Lessons from the Worst Food Hack of 2017
November 11, 2017 9:43 PM   Subscribe

In the video, Weidner, chipper and chatty, lobs a few big spoonfuls of smooth peanut butter onto a piece of wax paper, folds it, then runs over its surface with a rolling pin to spread the peanut butter thin. She puts the whole thing in the freezer and, when it’s sufficiently chilled, cuts the hardened sheet into sandwich-size squares that she keeps in a stack, à la Kraft Singles. […] On Facebook, commenters, eighteen thousand of them, were not buying it. “Love this . . . since having kids I had to quit my job due to the amount of time I needed to spread peanut butter each day,” one woman wrote. “Maybe now I can go back to work part-time!”
posted by Johnny Wallflower (177 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
As with a lot of oft-mocked products and ideas, this is probably great for people with disabilities (arthritis, maybe?) that make certain hand movements harder than others. Most of the movements/coordination required to make the squares seem, at least to me, to be easier than spreading something with the right amount, even coverage, no damage to bread, etc.

I'm just going to be sad for this lady when kraft PB singles come out, sell like hotcakes, and she makes nothing off it.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 9:51 PM on November 11 [43 favorites]


this looks awesome, I do truly hate spreading peanut butter on bread. It always wrecks the bread. Plus TBH you clearly just eat these instead of putting them in a sandwich. It's fun to eat things that are frozen, even if you can eat them unfrozen.
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 9:53 PM on November 11 [15 favorites]


I do truly hate spreading peanut butter on bread. It always wrecks the bread.

this has never happened to me in my four decades of making PBJ sandwiches, are you using a trowel or something
posted by roger ackroyd at 9:56 PM on November 11 [118 favorites]


Now I want to do the same thing with jelly and make a lattice PB&J

this is the only food hack I have ever enjoyed!
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 9:56 PM on November 11 [12 favorites]


I'm just going to be sad for this lady when kraft PB singles come out, sell like hotcakes, and she makes nothing off it.

It has already happened, gloriouslyincandescent.
posted by 41swans at 9:58 PM on November 11 [5 favorites]


this has never happened to me in my four decades of making PBJ sandwiches, are you using a trowel or something

1) "Natural" peanut butter. Yeah I know it's the worst but some people I know insist on it
2) Soft, delicate, actually-white "wheat" bread
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 9:58 PM on November 11 [27 favorites]


Huh. Before watching the video I just sort of assumed the point of the exercise was to have a stack of thin squares of frozen peanut butter for snacking. As a time and bread saver, meh, but as a snack—hell yeah!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:09 PM on November 11 [3 favorites]


What? No peanut butter fountain?
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:13 PM on November 11


this is probably great for people with disabilities

Particularly people with FPSD.

Anyway, worst kitchen hack or not, someone got an article on the newyorker from it, so there's that.
posted by Laotic at 10:16 PM on November 11 [4 favorites]


you solve this by toasting the bread
posted by PinkMoose at 10:16 PM on November 11 [28 favorites]


listen what you have to understand before you're ever going to be good at making peanut butter sandwiches

is that peanut butter is a non-newtonian fluid
posted by murphy slaw at 10:27 PM on November 11 [29 favorites]


It always wrecks the bread.

Perhaps you need to turn up the thermostat in your kitchen?
posted by darksasami at 10:28 PM on November 11 [2 favorites]


I swear these used to exist in the grocery store at some point.

UPDATE: boom
posted by rhizome at 10:30 PM on November 11 [7 favorites]


Hmm, I wonder if the all-natural peanut butter ruins the bread because it had been used before it was completely stirred (with forearms of steel)? Once it gets to that dry point, I just start omitting the bread and eating the peanut butter on its own.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:38 PM on November 11 [1 favorite]


Youtube link for people (like me) who don't have facebook accounts.

Looks like a wonderful lifehack for SAHMs who have kitchens the size of my entire lounging/cooking/eating area, and a yard to send the kidlets off to play in while you're managing goopy peanut butter on the kitchen counter.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 10:47 PM on November 11 [6 favorites]


I need something similar for jam. A jar of jam or jelly does not get opened in my kitchen but that random things end up sticky. Give me a way to cleanly prepare the J of a PBJ and we'll talk.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:55 PM on November 11


Why stop there? Coat each square in a thin layer of gelatin using some weird molecular gastronomy technique, then dust it with corn starch so it's not sticky. Now you can use them at room temperature, maybe!
posted by 0xFCAF at 10:56 PM on November 11 [3 favorites]


YouTube link

Thanks, ErisLordFreedom. Could the duty mod please replace the first link in the post with this one?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:59 PM on November 11


[Replaced!]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:00 PM on November 11 [2 favorites]


The advantages I see are: I can properly portion my peanut butter. I can keep my hands clean. I can prep a bunch of these and it is done.

The disadvantages I see are: it doesn't save time, it just moves it to a different time. It wastes parchment paper. I still have to spread. If I make this too far in advance the oils will separate and you'll get some bad consistency issues.

I don't think this is a bad food hack. I've done shit like this is a restaurant (portion control and shape control) but yeah... any time a freezer is involved you are cutting proteins...
posted by Nanukthedog at 11:01 PM on November 11 [4 favorites]


Another way to ensure structural integrity of bread, is to store the bread in the freezer.
posted by oceano at 11:01 PM on November 11 [3 favorites]


I have a vague memory of seeing pb singles for sale sometime in the 80s.
posted by brujita at 11:55 PM on November 11


Nowdays you can just get these.
posted by eye of newt at 11:55 PM on November 11


Uncrustables are sandwiches with training wheels.
posted by rhizome at 11:57 PM on November 11 [2 favorites]




Did no one read the article far enough to find out about the long egg? Because holy moses.
posted by Going To Maine at 12:00 AM on November 12 [33 favorites]


Sort of vaguely relevant: Viz Top Tips; Le conseil futé de bonne-maman; inspect a gadget.
posted by Segundus at 12:09 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


Anyway, what kind of abusive parents give their kids smooth peanut butter?
posted by darksasami at 12:23 AM on November 12 [12 favorites]


The long egg made me feel vaguely uncomfortable.
posted by Salamander at 12:36 AM on November 12 [8 favorites]


> The long egg made me feel vaguely uncomfortable.

