When an AI tries writing Slashdot headlines
October 23, 2017 11:59 AM Subscribe
Slashdot wanted to see what machine-generated headlines would look like. So they asked research scientist Janelle Shane to train an open source neural network on the site's 20 years of tech news headlines -- over 162,000. Shane writes that some "appeared to come from an alternate, much more advanced, somewhat terrifying timeline."
Some of the headlines...
Microsoft Releases New Months
More Pong Users for Kernel Project
New Company Revises Super-Things For Problems
I Wants To Control of the Net
Apple Says the Moon Project To Pay $1.7 Billion For Free Software
Google Returns To the Space Station
Microsoft Slashdot: How To Build a Bad Privacy For Windows 10
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
This is the same researcher who trained an open source neural network to generate recipes, kitten names, pickup lines and D&D spells. But in this case she's attempting to distill all of humanity's greatest technological advancements down to a few quintessential words...
Some of the headlines...
Microsoft Releases New Months
More Pong Users for Kernel Project
New Company Revises Super-Things For Problems
I Wants To Control of the Net
Apple Says the Moon Project To Pay $1.7 Billion For Free Software
Google Returns To the Space Station
Microsoft Slashdot: How To Build a Bad Privacy For Windows 10
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
This is the same researcher who trained an open source neural network to generate recipes, kitten names, pickup lines and D&D spells. But in this case she's attempting to distill all of humanity's greatest technological advancements down to a few quintessential words...
New Company Revises Super-Things For Problems
This is every Silicon Valley press release ever.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 12:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [45 favorites]
This is every Silicon Valley press release ever.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 12:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [45 favorites]
I feel strongly that Sexual Security should NOT allow Australia.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
'I Wants To Control of the Net' is an alt-reality version of 'all my base...'
posted by jayz at 12:09 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by jayz at 12:09 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
Mac OS X Accused of the Business
I’m pretty sure it was tried and convicted, too.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:15 PM on October 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
I’m pretty sure it was tried and convicted, too.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:15 PM on October 23, 2017 [11 favorites]
I did this for Hacker News submissions. I mean *I* thought they were funny. Some people didn't get the joke.
Previously, I (my neural net) did Ask MeFi questions and British Placenames.
posted by danhon at 12:28 PM on October 23, 2017 [31 favorites]
Previously, I (my neural net) did Ask MeFi questions and British Placenames.
posted by danhon at 12:28 PM on October 23, 2017 [31 favorites]
I'm pretty sure these are just headlines from the Walternate universe. If we start to see repeated zeppelin mentions, that will confirm it.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:35 PM on October 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:35 PM on October 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
Also, why won't Google tell us what caused them to leave the space station in the first place?
What happened with the previous attempts to return?
What don't they want us to know?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
What happened with the previous attempts to return?
What don't they want us to know?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:51 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
"U.S. Considering Death of the Solar System"
Very 2017
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:56 PM on October 23, 2017 [18 favorites]
Very 2017
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:56 PM on October 23, 2017 [18 favorites]
"Microsoft Releases New Months"
Maybe they're hoping to force IRL time to sync up with their laughably inaccurate "X minutes remaining" progress-bar estimates for any process that takes longer than about two seconds.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:04 PM on October 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
Maybe they're hoping to force IRL time to sync up with their laughably inaccurate "X minutes remaining" progress-bar estimates for any process that takes longer than about two seconds.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:04 PM on October 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
'I Wants To Control of the Net' is an alt-reality version of 'all my base...'
See also "How Do You Design To Stay Them Bomb".
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:12 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
See also "How Do You Design To Stay Them Bomb".
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:12 PM on October 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
2017: The Desist of the Planet
posted by not_the_water at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by not_the_water at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
CTRL-F "Beowulf cluster"
...
NO RESULTS FOUND
...
Keep trying, guys!
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:33 PM on October 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
...
NO RESULTS FOUND
...
Keep trying, guys!
