Not a Christmas Post
November 22, 2017 12:49 PM Subscribe
I think this logic still allows Pontypool to be a Valentine's Day movie, so I'm okay with it.
posted by Sequence at 12:56 PM on November 22, 2017 [12 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 12:56 PM on November 22, 2017 [12 favorites]
By this logic, neither is Trading Places. Boo hoo.
posted by Melismata at 12:56 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 12:56 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
If its not a Christmas movie then 'Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho' doesn't make any sense. Which it clearly does. So this guy is wrong.
posted by biffa at 12:57 PM on November 22, 2017 [101 favorites]
posted by biffa at 12:57 PM on November 22, 2017 [101 favorites]
Gremlins is absolutely a Christmas movie! If anything it has too much Christmas in it.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 12:58 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by knuckle tattoos at 12:58 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
Trading Places is New Years.
Easter is Alien and/or Robocop.
posted by Artw at 12:58 PM on November 22, 2017 [12 favorites]
Easter is Alien and/or Robocop.
posted by Artw at 12:58 PM on November 22, 2017 [12 favorites]
PISTOLS AT DAWN.
posted by corb at 1:00 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by corb at 1:00 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
It's a Wonderful Life is more festive? Sucide and total ruination by bank runs seems less festive than saving people and reconnecting with your wife and family? I'll know which festive I would take.
posted by Carillon at 1:01 PM on November 22, 2017 [30 favorites]
posted by Carillon at 1:01 PM on November 22, 2017 [30 favorites]
I once watched Die Hard in the summer. Did I do it wrong?
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Nonsense.
It has all the elements of a Christmas movie:
- Set at Christmas (obviously).
- Long separated family reunites (NY cop goes to LA)
- Person regains the Christmas spirit (Al definitely needs some spirit)
- Man dresses up as Santa (with a machine gun. (Ho Ho Ho))
- Contains Christmas soundtrack (It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark...)
- Everyone gets a present (untraceable bearer bonds rain down from the sky)
posted by madajb at 1:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [74 favorites]
It has all the elements of a Christmas movie:
- Set at Christmas (obviously).
- Long separated family reunites (NY cop goes to LA)
- Person regains the Christmas spirit (Al definitely needs some spirit)
- Man dresses up as Santa (with a machine gun. (Ho Ho Ho))
- Contains Christmas soundtrack (It was December 24th on Hollis Ave in the dark...)
- Everyone gets a present (untraceable bearer bonds rain down from the sky)
posted by madajb at 1:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [74 favorites]
Mike Donachie needs to shut his mouth when he’s talking to us.
posted by herda05 at 1:03 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by herda05 at 1:03 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie—it is an exceptional Christmas movie.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [65 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 1:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [65 favorites]
I once watched Die Hard in the summer. Did I do it wrong?
Yes. That's the season for Die Hard 3.
posted by biffa at 1:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
Yes. That's the season for Die Hard 3.
posted by biffa at 1:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
"Die Hard is not a Christmas movie" is just as valid an opinion as "Die Hard is the best Christmas movie," but it's definitely not as much fun.
posted by liamcampbell at 1:06 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by liamcampbell at 1:06 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
Boo to this, I say! Die Hard perhaps would make sense without the Christmas trappings, but Love, Actually 100% wouldn't. And Nightmare Before Christmas is both a Christmas and a Halloween movie - watch it twice a year.
posted by skullhead at 1:07 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by skullhead at 1:07 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Prometheus is not the Christmas movie of the Alien franchise because fuck that movie being a proper Alien movie and fuck Covenant too.
posted by Artw at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Artw at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
It took me FAR too long to realize that Gremlins was a Christmas movie. For some reason, as a child I never made that connection. I guess it just felt more horror/Halloween related in my mind.
But yeah, this guy is wrong.
posted by Fizz at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017
But yeah, this guy is wrong.
posted by Fizz at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017
There are literal jingle bells on the soundtrack. Fuck off.
posted by selfnoise at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
posted by selfnoise at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie—it is an exceptional Christmas movie.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:05 PM on November 22 [1 favorite +] [!]
"Die Hard" is not "a" Christmas Movie -- It is THE Christmas Movie
posted by chavenet at 1:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [22 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 1:05 PM on November 22 [1 favorite +] [!]
