this is the definitive ranking
November 18, 2017 10:36 PM   Subscribe

Colin J. Carlson, part of the Parasite Extinction Assessment & Red List, couldn't sleep recently and decided to assign letter grades to the weird foxes (here's a threadreader compilation for the Twitter-averse, but it doesn't include the numerous entertaining replies). [h/t ChuraChura]
posted by Johnny Wallflower (48 comments total) 43 users marked this as a favorite
 
That Blanford’s Fox deserves more notes about its tail.
posted by Going To Maine at 10:49 PM on November 18, 2017 [1 favorite]


He is on the money with the non-fox maned wolf:
you know something. you know what. why's it so god damn tall
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:16 PM on November 18, 2017 [12 favorites]


This is so good.
posted by curious nu at 11:25 PM on November 18, 2017


Just met that island fox last weekend.

"The island fox is a small fox that is native to six of the eight Channel Islands of California. There are six subspecies, each unique to the island it lives on, reflecting its evolutionary history."

Come on, that deserves better than a B.
posted by roger ackroyd at 11:52 PM on November 18, 2017 [2 favorites]


This list is all kinds of foxed up.
posted by radwolf76 at 12:17 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


This list is great.

(The island here is without foxes. For those of you who live in fox country, how often do you actually see them? I hear coyotes, for example, almost nightly, but only see one about once per year. I've seen two wild foxes in my life: One on the side of Mt. Mazama, not sure of the species but didn't seem to be a red fox [though it may have been a non-red variant, this was seen in broad daylight], and one crossing the road in Olympia when I was a kid.

I'd like to see more.)
posted by maxwelton at 1:46 AM on November 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


First I hesitated, but what a list! This is what twitter is useful for. For those who aren't sure wether they want to click, there are good dogs in there too.

Regarding fox-sightings, out in the wild I see one every 3-4 years I think. The best sighting was a little pup, playing happily all by himself one morning. But I see traces of them every day. When I was younger, there were many foxes in the city, and they were less shy. You would see them several times a year. One often sat outside a trucker café, but when I asked the owners, they'd never noticed him. Many of the city foxes were killed by a disease ten years ago.
Once, my sister in law made far too much rice pudding. I didn't want to throw it in the garbage which was overfilled, so I threw it near where I know a fox lives near my house, sometimes with pups. For a week, all the fox poo was all white.
posted by mumimor at 2:13 AM on November 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


why's it so god damn tall

it eats apples. it needs to be tall to reach the apples
posted by ryanrs at 2:46 AM on November 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


For a week, all the fox poo was all white.

congrats on the new fox pope
posted by ryanrs at 2:49 AM on November 19, 2017 [55 favorites]


There are maned wolves at our local zoo. They have a pungent smell, a little like marijuana. (Or that's where the zookeepers take their dope breaks. "Dude, I've had it up to here with freakin' bird cages. Let's go 'check the maned wolves' again.")
posted by pracowity at 3:05 AM on November 19, 2017 [5 favorites]


pracowity WIRED covered that in their 2011 maned wolf special issue
posted by ryanrs at 3:14 AM on November 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


for those of you who live in fox country

Based on my Instagram, every 2-3 days?
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:17 AM on November 19, 2017


For those of you who live in fox country, how often do you actually see them?

I'm in London. Red foxes here are like raccoons in North America: you often see them trotting along the street after dark, on the lookout for edible trash, mice, rats, roadkill, etc. A friend of mine had a family of foxes in his back garden, and became friends with one of the cubs who would come and tug on his shoelaces.