You didn't have to lay it!
posted by merlynkline at 12:42 AM on November 12 [36 favorites]


this has never happened to me in my four decades of making PBJ sandwiches, are you using a trowel or something

some people, i am not accusing anyone in this thread but these people exist, some people put the peanut butter in the fridge and the soft sliced white bread in the cabinet. under these inhumane conditions, spreading is a horrifying massacre of torn bread and icy peanut butter chunks.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:44 AM on November 12 [71 favorites]


it doesn't save time, it just moves it to a different time.

Moving food prep out of the getting-ready-for-school-and-work morning rush is a huge benefit for some people though.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 1:18 AM on November 12 [11 favorites]


Now I want to do the same thing with jelly and make a lattice PB&J

I'm considering making two of the peanut butter squares, spreading them with jam, and sticking them together as a no-bread sandwich.
posted by lollusc at 1:22 AM on November 12 [9 favorites]


You'd have to eat it fast enough that it doesn't become a no-bread pile of goop.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:39 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I don't know how you all eat your peanut butter sandwiches, but my big problem with this is that the sheet of peanut butter isn't like a half an inch thick.
posted by aubilenon at 1:47 AM on November 12 [45 favorites]


you need to fill a sheet pan with peanut butter, freeze it, and then cut out brownie-sized wedges
posted by poffin boffin at 2:20 AM on November 12 [41 favorites]




As a longtime natural peanut butter snob (don't @ me) I have learned to keep the PB on the shelf. Having just bought my first 'eko' PB in Europe I found it so oily I could barely keep it on the knife. So, in the fridge it goes, and now it is the perfect consistency for spreading.

Tl;dr : the sociotechnical system of factory, packaging, user, and home appliances have to work in harmony to achieve what Kraft has with palm oil and emulsifier
posted by anthill at 3:00 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


FWIW, that "real peanut oil separation/my children's inability to stir it back in w/o making a mess" issue would appear to be resolved here.

Of course, resolving the root-cause of the issue is best.
posted by mikelieman at 3:19 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


Isn't a piece that generates 1800 Facebook comments (and a magazine article and lots of other interest) a hugely successful piece and exactly the outcome she was going for?
posted by hawthorne at 3:19 AM on November 12 [7 favorites]


Isn't a piece that generates 1800 Facebook comments (and a magazine article and lots of other interest) a hugely successful piece and exactly the outcome she was going for?

I'm unclear about the "all that" -> profit$! step, myself.
posted by mikelieman at 3:21 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


I mean look at all the discussion fostered.
posted by Dr Dracator at 3:22 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I mean look at all the discussion fostered.

Metafilter: See bean-plating (verb)
posted by mikelieman at 3:33 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


I googled it, just for giggles, but once again, I'm right Google Results for "bean-plating (verb)"
posted by mikelieman at 3:37 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


Did no one read the article far enough to find out about the long egg? Because holy moses.

Lot of highs and lows in a stumbling foray into YouTube egg videos resulted from this search, a high being 'fried poached eggs' and a low being 'wreath made of hot dog surrounding poached egg'.

The long egg is both gross and inspirational. I thought 'how revolting' and 'I want to make one'. It seems hard to make them at home, which is just as well.

I think the grossest thing about the long egg is buying it packaged, a long smooth cylinder of egg.

Althoughhhhhhhh.....what if you made somehow you made a long *deviled egg*

I both like eggs and find them gross.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:41 AM on November 12 [13 favorites]


Long egg is not similar to long pig, is it?
posted by Dr Dracator at 3:46 AM on November 12 [13 favorites]


I Googled 'egg art' and then 'cooked egg art' (why not?) and came up with this.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:46 AM on November 12 [15 favorites]


Long egg is not similar to long pig, is it?

i do not like long eggs and ham
i do not like them, hannibal-i-am
posted by halation at 3:48 AM on November 12 [13 favorites]


I am a Sandwich Master and I will fight anyone who says different
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:53 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Look I'm not going to judge anyone on how they prepare their food. That's their business. I mean, who am I , what do I really know about their life.

Wait...
In the video , Weidner, chipper and chatty, lobs a few big spoonfuls of smooth peanut butter
Nope, frozen or not, its crunchy or get the fuck out!
posted by Fizz at 4:38 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


If you go thru a lot of natural peanut butter, it’s worth it to bite the bullet and turn the whole jar out into a bowl, smoosh it until smooth, then put it back. No peanut butter Sahara at the bottom of the jar.

I believe if your jar of pb lasts more than a couple of weeks it will separate again, but in my household that’s strictly a hypothetical.
posted by bgribble at 5:02 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


Is she drinking a glass of wine or a glass of honey at the start of that video?
posted by floweredfish at 5:08 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I googled it, just for giggles, but once again, I'm right Google Results for "bean-plating (verb)"

Could you introduce me to Rihanna?
posted by Literaryhero at 5:10 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Remember when you could view youtube video listings by Most Viewed or Most Commented? Those probably fall into a mash / hash / re-hash-mash algorithm in "Trending" now, but on to my point: Most Commented - a fraction feeding Word of Mouth.

Intentional?

I don't see anything else. I mean, except that I learned you can freeze peanut butter without loss of its flavor or integrity?
posted by filtergik at 5:36 AM on November 12


I'm surprised we haven't seen individual slices of PB sold in grocery stores right next to the individual slices of cheese.
posted by Beholder at 5:45 AM on November 12


We keep the PB in the fridge because otherwise it gets too runny. Natural chunky PB, ingredients = peanuts and salt. No goddman palm oil so we don’t have to feel guilty about homeless orangutans while we eat peanut butter. Open jar, stir vigorously (helps immensely if you store the jar upside down for several days before opening - most of the oil ends up at the bottom, so it doesn’t goop out when stirring). Leave on counter while bread toasts, then smear some on.