"Die Hard" is not "a" Christmas Movie -- It is THE Christmas Movie
posted by chavenet at 1:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [22 favorites]
A-and as even the FA mentions, McClane's wife is called HOLLY.
posted by chavenet at 1:12 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 1:12 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
Bah, humbug, Too Soon!, humbug... I'll get back to you in December
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:13 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:13 PM on November 22, 2017
Movies I've watched on 24th/25th over the last few years:
2014: The Killing Fields / The Terminator, Drinking Buddies, Land Ho!, The Interview
2015: Darkman / Miller's Crossing
2016: Goodfellas / Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Porco Rosso
"Festive".
posted by lmfsilva at 1:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
2014: The Killing Fields / The Terminator, Drinking Buddies, Land Ho!, The Interview
2015: Darkman / Miller's Crossing
2016: Goodfellas / Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Porco Rosso
"Festive".
posted by lmfsilva at 1:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
Carillon: "It's a Wonderful Life is more festive? Sucide and total ruination by bank runs seems less festive than saving people and reconnecting with your wife and family? I'll know which festive I would take."
The plot of It's A Wonderful Life is literally that George Bailey saves people and reconnects with his wife and family.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
The plot of It's A Wonderful Life is literally that George Bailey saves people and reconnects with his wife and family.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
OK I will say this, as this time... there is only one Christmas movie and it's Junky's Christmas. That is all.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:15 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:15 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Related: The Courier is not a fun newspaper. And Mike Donachie is a humorless Scotsman. See also his dour op-ed When the snow falls, just get out and dig. He does have a lighter side though: In a grim world, the Ikea sleepovers give us sweet, Swede repose.
posted by Nelson at 1:16 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by Nelson at 1:16 PM on November 22, 2017
Is so a christmas movie and I don't even do christmas.
posted by Space Kitty at 1:17 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Space Kitty at 1:17 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
"Gremlins is absolutely a Christmas movie! If anything it has too much Christmas in it." -- knuckle tattoos
The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas...
posted by RobotHero at 1:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas...
posted by RobotHero at 1:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
> It's a Wonderful Life is more festive? Sucide and total ruination by bank runs seems less festive than saving people and reconnecting with your wife and family? I'll know which festive I would take.
I wrote an undergrad film studies essay about It’s A Wonderful Life in which the thesis was more or less “holy shit this beloved holiday classic is depressing.”
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:21 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
I wrote an undergrad film studies essay about It’s A Wonderful Life in which the thesis was more or less “holy shit this beloved holiday classic is depressing.”
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:21 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
Not everyone has a spouse and children and in-laws and a shopping list as long as your arm for Christmas. Some of us have a building full of terrorists for Christmas. You celebrate your way and let John McClane celebrate his.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 1:24 PM on November 22, 2017 [49 favorites]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 1:24 PM on November 22, 2017 [49 favorites]
The plot of It's A Wonderful Life is literally that George Bailey saves people and reconnects with his wife and family.
Except the evil banker who is horrible to everyone is still there. Nobody is saved, he just doesn’t kill himself. And even if he had killed himself, we don’t know that the town would have been any worse off at that point.
posted by corb at 1:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
Except the evil banker who is horrible to everyone is still there. Nobody is saved, he just doesn’t kill himself. And even if he had killed himself, we don’t know that the town would have been any worse off at that point.
posted by corb at 1:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
Also features the demon Pazuzu.
posted by Artw at 1:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Artw at 1:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also features the demon Pazuzu.
It's a Wonderful Life 2: George Gets an Exorcism
posted by Fizz at 1:27 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's a Wonderful Life 2: George Gets an Exorcism
posted by Fizz at 1:27 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
So I recently bought "A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic" from some online ad that caught my eye. The book is a pastiche of The Night Before Christmas*, and the illustrations are very story-book-ish.
Anyway, I left it sitting around the house this week, and yesterday we cleaned the house in preparation for some friends coming over. Once they arrived, I wanted to share my new literary treasure with our visitors, but I couldn't find the book anywhere. I asked my wife, and she said "It's on the baby's bookshelf, where else would it go?"
Based on the cover illustration, she though "A Die Hard Christmas" was an actual Holiday Classic for kids. I got the stink eye the rest of the night.
*To be frank, the book's meter is a bit awkward in places, but you can mostly make it work when reading aloud
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 1:29 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
Anyway, I left it sitting around the house this week, and yesterday we cleaned the house in preparation for some friends coming over. Once they arrived, I wanted to share my new literary treasure with our visitors, but I couldn't find the book anywhere. I asked my wife, and she said "It's on the baby's bookshelf, where else would it go?"
Based on the cover illustration, she though "A Die Hard Christmas" was an actual Holiday Classic for kids. I got the stink eye the rest of the night.
