I'm the girl who clawed her own eyes out.
March 14, 2018 10:05 PM   Subscribe

This is my story.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot (30 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This isn't well received, sorry. -- goodnewsfortheinsane



 
Trigger Warnings: Graphic description of how she did it, addiction/destructive drug use, mental illness.
posted by carmicha at 10:22 PM on March 14, 2018 [4 favorites]


I didn't like how reading that made me feel.
posted by The Minotaur at 10:43 PM on March 14, 2018 [5 favorites]


Yes, maybe this could have a content warning! I thought the post title was a metaphor. It is not a metaphor.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 10:57 PM on March 14, 2018 [10 favorites]


Should’ve clicked through to the comments first, I didn’t think they were serious or that literal. Jesus H. Christ...

At least she’s got help now. But wow.
posted by InkDrinker at 11:10 PM on March 14, 2018


This needs about 2500 content warnings, along with some kind of framing or additional links to articles about psychosis and drug addiction from sources that aren't Cosmopolitan magazine, and possibly even then I'm not sure this would be anything other than sensationalistic car-crash rubbernecking. That poor girl.
posted by cilantro at 12:18 AM on March 15, 2018 [5 favorites]


Thanks to all for the warnings. Will NOT be reading. Will be trying to wipe this from my head before going to sleep, though.
posted by greermahoney at 12:35 AM on March 15, 2018


This is terrible.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:41 AM on March 15, 2018


I think the pot I'd smoked had been laced with either cocaine or meth, both of which are stimulants. I was surprised, since I’d never perceived weed as a gateway drug, but here I was, being exposed to substances I never wanted in my life.

I have sympathy for her situation, but her story seems to hinge on this narrative of pot-laced-with-more-dangerous-drugs, which I heard as a warning about pot since childhood, but as an adult came to think of this as a rather absurd urban myth (as in, what dealer is going to waste money spiking weed on the off chance someone gets addicted?). A myth perpetuated by those invested in demonizing cannabis. That she believes that's what happened I can believe--especially since she apparently grew up in a household likely to preach that kind of scare tactic. But it seems to serve a purpose in further demonizing pot, and now efforts at legalization or decriminalization will now have to deal with right wing folks spouting out "Legalize pot? That's a proven gateway drug, it made that poor girl claw her eyes out, she said so herself." Ugh.
posted by zardoz at 12:45 AM on March 15, 2018 [18 favorites]


her story seems to hinge on this narrative of pot-laced-with-more-dangerous-drugs, which I heard as a warning about pot since childhood, but as an adult came to think of this as a rather absurd urban myth

I’m not going to comment on her specific narrative, but people do put stuff in weed. I don’t think dealers ever do it, but other people do sometimes. That’s how I ended up accidentally smoking PCP at a party once. Wasn’t my best night.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 1:23 AM on March 15, 2018 [4 favorites]


what a delicate bunch.
posted by monkeyJuice at 2:00 AM on March 15, 2018 [5 favorites]


I stopped at the first use of "gateway drug". This article isn't for me. I think too much.
posted by humboldt32 at 2:04 AM on March 15, 2018


For those that didn’t read, her story is sad and disturbing. She gets addicted to drugs, and is also diagnosed with bipolar. The story is a little unfair to pot.
posted by snofoam at 2:22 AM on March 15, 2018


Also, Christianity plays a key part, but is not blamed for the incident.
posted by snofoam at 2:24 AM on March 15, 2018 [10 favorites]


A friend and I realized that the joint he had bought from some other dude in our high school, and that we had just smoked,, had been laced with something, just as his parents' car pulled into the driveway as they returned from fucking antiquing or something very early. Our attempt to act like everything was fine and what a coincidence, we were just leaving were......unconvincing.
posted by thelonius at 2:27 AM on March 15, 2018


as in, what dealer is going to waste money spiking weed on the off chance someone gets addicted?
But when I was 19 last summer, I was smoking pot with an acquaintance at his house and got a strange high. [...] Because I'd gotten the pot from the friend I smoked with, I felt like he'd betrayed me and left my job to distance myself from him.
And she goes on to describe how she then tanked her relationship with her boyfriend--it takes very, very minimal reading between the lines to see what was happening here was not just that someone gave her free drugs and she didn't like them. Nobody's drink gets tampered with in the hope that they'll get addicted to sedatives.
posted by Sequence at 2:37 AM on March 15, 2018 [3 favorites]


I'm on the fence with reading the article. Is there a sensationalistic picture of her face? I can't click through if there's pictures.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 3:27 AM on March 15, 2018


...people do put stuff in weed.

