Lick your own cat

October 22, 2017 4:39 PM

As featured on Mashable, the successfully Kickstarter-funded LICKI Brush allows the cat owner to "realistically" simulate licking their cat.
posted by Wordshore (48 comments total)

Reading the kickstarter, oh that's kind of cu-- WHAT YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH WHAT NO NO NO DO NOT WANT.
posted by lovecrafty at 4:48 PM on October 22, 2017 [16 favorites]

I was hoping it would be like a condom you wear over your tongue.
posted by JohnFromGR at 4:55 PM on October 22, 2017 [17 favorites]

Why do I have the suspicion that MeFites are perhaps not going to be entirely serious about this product?
posted by Wordshore at 4:57 PM on October 22, 2017 [11 favorites]

Ok,Ben is pretty cool with any brush and totally cool with the flea comb. He also comes when I whistle. I'm totally KatDaddy, right?
posted by halfbuckaroo at 4:58 PM on October 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

allows the cat owner to "realistically" simulate licking their cat

First of all, oh hell to the naw. Second, what self-respecting cat would tolerate this without proceeding to remove several layers of licking-simulator's skin?
posted by fuse theorem at 5:05 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

Gently grasp LICKI's bite portion with your teeth, slowly approach your cat when she is sleeping or in an otherwise pleasant mood, and ease into the soothing and mutually beneficial licking behavior of cats.

2017: it's the future, and okay, you're not getting flying cars, but you are getting LICKI
posted by halation at 5:12 PM on October 22, 2017 [15 favorites]

Why would you need to 'simulate' this perfectly normal bonding activity?
posted by Flashman at 5:13 PM on October 22, 2017 [21 favorites]

God, that toxoplasma gondii is getting smarter every single year.
posted by ZaphodB at 5:14 PM on October 22, 2017 [74 favorites]

Just no. Sorry cats.

(Cats are most likely not too sorry)
posted by Artw at 5:20 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

We don't have raspy cat tongues but cats don't have dexterous fingers so perhaps it all evens out without resorting to prosthetics...
posted by jim in austin at 5:23 PM on October 22, 2017 [10 favorites]

this is a kink thing, huh?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:32 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

this is a kink thing, huh?

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO EVEN BRIEFLY CONSIDER OTHER USES FOR THIS PRODUCT. METAFILTER IS A FAMILY WEBSITE.
posted by Wordshore at 5:34 PM on October 22, 2017 [46 favorites]

Why do I have the suspicion that MeFites are perhaps not going to be entirely serious about this product?

I will give you a serious answer Wordshore. I am a grown-ass man with a fully functional face, why would I need a prosthetic tongue to lick my cats? This is like that $700 machine that squeezes juice bags that are easily hand-squeezable. This is just gilding the lily.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:34 PM on October 22, 2017 [6 favorites]

I can't help but feel that this is only a leading indicator of our failure as a species.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:35 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

This is totally going to solve Kickstarter's image problem.
posted by 4ster at 5:42 PM on October 22, 2017 [8 favorites]

Gently grasp LICKI's bite portion with your teeth, slowly approach your cat when she is sleeping or in an otherwise pleasant mood, and ease into the soothing and mutually beneficial licking behavior of cats.

It sounds better if you imagine it being read aloud by Barry White.
posted by Wordshore at 5:50 PM on October 22, 2017 [39 favorites]

Have you ever wanted to lick your cat?

No.
posted by cirhosis at 5:52 PM on October 22, 2017 [8 favorites]

Don't have a cat and don't really don't give a fig about this concept but check this out; the biggest donor's name is Scotto P. Blondiguy. That name really scans as fake to me. Why would you feel like hiding your identity because you want to make it easier for people to lick their cats?
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 5:53 PM on October 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

the biggest donor's name is Scotto P. Blondiguy

That's a plausible name for a billionaire Bond villain, who owns and lives in a hi-tech volcanic island lair with a sole companion...
posted by Wordshore at 6:01 PM on October 22, 2017 [12 favorites]

what self-respecting cat would tolerate this without proceeding to remove several layers of licking-simulator's skin?
By coincidence, I adopted a stray cat and learned the word 'flense' at about the same time.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 6:28 PM on October 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

I had two cats, brothers Black and White. They had this pattern of behavior, when White started grooming Black, stand well back and watch. You are about to see CAT WAR.

You'd have to be crazy to lick Black.
posted by adept256 at 6:31 PM on October 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

yeah but how am I going to find out how the cat tastes this way

that seems like a major oversight to me

smh crowdfunding
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:34 PM on October 22, 2017 [11 favorites]

And now I understand why some cats will eat their humans when they die.
posted by Fizz at 6:37 PM on October 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

I don't understand what problem this product is supposed to be solving. I already lick my cat every day without the help of any tool, brush or otherwise. Am I missing something here...?
posted by roast beef on the moon at 6:56 PM on October 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

Look you know how people say so-and-so or whoozamahummina is "dead in the eyes," right.
I would prefer that to the two-ton heavy thing of emotions that is this.