Personally I don’t mind when it is a bit runny, I love when it is right in the middle in terms of consistency, and I even enjoy when it is turning chunky and dry near the end of the jar. I do not need to freeze my damn PB.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:18 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


(And don’t get me started on the shit national brand “natural” PB where “natural” means “no added sugar, but hey we still loaded it up with palm oil is it’s only 80% peanuts at best”)

(Seriously, check the ingredients, if it’s only 80% peanut wtf is the rest of the butter made of and why are you buying it???)
posted by caution live frogs at 6:21 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]



Related to the Long Egg, the Egg Master, as reviewed by the Guardian. I don't know why products like this always make me sad. I can only hope it was the result of an algorithmic product development bot, and not an actual human, because I don't know what to do with the thought that someone thought this was a good idea, and spent their time and money working to make it a reality.
posted by pykrete jungle at 6:24 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


TIL that some people are vehemently opposed to smooth peanut butter. I suppose those people also like pulp in their OJ and were never kids.
posted by grumpybear69 at 6:31 AM on November 12 [28 favorites]


>1) "Natural" peanut butter. Yeah I know it's the worst but some people I know insist on it
>2) Soft, delicate, actually-white "wheat" bread

Seems to me there's relatively little overlap between the natural-peanut-butter demographic and the Wonder Bread demographic. If you're having natural peanut butter (and I am), you serve it on that unsliced wheat bread that is comparable in durability to space shuttle heat-shield tiles.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 6:31 AM on November 12 [6 favorites]


I solved natural peanut butter by the following method (works only for creamy):

1. Own a high-powered food processor, the kind that can knead bread dough. This is useful for a host of other applications.
2. Upon bringing home a jar of natural PB, open it and dump the whole thing into the food processor, fitted with steel blade. Use spatula to scrape jar as necessary.
3. Process for a few minutes, scraping bowl as necessary, until oil is fully, smoothly incorporated and peanut butter reaches a nice smooth texture.
4. Spoon and scrape peanut butter back into jar. Replace lid.

After the food processor, the oil always remained properly suspended for as long as it took to use the jar. It was messy and annoying work up-front, but then I didn’t have to think about the peanut butter again until it was time for the next jar.

(Sadly, my good food processor finally bit the dust after 10 years. I haven’t yet found a replacement. I switched to regular PB.)

Strictly speaking, you could make your own PB with one of these food processors. Dump in shelled peanuts, process for about 15 minutes (which is a LONG time). The mixture will go from peanut chunks to peanut flour to oily peanut flour, and finally to peanut butter, as the oil gets properly blended back in. But I generally didn’t bother.
posted by snowmentality at 6:31 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


TIL that some people are vehemently opposed to smooth peanut butter. I suppose those people also like pulp in their OJ and were never kids.

chunky and smooth both have their merits but pulpy OJ is Abomination to all right-thinking persons
posted by halation at 6:34 AM on November 12 [11 favorites]


Sincere question -

Is it actually okay, from a food-spoilage standpoint, to not refrigerate peanut butter? I have always put it in the fridge after opening the jar because...bacteria, contamination, spoilage, etc. Do you honestly not have to?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:47 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


Is it actually okay, from a food-spoilage standpoint, to not refrigerate peanut butter? I have always put it in the fridge after opening the jar because...bacteria, contamination, spoilage, etc. Do you honestly not have to?

It's perfectly safe to keep the industrial stuff in a cupboard.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 6:53 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


You do not have to refrigerate natural peanut butter, unless you live in a very hot/humid climate. It may go rancid more quickly, or be more prone to develop mould, and once you *do* stir it up, the oils separate more slowly if you refrigerate it. But if you prefer stirring to fighting with cold and stiff peanut butter, you can totally keep it in a cool dark cabinet instead of the fridge, if you're going to eat it within 2-3 months.

Jif and Skippy and the like definitely don't need refrigeration.
posted by halation at 6:55 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


Is it actually okay, from a food-spoilage standpoint, to not refrigerate peanut butter?

There's a good argument for refrigerating actual, for-real, not pretend, made-from-peanuts-only natural PB, in order to stave-off the stuff going rancid. The good stuff from your childhood, though, like Jif, can sit on the shelf for-practically-ever.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:56 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


Like any fat it'll go rancid after a long while but there isn't really any need to refrigerate it if you go through a decent amount. The jar of peanut butter I have on my counter doesn't even say to keep refrigerated. Also it's Kraft peanut butter but palm oil isn't one of the ingredients; is this a US/Canada difference?
posted by Mitheral at 6:56 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I've never refrigerated even the own-brand packaged Whole Foods stuff, but I also generally buy in the Skippy/Jif class of peanut butter, which I'm pretty sure is incapable of going off.
posted by kalimac at 6:57 AM on November 12


If you mix a small amount of olive oil and coconut sugar into natural peanut butter it emulsifies enough to stay mixed for at least a few weeks. Not sure why, but it takes much less coconut sugar than other kinds of sugar. If you use the hook on your kitchen-aid or equivalent mixer to do so, it's fast & easy regardless of the state of your forearms. The olive oil makes it remain quite spreadable at refrigerator temperatures.
posted by lastobelus at 6:58 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Oh, hey. I like natural, crunchy peanut butter, crusty bead, and pulpy orange juice. I guess I enjoy food that starts out with a texture and hasn't been reduced to a uniform, bland slurry.

Speaking of time-savers: my partner's grandmother was kind of a nightmare as a parent. There are many stories about it, bit one that stuck with me is that at some point she decided, for efficiency's sake, to make her kids' school lunches once a year, in advance, and then freeze them. This, like many things, was designed to reduce the amount of time she had to spend thinking about or interacting with the kids.

Each child would be sent to school with a freezer-burned pb&j puck that had no chance of defrosting by lunchtime—and if it did, would be a mealy, mushy disaster. My partner's mom took to digging a hole to bury the sandwiches in on the way to school, because that was preferable to eating them. After all, if she complained, there would be hell to pay.

So, y'know, life hacks.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 7:06 AM on November 12 [41 favorites]


TIL that some people are vehemently opposed to smooth peanut butter. I suppose those people also like pulp in their OJ and were never kids.

I prefer crunchy (and like pulp, for whatever that is worth), but smooth is fine also. What isn’t fine is the gross sugar-added stuff. Blech.

I get the no-stirring natural stuff (so less than 2% palm oil, they claim), don’t refrigerate it, and it works for me.

As someone with no kids and who avoids a lot of highly processed foods, a lot of the “food hacks” that I see don’t have any relevance to my life. Some are just silly, but with others I can see the utility (like shifting the labor out of that busy weekday morning hour).
posted by Dip Flash at 7:06 AM on November 12


Agreed, it's all about refrigeration. My parents refrigerated peanut butter; my neighbours didn't. Neither group got sick or died from peanut butter, but my neighbours had a much easier time spreading theirs on bread without destroying the bread.

