Wear and Tears
December 17, 2017 9:46 AM   Subscribe

"Clothes are relatively easy to pack and transport, less breakable than other objects, and perhaps that is why I have held on to so many of them; they provide a line of continuity between these multiple places and selves. They remind me who I am, where I have come from, where I have been, for better or worse. On the days the black dog visits and brings down that transparent wall of grey between myself and the distant land of the living where people walk around feeling things, where things matter, these belongings with history — any kind of history — remind me that life has been lived and felt, that maybe it will be again." Kirsten Tranter reflects on depression, connection, and how clothing lives not only in the closet, but in our hearts and minds as well. Even when they seem past all feeling. (SL Los Angeles Review of Books.)
posted by MonkeyToes (8 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
This is great. I also find that, as a woman who loses and gains weight, I am attached to a sense of possibility in clothes. Be better, says the shirt I keep, and you can wear this funny nerdy T, not just because you'll fit but because you won't be the joke. You weren't once. Then, too, there are the clothes I keep without any intention of wearing them again: the T with the funny quote from the famous scholar since disowned as a racist; a woollen cape that is full of warmth but out of its century; shoes that represent an idea of myself that goes to much nicer places and doesn't have to hoof it on the T to get to them.

I still remember the first time I tried on an old low-cut shirt, asked advice as to whether to keep it or toss it, and was gently told that it was "a little young" for me. That person was right. But then, I am a little young for me.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:04 AM on December 17, 2017 [25 favorites]


We moved recently, to a bigger city and a much smaller apartment, and had to do a lot of downsizing to fit in. In the process I got rid of something like 60% of my clothing, mostly items that hadn’t been worn in years, or only rarely. Old t-shirts from college for clubs I forgot I’d joined; shorts from when I was a person who wore shorts (I hate them now); a suit that didn’t fit anymore, that I wore to five job interviews in a row then never again. All of it went to Goodwill, and left much needed closet space behind. But it was interesting revisiting the memories.
posted by fencerjimmy at 11:12 AM on December 17, 2017


This really hit me today, as I've been living in a tiny apartment and just a couple weeks ago finally (finally finally) became overwhelmed with the current atmosphere of shame and guilt for not "decluttering" and gave away 3 huge bags of clothes that didn't fit any longer, that had no place to be worn in my life, that weren't ever the right color, that pinched or draped funny or were gifts from an ex who I loved too much. I have been grieving for those clothes, and for all the lost pieces along the way, as I'm grieving by proxy for all the pieces of myself that the black dog has nipped and torn and eaten.

Her idea that we are convincing ourselves culturally that holding memories in physical objects is embarrassing or fruitless is uniquely hard for those of who need those memories is extremely legitimizing, and also made me realize how very gendered so many people's responses to my "clothes hoarding" has been. Like Countess Elena, so many people have told me my clothes are "too young" while those are clothes which have followed me for 20 years and still remind me of being young and maybe happier and my brain tells me both to aspire to be the woman who wears that silk ballgown but this is while others in my life say "how frivolous, you don't need to aspire to those things, being and wanting to be pretty is both your job and your downfall".

Clothes didn't used o be disposable, our things didn't used to be seen as ever-shifting transient trash that breaks or crufts away. I move about once a year, and have dealt with all the rolling eyes about my bags of clothing. Some of those people I gave my fabric memories to, with no resentment, and feel ok that those things have new lives but also still am mourning for the girl who bought beautiful things because she believed that beautiful things fit her life.
posted by zinful at 11:16 AM on December 17, 2017 [21 favorites]


Most clothes designed for wear on a daily basis I don’t find to be terribly joyful, but the entire guest room closet I have full of vintage evening wear and fancy dresses is sort of my happy place. I’m quite unable to get rid of anything inside, though I scour my daily wardrobe at least once a season, because sensible things are inifinitely more replaceable than this tulle and velvet concoction I wore to a party last in 2004.
posted by thivaia at 11:56 AM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]


Like places, songs, or scents, old clothing can sometimes take me back to places that I would rather not remember. It reminds me of someone I once was, but am no more. It becomes uncomfortable; itchy, too tight, or worn out in the way it no longer fits who I am today - someone who is less innocent, someone who has grown through the experience of pain, someone who has loved in ways I never thought would be open to me.

I no longer keep old clothes.
posted by vignettist at 1:23 PM on December 17, 2017 [6 favorites]


This is great. Describes both the reason I keep certain items and the reason I get rid of certain items, and kind of makes both choice seem ok.
posted by Secretariat at 2:56 PM on December 17, 2017


I have literally 4 decades of concert t-shirts in my closet. Many of them, I'd like to make into a quilt because I'm never going to wear them again. But then, I suddenly choose to wear one and them all, like, Hell Yeah.
posted by hippybear at 3:49 PM on December 17, 2017 [3 favorites]


This, along with everyone's reflections so far, is so good. It basically reminds me of this experience I recalled in this MetaTalktail Hour comment back in April. It makes me want to stay up and reminisce in more detail, but I'll just say this: Discovering the notion of no-sew T-shirt quilts and pillows over the weekend has opened up some interesting possibilities for those boxes of shirts I've been saving since the big move.
posted by limeonaire at 1:45 AM on December 18, 2017


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