City foxes have very little fear of humans. In the country, one sees them less often, since they are regarded as pests and a threat to livestock. But if you're travelling on a train, often you'll see a red fox hanging out on the slope beside the tracks, just chilling.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:29 AM on November 19, 2017 [7 favorites]


When they fuck it sounds like someone is being murdered.
posted by Artw at 6:33 AM on November 19, 2017 [8 favorites]


This (a) is very good and (b) reminds me that I really have to do something with the dead fox in my spare freezer in my basement.*

*backstory: it wandered into my yard to die on a very hot summer day, the evening after garbage pick-up and about 20 minutes before I had to leave town for a few days. My clever idea was to wrap it up in plastic (it was freshly dead so I wasn't worrying about odour or bugs) and put it in the otherwise unused deep freezer til I returned and could sort out what to do with it. But as I'm lazy and forgetful, I just haven't got around to phase 2 of my plan...
posted by senor biggles at 6:35 AM on November 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


When they fuck it sounds like someone is being murdered.

That's how you know you're doing it right.
posted by Slinga at 6:37 AM on November 19, 2017 [7 favorites]


One day we looked out our front window and saw our two cats sitting right up against the invisible line where their cat collars allowed them to go staring across it. Then we saw the red fox sitting on the other side of the invisible line three feet away from the both of them staring back at them.

We broke up the party that time, but subsequent research indicated that foxes aren't really a danger to domestic animals (unlike coyotes) since they recognize them as fellow predators. Since then we've wondered what discussion we interrupted on local fauna and where they can be located.

"Sometimes there's voles out by the shed, and there's always lots of chipmunks hanging around the thing where all the birds go".

"Chipmunks are awful fast; any woodchucks?"

"Yeah, but they're way too big for us, we just ignore them".
posted by yhbc at 6:57 AM on November 19, 2017 [6 favorites]


I particularly like this London fox, who made friends with a newsreader after he helped her while injured, and quite often comes round for a quiet hello when he comes back from work.

Here in this small hilly city surrounded by idiot fox killers, foxes are 3rd/4th most common large wild mammals that I see, after badgers and (roe & muntjac) deer*. They're definitely fairly common, and you can smell them (or weed, I honestly get confused) in the park pretty often, but they keep themselves fairly scarce.

*otters round out the list of wild mammals round here. Maybe we'll get beavers before too long.
posted by ambrosen at 7:09 AM on November 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


Maybe we'll get beavers before too long.

Talk to Wynona.
posted by flabdablet at 7:31 AM on November 19, 2017


Why have I never heard of the corsac fox before? It's a cat-fox!
posted by tavella at 7:35 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Not fox. Kitty.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:35 AM on November 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


We broke up the party that time, but subsequent research indicated that foxes aren't really a danger to domestic animals (unlike coyotes) since they recognize them as fellow predators. Since then we've wondered what discussion we interrupted on local fauna and where they can be located.

Once I saw the fox sitting right outside the glass door in my bedroom while my dog furiously barked at it. The dog is scared of the fox, in spite of being 3 times as big. He doesn't even go near the hole, which is beside my clothesline. So dog will just sit 20 meters away, waiting for me to come back from that scary place…
posted by mumimor at 7:35 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


The island here is without foxes. For those of you who live in fox country, how often do you actually see them?

I live in the NC piedmont.There's red fox colony (?) living in the woods down the street from my house for years. I hear them more than I see them, which is fine but in the summer around twilight I'll see them dart around sometimes (they're adorable). From my neighbor's house, you can occasionally see cubs if you're extraordinarily lucky. A few years ago, we had rabies outbreak among the animal community and at least one guy in a neighborhood a couple miles out from me was actually attacked by fox (which is nuts). As a result, I tend to be more cautious maybe than I used to. In general, around here, if you see a fox out in daylight and it's not afraid, you're looking at a sick fox.
posted by thivaia at 7:41 AM on November 19, 2017


I've never been so grateful for someone else's insomnia.
posted by obfuscation at 7:41 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


The maned wolf is the largest canid of South America. Its markings resemble those of foxes, but it is not a fox, nor is it a wolf, as it is not closely related to other canids

The peanut of canids.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:42 AM on November 19, 2017 [8 favorites]


The foxes are really friendly around here. A couple months ago I guess, I walked outside a little after dusk, and there was a fox ten or so feet away in my front yard eating something, but she didn't seem bothered, so I sat there and watched while she finished her salad or whatever. I will dutifully haze coyotes when I run across them, but I haven't heard anything about having to haze foxes, so I figured that might be OK. When she finished, she started tentatively walking up to me, but I told her naw that's probably not allowed, so she just sauntered off instead.

