A husky puppy and a box of 1988 baseball cards

April 18, 2018 6:04 AM

"This story starts with my dog taking a shit on the bathroom floor, and ends with me cleaning out a meth house. [TWITTER] Hold up, I need a beer." Along the way: a footprint in that poop, the car mysteriously parked outside, and a box of ashes. [ThreadReader (all in one) link here]

From the same person, Someone just stole our fridge and Someone brought back our fridge, with interest.

posted by JHarris (103 comments total)

This is a Twitter thread. If you don't know how that works, it is desperately important that you click the "more replies" link when you get to it.
posted by JHarris at 6:07 AM on April 18, 2018

The thread on threadreaderapp.
posted by zamboni at 6:18 AM on April 18, 2018 [11 favorites]

Mod note: Added the threadreader link to the post.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:29 AM on April 18, 2018 [6 favorites]

This one's pretty amazing.
posted by Slinga at 6:37 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

there is no photo of the husky puppy and i am outraged.
posted by poffin boffin at 6:44 AM on April 18, 2018 [32 favorites]

This is excellent in so many ways.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:46 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

there is no photo of the husky puppy and i am outraged.

There are three huskies at the Pasadena Humane Society with an intake date of yesterday. Kubo, a one year old Husky mix who looks lovably doofy, an unnamed two year old and another unnamed three year old. Either Kubo is Ryley, or the dog isn't on the website yet.
posted by zamboni at 7:04 AM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

I am right near this neighborhood and let me tell you, everyone is talking about the three dead bodies in the car.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:08 AM on April 18, 2018 [17 favorites]

I'll be honest, after someone steals my fridge... I'm not sure I'd let my door be unlocked especially if I knew my dog might poo on my bathroom floor.

Also, given the breadmaker was in the fridge, how do we know that they didn't accidentally hand their dollar store treasures over to their meth-head neighbors before and forget about it?

All I'm saying is, they've got drama, but there's a certain part of it that makes them an unreliable neighbor.
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:11 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Which one of the 3 dead bodies do you think called for the tow, Sophie1?
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:12 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

I am baffled by the thought of living somewhere that you don't actually have to lock your doors.
posted by needlegrrl at 7:12 AM on April 18, 2018 [19 favorites]

in my last building my next door neighbor was a friendly midwestern lady who would not only leave her door unlocked but leave it AJAR when she was home, which in nyc is like. aggressive.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:15 AM on April 18, 2018 [27 favorites]

indeed an open door is something like open carry
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:20 AM on April 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Would never, ever rob a house with a door left open. Smart.
posted by ominous_paws at 7:21 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

So, uh...what kind of house WOULD you rob ominous_paws
posted by solotoro at 7:23 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

I have questions. How did they leave one single footprint in the shit and not tread it around? Can you really still lock your keys inside a car in the states?
posted by ominous_paws at 7:23 AM on April 18, 2018

Er. Only someone who, like, really deserved it. In order to return previously stolen things to people. But not in an OJ way. Officer.
posted by ominous_paws at 7:24 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Can you really still lock your keys inside a car in the states?

Any car without the proximity keyfob thing this could still happen with, I'm pretty sure.
posted by kmz at 7:29 AM on April 18, 2018

Unlocked is one thing, but why would you leave your door open? Do you want random wildlife and/or wind-blown debris getting into your house?

Can you really still lock your keys inside a car in the states?

Quite easily, yes. I did it myself several weeks ago, but was fine because I had a spare key squirreled away elsewhere.

A couple ways to lock one's keys inside one's car:

1. Your car is equipped with one of those auto-lock-after-a-certain-amount-of-time security systems. This one is obvious.
2. You open your car to get something from it. You think you have already absentmindedly put the keys back inside your rather fiddly [pocket, purse, backpack, whatever], and don't want to fish it back out, so you lock the car from the inside using the manual lock buttons on the doors. You close the door. Then, as you straighten up, you see the glint of the key on a car seat. Facepalming ensues.

posted by inconstant at 7:31 AM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

Erm, is that it? Seems like a lot of all capsing for little actual personal drama or do I just lead a wilder life than I imagined?
posted by gusottertrout at 7:31 AM on April 18, 2018 [10 favorites]

Which one of the 3 dead bodies do you think called for the tow, Sophie1?