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:33 PM on October 23, 2017 [7 favorites]
„Apple sues Apple“
posted by Omnomnom at 1:34 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Omnomnom at 1:34 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Actual subsequent headlines:
"Cyberdyne lands top military supercomputer contract."
"Skynet Funding Bill Passes"
"You won't believe this one neat trick for creating peace on Earth!"
IN A PANIC, THEY TRIED TO PULL THE PLUG
posted by zarq at 1:42 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Cyberdyne lands top military supercomputer contract."
"Skynet Funding Bill Passes"
"You won't believe this one neat trick for creating peace on Earth!"
IN A PANIC, THEY TRIED TO PULL THE PLUG
posted by zarq at 1:42 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Sun Sues Open Source Project Content
I suddenly find myself nostalgic for Geocities web rings and All Your Base memes.
posted by belarius at 1:48 PM on October 23, 2017
I suddenly find myself nostalgic for Geocities web rings and All Your Base memes.
posted by belarius at 1:48 PM on October 23, 2017
Security Hole For Security Hole
Computer Computer Computer Computer Software?
Yeah, sounds about right...
Scientists Discover Free Wi-Fi Store In the US
Wait, what?
Computer Finds Court Broke Math For Secret Company
German Porn Update To Compete At CNSR Healthy Court Says
posted by RedOrGreen at 2:12 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Computer Computer Computer Computer Software?
Yeah, sounds about right...
Scientists Discover Free Wi-Fi Store In the US
Wait, what?
Computer Finds Court Broke Math For Secret Company
German Porn Update To Compete At CNSR Healthy Court Says
posted by RedOrGreen at 2:12 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Security Hole in the Star Trek
Recent fan theory about Disco Trek... confirmed!
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:20 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Recent fan theory about Disco Trek... confirmed!
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:20 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Steve Jobs To Be Good
The only good Steve Jobs is a... wait, too soon?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:30 PM on October 23, 2017
The only good Steve Jobs is a... wait, too soon?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:30 PM on October 23, 2017
Some Computer Computer Solution of the New Company Computer
I'm pretty sure this is what my clients actually hear when I talk.
posted by soren_lorensen at 2:33 PM on October 23, 2017 [31 favorites]
I'm pretty sure this is what my clients actually hear when I talk.
posted by soren_lorensen at 2:33 PM on October 23, 2017 [31 favorites]
"Sun Sues Open Source Project Content"
Because war is definitely an open source project.
posted by Rufous-headed Towhee heehee at 2:47 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Because war is definitely an open source project.
posted by Rufous-headed Towhee heehee at 2:47 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Some of these were pretty good, but the true gold of the neural networks was found in the subsequent article which featured my new preferred programming sort, the Farter Sort.
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:52 PM on October 23, 2017
posted by Nanukthedog at 2:52 PM on October 23, 2017
CTRL-F "petrified", "Natalie Portman", "hot grits"
0 results
*flips table, returns to drawing board*
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:22 PM on October 23, 2017
0 results
*flips table, returns to drawing board*
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:22 PM on October 23, 2017
natalie portman petrified by a beowulf cluster of hot grits
posted by pyramid termite at 4:25 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by pyramid termite at 4:25 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
"Computer Computer Computer Computer Software?"
I got a strong "Being John Malkovich" vibe from that one.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:44 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
I got a strong "Being John Malkovich" vibe from that one.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:44 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
It's complicated
posted by penduluum at 4:45 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's complicated
posted by penduluum at 4:45 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
pyramid termite: natalie portman petrified by a beowulf cluster of hot grits
I think you'd only get that if you trained it on the comments.
Lord knows what you'd get if you trained it on the -1 comments.
posted by clawsoon at 5:00 PM on October 23, 2017
I think you'd only get that if you trained it on the comments.