And when my son used to work graveyards at the grocery store, he said it was pretty common that foxes would just walk in the front door and they'd have to shoo them out.

These are just boring B grade regular foxes, though. I don't know any weird ones.
posted by ernielundquist at 7:44 AM on November 19, 2017


I had an internship watching videos of Channel Island Foxes mating to determine why they were so bad at successful reproduction. Honestly, they were so bad at it, I think a B is very generous.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:55 AM on November 19, 2017 [10 favorites]


Also, for a while, I lived directly across from two different maned wolf enclosures. I never noticed that they smelled like marijuana, but I can confirm that their poop smells particularly foul the day after they've been eating carcasses.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:58 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


I had an internship watching videos of Channel Island Foxes mating to determine why they were so bad at successful reproduction. Honestly, they were so bad at it, I think a B is very generous.

Did they make the murder noises?
posted by Artw at 7:58 AM on November 19, 2017


There was no audio, alas. Just video. They're really bad at it.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:00 AM on November 19, 2017 [4 favorites]


About fifteen years ago I was visiting a friend in their brand new condo in the South Loop area of Chicago. The condo was in a converted warehouse that overlooked the old B&O rail yard that's basically reclaimed prairie between Clark St. and the 14th St. Amtrak yard.

Anyway, I'm standing alone on the balcony (his place was on the top floor, maybe five stories up) around 2am, in the dead of winter, having a cigarette. It's deathly quiet. Eerily peaceful. I can hear pretty much everything, any quiet sound, and it's starting to snow.

In the rail yard below is an old switch house, probably over a hundred years old, filthy, and marooned in this dark, overgrown rail yard. Besides a few remaining railroad tracks it's the only man-made thing down there. The windows are boarded up and it looks abandoned. You can just imagine the entire city growing up around it as it just sits there, unchanged and forgotten.

But then all of a sudden a porch light turns on and a man steps outside. I can hear the screen door creak open and slap closed. The ground around the house is flooded with a warm light. The man is holding a bucket, and he just stands there a few minutes. I even hear him cough.

And then, from out of the surrounding brush, slowly but surely, come a dozen foxes! The man talks to them (I couldn't make out what he says, I could just hear him talking) and tosses them food from his bucket. The foxes approached the food with very little fear. This must be a regular deal for them. There were even some kits in the group. Some take some scraps and trot back into the darkness, others just eat in place.

His bucket empty, the man turns around and goes back inside, turning off the porch light. I watched the foxes eat their food and spar with each other in the dark until they all eventually dispersed.

It was one of the most magical things I've ever witnessed. I think about it all the time.
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 8:13 AM on November 19, 2017 [41 favorites]


There are foxes in my neighborhood but I am sad that I have never seen them. A friend has seen foxes and their kits playing in a nearby huge green space, and neighbors have reported recent sightings of at least one fox in a park half a block away.

We have skunks, too, but those are smelled more often than they are seen. Several neighbors keep chickens and are probably at least a little nervous about both of these.
posted by dilettante at 8:16 AM on November 19, 2017


Typical Fox. They're all blondes except for, like, three of them.
posted by adept256 at 8:17 AM on November 19, 2017


They're weird foxes, Brent.
posted by nubs at 8:20 AM on November 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


I can't believe the corsac fox scored higher than the Tibetan sand fox. I mean, every single time I see a photo of a Tibetan sand fox I think its weird face must have been photoshopped, but it never was. TIBETAN SAND FOX 2017
posted by theatro at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2017 [6 favorites]


These are foxes rated for weirdness. I don't see gray foxes on the list, although maybe they aren't technically foxes in the genus Vulpes. However, there used to be one living in my yard, and I'm just going to say: it was weird. It looked weird and acted weird and sounded weird. I haven't seen it in a while and I'm not sorry. Red foxes? Just fine.
posted by acrasis at 9:22 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


For those of you who live in fox country, how often do you actually see them?