According to the Burbank PD, it was a parking enforcement guy! Yikes.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:32 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

I am baffled by the thought of living somewhere that you don't actually have to lock your doors.

I live in LA (although, not this neighborhood) and I can tell you I lock the doors when I'm in the house.

Because that one time a guy legit opened my screen door and walked right into my house.
posted by vignettist at 7:33 AM on April 18, 2018 [12 favorites]

Ah OK, (2) is obvious, yup. Having finally gotten a car with a remote fob (literally the only bit of technology on the hunk of junk) that won't lock when any door is open I think I'd overlooked that... (1) sounds like terrifying dark magic to me tbh
posted by ominous_paws at 7:44 AM on April 18, 2018

>Since they didn’t sign a lease, the detective said the person on the actual lease could authorize us to go in and pack up their stuff and change the locks.

I'm pretty sure that's not how eviction laws work in California. I wonder if the arrestees have any recourse against the police, the owner of the twitter account, or the actual leaseholder. This seems like vigilante justice, not something that should be celebrated.
posted by GregorWill at 7:44 AM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

I left my back door open most of one summer with a fabric screen so the cats could come and go. Before long, a possum had moved into my laundry room and didn't want to leave, and a strange cat had taken up residence upstairs for a week before I found him. He really did not want to be evicted. That was how I convinced my husband not to install a cat flap.
posted by Miss Cellania at 7:46 AM on April 18, 2018 [13 favorites]

Erm, is that it? Seems like a lot of all capsing for little actual personal drama or do I just lead a wilder life than I imagined?

If you discovered that your neighbors were running a meth lab next to you, and that they had broken into your house and stolen from you, and the police had been staking out your house for two weeks; and the way you discovered this was by first spotting a footprint in a pile of dogshit on your floor, and then being enlisted to help the police clean out your neighbor's property and finding your stolen items squirrelled away in the pile, and your response to that is simply "is that it", then....yes, I think you lead a wilder life than most.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:47 AM on April 18, 2018 [53 favorites]

uh. who is the vigilante in this scenario? is it the puppy
posted by poffin boffin at 7:47 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Erm, is that it? Seems like a lot of all capsing for little actual personal drama or do I just lead a wilder life than I imagined?

I read it this morning and thought it was decent but definitely not in the upper echelons of Twitter stories like the shrimp and fried rice lunch thief or basically any Nicole Cliffe story.
posted by kmz at 7:48 AM on April 18, 2018 [6 favorites]

then....yes, I think you lead a wilder life than most.

Huh, that's surprising to me in a way I guess. I wasn't trying to be glib, but being near neighbors doing illegal things about the level of meth labs isn't that uncommon for a lot of people I know who live in some not great areas, and runs ins or near run ins with criminals and the police and dealing with break ins and other crimes is not at all unusual for many for much the same reason. I guess I just sort of took it for granted that was a known thing and more people would have had contact with people who've had such circumstances.
posted by gusottertrout at 7:55 AM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

L.A. is a weird and sometimes exciting place. When I was a kid, maybe 1980(?) my dad woke us all up in the middle of the night to lay on the living room floor and watch secret service raid the house next door that was apparently a counterfeiter.

About 15 years ago, I lived above a tweaker who decided one night to blast Madonna while throwing every item he owned out every window of his house. He wouldn't open the door to the Sheriff, until finally, one deputy knocked and when neighbor asked who it was and the deputy answered "Landshark." he opened the door. I kid you not.

Prior to that, I lived next door to Holly Woodlawn who, no shit, kept one of Andy Warhol's wigs as a plant trivet on her kitchen table.