I'm now in the no-refrigeration camp.
posted by clawsoon at 7:08 AM on November 12


I need something similar for jam. A jar of jam or jelly does not get opened in my kitchen but that random things end up sticky. Give me a way to cleanly prepare the J of a PBJ and we'll talk.

Smuckers, Welch's, etc. all have squeezable bottles now.
posted by candyland at 7:14 AM on November 12


Perhaps you need to turn up the thermostat in your kitchen?

Perhaps you need to put on a sweater.
posted by wotsac at 7:30 AM on November 12 [12 favorites]


Long egg is not similar to long pig, is it?

Long pigs hatch from long eggs; strange but true!

Disclaimers: the term “true” in this comment should be taken to include “wild fabrication.”
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:45 AM on November 12 [8 favorites]


The New Yorker article failed to delve into the cultural signifiers in this video. This whole tip is just so white. If SNL era Eddie Murphy did a sketch in 1982 making fun of white women homemakers, it would be this. Specifically the moment at 0:55, the uptalk on the word frozen and the little throat scream as if this was the most exciting thing in her life. This highlight ends 15 seconds (and 9 cuts) later with the "rip your bread" line, which is more or less its own punchline.

I'm saying in Trump-era America, frozen peanut butter squares are up there with ketchup in the fridge or pantry in terms of identity politics.
posted by Nelson at 7:49 AM on November 12 [6 favorites]


Peanut Butter slices were, in fact, a thing. So it's not like she invented it. But, as with this video, the public was not impressed.
posted by analogue at 7:54 AM on November 12


Layer peanut butter slabs with similarly treated chocolate slabs. Peanut butter cup bars without the goopy assembly.
posted by cowcowgrasstree at 7:59 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


My son doesn't like peanut butter. I was prepared for the possibility of a kid with peanut allergies, but not a kid who just won't eat it. We always have a jar around, but having to re-stir it is a pretty regular occurrence because it just doesn't get eaten. So I could see how having some of these already in the freezer might come in handy - but not enough to actually take the time and do it.

All that having been said, these chocolate peanut butter bars are the best recipe and take almost no time and I know what I'm having for dessert later today...
posted by Mchelly at 8:16 AM on November 12


frozen peanut butter squares are up there with ketchup in the fridge or pantry in terms of identity politics.

you can... not refrigerate opened ketchup bottles?

this might revolutionize my life. i've always put them in the fridge after opening because the bottle says so, but it's always the best when just opened and still at room temperature.
posted by indubitable at 8:20 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


No fridge makes sense for spreading, but then I would be denying myself one of the simple treats in life of eating a spoonful of cold peanut butter.

Of course, it's not like peanut butter is a precious commodity, so why not both? One can buy two jars, or even get them in small pouches these days.
posted by FJT at 8:22 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


it doesn't save time, it just moves it to a different time

Sometimes (although this particular "hack" is not one of those times) in the field of time management, that can be an advantage in itself. I want to transform my closet door into a design board, as per this Pinterest post, so that I can assemble tomorrow's outfit the day before, right down to the lipstick. When I posted it to my Facebook page, someone commented that it was a cute idea but she didn't see how it would save time. I agree that it wouldn't save time on the whole, but the idea is to put together one's outfit the night before when one is more at leisure so as to save time in the morning when one is rushed and groggy.
posted by orange swan at 8:23 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Anyway, what kind of abusive parents give their kids smooth peanut butter?

Parents whose kids refuse to eat crunchy peanut butter for [reasons].
posted by zarq at 8:27 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I thought the hack with peanut butter was to take your jar of natural stuff to the local hardware store and have them mix it by putting the jar in the paint can shaker. You get smooth peanut butter with no oil separation and you don't even have to open the jar. (I have not tried this however.)
posted by Catblack at 8:29 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


Rips the bread? Maybe you need better bread.
posted by freakazoid at 8:30 AM on November 12


Or just use crispbread.
posted by FJT at 8:33 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Is this something I’d have to not make my peanut butter from roasted peanuts in my food processor at home to understand?
posted by BrashTech at 8:40 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I grew up in a home where the peanut butter and honey were always refrigerated. Which eventually led to several conversations between me and my then-fiance who couldn't understand how anyone could put either of those things in a fridge. My mom then had the same conversations with her when she realized that those items were being shelved in a cabinet and not 'properly' in a chilled environment. My mother's horrified "IT HAS OILS IN IT. IT'S GONNA GO RANCID!" reaction was not calmed by Googled evidence. My wife just sort of shrugged it off and my mom kept secretly putting the peanut butter and honey in the fridge whenever she visited until I was asked to tell her to stop.

Nowadays, we keep the peanut butter in a cabinet next to the fridge, and when it separates I won't use it anymore because I am an irrational person who refuses to eat peanut butter unless it's a proper consistency. You can't mix it back into that just-opened creamyness, after all. I will and do buy new jars, though.

This is why we currently have 3 small jars of nearly finished peanut butter in the cabinet that are somewhat separated into an inedible mess, and another, newer big jar in the same cabinet of peanut butter that has a proper, spreadable consistency. My wife has learned to live with my eccentricity.

This looks like a neat trick. Sliced peanut butter. I'm guessing my wife would come to the conclusion that I was trying to sneak the peanut butter back into the fridge, tho.
posted by zarq at 8:44 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


Okay guys I just realized that a peanut butter slice maker would be the perfect As Seen On TV product. "Don't you hate it when PEANUT BUTTER does THIS to your BREAD??" [implausible disaster scenario] "NEVER worry about DESTROYED BREAD again with the REVOLUTIONARY NEW [perfect product name that I haven't come up with yet]"
posted by clawsoon at 9:03 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


she decided, for efficiency's sake, to make her kids' school lunches once a year, in advance, and then freeze them.

How big was their freezer??? That's 180 sandwiches, and my standard freezer would hold like 60 if I didn't use it for anything else. (Hello, life with no ice cubes.)
posted by greermahoney at 9:10 AM on November 12


you can... not refrigerate opened ketchup bottles?