*To be frank, the book's meter is a bit awkward in places, but you can mostly make it work when reading aloud
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 1:29 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
Except the evil banker who is horrible to everyone is still there. Nobody is saved, he just doesn’t kill himself. And even if he had killed himself, we don’t know that the town would have been any worse off at that point.
the original ending didn't test well
posted by entropicamericana at 1:30 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
the original ending didn't test well
posted by entropicamericana at 1:30 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
"Die Hard" is not "a" Christmas Movie -- It is THE Christmas Movie
Two kinds of people in the world: People who believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and people who are wrong.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 1:34 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
Two kinds of people in the world: People who believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and people who are wrong.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 1:34 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
So basically he makes up his own idiosyncratic definition of a christmas movie, applies that (wrong) definition to Die Hard, and concludes that it's not a christmas film. Fine! I want to play too. My definition of a newspaper columnist is "someone who is correct about Die Hard." Thus, Mike Donachie is not a newspaper columnist and I am.
posted by Frobenius Twist at 1:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
posted by Frobenius Twist at 1:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [17 favorites]
Two kinds of people in the world: People who believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and people who are wrong German terrorists.
FTFY
posted by chavenet at 1:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
FTFY
posted by chavenet at 1:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
because Rickman.
A thousand times this.
/Throw in "Galaxy Quest"
//I know it's not Christmas, but still awesome and Rickmany
posted by MrGuilt at 1:43 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
A thousand times this.
/Throw in "Galaxy Quest"
//I know it's not Christmas, but still awesome and Rickmany
posted by MrGuilt at 1:43 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
Christmas movies are terrible. Die Hard is not terrible. Therefore.
The first reasonable argument in favor of "Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie" I've heard. Ever.
posted by MrGuilt at 1:45 PM on November 22, 2017 [26 favorites]
The first reasonable argument in favor of "Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie" I've heard. Ever.
posted by MrGuilt at 1:45 PM on November 22, 2017 [26 favorites]
corb: "Except the evil banker who is horrible to everyone is still there. Nobody is saved, he just doesn’t kill himself. And even if he had killed himself, we don’t know that the town would have been any worse off at that point."
The Building and Loan is saved, so Potter's evil plans will be foiled.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:46 PM on November 22, 2017
The Building and Loan is saved, so Potter's evil plans will be foiled.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:46 PM on November 22, 2017
You got that backwards TWF. Its a good thing to have it dragged into a genre full of crap, because then when someone says they want to put an Xmas movie on you have something to fall back on.
posted by biffa at 1:52 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by biffa at 1:52 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you like this and more we're running The Holiday Movie Club in Fanfare.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:55 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:55 PM on November 22, 2017
Die Hard is fucking merry compared to that kids' christmas movie, Home Alone, which is actually torture porn.
posted by sapagan at 1:59 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
posted by sapagan at 1:59 PM on November 22, 2017 [18 favorites]
My Die Hard rebuttal would focus on the theme of redemption. How the movie made it very clear that John McClane is an asshole, that he's almost beyond hope. Like Scrooge, he gets a chance to see the error of his ways and start over in his relationships with his family, instead of visitors in the night it's bad guys in a tower. And our buddy Sgt Powell shows us that, yes, an act of violence can lead to redemption when he crosses over the line from a gun shy observer to the hero that finally takes out Karl. That's the true Christmas spirit in Die Hard.
posted by peeedro at 2:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [16 favorites]
posted by peeedro at 2:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [16 favorites]
Hans Gruber bless us, every one.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
Reginald VelJohnson learns to love shooting people again, that's redemption.
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
Drat.
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I once watched Die Hard in the summer. Did I do it wrong?
Were you in Sydney or Christchurch at the time?
posted by bonehead at 2:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
Were you in Sydney or Christchurch at the time?
posted by bonehead at 2:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
I watch Die Hard every Christmas Eve as I wrap presents while the kids are in bed. As the meme says, it's not Christmas until I see Hans Gruber fall from Nakatomi Tower. Yippykiyay, motherfuckers.
posted by Jubey at 2:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 2:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
Christmas movies are about the birth of our Lord.
Die Hard is Alan Rickman's first movie.
QED
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
Die Hard is Alan Rickman's first movie.
QED
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:19 PM on November 22, 2017 [11 favorites]
I don't know about Die Hard being a Christmas movie, but I tell you what - Blood Freak is absolutely a Thanksgiving movie.
(I'd also make a case for Night of the Lepus being an Easter movie.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:36 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
(I'd also make a case for Night of the Lepus being an Easter movie.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:36 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm pretty sure Die Hard was originally released in the middle of the summer. So there you go...
posted by supermedusa at 2:43 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by supermedusa at 2:43 PM on November 22, 2017
If you really want to rile people up, you tell people that Die Hard 2 is your favorite Christmas movie.
posted by mhum at 2:44 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by mhum at 2:44 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
I'm pretty sure Die Hard was originally released in the middle of the summer. So there you go...
....You're right! I remember the posters in the theater where I worked for one of my summer jobs. ("The odds are against John McClane....and that's just the way he likes it!")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
....You're right! I remember the posters in the theater where I worked for one of my summer jobs. ("The odds are against John McClane....and that's just the way he likes it!")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Next you're going to tell us that Brazil isn't a Christmas movie.
posted by octothorpe at 3:00 PM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 3:00 PM on November 22, 2017 [10 favorites]
I inadvertently watched The City of Lost Children on Christmas Eve one year, and it fit gloriously well with the season, although I suspect my in-laws may not let us pick for any more family movie nights.
posted by Diagonalize at 3:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by Diagonalize at 3:02 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
Trading Places is New Years.