So, that's just L.A., I guess.
posted by Sophie1 at 7:55 AM on April 18, 2018 [38 favorites]

Im a little suspicious of this story, mostly because it is my expectation that a dog would get Aggro AF if some stranger came into the house when nobody else was home. Like zero to 60 full on barking and snarling. I live in the country though, so in addition to being good puppers, dogs also have jobs, one of which is making sure that any strangers who show up are owner-approved. Also: keeping the damned racoons out of the trashcan.
posted by Chrischris at 7:58 AM on April 18, 2018

Whatever happened with the fried rice lunch thief? I intentionally locked myself out of Twitter and this is one of the things I miss.
posted by slogger at 7:59 AM on April 18, 2018

Im a little suspicious of this story, mostly because it is my expectation that a dog would get Aggro AF if some stranger came into the house when nobody else was home.

My dog would bring them toys and demand playtime.

An aggressive-to-strangers dog in an urban/apartment environment is a poorly trained dog that is going to cause you a heap of problems.
posted by phunniemee at 8:07 AM on April 18, 2018 [22 favorites]

it is my expectation that a dog would get Aggro AF if some stranger came into the house when nobody else was home. Like zero to 60 full on barking and snarling

One time I locked myself out of the house in the summer and was able to crawl in through the window by taking out the AC unit, because we hadn't bolted it into the frame or anything. My dog (lab mutt) barked loudly as I started to remove the AC unit, and I remember how strangely quiet it was as I climbed through the window. I started calling his name, saying, "It's me!" because I was afraid he was going to leap out and eviscerate me. As I walked into the living room saying, "It's me," he crawled out from under the sofa looking relieved AF. Some guard dog...
posted by mister-o at 8:10 AM on April 18, 2018 [44 favorites]

I like this story infinitely more than shrimp fried rice lady. That was really unsatisfying to read as there are still too many questions and no one in there could use their god damn adult voice to Ask Questions of the Thief. This at least has a proper ending.
posted by like_neon at 8:11 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

finding your stolen items squirrelled away in the pile

I didn't see that in the threadreader version but found it here. Also it seems really strange to assume that the vintage baseball cards found in a collection of stuff stolen by a meth addict actually belong to the meth addict.
posted by exogenous at 8:29 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh hey I'm the neighbor she stole a diet coke from. It's been a wild month and this is the topper so far.
posted by Uncle at 8:46 AM on April 18, 2018 [119 favorites]

why was your door unlocked too?! how do you liiiive
posted by poffin boffin at 8:47 AM on April 18, 2018 [14 favorites]

I'm pretty sure that's not how eviction laws work in California.

It's not really an eviction if you're not the leaseholder, and the boilerplate leases I see in CA have all had no-subletter clauses so these folks were basically visitors who had their welcome revoked, and the leaseholder may very well get their lease terminated for it real soon now, but in their case normal eviction laws probably will apply*.

*It's actually a problem that in California as well as many other states, getting arrested on the property (or committing crimes from the property, or being the subject of an undercover operation on the property, the wording is pretty vague) is often a lease-violating offense, and it's used against domestic violence victims who have their abusers arrested. California's not the worst state for owner-favoring tenancy laws, but it's not the most pro-tenant state either.

I think I know what neighborhood that is, and almost every apartment building there has the units facing inward on a locked courtyard, and I can see how in a small building where half or more of the other tenants are friends, one might leave doors unlocked. (On preview, Uncle can probably confirm or deny that situation.)
posted by Lyn Never at 8:48 AM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

I have a locked lobby and I leave my actual apartment door unlocked all the time out of laziness. There are 8 other people in my building, I know all of them and I can't imagine them or their guests doing anything untoward. Also, I have attack cats. If you are a person who has ankles, watch out!
posted by AFABulous at 8:50 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

> There are three huskies at the Pasadena Humane Society with an intake date of yesterday. Kubo, a one year old Husky mix who looks lovably doofy, an unnamed two year old and another unnamed three year old. Either Kubo is Ryley, or the dog isn't on the website yet.