You can indeed. Sure, there's probably some tomato in there, but the rest of the ketchup is preservatives: salt, sugar, and vinegar.
posted by Dysk at 9:12 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


How big was their freezer??? That's 180 sandwiches, and my standard freezer would hold like 60 if I didn't use it for anything else.

i bet you could fit more if you rolled them flat before freezing. there's a lot of wasted space in bread, you know.
posted by indubitable at 9:16 AM on November 12 [10 favorites]


My mother liked to freeze as much as possible beforehand, too. She disliked the daily-grind way of getting things done and much preferred the one big project way. (My sister and I inherited her preference. I've gotten more used to the daily grind over the years, but it still sucks.)

It only went horribly wrong once. That was the year she decided to chop all her onions beforehand and freeze them. It turns out that freezer bags are unable to contain some of the volatile compounds which give onions their punch. The result was that the giant batch of muffins which she froze around the same time, and which I ate all year in my school lunches, was infused with the flavour of raw onion.
posted by clawsoon at 9:19 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


There is a kitchen utensil called a peanut-butter mixer (y'all are smart, you can figure out how to find it) that stirs the oil and solids in natural peanut butter without making an unholy mess. It's obviously a very specific unitasker, but it's good at what it does. It doesn't fully emulsify the peanut butter, but it does help.
posted by adamrice at 9:56 AM on November 12


I grew up in a home where the peanut butter and honey were always refrigerated.

Why in the name of all that is good and decent would somebody try to refrigerate honey?
posted by Dr Dracator at 10:03 AM on November 12 [9 favorites]


I'm still kind of trying to wrap my brain around the concept of not refrigerating peanut butter. I ran out recently so I can't check on the jar, but - doesn't it say on the jar that you're supposed to?

My mom also refrigerated peanut butter too. I'm not a huge PB&J fan, and only rarely do I use it (maybe I'll pick up a small jar if I'm baking something or making Thai food), so I just plumb don't use it much, so I always just fell back on what Mom did.

Jam I know you should refrigerate, and 5 years of doing my own canning is backing me up on that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:09 AM on November 12


Today I learned about long eggs. Wow.
posted by Secretariat at 10:12 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


FJT: Or just use crispbread.

YES. I've actually been dipping Finn Crisp while perusing this thread. But just the other day, I was having PB with a little J on these as well. If you like rye-bready things, they're the bomb.

halation: once you *do* stir it up, the oils separate more slowly if you refrigerate it

Yeah, I buy peanut butter that 100% peanuts, and I refrigerate mine. I add one step prior to stirring and refrigeration, though.

Method:

1.) Store the jar upside-down at room temperature for a few days after purchase so the oil separates to the bottom of the jar.

2.) Turn over, open and stir.

3.) Refrigerate.

I've found that this leaves me with 80-90% less desiccated PB at the bottom when I get to the end of the jar while eliminating the need to do a gloppy re-stir each time I use it because it's cold and the oil's taking longer to separate back out.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:21 AM on November 12 [7 favorites]


She disliked the daily-grind way of getting things done and much preferred the one big project way.

Same here! I much much prefer to make a lot of food at once and freeze/refrigerate it than spend hours every day on the same thing. Efficiency!
posted by JHarris at 10:22 AM on November 12


(Hello, life with no ice cubes.)

That's not living.
posted by elsietheeel at 10:22 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


I need something similar for jam.

Maybe this:
1. Empty one of those stand-on-its-head squeeze bottles of ketchup or mustard. (By eating it.)
2. Wash the bottle thoroughly.
3. Put the jam in the bottle.
4. Dispense jam as needed, directly onto the sandwich.
This lets you be artistic, too.

As for why to refrigerate PB, because Aflatoxins.

I don't eat PB any more, because its one of the things that makes me grow kidney stones, but before I learned that, I adhered to caution live frogs' protocol.

Hardtack with PB was a good flavor combination, but then I couldn't find hardtack any more. Finn Crisp is a little different.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:32 AM on November 12


Rips the bread? Maybe you need better bread.

My bread is just fine, thank you very much. I made it myself with Pendleton Power Flour. But for every spoonful of runny pb, there’s a spoonful of tough pb.
posted by wotsac at 10:44 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


ran out recently so I can't check on the jar, but - doesn't it say on the jar that you're supposed to?

I can't swear to every brand, but I don't think so. Not for your mass market brands like Skippy and Jif. As mentioned above, some all natural brands direct you to.

(Hello, life with no ice cubes.)

That's not living

100% agree. When the apocalypse happens, I'm going to miss ice a lot.
posted by greermahoney at 10:44 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Toast is disgusting! Soft bread or nothing!
posted by Rock 'em Sock 'em at 10:47 AM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Seriously, you get away from race, gender and sex and some mefites are suddenly totally happy to make normative assertions.
posted by wotsac at 10:48 AM on November 12 [8 favorites]


Has anyone mentioned using an anti-griddle yet? Could be used to make both pb and j “slices”! Of course they’d be frozen solid.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 11:02 AM on November 12 [4 favorites]


it doesn't save time, it just moves it to a different time

Sometimes (although this particular "hack" is not one of those times) in the field of time management, that can be an advantage in itself.


It turns out I am the kind of nerd that wants to turn this into a discussion of the differences between energy efficiency, load management, and demand response, and why it's important to understand and value each of these correctly. And of course what the analogous behavior in preparing lunches would be. Suffice it to say that frozen peanut butter singles are load management.
posted by nickmark at 11:03 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


Seriously, you get away from race, gender and sex and some mefites are suddenly totally happy to make normative assertions.

And that's a good thing!
posted by nickmark at 11:04 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


No, it's a bad thing!
posted by clawsoon at 11:28 AM on November 12 [3 favorites]


Why in the name of all that is good and decent would somebody try to refrigerate honey?

Honey can acquire mold or fungus if the jar is being opened and closed frequently (exposed to air) and if it's not tightly sealed when stored.
posted by zarq at 11:30 AM on November 12


Even better food hack: If you hate making peanut butter slices one at a time, why not make a whole peanut butter loaf at once and just cut slices as you need it?

Even more better food hack: Instead of wasting time making your own peanut butter loaf, turn a jar of Skippy on its side, cut away the jar, and just start slicing from one end?

Even incredibly-er better food hack: Instead of cutting away your Skippy jar like some kind of moron, just leave the jar on, stand it upright, and "cut" "slices" by using your knife to scoop it out of the jar.