Lord knows what you'd get if you trained it on the -1 comments.
posted by clawsoon at 5:00 PM on October 23, 2017
Apple Considering Debut in People Processors
Fair enough. If anyone could convince the world we're ready for Soylent Green it's Apple.
posted by N-stoff at 5:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Fair enough. If anyone could convince the world we're ready for Soylent Green it's Apple.
posted by N-stoff at 5:07 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Google Patents Intelligent Space Telescope
Officials Release Android Apps For New Space Telescope
Vote for what the telescope should decide to investigate! This will keep humans busy while...
IBM Moves to The Matrix
Makes sense.
U.S. Considering Death of the Solar System
Psh, we would.
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
Such existential angst from our future overlords.
posted by limeonaire at 5:41 PM on October 23, 2017
Officials Release Android Apps For New Space Telescope
Vote for what the telescope should decide to investigate! This will keep humans busy while...
IBM Moves to The Matrix
Makes sense.
U.S. Considering Death of the Solar System
Psh, we would.
Ask Slashdot: Do We Want To Be the Computers?
Such existential angst from our future overlords.
posted by limeonaire at 5:41 PM on October 23, 2017
Lord knows what you'd get if you trained it on the -1 comments.
richard spencer's tweeter feed
i wish to hell i was joking
posted by pyramid termite at 5:47 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
richard spencer's tweeter feed
i wish to hell i was joking
posted by pyramid termite at 5:47 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Some of these combine pretty well, too.
Your Own Portals: Security Hole For Security Hole
posted by chambers at 6:21 PM on October 23, 2017
Your Own Portals: Security Hole For Security Hole
posted by chambers at 6:21 PM on October 23, 2017
New State of Second Life
Ars Technica just did this one for real.
posted by wanderingmind at 6:49 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Ars Technica just did this one for real.
posted by wanderingmind at 6:49 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
I did this for academic journal article titles a little while ago. Most weren't funny because they were perfectly plausible titles. I ended up feeling overwhelmed, like, not only am I hopelessly behind on reading recent articles in my field, but here's another thousand articles from alternate future timelines I haven't read either.
This is not like that. I wonder how come these are funny and mine were not?
posted by lollusc at 6:58 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is not like that. I wonder how come these are funny and mine were not?
posted by lollusc at 6:58 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
people processors aka Mechanical Turk
posted by quinndexter at 7:18 PM on October 23, 2017
posted by quinndexter at 7:18 PM on October 23, 2017
"Microsoft Releases New Months"<slashdot joke>
Maybe they're hoping to force IRL time to sync up with their laughably inaccurate "X minutes remaining" progress-bar estimates for any process that takes longer than about two seconds.
They're going back to "embrace and extend".
</slashdot joke>
posted by Horkus at 7:24 PM on October 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is not like that. I wonder how come these are funny and mine were not?
I trained up a LSTM with a number of different short-text corpora after reading her wonderful blog, and the main thing I realized is that she must do a heck of a lot of selection after the generation stage to find her great examples. Which is not a dig -- in fact, the art of selecting the crazy recipes and grouping them in a funny sequence is actually more impressive to me now than the neural network. But it would also be nice when people post these lists to see the human selection percentage -- my guess is that for most cases, it's less than 1%.
posted by chortly at 9:06 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
I trained up a LSTM with a number of different short-text corpora after reading her wonderful blog, and the main thing I realized is that she must do a heck of a lot of selection after the generation stage to find her great examples. Which is not a dig -- in fact, the art of selecting the crazy recipes and grouping them in a funny sequence is actually more impressive to me now than the neural network. But it would also be nice when people post these lists to see the human selection percentage -- my guess is that for most cases, it's less than 1%.
posted by chortly at 9:06 PM on October 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
"Computer Computer Computer Computer Software?"
I got a strong "Being John Malkovich" vibe from that one.
See also "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo"?
posted by Philofacts at 2:56 PM on October 24, 2017
I got a strong "Being John Malkovich" vibe from that one.