I don't know the law and police procedures in California, so take the following couple sentences with a grain of salt: Where I lived in Michigan, in lieu of an animal pound operated by the city, the animals were impounded at the local Humane Society on behalf of the police. So you could see them in their cages, but unlike the other pets in the facility you couldn't take them out to play or walk, and they weren't available for adoption.
posted by ardgedee at 8:56 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

It's a duplex with a couple of bungalows out back but we're all friends and we all work random hours and some of us work from home so there's almost always somebody around. We're also surrounded by apartment buildings with some older folks that hang out outside and are kinda nosey so it's always felt pretty watched over. We will probably lock our doors again.
posted by Uncle at 9:07 AM on April 18, 2018 [5 favorites]

Do I not actually know how to read? I don't understand where "meth lab" fits in here, the cop says they were running a gas card scam, which isn't the same thing as meth AFAIK. And there were pipes in the apartment which also isn't the same thing as a meth lab. Also it's possible that I don't know how to read and missed the "meth lab" part so if someone can point me to that, that would rule
posted by capnsue at 9:08 AM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

My friend's cat is a refugee from a crack house in Hackney, London. Apparently somebody encouraged people to move on to a site of an unused house for their crack use in order to get a good deal on buying the house for redevelopment. The cat was fine there until the buy up, at which point it was evicted along with the crack users. My friend lived down the road and took it in. Cat and owner have since relocated to a much more attractive location for his retirement.
posted by biffa at 9:10 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

it was "meth house", not "meth lab"
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 9:11 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

we're all friends and we all work random hours and some of us work from home so there's almost always somebody around

pls confirm cuteness of the puppy
posted by poffin boffin at 9:14 AM on April 18, 2018 [15 favorites]

It had one blue eye and one brown eye and was very bouncy.
posted by Uncle at 9:15 AM on April 18, 2018 [49 favorites]

scream
posted by poffin boffin at 9:17 AM on April 18, 2018 [16 favorites]

I really need this story to end with someone confirming they have adopted the puppy.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:27 AM on April 18, 2018 [15 favorites]

I am baffled by the thought of living somewhere that you don't actually have to lock your doors.

It was super weird to me, too. My roommates didn't even have proper keys to this place until we changed the locks due to a potentially dramatic ex-partner scenario.

But when I first moved in we didn't have keys at all and just left all the doors unlocked.

There's also probably a thousand dollars worth of tools sitting around in tubs the covered driveway which I'm really surprised haven't walked off yet. Heck, one of our neighbors just comes over and borrow stuff like jumper cables from the pile.

Honestly, as someone who still has some issues with hypervigilance, who also grew up in LA around a lot of crime and property theft - it's really, really nice to be able to relax enough to leave my doors unlocked, home or away.
posted by loquacious at 9:32 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

How did they leave one single footprint in the shit and not tread it around?

Had the presence of mind to take the shoe off after stepping in shit so as to not track it around, but weren't going to go the extra mile and clean up the shit? I mean, this could never happen in Canada, because we would have taken our shoes off before entering, so I'm no expert.
posted by nubs at 9:34 AM on April 18, 2018 [6 favorites]

Folks that hang around that are kind of nosy are like the primary reason I lock my door.
posted by rodlymight at 9:37 AM on April 18, 2018 [6 favorites]

Amazingly, the California Department of Consumer Affairs just removed their handbook of renter's rights this past week. I called their toll free number and they told me that it was taken down to rewrite last week, and it is unknown when it will be put back up.

http://www.dca.ca.gov/publications/landlordbook/index

But in California, if you live in a place for 30 days you are considered a tenant, regardless of whether you pay rent or are listed on the lease.

>In California, if someone resides in an apartment for 30 days or more, he/she will be considered a tenant, regardless if he/she signed a formal rental tenant agreement. Long term guests can unexpectedly become a tenant roommate even without any type of rental agreement. After 30 days, the guest will be considered a co-tenant and can only be evicted by the landlord under due legal process, if they do not leave under their own accord.

>A landlord is not allowed to use self-help measures to evict a tenant: You cannot physically lock out a tenant or cut off utilities. ....If you do unlawful methods to evict tenants, they can sue you for damages, and you can be penalized up to $2,000 per instance that you used those methods.