Galactic ultimate mind-blowing time-saving food hack: Switch to baloney.
posted by PlusDistance at 11:49 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


what is this "peanut butter loaf," is it like a regular pullman loaf of bread with a core of peanut butter, like an enormous twinkie?
posted by poffin boffin at 11:53 AM on November 12 [5 favorites]


wait nvm i see you mean something like a loaf pan full of peanut butter for slicing, which is clearly genius but also my twinkie is p great
posted by poffin boffin at 11:54 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


They make a jar lid attachment with a hand crank for churning in the peanut butter oil. If that’s a concern. I just buy natural peanut butter because I don’t like the sweetened industrial stuff. Peanut butter should have PEANUTS and SALT and nothing else.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:59 AM on November 12 [2 favorites]


Honey can acquire mold or fungus if the jar is being opened and closed frequently (exposed to air) and if it's not tightly sealed when stored.

Thirty-eight years of taking advantage of bee labor and being kind of a slob and thirty seconds of googling say you are wrong. Please tell me more of this honey fungus that you speak of.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:01 PM on November 12 [13 favorites]


113 comments in and no one has mentioned the fresh ground honey roasted peanut butter @ whole foods, AKA the true king of the butters peanut (at least w/r/t pb&j sandwiches)? At $3.99/lb it's price competitive with your fancy natural butters, it doesn't require stirring (at least at the pace I eat it), it's eminently spreadable at both room temperature and refrigerated, and it retains a nice crunch from the grinding process.

This, paired with a nice black raspberry jam (which can be hard to source but is the ultimate fruit spread) on a crusty but soft multigrain bread, is as close to culinary perfection as you can get with the humble pb&j.

But maybe I'm the weird one.
posted by turbowombat at 12:06 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


When I see timesavers like this, I can't help but think of Mustmayostardayonnaise (cw: David Cross).
posted by Lyn Never at 12:08 PM on November 12 [2 favorites]


analogue: "Peanut Butter slices were, in fact, a thing. So it's not like she invented it. But, as with this video, the public was not impressed."

Well she could have independently invented it; just not the first person to invent it.
posted by Mitheral at 12:12 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


She introduces the video while enjoying her morning juice-glass of chardonnay

Not to abuse the edit window but I looked again and it's a MINI MASON JAR

of course it is
posted by pseudostrabismus at 12:20 PM on November 12 [5 favorites]


in these years of my tragic decline i can no longer eat peanut butter anyway so if i have nut butter urges i go for either justin's almond butter, which is APPALLINGLY expensive, or this sunflower/hemp/pumpkin seed butter i found on amazon, which is okay but not as magnificent as the stupid expensive almonds.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:28 PM on November 12


Nothing but Teddie for me. I wouldn't refrigerate it at all except that it helps prevent separation.

But honey in the fridge? There's no reason at all to do that. Honey is best keep at room temperature, somewhere dark/cool. I've never in my life seen fungus or mold on honey.
posted by Miko at 12:39 PM on November 12 [2 favorites]


How big was their freezer??? That's 180 sandwiches, and my standard freezer would hold like 60 if I didn't use it for anything else. (Hello, life with no ice cubes.)

Some people are very serious about their big-batch cooking and baking. In my community it is pretty normal to have a 16-24 cubic foot chest freezer. One of those could hold A LOT of sandwiches. My neighbour, a teacher, packs a muffin in her lunch every school day - she bakes a semesters worth in a weekend and freezes all but the first week's worth.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 12:49 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


One of my first bachelor hacks was buying 3lb packs of bacon, freezing them in 6-slice portions.
posted by rhizome at 1:12 PM on November 12 [2 favorites]


FWIW, that "real peanut oil separation/my children's inability to stir it back in w/o making a mess" issue would appear to be resolved here.

Of course, resolving the root-cause of the issue is best.


I don't think they let you ship kids off to military school any more.
posted by Perodicticus potto at 1:25 PM on November 12 [6 favorites]


Sad now because I don't think I ever properly thanked my mother for her many hours of wrestling peanut butter.
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 1:52 PM on November 12 [2 favorites]


IIRC, you are supposed to refrigerate natural peanut butters (peanuts, salt, oil), but there is no need to refrigerate Jif or Skippy (sugar, peanuts, salt, whatever else) because it is a more processed products. I've been trying to reduce my sugar intake as I get older--saving it for treats, etc, on weekends and holidays--so I've been eating natural peanut butter for a few years now. I hated it as a kid because our parents bought us the sugary ones. When I eat them now--because if that is all anyone has in their pantry, fine--it is remarkable how my tastebuds have recalibrated. That shizzle is SUH-weet.
posted by Kitteh at 1:59 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


I was in Europe for the first time visiting a friend at a party, and she asked me what I missed most from the States. I said that I really missed peanut butter and jelly.

Everyone's jaws dropped. Apparently, abroad this combo is considered grosser than Marmite on a shit shingle. My friend, a foodie (before that was even a word), never quite looked the same at me again.
posted by xammerboy at 2:10 PM on November 12 [6 favorites]


That shizzle is SUH-weet.
Have you tried putting it on a sandwich with honey AND THEN PUTTING EFFIN' CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES ON IT?

PB & H is a wonderful thing. Adding chocolate sprinkles to that is well nigh child abuse.
posted by bink at 2:13 PM on November 12


i used to eat pb + honey + apple slice sammiches all the time when i was a kid, huge goopy drippy monstrosities to which i would add a fistful of wheat germ for crunchies. wheat germ was, to me, inexplicably, a fantastic and delicious treat.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:22 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


Also, natural PB smeared on slices of apple is a nice snack.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:26 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


My British husband is also horrified whenever I eat PB&J. Yet he will make two slices of toast and put peanut butter on one and jam on the other.
posted by Perodicticus potto at 2:27 PM on November 12


Thirty-eight years of taking advantage of bee labor

the beeourgeoisie
posted by indubitable at 2:32 PM on November 12 [9 favorites]


Pro tip: instead of jelly, use Pop Rocks
posted by aubilenon at 2:33 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


but there is no need to refrigerate Jif or Skippy (sugar, peanuts, salt, whatever else) because it is a more processed products.

It may be more mechanically processed, but there's no "whatever else" in the Jif that I get.