All the time. Walking home from a party in south London in the wee hours, I once saw something like 15 foxes in 20 minutes. Fortunately they don’t seem to bother the cats.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 10:56 AM on November 19, 2017


Hey Dean, beautifully described scene. I want to see this as a short film.
posted by memewit at 11:29 AM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Fortunately they don’t seem to bother the cats.

Though occasionally there's a standoff.
posted by acb at 12:08 PM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


For those of you who live in fox country, how often do you actually see them?

My apartment in Dublin overlooks a suburban park with some forest, and a family of them stay in the same spot looking up at us every night. I had a friend over last week, and when we were out on the balcony they were notably edgier and shyer, probably because they didn't recognise her. They have amazing fights when one of them will catch something and the others want a bit. It's like the way fights are animated in cartoons, like a hurricane with the odd sighting of limbs.
posted by kersplunk at 2:13 PM on November 19, 2017 [3 favorites]


Colin is a friend, and a really, really, really, really good kid. Insanely preposterously smart but so nice and kind and, as you all can see, so funny. I love that he's getting love for this.
posted by Made of Star Stuff at 6:36 PM on November 19, 2017 [1 favorite]


Lots of foxes and other critters in the Virginia suburbs of DC:

Foxes like peanuts
Fox likes cat food
Foxes are jerks
Submissive fox
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:31 PM on November 19, 2017 [2 favorites]


My dog's breed look a bit fox-like sometimes (norsk lundehund). Ours is just six months old, but she's becoming more angular and fox-like by the day.
posted by Harald74 at 1:01 AM on November 20, 2017


norsk lundehund

A Norwegian puffin-hunting dog?
posted by acb at 2:24 PM on November 20, 2017


Lots of foxes and other critters in the Virginia suburbs of DC

When I was back in Arlington for the holidays last year, we watched a fox cross the street on Christmas morning. Not skulking or dashing, just trotting calmly across the street in broad daylight. Gloriously bushy fur, a luxurious tail, fur a deep rich red, a protagonist fox if ever I saw one. And the other thing: it was huge! The size of a small collie or german shepherd. So big that my father, a hunter and outdoorsman for 60 or so years, was convinced it had to be some kind of coyote or dog crossbreed because he had never seen one anywhere near the size.

But a little googling revealed that foxes don't crossbreed, unlike the dog/wolf/coyote complex, and that males can get to 35 pounds. This fox had to be at the top of the range, and we concluded it was strolling around in daylight because there was no reason not to. No hunting, no cat would dare challenge it, it's not an area where dogs run around loose, and while coyotes haven't been seen yet in my Mom's area, it would have been a match for any of them.
posted by tavella at 2:45 PM on November 20, 2017 [2 favorites]


Maybe it could have been an eastern coyote, which is a coyote–wolf hybrid that somehow manages to look more like a fox than a true wolf or a coyote. Although that still doesn't account for the broad daylight sighting.

(I saw more wild foxes in two months in the UK—most within an hour of London—than I have in my 40 years in the US...but I did see a grey fox down the street from my house a few years ago.)
posted by elsietheeel at 3:24 PM on November 20, 2017


Oh, it was definitely a fox, it had the fox face and it was red red red, not rusty or gray. Just a giant among red foxes (the record is apparently 38 pounds.)
posted by tavella at 3:30 PM on November 20, 2017 [1 favorite]


norsk lundehund

A Norwegian puffin-hunting dog?


Yes, although puffin is not hunted anymore. Is used to be an important dietary supplement to people on the coast, however. Therefore the puffin dog, who's bred to climb and retrieve eggs and young birds from tunnels.

Nowadays it's a rare breed, but awesome, if slightly stubborn, loving family dog.
posted by Harald74 at 11:45 PM on November 20, 2017


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