It sounds like the police wanted to extra-judicially punish the occupants without due process, and the neighbors decided to help out.
posted by GregorWill at 9:42 AM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

But in California, if you live in a place for 30 days you are considered a tenant, regardless of whether you pay rent or are listed on the lease.

Who is this protecting?
posted by inconstant at 9:43 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

They had lived there for 18 days.

But in California, if you live in a place for 30 days you are considered a tenant, regardless of whether you pay rent or are listed on the lease.

Who is this protecting?

This is I think mostly aimed at protecting people in roommate situations where they are renting on a handshake deal from either the landlord or people actually listed on the lease.
posted by Uncle at 9:49 AM on April 18, 2018 [6 favorites]

Who is this protecting?

Vulnerable populations of tenants who don't know their rights or who don't have the financial resources to be choosy about not renting from an unscrupulous landlord who won't sign a real lease.
posted by eviemath at 9:52 AM on April 18, 2018 [7 favorites]

Eg. in my area (not California), this includes a lot of university students.
posted by eviemath at 9:53 AM on April 18, 2018

Mod note: Couple deleted. GregorWill, I don't know what your deal is right now, but stop it, and stop mass-flagging things, or I'll have to give you 24 hours off.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:57 AM on April 18, 2018

If your neighbors aren't dealing/doing meth or some other drug, ask your self what white collar crimes, abuse or what have you is going on next door.

At a minimum, you live in The 'Burbs. You may live in Blue Velvet...(and then dude... wtf...) In the worst case scenario you live in a different suburban prison. I mean... I hope though, if you are stuck living next to some criminal... you get to witness these sorts of folks get busted...
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:58 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

If your neighbors aren't dealing/doing meth or some other drug, ask your self what white collar crimes, abuse or what have you is going on next door.

Obvious solution is obvious: move to a fortress in the middle of the wilderness and enjoy having no neighbors.
posted by inconstant at 10:01 AM on April 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Anyway the 30 day thing seems like kind of a hacky bandaid solution for the described problem but also it's not like I have a better solution so I guess that's just that, broken world, et cetera et cetera.
posted by inconstant at 10:03 AM on April 18, 2018

I live in Glendale and haven't heard anything about this. It's not a small city, but this is nuts.
posted by tclark at 10:22 AM on April 18, 2018

Also it seems really strange to assume that the vintage baseball cards found in a collection of stuff stolen by a meth addict actually belong to the meth addict.

Was there any evidence of ... pie sitting?
posted by lagomorphius at 10:44 AM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

I don't know the law and police procedures in California, so take the following couple sentences with a grain of salt: Where I lived in Michigan, in lieu of an animal pound operated by the city, the animals were impounded at the local Humane Society on behalf of the police. So you could see them in their cages, but unlike the other pets in the facility you couldn't take them out to play or walk, and they weren't available for adoption.

Also not in California, I have an acquaintance who adopted a dog seized under similar circumstances, but the process took about a year, during which time they were considered to be fostering the dog while the legal stuff slowly worked its way through the system.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:51 AM on April 18, 2018

Long term guests can unexpectedly become a tenant roommate even without any type of rental agreement.

Ohh, now my brief homeless period in my teens makes more sense. Some friends let me crash on their couch for three weeks but then had to kick me out per their landlord. I bet this is why. (Wisconsin, not California)
posted by AFABulous at 11:10 AM on April 18, 2018

All I'm saying is, they've got drama, but there's a certain part of it that makes them an unreliable neighbor.

This has looped back and become part of scafe's (the author) twitter bio. Nice work!
posted by zachlipton at 11:34 AM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

i am 100% delighted by the people in the comments who are like "what the fuck is a metafilter"
posted by poffin boffin at 11:55 AM on April 18, 2018 [26 favorites]

Metafilter: what the fuck is a metafilter?
posted by zachlipton at 11:58 AM on April 18, 2018 [23 favorites]

Well, we've got Erin's neighbour on here, so maybe we can spring to get her a membership too? Then we would have Uncle and Uncle's unreliable neighbour.
posted by nubs at 12:02 PM on April 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

I think it says a lot about crime and living in Los Angeles these days that this is considered a noteworthy story.
posted by bongo_x at 12:04 PM on April 18, 2018

Mod note: If you'd like a membership, Erin, ping me or get Uncle to.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:07 PM on April 18, 2018 [7 favorites]

I'm still hoping for a connection between the refrigerator story and the dog shit/meth house one. The timing doesn't work out, since the meth people would have moved in after the fridge came back, but maybe the fridge returned around the time the previous tenants there would have moved out? I desperately want the story to make sense, and "steal neighbor's outdoor fridge (and breadmaker?), return it on your way out of town" seems logical, I guess? Maybe?