For the record I'm a non-refrigerater.
posted by rhizome at 2:42 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


there's no "whatever else" in the Jif that I get.

it probably has a little added oil (often palm). that's by no means bad (well, if it's palm oil, given how it's usually harvested, it's probably not great) but that's the addition that makes it stay the proper consistency (along with probably a little sugar, which also helps consistency).
posted by halation at 2:56 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Anyway, what kind of abusive parents give their kids smooth peanut butter?

In our case, parents of kids with braces on their teeth.

Until today, I had never heard of refrigerating peanut butter, honey, or ketchup.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:15 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Thirty-eight years of taking advantage of bee labor and being kind of a slob and thirty seconds of googling say you are wrong. Please tell me more of this honey fungus that you speak of.

Uh huh.

Honey naturally contains little moisture. Bacteria, molds and other pathogens that cause spoilage can't grow in this low-moisture environment. Improperly stored honey may absorb moisture, which can cause these microorganisms to grow. Visible mold growth, foaming, or an alcohol odor means the honey has spoiled and must be discarded. This rarely occurs, so you can usually store honey for as long as desired.

Tell me more about your superior googling skills, Usul.

It says that such growth is very rare and to be clear, I don't personally think the low risk justifies storing honey in a fridge.

But yes, it's possible. Ten seconds of googling.
posted by zarq at 3:15 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


You know, she is just so damn smug about her "brilliant" discovery, which isn't, that's enough to put me off the whole idea altogether. Like the one YT DIY person who got on national TV, when one of her DIY ideas was pouring tic-tacs into a purchased plastic lightbulb container and sticking an illegal reproduction of the copyrighted Tic-Tacs logo on it.

This is one of the reasons I so deeply loathe "the celebrity because a celebrity" kick nowadays.
posted by Samizdata at 3:16 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


This thread reminded me that I had little peanut butter packets in the hotel room fridge, that I stole from the breakfast buffet the other morning. So I ate one. Smooth and too sweet, but suitably peanut buttery.
posted by gingerbeer at 4:39 PM on November 12


Okay, zarq, I'm going to go one better. I know that 3000 year-old honey has been found uncontaminated in Egyptian tombs. So I found this article in Smithsonian, which backs up the "honey never spoils" argument. The money quote, IMO, is this: "For honey to spoil, there needs to be something inside of it that can spoil. With such an inhospitable environment, organisms can’t survive long enough within the jar of honey to have the chance to spoil."
If your honey spoils on the counter, You're Doing It Wrong.
posted by dbmcd at 4:51 PM on November 12 [5 favorites]


"Grampaw, tell us again about the Great MetaFilter Honey War."
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 5:32 PM on November 12 [15 favorites]


If your honey spoils on the counter, You're Doing It Wrong.

In a perfect world, and in a household composed solely of responsible adults, yes. Which I think was the point zarq was making. In a household with children or others who aren't careful about things like "don't dip a wet or used spoon into the honey jar", refrigeration might make sense.
posted by Lexica at 5:48 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


People, listen. It doesn't have to be this way.

I have dedicated my entire life to the black art of the peanut butter sandwich. When others had careers and raised families, I have been spreading butter. I have grown peanuts. I have roasted them - individually - over tiny, angelic fires of heather and hand selected peat. I have traveled to the ends of the earth to find and experience rare cultivars, roasting techniques and blends. I have dug them directly from the soil with my own gnurled hands.

I have eaten the peanut butter sandwich with honey, with jam or jelly. I have tackled the formidable peanut butter and mayo on rye - both with bananas and without. I have eaten them with chocolate, with frosting, sprinkled with baker's chocolate shavings, deep fried, pan fried, with ham and bacon, even lettuce. There is not a bread or breadlike object that I have not peanut butter sandwiched. Injera, flatbread, pita, hard tack, pizza dough, graham crackers, tortillas, spring rolls, wanton wrappers, pancakes, griddlecakes, cornpone and corn bread, yes, I've tried them all.

It has taken me many, many years and thousands of miles to fully understand the peanut butter sandwich, to find the acme of its existence, the pinnacle of all peanut butter sandwiches.

Only to discover it is not a sandwich at all. It is merely a jar. And a spoon.

Go forth and be free, you heathens! Be free!
posted by loquacious at 6:41 PM on November 12 [15 favorites]


First, assume a spherical jar of honey...
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 6:43 PM on November 12 [5 favorites]


dbmcd: Okay, zarq, I'm going to go one better. I know that 3000 year-old honey has been found uncontaminated in Egyptian tombs. So I found this article in Smithsonian, which backs up the "honey never spoils" argument. The money quote, IMO, is this: "For honey to spoil, there needs to be something inside of it that can spoil. With such an inhospitable environment, organisms can’t survive long enough within the jar of honey to have the chance to spoil."

The article I linked to and quoted noted that contamination is a potential problem for "improperly stored" honey. Nothing you've said here negates that.

lexica: In a perfect world, and in a household composed solely of responsible adults, yes. Which I think was the point zarq was making. In a household with children or others who aren't careful about things like "don't dip a wet or used spoon into the honey jar", refrigeration might make sense.

Thank you, lexica. That's exactly what I meant.
posted by zarq at 8:42 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


you can... not refrigerate opened ketchup bottles?

Yes, even when it's 85F in my kitchen, as it is all summer, the usual industrial ketchup brands are fine for at least a month unrefrigerated. I can't say if there is a point at which it eventually goes off since there is no size container I can easily purchase that Georgia doesn't polish off in that time frame. I can't stand the stuff either way except as an ingredient in a cooked dish so I've got no dog in this hunt.

That said, every housekeeper I've ever had always puts the ketchup in the fridge. But never the mustard.
posted by wierdo at 9:10 PM on November 12


People, please: peanut butter and sambal. That's how you make a sandwich.
posted by monospace at 9:26 PM on November 12 [7 favorites]


I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:19 PM on November 12 [3 favorites]


My mustard is refrigerated. Just sayin.
posted by jojo and the benjamins at 10:54 PM on November 12 [1 favorite]


Also, Google gives different search results depending on your IP address, browser history, and how their version of Skynet is currently feeling.
posted by jojo and the benjamins at 10:56 PM on November 12 [2 favorites]


since vegetables are my enemy i instead have filled my crisper with 11 varieties of mustard

mustard is so good sometimes i get overexcited and have a mustard sandwich
posted by poffin boffin at 11:47 PM on November 12 [6 favorites]


At the house of my childhood friend with a Californian dad (in Sweden), peanut butter sandwiches were sprinkled with finely chopped leek.

