Comments on: Comments on 16978

Post number 16978

ashbury — Wed, 08 May 2002 06:14:03 -0800

Have you heard of the Feminine Empire of Aristasia? It seems to be "an alternative reality that is really lived by girls today." Whether this is fact or elaborate fiction, there is a crowd of websites out there devoted to this subject. There is a glossary, a pinup area of ideal Aristasians, even types of people. Is this Lesbian role playing? Is it real? You be the judge: Google it.

By: Fenriss

Fenriss — Wed, 08 May 2002 07:52:33 -0800

I've been aware of Aristasia for many years. In some ways, it's absolutely charming, and the language of "blondes and brunettes" has found its way into my regular speech. On the other hand, it's a little troubling in its extreme authoritarianism. The philosophy behind it is diametrically opposed to the individualism that's so popular in America. The inventors (inventrices?) of Aristasia have pointed out that their outlook is pretty uniquely British, so maybe it's beyond me as an American to grasp their point entirely? I don't know. It's really a fascinating little universe they have created. I find myself doubting that it can hold much interest for men though, since it's so completely and deliberately geared toward a feminine model.

By: precocious

precocious — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:14:34 -0800

From one of the sites, an explanation of the two "sexes" of Aristasia:

Both blondes and brunettes are entirely feminine, but blondes are ultra-feminine. Blondes are softer and more yielding, physically and psychologically. Some of them are pert and scatterbrained, while others are smart but sweet and shy. They are considered to be far more ethereal and closer to the divine. For this reason brunettes cherish and protect them -- the ideal of chivalry is very important to Aristasian brunettes. Brunettes are stronger, both physically and psychologically, and braver and more practical. One might say that brunettes are the dominant sex, but blondes the superior sex.

I think I'll pass, thanks.

By: darukaru

darukaru — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:24:16 -0800

Well, it sounds better than Gor, at least.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:25:00 -0800

Artesians and Lileks seem to share an interest - pictures of pin-ups randomly losing their panties.

By: moz

moz — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:26:46 -0800

also: art frahm. aristasians sound like employees of arista records.

By: moz

moz — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:27:34 -0800

(i think it's art frahm who did the paintings of women carrying groceries who, upon greeting an ill-timed wind, would suddenly find their panties at their feet.)

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:28:39 -0800

Yes, he drew them. It wasn't the wind, it was the celery.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:31:30 -0800

Ooops I typed Artesians. As in well. Oh well.

By: twitch

twitch — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:32:41 -0800

Lesbian Imperialism. I knew somewhere there had to be an antithesis to the separatist riot-grrl lesbianism that's popular in America.

By: Mars Saxman

Mars Saxman — Wed, 08 May 2002 08:59:09 -0800

What a wonderfully strange corner of the Web. Thanks for sharing the link. It's always a pleasure stumbling on an alternate reality imagined in such detail. -Mars

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 08 May 2002 09:04:21 -0800

I agree with Mars. Beautifully done. I imagine we all have some world like this living in our heads. I know this one is females only, but can I move in as like a boy friday or something. I promise I'll be good.

By: different

different — Wed, 08 May 2002 09:49:54 -0800

What's a redhead to do? (Perhaps it's in there somewhere, but I can't see it).

By: amarynth

amarynth — Wed, 08 May 2002 09:56:44 -0800

From the Q&A In Aristasia Pura redheads are either blonde or brunette (just as redheads are either male or female on earth). Dark redheads are brunette, fair ones blonde. Red hair can denote a slight hormonal ambiguity, but Aristasians are always of one sex or the other. In Aristasia-in-Telluria, of course, the actual colour of one's hair is of no significance. Blonde or brunette is a matter of personality type.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:02:24 -0800

Apparently, jonmc, no you can't.

By: CatherineB

CatherineB — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:10:34 -0800

Judging by this it looks like the whole thing was initially invented by a London dominatrix to drum up business, and must since have developed a life of its own. It's all rather creepy actually - like a Sheri Tepper novel crossed with the musings of the tipsy wife of a Conservative MP...

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:33:07 -0800

Men may only reside in Telluria, you swain. Men may not pass through the portals of Aristasia or Aristasia-in-Telluria.

By: witchstone

witchstone — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:41:52 -0800

so if you color or bleach your hair, does that make you a transsexual?

By: willnot

willnot — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:42:06 -0800

But he's black on the left side of his face, and I'm black on the right side!

By: CatherineB

CatherineB — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:47:26 -0800

so if you color or bleach your hair, does that make you a transsexual? Seeing as the top half of my hair is currently red and the bottom half is brunette, then according to Aristasian 1930s-inspired social norms, I'm probably sexually deviant enough to deserve to be locked up and given electroshock therapy...

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 08 May 2002 10:59:01 -0800

swain??

By: moz

moz — Wed, 08 May 2002 11:28:53 -0800

iconomy: at least we men still have tanworth-on-arden. and, of course: strange meeting II. i would propose an all-male world as a mirror to the all-female world, but to be honest, i'd rather live in the all-female world. (well, maybe not a world with millions. but, you know, like me and ten girls.)

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 08 May 2002 13:16:58 -0800

OK, I looked up "swain" swain n. 1. A country lad, especially a young shepherd. 2. A beau. Just leave my flock out of this, alright...

By: yhbc

yhbc — Wed, 08 May 2002 13:21:27 -0800

I think she meant "swine". So get the flock out of here, okay?

By: UncleFes

UncleFes — Wed, 08 May 2002 14:41:44 -0800

OK: who's doing the oil changes in Aristasia, hmm? Who's mowing the lawn? Who's killing spiders? Not the brunettes, I'll tell you that. They have to have some man-slaves in there somewhere, refolding maps and stuff. Jonmc, your day will come!

By: davidgentle

davidgentle — Wed, 08 May 2002 15:18:22 -0800

Why would you want to live with rabid sexist scum?

By: elphTeq

elphTeq — Wed, 08 May 2002 19:50:09 -0800

I still dont understand how the little Aristasians are born. Immaculate conceptions, perhaps? ...and isn't a heirarchial power structure still very masculine? ...and what do the brunettes [the knights of the realm] need to protect the blondes from if there aren't any men? Other brunettes? Fashion faux pas? Very scary stuff indeed. Aristasia confuses me, give me Narnia any day [but thankyou for allowing me to visit- great links]. :)

By: Poagao

Poagao — Wed, 08 May 2002 21:01:54 -0800

So. A world of apparently exclusively caucasian women who measure gender with hair color. This tops my list of places Dante forgot to include in his description of hell.

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Thu, 09 May 2002 00:40:00 -0800

Poagao: Not entirely caucasian, at least not on this night. For what it's worth.

By: Fenriss

Fenriss — Thu, 09 May 2002 07:04:58 -0800

I still dont understand how the little Aristasians are born. It was once theorized that it has something to do with the brunette's tongue, but such speculation is more than frowned upon.