It spans the Christmas season through New Years!
posted by Room 641-A at 3:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
It spans the Christmas season through New Years!
posted by Room 641-A at 3:08 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm pretty sure Die Hard was originally released in the middle of the summer.
True for the US. But in Uruguay and El Salvador it came out on December 25th.
posted by biffa at 3:10 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
True for the US. But in Uruguay and El Salvador it came out on December 25th.
posted by biffa at 3:10 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
Greg_Ace: "I once watched Die Hard in the summer. Did I do it wrong?"
It came out in mid-July so I did too. Mostly I just wanted to hang out in the AC for two hours since it was obviously going to be a terrible movie. I mean Bruce Willis was a lightweight TV comedy actor, totally wrong for an action role. Maybe not as bad as casting that goofy guy from Mr. Mom as Batman but still a total casting mistake.
posted by octothorpe at 3:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
It came out in mid-July so I did too. Mostly I just wanted to hang out in the AC for two hours since it was obviously going to be a terrible movie. I mean Bruce Willis was a lightweight TV comedy actor, totally wrong for an action role. Maybe not as bad as casting that goofy guy from Mr. Mom as Batman but still a total casting mistake.
posted by octothorpe at 3:11 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
French Connection is a Christmas movie
I think one of the Death Wish's is as well but I can't face the horror of watching trailers etc (to go full circle, and even though my brain does its best to try and forget, I sometimes re-remember Bruce Willis is gonna be in the Eli Roth remake and... oh god why?!)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:15 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think one of the Death Wish's is as well but I can't face the horror of watching trailers etc (to go full circle, and even though my brain does its best to try and forget, I sometimes re-remember Bruce Willis is gonna be in the Eli Roth remake and... oh god why?!)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:15 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
If Deadpool is a Valentines Day movie, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
posted by Splunge at 3:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 3:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm fine with Die Hard being a Christmas movie. I'm not fine with everyone saying "Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie" like they're so above Christmas and totally cool because this is like, an ironic choice, you see?
Die Hard can be your favorite Christmas movie. I have no problem with that! More just people acting like they're the first person in the whole history of the world who has ever though it. Yes, maybe I'm just tired of the hundreds of "jokes" people make about this every year. There are much better and weirder movies to pick. Come back at me when you're saying I Come in Peace is your favorite Christmas movie. (Well, OK, not the best example, but you get my point.)
(I do like Die Hard.)
posted by darksong at 3:44 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
Die Hard can be your favorite Christmas movie. I have no problem with that! More just people acting like they're the first person in the whole history of the world who has ever though it. Yes, maybe I'm just tired of the hundreds of "jokes" people make about this every year. There are much better and weirder movies to pick. Come back at me when you're saying I Come in Peace is your favorite Christmas movie. (Well, OK, not the best example, but you get my point.)
(I do like Die Hard.)
posted by darksong at 3:44 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
this is bullshit, trading places is festive as hell
posted by poffin boffin at 3:47 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 3:47 PM on November 22, 2017 [5 favorites]
Looking good, poffin boffin!
posted by Room 641-A at 3:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by Room 641-A at 3:51 PM on November 22, 2017 [9 favorites]
If you can't accept a movie set during "The Christmas Season" as a "Christmas Movie", then your choices are (1) it's a War on Christmas Movie (2) it's a Boxing Day (December 26th)movie or (3) it's a Fetivus movie for the rest of us! (some movies fit better as 'airing of grievances' others as 'feats of strength').
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:02 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:02 PM on November 22, 2017
Die Hard is fucking merry compared to that kids' Christmas movie, Home Alone, which is actually torture porn.
Home Alone is no more a Christmas movie than Fight Club.
posted by The Bellman at 4:06 PM on November 22, 2017
Home Alone is no more a Christmas movie than Fight Club.
posted by The Bellman at 4:06 PM on November 22, 2017
I'm pretty sure Die Hard was originally released in the middle of the summer. So there you go...
Yeah, but that was back when things like movie theaters were actually closed on Christmas, not open extra early so the cousins can go to a movie while Mom gets a jump on the post-christmas sales.
posted by madajb at 4:07 PM on November 22, 2017
Yeah, but that was back when things like movie theaters were actually closed on Christmas, not open extra early so the cousins can go to a movie while Mom gets a jump on the post-christmas sales.
posted by madajb at 4:07 PM on November 22, 2017
Die Hard came out in the summer, which I recall because I have important memories attached to going to see it with someone special. So it's always reminded me of sitting outside the theater in a hot car with that person and therefore never been a Christmas movie to me.
posted by ob1quixote at 4:12 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by ob1quixote at 4:12 PM on November 22, 2017
Oh fuck this guy.
