 2017 [7 favorites]
For anyone who needs a Segal fight refresher.
A few observations:
- Lots of hocus-pocus handwaving, pool cues and knives.
- He does get hit, a few times.
- Dude has literally once facial expression ("guy whose expensive car you just sideswiped"). One. I'd consult a doctor.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:25 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
A few observations:
- Lots of hocus-pocus handwaving, pool cues and knives.
- He does get hit, a few times.
- Dude has literally once facial expression ("guy whose expensive car you just sideswiped"). One. I'd consult a doctor.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:25 AM on September 28, 2017 [3 favorites]
Mod note: De-"the"d Ukraine per poster's request.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:21 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:21 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
back in like 1990 I was at a restaurant in Santa Barbara and Steven Seagal came in with his wife Kelly LeBrock and their kids. they were all in a terrible mood and crabbing at each other
that is my Steven Seagal story [places stone on pile]
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:34 PM on September 28, 2017 [7 favorites]
that is my Steven Seagal story [places stone on pile]
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:34 PM on September 28, 2017 [7 favorites]
Don't call it The Ukraine.
[De-"the"d Ukraine per poster's request.]
My mistake--thanks for letting me know, miguelcervantes, and thanks for fixing, cortex!
posted by box at 3:28 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
[De-"the"d Ukraine per poster's request.]
My mistake--thanks for letting me know, miguelcervantes, and thanks for fixing, cortex!
posted by box at 3:28 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
The story goes that he got abusive with his stuntmen and was asked to stop by Gene Lebell, a famous judoka and stuntman. (Gene was already an old man at that point.) Seagal claimed he could get out of any of Gene's holds. Gene put him in a rear naked choke, Seagal failed to escape, lost consciousness and control of his bowels.
Seagal says it didn't happen. Lebell and the stuntmen say it did. I find it pretty believable, given the known abilities of the two.
Joe Rogan tells the story of Steven Seagal getting choked out by Gene Lebell.
posted by jonp72 at 4:15 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Seagal says it didn't happen. Lebell and the stuntmen say it did. I find it pretty believable, given the known abilities of the two.
Joe Rogan tells the story of Steven Seagal getting choked out by Gene Lebell.
posted by jonp72 at 4:15 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
There's a YouTube channel entirely devoted to Random Steven Seagal Stories. One of my favorites is Rob Schneider's Steven Seagal Stories. Rob Schneider gives a second-hand account of the same story that Run the Jewels mentioned, but he also has a great story about Seagal and how he donated money to the Dalai Lama to get himself declared a god.
posted by jonp72 at 4:23 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jonp72 at 4:23 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Lorne Michaels had a few choices words about Mr Segal.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 7:16 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 7:16 PM on September 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
That Run the Jewels interview was amazing.
El-P: The thing about Steven Seagal is that he clearly wants to be a great person, but he just doesn’t know how. He’s just a cruel, fucked-up guy, but he likes to paint himself as sort of like a philanthropist, in a way, and a man of the people. So he keeps switching ethnicities. Like, remember the one where he was in Alaska, and he was sort of Native American or something, and he’s defending this guy in the bar and he’s kind of trying to be a defender of the people, but he keeps saying shit that’s really belittling, like “You’re going to pick on this pathetic, Native man? Pick on me!” He’s just kind of always got it wrong, in his quest to be a good dude.posted by ignignokt at 7:17 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
Julia Sweeney: Steven Seagal was so horrible on such a scale. It was such a huge scale of terribleness that it was undeniable by anyone who was there.
posted by jonp72 at 7:46 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by jonp72 at 7:46 PM on September 28, 2017 [2 favorites]
I like this Stephen Tobolowsky anecdote, whilst not as a totally over the top as some of the others really gets to the ridiculousness and stupidity of Seagal (and Hollywood in general tbh)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:56 AM on September 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:56 AM on September 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
The fact that Steven Seagal had second thoughts about the violence in his films is his lone redeeming feature, as far as I am concerned.
posted by maxsparber at 10:53 AM on September 29, 2017
posted by maxsparber at 10:53 AM on September 29, 2017
Did not anticipate bumping this thread with an update, but today this happened:
George Foreman Just Challenged Steven Seagal To A No-Holds-Barred Fight
[From the tweet in the above-linked article] "One on one, I use boxing you can use whatever,” Foreman tweeted.
Hmmm...I don't usually go for pay-per-view boxing or MMA, but I could make an exception in this case. My money's on Foreman FTW!
posted by mosk at 1:16 PM on October 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
George Foreman Just Challenged Steven Seagal To A No-Holds-Barred Fight
[From the tweet in the above-linked article] "One on one, I use boxing you can use whatever,” Foreman tweeted.
Hmmm...I don't usually go for pay-per-view boxing or MMA, but I could make an exception in this case. My money's on Foreman FTW!
posted by mosk at 1:16 PM on October 3, 2017 [5 favorites]
Seagal is such a fraud. This old man would kill him. Kill him, then sell some electric grills while standing on his body.
posted by ignignokt at 6:01 AM on October 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ignignokt at 6:01 AM on October 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Shortly after this well-publicised rant, and indeed after the mass shooting in Las Vegas, Foreman tweeted: “Steven Seagal, I challenge you, one on one. I use boxing, you can use whatever. 10 rounds in Vegas.”
Well. I think you’ll agree those few characters contain multitudes, but the big-fight trash talk has been formally opened with that “you can use whatever”. As students of Seagal’s work will know, Steven has a seventh dan black belt in aikido, and a 10th dan in making it sound like he was given his powers by Buddha at a mountain rendezvous in Nepal, sometime between the mid-Mahajanapada era and the North American theatrical release of Above the Law. He has spent a lifetime talking up his “whatever”, while always remaining sufficiently adaptable to improvise a weapon from a bar towel, microwave or Native American something-or-other. To hear this art form – the sweet pseudoscience – dismissed as “whatever” by Foreman will surely send him up the wall.
George Foreman fighting Steven Seagal in Vegas? It’s the least we deserve
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:47 AM on October 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
Well. I think you’ll agree those few characters contain multitudes, but the big-fight trash talk has been formally opened with that “you can use whatever”. As students of Seagal’s work will know, Steven has a seventh dan black belt in aikido, and a 10th dan in making it sound like he was given his powers by Buddha at a mountain rendezvous in Nepal, sometime between the mid-Mahajanapada era and the North American theatrical release of Above the Law. He has spent a lifetime talking up his “whatever”, while always remaining sufficiently adaptable to improvise a weapon from a bar towel, microwave or Native American something-or-other. To hear this art form – the sweet pseudoscience – dismissed as “whatever” by Foreman will surely send him up the wall.
George Foreman fighting Steven Seagal in Vegas? It’s the least we deserve
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:47 AM on October 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
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posted by Artw at 2:17 PM on September 27, 2017 [9 favorites]