Comments on: Comments on 17186

Post number 17186

Su — Thu, 16 May 2002 04:25:44 -0800

"When a male polar bear and a human are face to face, there occurs a brief kind of magic: an intense, visceral connection between man and beast whose poignancy and import cannot be expressed in mere words. Then he rips your arms off."
It's rare for someone to pull off morbid and hilarious at the same time. Here's an example.

By: rory

rory — Thu, 16 May 2002 04:43:19 -0800

That's... that's beautiful. Perchance he is this Andrew Barlow?

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Thu, 16 May 2002 04:53:45 -0800

Safety in polar bear country, courtesy of Parks Canada. Just in case you've finally stopped laughing and asked yourself, "hey, what would happen if . . . "

By: luser

luser — Thu, 16 May 2002 05:23:47 -0800

It's rare for someone to pull off morbid and hilarious Not that rare, dong_resin does it about every time he posts here.

By: Frasermoo

Frasermoo — Thu, 16 May 2002 05:26:58 -0800

That is great writing. Perfect for work, and is now doing the rounds in my office.

By: LuxFX

LuxFX — Thu, 16 May 2002 05:50:30 -0800

Quoth Edward Gorey: B is the Basil assaulted by bears

By: Sinner

Sinner — Thu, 16 May 2002 06:38:01 -0800

Great piece. Did anyone else find him- or herself trying not to wonder how he typed this article without arms? (Yes, I know there are myriad ways to do this - there's just something distasteful about the question itself).

By: briank

briank — Thu, 16 May 2002 06:44:23 -0800

This was funny, just not The New Yorker funny.

By: andrewraff

andrewraff — Thu, 16 May 2002 06:47:37 -0800

Remember to let the polar bear win at space chess... oh wait, that's wookies, not polar bears...

By: risenc

risenc — Thu, 16 May 2002 07:16:15 -0800

It's funny, but I found it more slight-grin funny than Coke-out-my-nose funny. Better than a lot of what the New Yorker runs in "Shouts and Murmurs," but it still didn't escape the section's style, which always seems like it's aimed at 89-year-old Upper-West Side doyennes who don't get out much, or Financial District slaves who think jokes about different kinds of wine make for a right rollicking evening.

By: plaino

plaino — Thu, 16 May 2002 08:17:59 -0800

As a child, I used to delight in early-morning "polar-bear swims" at my summer camp. Now I don't even feel like swimming anymore, because I have no arms. Damn that made me laugh. Maybe because it's a dead-on parody of Hugh Prather's "Notes to Myself" franchise.

By: sheauga

sheauga — Thu, 16 May 2002 09:04:19 -0800

According to a man heading home to Northern Canada on the train, "I'm an Indian, so I don't have to be afraid of polar bears. My grandfather told me, stay out of the left hand of the bear. Almost all bears are left handed, so if you approach from their left side, they have to turn to attack. As long as you stay away from the left hand of the bear, you'll be fine." (Or were they right handed? I'm not sure.)

By: Kafkaesque

Kafkaesque — Thu, 16 May 2002 09:22:54 -0800

Great. Now my last words are going to be: "Or was it left hande--"

By: NortonDC

NortonDC — Thu, 16 May 2002 09:30:04 -0800

Wait, Coke and polar bears! Oh, I slay me! Or at least I maim me.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 16 May 2002 09:31:40 -0800

Polar bears are one of the few animals that consider humans to be prey. Most other animals consider us competition or predator. I backpack every summer, and encounter bears. They always take off like a bat out of hell... and having seen how fast they can move, I'm completely convinced that if one decided to attack, my ass would be grass long before I could react.

By: crunchland

crunchland — Thu, 16 May 2002 09:32:15 -0800

Sorta reminds me of the stuff written by Bill Bryson.

By: dnash

dnash — Thu, 16 May 2002 10:32:44 -0800

That was very funny - yet now I can't get out of my head the image of this poor guy enduring the pain of having his arms ripped of by a polar bear, which is decidedly un-funny. It's horrifying.

By: Duug

Duug — Thu, 16 May 2002 11:43:30 -0800

Mcwetboy: From Safety in Polar Bear Country. '...The trick is to launch yourself forward, toward and away in the direction that its jaws are pointing...as long as the person remains motionless the bear will bite only once which prevents any serious injury.' Riiiight! Well that sounds OK, I'm sure it can't be that difficult, eh?

By: Danelope

Danelope — Thu, 16 May 2002 11:54:31 -0800

Lions. And tigers. And bears. Oh my (arms are being ripped off)!

By: fellorwaspushed

fellorwaspushed — Thu, 16 May 2002 12:45:54 -0800

I just hope its not Andy Barlow from the fabulous electro-something duo Lamb ... That could really interfere with their tour plans. Something tells me he would have mentioned it in the online diary though... Very funny article.

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Thu, 16 May 2002 14:29:50 -0800

Duug — "The only thing that worries me, Jim, is being the first one down that gullet."

By: babychet

babychet — Thu, 16 May 2002 20:39:53 -0800

help me. did this really happen?

By: imaswinger

imaswinger — Thu, 16 May 2002 21:11:29 -0800

fivefreshfish... a grizzly can do 35mph so yep, your toast.