Delicious!
posted by AxelT at 2:16 AM on November 13




First, assume a spherical jar of honey...


Then imagine four spherical jars of honey on the edge of a cliff...
posted by Samizdata at 3:35 AM on November 13


Ketchup is one of those things I also refrigerate based on my canning. Mustard too. I don't trust 'em otherwise. Honey I don't. Peanut butter yes. Nutella, I don't, but I used to, until I saw someone else didn't, so I don't, but I feel weird about it.

I think we have discovered a Book-of-Conflicts data point.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:24 AM on November 13


I loooooooooove the dessicated peanut butter at the end of the lifespan of a jar of natural peanut butter. Hm nom.

The idea of a slice of pre-prepared peanut butter sounds sad and depressing to me, since half the fun of peanut butter is the journey through the various stages of consistency in the jar.

Regular peanut butter doesn't taste good to me even if it does preserve the integrity of the bread. I'd much rather face the trowel problem.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 7:24 AM on November 13


I grew up in a natural peanut butter household, and MAN are commercial peanut butters sweet.

But if you want to spread your natural pb, you just need to put it in the microwave for a few seconds. It turns gooey and spreadable pretty quick.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:45 AM on November 13 [1 favorite]


(also whenever anyone on the internet tries to shame me for my natural peanut butter preferences, I just remind myself that I am eating the product that George Washington Carver would have wanted me to eat, and that he would consider 99% of commercial peanut butters to be nutritional, culinary, and moral abominations)
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:10 AM on November 13 [3 favorites]


you are supposed to refrigerate natural peanut butters (peanuts, salt, oil)

That's only to prevent separation, not for safety reasons. The safety protocol for peanut butter storage is still room temperature for up to 3 months. Trust me...I've worked in a lot of government-inspected kitchens. Both your honey and your PB are stored outside the fridge there - and that meets legal safety standards in the US.
posted by Miko at 8:21 AM on November 13 [3 favorites]


> I Googled 'egg art' and then 'cooked egg art' (why not?) and came up with this.

Aw, how cute! Until you make it for someone who likes to eat their eggs with ketchup and then the whole thing ends up looking like a nightmare. D:

(For extra fun hide some salsa under the egg blankie for a first-cut surprise!)
posted by Westringia F. at 10:22 AM on November 13 [2 favorites]


I first learned of the long eggwhen I first saw Clerks 2. Surprisingly*, it was not the worst thing in the movie.

*In retrospect, Clerks 2’s horribleness is entirely unsurprising.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 11:11 AM on November 13 [1 favorite]


This is as good of a place as any, but if you love peanut butter, you have to try this African-inspired Sweet Potato and peanut stew.

Other people add chickpeas, and I very rarely use ground meat in it, but it is SO GOOD. Especially if you chop some roasted peanuts on top.
posted by Hermeowne Grangepurr at 12:10 PM on November 13 [4 favorites]


monospace: People, please: peanut butter and sambal. That's how you make a sandwich.

Huh. Why not? I have both. I like both. I've used sambal to make peanut sauces with peanut butter...so...yeah.

Bread reccos? Any old bread will do?

Tell me more. When did you decide this was good? Accident or happenstance? Conscious experiment? Advice like that which you just gave?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:44 PM on November 13


this has never happened to me in my four decades of making PBJ sandwiches, are you using a trowel or something

Sorry, I concur with Rock 'em Sock 'em. I dunno what kind of watery, air-fluffed faux-PB y'all guys are using, or what kind of...week-old Bavarian hard tack black bread you're putting it on, but I take my peanut butter with actual peanuts in it and it goes on good wholemeal rye (at least, when I'm eating bread, which sadly isn't now) and I make my PBJ or PBH&B sandwiches hard and fast, the way god intended, and the bread always gets torn to hell.

If your peanut-buttering hasn't scoured the surface layer off the bread and distributed it around the kitchen for your swarms of ants, you are a PB sandwich dilettante and deserve your suboptimal sandwich.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:14 PM on November 13 [2 favorites]


We seem to have covered peanut butter pretty thoroughly. What do y'all think of mayonnaise?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:40 PM on November 13


I make my grilled cheese sandwiches using mayonnaise in place of butter. So...there you have it.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:20 PM on November 13 [3 favorites]


Mayonnaise on both sides of both pieces of bread. (Yes, this makes a bit of a mess on the cutting board, but it's worth it.) One side down in the pan until toasty, then flip the bread in the pan and arrange the cheese on the toasted surfaces. Sandwich the two slices together and cook, flipping as needed, until done.
posted by Lexica at 7:27 PM on November 13 [4 favorites]


I wish to subscribe to your newslettercooking channel.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:44 PM on November 13


I, too, make my grilled cheese with mayo on each side of the bread, but I use vegenaise because I think it tastes better.
posted by gucci mane at 8:00 PM on November 13


You know, that's not a bad idea, since I generally disbelieve mayo jars' claims that their eggs are "free range", no matter how expensive the jar is. I guess I could make my own.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:03 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]


i just deep fry mine in ghee
posted by poffin boffin at 8:11 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]


Use fluorescent orange aerosolised cheese in it and you could call it the Ghee Whiz.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:21 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]


Kewpie Mayo, anyone?
posted by Going To Maine at 10:02 PM on November 13


Use fluorescent orange aerosolised cheese in it and you could call it the Ghee Whiz.

Get out. And go make me a sandwich!

*In retrospect, Clerks 2’s horribleness is entirely unsurprising.

Try not to suck any long eggs on your way out through the parking lot!

I may have forgotten Clerks 2, because I don't remember this long egg. In fact, I'm hoping I haven't actually seen Clerks 2 at all.
posted by loquacious at 10:24 PM on November 13 [1 favorite]


For the longest time mayo on a sandwich or similar would make me gag, though I eventually got over it in my 20s. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Georgia puts mayo on her cheese toast sandwiches. Turns out it's actually pretty tasty.
posted by wierdo at 10:42 PM on November 13


People, please: peanut butter and sambal. That's how you make a sandwich.

Lingham's and peanut butter works well too.
posted by FJT at 9:09 AM on November 14


Peanut butter and sweet chilli, under a fried egg. Yeah!
posted by glitter at 5:04 AM on November 16


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