1. Nightmare Before Christmas — yes, very obviously not Christmas. It is specifically Halloween. Duh.
2. “Festive” Christmas Movies are marginally Christmas Movies. In that you can’t watch them any other time of year. But for fuck’s sake, who wants to watch A Christmas Story or Miracle on 34th for the 100th time? Love, Actually — should never be seen outside the period between Thanksgiving and New Years, but if watched anytime between November 23 and Jan 1, and your heart doesn’t melt then fuck you, you cynical bastard. If you can’t cry about a child’s crush then you deserve to be stabbed in the fucking gall bladder.
3. A true Christmas movie is all about fantasy. What you want to watch to escape after you’ve had a few bourbon (never rum) egg nogs and cannot deal with family any more. This is why the original Star Wars trilogy was the perfect Christmas movie for many years, recently supplanted by LOTR. This year, ima try Talladega Nights. Anyway, if you don’t get that Diehard is perfectly acceptable and because of the Christmas setting a perfect Christmas movie for the whole family...well, you’re probably sympathetic to ISIS and your deserve your sober Christmas with your awful Trump-supporting relatives playing Jenga.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 4:17 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
1. Nightmare Before Christmas — yes, very obviously not Christmas. It is specifically Halloween. Duh.
2. “Festive” Christmas Movies are marginally Christmas Movies. In that you can’t watch them any other time of year. But for fuck’s sake, who wants to watch A Christmas Story or Miracle on 34th for the 100th time? Love, Actually — should never be seen outside the period between Thanksgiving and New Years, but if watched anytime between November 23 and Jan 1, and your heart doesn’t melt then fuck you, you cynical bastard. If you can’t cry about a child’s crush then you deserve to be stabbed in the fucking gall bladder.
3. A true Christmas movie is all about fantasy. What you want to watch to escape after you’ve had a few bourbon (never rum) egg nogs and cannot deal with family any more. This is why the original Star Wars trilogy was the perfect Christmas movie for many years, recently supplanted by LOTR. This year, ima try Talladega Nights. Anyway, if you don’t get that Diehard is perfectly acceptable and because of the Christmas setting a perfect Christmas movie for the whole family...well, you’re probably sympathetic to ISIS and your deserve your sober Christmas with your awful Trump-supporting relatives playing Jenga.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 4:17 PM on November 22, 2017 [4 favorites]
There are 0 comments discussing his provocative and facially absurd contention on that website.
posted by Sebmojo at 4:30 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Sebmojo at 4:30 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I wrote an undergrad film studies essay about It’s A Wonderful Life in which the thesis was more or less “holy shit this beloved holiday classic is depressing.”
"Where's the money, you old foo!?!?" /slap /slap "Where's THE MONEY!!?"
very festive.
posted by Chitownfats at 4:33 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
"Where's the money, you old foo!?!?" /slap /slap "Where's THE MONEY!!?"
very festive.
posted by Chitownfats at 4:33 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
I'm not fine with everyone saying "Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie" like they're so above Christmas and totally cool because this is like, an ironic choice, you see?
All of that 'I'm so above irony' ironic eyerolling can't be good for your eyes.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:36 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
All of that 'I'm so above irony' ironic eyerolling can't be good for your eyes.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:36 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
One possible criterion: a Christmas movie should contain Christmas songs. By this reasoning, Die Hard is definitely a Christmas movie, as are Rushmore and House of the Devil.
posted by Iridic at 4:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Iridic at 4:41 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
then so is mean girls.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:46 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 4:46 PM on November 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
Mothman Prophecies is a Christmas movie and it's based on a true story! Authentic!
posted by SPrintF at 4:47 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 4:47 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
The plot of It's A Wonderful Life is literally that George Bailey saves people and reconnects with his wife and family.
Ahem...
On Christmas Eve, a cynical upper-crust swindler steals from a financial institution, aided by the accidental incompetence of officials. As a result of the robbery, a troubled but earnest family man is beset by legal jeopardy and faces death. His only help is a somewhat comical man from another world with childish tastes, regarded as a failure by his peers, who makes surprisingly bold moves to help his friend. Ultimately our hero is saved by his friend, and realizes that he has saved his community and family.
posted by condour75 at 4:54 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Ahem...
On Christmas Eve, a cynical upper-crust swindler steals from a financial institution, aided by the accidental incompetence of officials. As a result of the robbery, a troubled but earnest family man is beset by legal jeopardy and faces death. His only help is a somewhat comical man from another world with childish tastes, regarded as a failure by his peers, who makes surprisingly bold moves to help his friend. Ultimately our hero is saved by his friend, and realizes that he has saved his community and family.
posted by condour75 at 4:54 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Die Hard is also a good choice for Christmas because it's not just the best/only Die Hard that contrasts well against the other non-Die Hard, Die hard movies but it's just a really well made movie.