See also "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo"?
posted by Philofacts at 2:56 PM on October 24, 2017
chortly: Which is not a dig -- in fact, the art of selecting the crazy recipes and grouping them in a funny sequence is actually more impressive to me now than the neural network. But it would also be nice when people post these lists to see the human selection percentage -- my guess is that for most cases, it's less than 1%.
Next step: Train a neural net on which headlines humans find funny.
Could you train it on just the headlines, or would you have to train it on All The Things + headlines + human response?
posted by clawsoon at 7:23 PM on October 24, 2017
Next step: Train a neural net on which headlines humans find funny.
Could you train it on just the headlines, or would you have to train it on All The Things + headlines + human response?
posted by clawsoon at 7:23 PM on October 24, 2017
Well, I trained up my LSTM neural network with the Infodump list of titles, and this is what it produced after a few hours of running. As per my previous comment, I'll confess to a 5-10% selection percentage, and I've grouped a few of the most common themes I saw in the output.
Most quintessential:
The Story of the World
The State of the World
The Best of the World
More stories:
The Story of the Best War
The Story of Harder Photography
But what the story of the porn?
I have a good story.
Libraries:
The Death of the First Library
The Library of The State of the Universe
Star wars:
The Short Story of South Korean Star Wars Stories
The Internet Star Wars Are So Bank
Short titles:
Let's Get the Sea
Here I got your car.
See the Bad Literature
The Pope of the Showdown
Longer and crazier:
The President Commission of the Soul
Death of a Super Southern Consciousness
The Complete Subway Assassination of Peace
The Mathematics of Georgia in Fundamentalism
The Sound of the Price of Conceptual Translation
A confession of the state of the World of the Moon
Good Monoliths and Statistics and the Santa Contest
The Secret Complete Complete Super Case of American Martin Street Stars
Maybe I can be a form of the problem with the history of the Roman Media competition in the pictures.
posted by chortly at 7:23 PM on October 24, 2017
Most quintessential:
The Story of the World
The State of the World
The Best of the World
More stories:
The Story of the Best War
The Story of Harder Photography
But what the story of the porn?
I have a good story.
Libraries:
The Death of the First Library
The Library of The State of the Universe
Star wars:
The Short Story of South Korean Star Wars Stories
The Internet Star Wars Are So Bank
Short titles:
Let's Get the Sea
Here I got your car.
See the Bad Literature
The Pope of the Showdown
Longer and crazier:
The President Commission of the Soul
Death of a Super Southern Consciousness
The Complete Subway Assassination of Peace
The Mathematics of Georgia in Fundamentalism
The Sound of the Price of Conceptual Translation
A confession of the state of the World of the Moon
Good Monoliths and Statistics and the Santa Contest
The Secret Complete Complete Super Case of American Martin Street Stars
Maybe I can be a form of the problem with the history of the Roman Media competition in the pictures.
posted by chortly at 7:23 PM on October 24, 2017
And finally, here is the neural network trained on AskMe titles -- a small selection of the most common forms:
What do I need to know about love in the US?
What can I do with my partner to a friend?
My boyfriend wants to be a better way to get out of my problem.
What to do with a big baby?
What to do with a man in a baby?
Internet Shoe Problems
What should I do with my mother?
What should I do with a bad idea?
Who wrote the story about a tomato?
Should I sell my family to replace my car in the US?
What is the best way to sell a small country and a business card?
posted by chortly at 12:12 PM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
What do I need to know about love in the US?
What can I do with my partner to a friend?
My boyfriend wants to be a better way to get out of my problem.
What to do with a big baby?
What to do with a man in a baby?
Internet Shoe Problems
What should I do with my mother?
What should I do with a bad idea?
Who wrote the story about a tomato?
Should I sell my family to replace my car in the US?
What is the best way to sell a small country and a business card?
posted by chortly at 12:12 PM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
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It may be the only hope.
posted by nubs at 12:05 PM on October 23, 2017 [3 favorites]