Hold me I'm scare
posted by herrdoktor at 7:08 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

but check this out; the biggest donor's name is Scotto P. Blondiguy.

My name is Scotto, I like to get blotto!
...and lick my cats.
posted by Slinga at 7:09 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

People are weird.
posted by Catblack at 7:17 PM on October 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

I read the kickstarter page and I sort-of suspect the creators don't actually own cats, given that they suggest: "Invite your friends and their cats over for LICKI parties"

IF YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR CAT AGAIN BECAUSE HE'S HIDING UNDER THE BED BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT STRANGE CATS INTO THE HOUSE, sure, have a LICKI party!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:26 PM on October 22, 2017 [14 favorites]

People are weird.
posted by Catblack at 10:17 PM on October 22 [+] [!]

Eponypropriate.
posted by Fizz at 7:30 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

I remember a line from a movie that stated, " It is OK to love your pet but not LOVE your pet." The Licki is entering a realm that ends up with balrogs, volcanoes and other things that punish hubris. I am waiting for Wordshore to tie this back some how to English village life...
posted by jadepearl at 8:06 PM on October 22, 2017 [3 favorites]

50 points to Toxoplasma Gondii.
posted by amtho at 9:21 PM on October 22, 2017 [5 favorites]

Reading the kickstarter, oh that's kind of cu-- WHAT YOU PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH WHAT NO NO NO DO NOT WANT.

It's funny because when I saw "lick your cat" followed up with "brush" I was disappointed because I assumed the mouth would not actually be involved. Well well well...
posted by atoxyl at 10:23 PM on October 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

jadepearl, I think it's The Truth About Cats and Dogs.
posted by Smearcase at 10:32 PM on October 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

This needs a rewards tier where it ships with a giant tab of bunk acid.
posted by 7segment at 2:37 AM on October 23, 2017 [5 favorites]

I read the kickstarter page and I sort-of suspect the creators don't actually own cats, given that they suggest: "Invite your friends and their cats over for LICKI parties"

OK this is barely disguised fetish gear right?
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:51 AM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

Who are these people?!
posted by acb at 4:07 AM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

OK this is barely disguised fetish gear right?

I'm still waiting for the "pussy licker" comment.

+1 for MrsSlocombe tag.
posted by carter at 5:34 AM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

You can also just use a toothbrush to make your cat feel like they’re being licked.
posted by Banknote of the year at 8:55 AM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

What the hell kind of toothpaste do YOU use
posted by delfin at 8:59 AM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

First of all, oh hell to the naw. Second, what self-respecting cat would tolerate this without proceeding to remove several layers of licking-simulator's skin?
I'm actually pretty sure I could get away with this on two out of three cats. I frequently pretend to eat their faces, generally demolish their dignity, and maul them without much more than the odd mew of complaint.

I'm just not sure why I would want to.
posted by sciatrix at 9:41 AM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

yeah but how am I going to find out how the cat tastes this way

first, close all windows and turn the air conditioner to high
then pretend to fall asleep with your mouth open
cat will either sit on your face
or try to burrow into your mouth to keep warm

note: cat butt tastes terrible.
posted by zarq at 10:53 AM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

cat will either sit on your face
or try to burrow into your mouth to keep warm

Or slowly, gently, reach into your mouth to touch your tongue with one paw just to see if it's alive.
posted by amtho at 12:01 PM on October 23, 2017 [10 favorites]

See, I am not the target demographic of these products. When I wanted to lick my cat I would get a coarse cotton washcloth, dampen it slightly and use a corner of it to groom the area that need attention.... And I would dampen it with hot tap water, not spit.

Did my poor cats all die disappointed? My last cat passed away at the age of nineteen.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:33 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

When one cat licks another cat, does it always lick with the grain of the fur? The people in the video don't seem to.
posted by Baeria at 9:28 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

I feel like this is a shortcut to, among other silliness, a neck injury.
posted by batter_my_heart at 1:11 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

First off I was surprised, that I didn't need to click any "I am over 18 years old" button before viewing the product.
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 1:39 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

When one cat licks another cat, does it always lick with the grain of the fur?

I don't think so, but a cat is only licking <= 1 square inch at a time. I think having a whole human hand's (or tongue's) width of fur licked/brushed backward at a time would feel significantly different.
posted by amtho at 3:33 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I would never in a million years stick that stupid brush in my mouth, but I recently started using a Tangle Teezer on my cat, just to help with shedding, and he FREAKING. LOVES. IT. SO. MUCH. He'll come running if I so much as pick it up. It also pulls out a TON of loose fur. So: cat brushes yes, this dumb face brush, absolutely not.
posted by nerdfish at 4:01 AM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]