There is approximately zero wasted screen time in that movie. Stuff in basically every scene relates to other scenes and the overall story.
Die Hard 2 is a shameless ripoff of a Die Hard movie and in that light it's not bad but it's pretty cheesy. Die Hard: With A Vengeance is a Batman movie where Bruce Wayne is forced by the Riddler to perform a series of tasks as Bruce Wayne. Every calls him 'John' and pretends he's a cop. In a better world than this, the final action sequence is replaced with Batman, now in costume, going into the Riddler's lair to take him down. I can't decide if Sam Jackson's character is Robin, Alfred, or some other character.
In the remaining movies, 'John McClain' appears to be a mantle donned by cops when they recognize that they're in a "Die Hard Scenario" or something.
posted by VTX at 5:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [16 favorites]
There is approximately zero wasted screen time in that movie. Stuff in basically every scene relates to other scenes and the overall story.
Die Hard 2 is a shameless ripoff of a Die Hard movie and in that light it's not bad but it's pretty cheesy. Die Hard: With A Vengeance is a Batman movie where Bruce Wayne is forced by the Riddler to perform a series of tasks as Bruce Wayne. Every calls him 'John' and pretends he's a cop. In a better world than this, the final action sequence is replaced with Batman, now in costume, going into the Riddler's lair to take him down. I can't decide if Sam Jackson's character is Robin, Alfred, or some other character.
In the remaining movies, 'John McClain' appears to be a mantle donned by cops when they recognize that they're in a "Die Hard Scenario" or something.
posted by VTX at 5:04 PM on November 22, 2017 [16 favorites]
There are a lot of somewhat safe conversational topics related to the series, is what I'm trying to say.
posted by VTX at 5:18 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by VTX at 5:18 PM on November 22, 2017
Arguing about why Die Hard is or is not a Christmas movie seems to have become its own tradition. A minor little cultural war for pedantic nerds.
I'm feeling festive though so I'll fire some shots: It's definitely a Christmas movie because it takes place on Christmas but Brazil is the best Christmas movie.
posted by AtoBtoA at 5:34 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm feeling festive though so I'll fire some shots: It's definitely a Christmas movie because it takes place on Christmas but Brazil is the best Christmas movie.
posted by AtoBtoA at 5:34 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
On average, Nightmare Before Christmas is a Thanksgiving movie.
posted by InTheYear2017 at 6:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by InTheYear2017 at 6:05 PM on November 22, 2017 [13 favorites]
Thanksgiving is basically just having the turkey bit of Christmas twice though.
posted by Artw at 6:13 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 6:13 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
“Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” is the only real Christmas movie.
posted by bendy at 6:24 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by bendy at 6:24 PM on November 22, 2017 [8 favorites]
Wait, so is Psycho no longer a Christmas movie too?
posted by lowtide at 6:29 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by lowtide at 6:29 PM on November 22, 2017
The Batman thing is totally another Mefite's idea from some past comment but man is that some good head canon.
posted by VTX at 6:41 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by VTX at 6:41 PM on November 22, 2017
It's a Wonderful Life II: I'm Going Drinking in Pottersville Because It's Awesome And I'm Like a Ghost Or Something
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:23 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:23 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
I too am tired of "Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie" as oh-so-subversive take, but Die Hard is one of my favorite movies period and I'm happy to include it in any film pantheon that gives me an excuse to watch it once a year whole I wrap my kids' gifts. There is so much joyless, sentimental crap you have to put up with at Christmastime. If I didn't have Die Hard to look forward to I personally would feel significantly less merry.
posted by potrzebie at 8:06 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 8:06 PM on November 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Scrooged isn't a christmas movie because it's about network television productions
Miracle on 34th St. isn't a christmas movie because it's about the legal definition of identity
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Miracle on 34th St. isn't a christmas movie because it's about the legal definition of identity
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:14 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Trading Places is a New Years movie because, like Commando, it is all about endings and new beginnings. Also, Commando is a New Years movie.
The Nightmare Before Christmas is an All Saints Day movie.
I'm sure you will all agree that these are not opinions but correct and objective truth.
posted by ckape at 8:27 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
The Nightmare Before Christmas is an All Saints Day movie.