In general with Twitter tales, the telling of the story adds much more than the noteworthiness of the events contained therein. The more petty the events, the more excitement and suspense are required.
posted by zachlipton at 12:18 PM on April 18, 2018

poffin boffin: i am 100% delighted by the people in the comments who are like "what the fuck is a metafilter"

I like this hypothesis:

is MetaFilter like, a rotten tomatoes for twitter feeds, or something? how (and, WHY) are people reviewing your story what on earth
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:24 PM on April 18, 2018 [10 favorites]

a rotten tomatoes for twitter feeds

Subsite idea? Twitfare?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:26 PM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

This story broke mathowie, so that's something.
posted by zachlipton at 12:27 PM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

Subsite idea? Twitfare?

Like Uber, but for Twitter.
posted by nubs at 12:35 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

I had absolutely no idea that mathowie had already seen this story, or that someone connected (uncle) was a MeFi member. Huh, small world.
posted by JHarris at 12:35 PM on April 18, 2018

It's like if debbie downer ran a rotten tomatoes for anything on the internet or life in general. Which is why I was happy to pay $5 to get in on the action.
posted by some loser at 12:36 PM on April 18, 2018 [17 favorites]

This has looped back and become part of scafe's (the author) twitter bio.

Oh...some of y’all think Scafe is her last name or something. Unless I’ve really missed something, the author is Erin Faulk, and the Twitter handle @erinscafe is meant to be parsed as Erin’s Cafe.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 1:17 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

I really need this story to end with someone confirming they have adopted the puppy.

I want the story to end with the revelation that the puppy masterminded the whole deal.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:30 PM on April 18, 2018 [8 favorites]

"I am the one who barks!"
posted by Four Ds at 2:03 PM on April 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

Oh...some of y’all think Scafe is her last name or something. Unless I’ve really missed something, the author is Erin Faulk, and the Twitter handle @erinscafe is meant to be parsed as Erin’s Cafe.

ok but?

"Like, these detectives were probably watching me lock my keys in the car and lose my shit and thinking “lol, classic Scafe” because they have been watching me for weeks."
posted by phunniemee at 2:15 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

Also, in the fridge thread: "Uh okay so this is a weird situation but I guess it's storytime with scafe, here we go."
posted by brainmouse at 2:19 PM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

I’m Uncle’s wife so technically half the stolen Diet Coke was mine. 1) Dwight (the dog who pooped) would have given anything to anyone who gave him a treat or ear scratches. He is a traitor. 2) I am talking Erin about getting on Metafilter. I am a metastalker and only read, rarely post but think she’d like it here.
posted by Aunt Maude at 2:19 PM on April 18, 2018 [33 favorites]

the Twitter handle @erinscafe is meant to be parsed as Erin’s Cafe

To take the fun out of it, misreading it (sometimes intentionally) has seemingly been a long-running bit. So is asking where the cafe is.
posted by zachlipton at 2:27 PM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

Everybody hide the Diet Coke.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:30 PM on April 18, 2018 [3 favorites]

I just want to say that this whole thing is wonderful, from the twitter story to the critique of the story here, to the response to the critique, to the fact that Erin's neighbours are members, and my ongoing befuddlement about the existence or non-existence of the cafe.