Governments, even.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:41 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]


Only a picture with her wearing sunglasses, 80 Cats.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 3:45 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]


Christianity plays a key part, but is not blamed for the incident.

This is quite important, I think. I too have experienced grandiose delusions while in the grip of psychosis, but because I was not brought up in a death cult that exalts personal suffering, the action I perceived as absolutely necessary for the future of humanity involved a naked rampage in front of the security cameras in an unpopulated part of Changi airport rather than the mortification of the flesh.
posted by flabdablet at 4:16 AM on March 15, 2018 [7 favorites]


A month ago? This is written in a tone that makes it feel like it happened YEARS ago. I feel like her denial is masquerading as acceptance, wrapped up in a glossy magazine article.
posted by thejoshu at 4:36 AM on March 15, 2018 [8 favorites]



A month ago? This is written in a tone that makes it feel like it happened YEARS ago. I feel like her denial is masquerading as acceptance, wrapped up in a glossy magazine article
.

This. What were Cosmo thinking? What is even the point of this piece? It's deeply horrific on so many levels but the calm, dispassionate accounting of it is so at odds with what happened that I can't parse what I'm reading in any sensible fashion.
posted by freya_lamb at 4:42 AM on March 15, 2018 [3 favorites]


She was arrested at least twice (normal mugshots) in the year before she blinded herself. It seems like her struggles with addiction / mental health have been somewhat minimized in this story.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 4:50 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]


What is even the point of this piece?

Probably seeking publicity to raise funds for treatment
posted by thelonius at 5:04 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]


I heard this story when it happened and had wondered what happened to her. She's lucky to be alive considering the psychosis she was experiencing. I'm glad to know that she is recovering and a bit more about what happened to her. I donated a small amount to her fund page, she's going to need it. I'm sure that people are continuing to judge her and what she did as if she deserves it so needing to tell this story as to what happened for the rest of her life will likely be somewhat isolating. I wish her the best.
posted by waving at 5:13 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]


Legalizing marijuana would mostly address the laced pot concerns.
posted by Beholder at 5:15 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]


Wow, I also wish I’d read the comments here before the article. I flagged this post as ‘other’—mods, could you please move the trigger warnings in the first comment into the post itself?

I agree that she’s probably very much in denial right now. I hope she can make it through to the future she imagines for herself.
posted by daisyk at 5:15 AM on March 15, 2018


Ditto with flag. WARNING NEEDS TO BE IN TITLE. I don’t even know if it’s appropriate for the site. Seems like a gross out story disguised as addiction story.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:29 AM on March 15, 2018


I think this is a hoax. That said, I was not expecting how graphic the description of the incident was. I do think this needs a content warning on the front page, ASAP.
posted by all about eevee at 5:40 AM on March 15, 2018


This reminds me of a bad after-school special about addiction. I hope she continues to get the help she needs.
posted by jferg at 5:57 AM on March 15, 2018


I also found the framing of this story strange. The initial presentation suggests that she did meth once, then lost it and clawed her eyes out.

What actually happened is that she was struggling with a severe mental illness that set in as she entered her very early 20s (as often happens), she self-medicated with hard drugs instead of getting treatment, her life situation got worse and worse, and she ended up in a state of self-harming psychosis.

Like, the drugs definitely didn't help, but that's not even close to the full story. The real story is about how deeply and shamefully our society neglects and ultimately fails people who need mental health care.
posted by the turtle's teeth at 6:01 AM on March 15, 2018 [8 favorites]


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