I'm sure you will all agree that these are not opinions but correct and objective truth.
posted by ckape at 8:27 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Die Hard is about a guy who wants to murder everyone at an office Christmas party and if that's not a universal Christmas experience I don't know what is.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:55 PM on November 22, 2017 [24 favorites]
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:55 PM on November 22, 2017 [24 favorites]
... a guy who wants to murder everyone at an office Christmas party and if that's not a universal Christmas experience I don't know what is.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts
Eponyscarycal.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:21 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts
Eponyscarycal.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:21 PM on November 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
Not only is Die Hard a Christmas Movie, it might be the ultimate Los Angeles Christmas Movie. This is, I believe, our 4th Christmas in LA and my husband is allllmost ready to cave and go to (Nakatomi) Fox Plaza, which was built for the movie because eh, Fox needed a building anyway, with a giant teddy bear.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:22 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Lyn Never at 9:22 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Feh! The best Christmas movie is "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" anyways.
posted by mazola at 10:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by mazola at 10:25 PM on November 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Die Hard is most definitely a Christmas movie. If the fact that Argyle, Powell, and Theo are all still alive at the end isn’t a Christmas Miracle I don’t know what is.
“It’s Christmas Theo! It’s the time for miracles!”
posted by um at 11:07 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
“It’s Christmas Theo! It’s the time for miracles!”
posted by um at 11:07 PM on November 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
I forget, is Mad Max: Fury Road a Thanksgiving or a Christmas movie? Both, right?
posted by Pronoiac at 11:39 PM on November 22, 2017
posted by Pronoiac at 11:39 PM on November 22, 2017
In the southeastern United States, syndications resulted in the yearly ritual of It's A Wonderful Life and Jerimiah Johnson and, after I'd left home to make my way in the world, I thought it was neat that syndication produced the holiday phenomenon of Die Hard...different, but, whatever, the world changes. And though it can't be a ritual for America because America can suck so hard, Tangerine(2015) is the best Christmas movie with the greatest Christmas message I've seen in twenty damn years and if you don't agree you're lost.
posted by lazycomputerkids at 12:04 AM on November 23, 2017
posted by lazycomputerkids at 12:04 AM on November 23, 2017
Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Not quite Die Hard, but pretty damn close.
posted by AugustWest at 12:17 AM on November 23, 2017
posted by AugustWest at 12:17 AM on November 23, 2017
Lethal Weapon opens with Jinglebell Rock, has a shootout with some evil Christmas tree men, and features George Bailey-style contemplation of suicide. And yet Die Hard gets all the credit, just because it's much better.
posted by Mocata at 4:28 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Mocata at 4:28 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yippie Kayak Other Buckets!!
In a world where Costco starts selling Christmas crap in august, this is the perfect movie to forget that bogus holiday is happening.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 5:06 AM on November 23, 2017
In a world where Costco starts selling Christmas crap in august, this is the perfect movie to forget that bogus holiday is happening.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 5:06 AM on November 23, 2017
Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Not quite Die Hard, but pretty damn close.
They both suck as much as Die Hard 5. So there's that. But then Die Hard 5 isn't really a Die Hard film.
posted by biffa at 5:14 AM on November 23, 2017
They both suck as much as Die Hard 5. So there's that. But then Die Hard 5 isn't really a Die Hard film.
posted by biffa at 5:14 AM on November 23, 2017
Sphinx: "He's just pissed that Argyle was a minor character."
Actually, Argyle is a kind of sock one often gets ... for Christmas.
posted by chavenet at 5:25 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Actually, Argyle is a kind of sock one often gets ... for Christmas.
posted by chavenet at 5:25 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
> Metafilter: A minor little cultural war for pedantic nerds
posted by theora55 at 5:45 AM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 5:45 AM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
I sometimes wonder what happened to Theo after the movie--like how many counts of approximately ALL THE CRIMES did they wind up charging him with as the only surviving participant in the heist?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:49 AM on November 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:49 AM on November 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
this is bullshit, trading places is festive as hell
I have a friend whose amazing 8-year-old is very fashion conscious in a Precocious GQ kind of way. Their family recently watched Trading Places because she thought it would be amusing and maybe raise some interesting questions about social class, but his take-away from it was:
1. Three-piece suits are really cool.
2. So are briefcases.
So now he heads for the bus stop in the morning wearing vest, tie, and jacket, and carrying his school stuff in a briefcase.
Kids are awesome.
posted by Orlop at 6:52 AM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
I have a friend whose amazing 8-year-old is very fashion conscious in a Precocious GQ kind of way. Their family recently watched Trading Places because she thought it would be amusing and maybe raise some interesting questions about social class, but his take-away from it was:
1. Three-piece suits are really cool.
2. So are briefcases.
So now he heads for the bus stop in the morning wearing vest, tie, and jacket, and carrying his school stuff in a briefcase.
Kids are awesome.
posted by Orlop at 6:52 AM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
The real question is why does it matter whether Die Hard or any other movie is a Christmas movie other than to tell people who don't agree with you that they're wrong?
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 7:14 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 7:14 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I can’t wait until my 8 year old is mature enough to watch Die Hard with me at the holidays. I mean he already knows what an F bomb is thanks to “that one friend at school” that every kid seems to meet at some point. But the machine gun battles still seem a bit much for an 8 year old.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:37 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by caution live frogs at 7:37 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Die Hard is absolutely festive. It celebrates pain, suffering, false triumph, the ineptitude of traditional leadership, and the catharsis of violence. It's even got some casual racism against Asians for no particular reason.
That's basically an entire long weekend at my family's house, distilled into a mere 132 minutes and with some extra explosions.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:20 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
That's basically an entire long weekend at my family's house, distilled into a mere 132 minutes and with some extra explosions.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:20 AM on November 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Today I will give thanks to MetaFilter by watching Die Hard. So now it's a Thanksgiving movie as well! Yippee-ki-yi-yey, MetaFilter!
posted by SPrintF at 8:49 AM on November 23, 2017
posted by SPrintF at 8:49 AM on November 23, 2017
what happened to Theo after the movie--like how many counts of approximately ALL THE CRIMES did they wind up charging him with as the only surviving participant in the heist?
Theo will finally get out of prison and seek his revenge in Die Hard 6 (aka Die Hard-Bitten, Twice Shy).
posted by Iridic at 8:57 AM on November 23, 2017
Theo will finally get out of prison and seek his revenge in Die Hard 6 (aka Die Hard-Bitten, Twice Shy).
posted by Iridic at 8:57 AM on November 23, 2017
Well, crap. L.A. Confidential is also a Christmas movie, and also a great movie, and also totally tainted by Kevin Spacey.
I think instead I will watch that Thanksgiving classic, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:58 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think instead I will watch that Thanksgiving classic, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:58 AM on November 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just want to know what kind of horrible company has their holiday party on Christmas Eve?
Also, Babes in Toyland is the holiday movie you're looking for.
posted by misterpatrick at 11:36 AM on November 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
Also, Babes in Toyland is the holiday movie you're looking for.
posted by misterpatrick at 11:36 AM on November 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
Can we at least agree that The Santa Clause was a body horror movie?
posted by Splunge at 12:48 PM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 12:48 PM on November 23, 2017 [6 favorites]
I sometimes wonder what happened to Theo after the movie--like how many counts of approximately ALL THE CRIMES did they wind up charging him with as the only surviving participant in the heist?
Obviously he changed his identity, moved to Georgia and became a PI for Matlock
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:48 PM on November 23, 2017
Obviously he changed his identity, moved to Georgia and became a PI for Matlock
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:48 PM on November 23, 2017
Actually, Argyle is a kind of sock one often gets ... for Christmas.
And yet in the film, Argyle gave someone else a sock.
posted by heatvision at 3:49 AM on November 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
And yet in the film, Argyle gave someone else a sock.
posted by heatvision at 3:49 AM on November 24, 2017 [2 favorites]
caution live frogs: "I can’t wait until my 8 year old is mature enough to watch Die Hard with me at the holidays. I mean he already knows what an F bomb is thanks to “that one friend at school” that every kid seems to meet at some point. But the machine gun battles still seem a bit much for an 8 year old."
When my son was in high-school he and his buddies caught Die Hard at a midnight showing; afterwhich he said that he loves "old cheesy movies". I protested that it wasn't a "cheesy" movie and he just smirked.
posted by octothorpe at 7:08 AM on November 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
When my son was in high-school he and his buddies caught Die Hard at a midnight showing; afterwhich he said that he loves "old cheesy movies". I protested that it wasn't a "cheesy" movie and he just smirked.
posted by octothorpe at 7:08 AM on November 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Theo wasn’t the only surviving terrorist. There was also the one that Maclane punched on his way to confronting Hans Gruber. I guess he was conserving ammo? Anyway he always stuck with me because he looked so young. Like, real young, intern young. He may actually have started out as the Nakatomi mailroom boy who threw in his lot with the terrorists because he had to work while everyone else partied. Anyway, he lived despite being punched into the shadow realm.
posted by um at 4:26 PM on November 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by um at 4:26 PM on November 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
I just watched it with my son, to persuade him that it's a Christmas movie. Persuaded myself that it's not. It's pretty cheesy, in exactly the right way, and because it's set at Christmas it's a good movie to watch at Christmas time.
posted by theora55 at 6:19 AM on December 2, 2017
posted by theora55 at 6:19 AM on December 2, 2017
Canada's PM weighs in (Narrator: yes it is)
posted by Mitheral at 2:05 PM on December 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Mitheral at 2:05 PM on December 15, 2017 [2 favorites]
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You're trying to tell me Die Hard is not Festive? How is yippy-ky-yah-mutherfucker not festive? We say it all the time to get us through the yule.
In our house, we watch Love Actually and Die Hard double-header, because Rickman.
posted by parki at 12:54 PM on November 22, 2017 [82 favorites]