I give Dwight a 13/10, would boop (but not step in his poop), hope the husky gets a good home, and appreciate a day in which the internet has felt like a kooky weird place again.
posted by nubs at 2:32 PM on April 18, 2018 [10 favorites]

Mom! Tommy Westphall is tinkering with our universe again! Make him stop.
posted by dr_dank at 3:39 PM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

I loved this entire story and the related fridge debacles, which remind me of my only good party anecdote: not once, but twice, in my life I have walked into my own apartment to discover a couch that wasn't there when I left.
posted by nakedmolerats at 3:41 PM on April 18, 2018 [12 favorites]

Am I the only person who found this story profoundly sad? It didn't read like a fun caper to me, especially the part with the mom's ashes, and then the dog.... Life is hard.
posted by sockermom at 4:34 PM on April 18, 2018 [4 favorites]

All stories are sad when seen from a certain perspective.
posted by runcibleshaw at 4:57 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

I hope Erin joins. Ask Metafilter is a useful resource for navigating insane LA living situations.

See: me, dealing with a meth-addicted landlord in Silver Lake, back in 2012.
posted by roger ackroyd at 6:05 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

No. I stayed far too long — it was a super cute guest house that was close to work — and eventually the landlord situation veered into full Trainspotting territory. Harrowing, absurd, scary, tragic.

(But the MeTa advice was solid.)
posted by roger ackroyd at 7:03 PM on April 18, 2018

For those confused about the 30-days tenancy thing, it's actually a fairly common law. But why?

Imagine the situation where there was no such law. A landlord could refuse to give a written lease to a vulnerable tenant, and constantly make demands for money or whatever, under the constant threat of immediate removal. The tenant is constantly over a barrel.

The 30 days tenancy thing exists so that if an abusive landlord attempts to fuck with a tenant like that, the tenant ALWAYS has 30 days notice to find somewhere else to live, and if the landlord DOES do some kind of illegal self-help to force the tenant out, the tenant has a fairly easy case to prove and extract real damages. This makes sure that landlords provide leases, provide minimum time of notice for termination, and do not evict without due process. Because the consequences of NOT doing so are worse for the landlord.

It does, admittedly, make the process for the landlord pretty painful in the case of a bad tenant. But honestly, I'm okay with the laws being written that way, because the absence of such laws would result in truly abhorrent abuses.
posted by notoriety public at 8:06 PM on April 18, 2018 [7 favorites]

I like this hypothesis:

is MetaFilter like, a rotten tomatoes for twitter feeds, or something? how (and, WHY) are people reviewing your story what on earth

I will never stopped being amused by the fact that parts of the internet you never heard of read other parts of the internet and talk about it, and other people become indignant about it.

Like, who are these villains reading publicly posted stuff and having opinions when I've never even heard of them and their goofy site?
posted by oneirodynia at 8:21 PM on April 18, 2018 [2 favorites]

This dude is running from the law but he’s carrying around his childhood baseball cards. And I thought, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

That got me right here (pats chest, probably unanatomically too far to the left, as per yuzh). And then the ashes part. I'm with soccermom on this one.
posted by klausman at 8:57 PM on April 18, 2018 [1 favorite]

I’m Uncle’s wife so technically half the stolen Diet Coke was mine.

California is a community-property state, as my husband points out any time we're eating out and my dish looks tempting.
posted by Lexica at 9:18 PM on April 18, 2018 [10 favorites]

I’m sorry, are we just all going to ignore the fact that ONCE AGAIN, zachlipton and lalex come into the thread minutes apart to post the same thing?
posted by nickmark at 7:39 AM on April 19, 2018 [6 favorites]

I’m sorry, are we just all going to ignore the fact that ONCE AGAIN, zachlipton and lalex come into the thread minutes apart to post the same thing?

Yes.
posted by nubs at 7:55 AM on April 19, 2018 [3 favorites]

Like Matt, I had a dream about this last night, although mine was not terrifying. In it, my mom had moved into the meth apartment. I went to visit her and she started telling me about the history of the apartment. I amazed her by knowing it already, as well as knowing her neighbors, Aunt Maude and Uncle (who my brain named Wayne for some reason). Dream mom assured me that they are delightful people.

That's what I get for reading Matt's tweet about this story before I go to bed. (Actually, I was having a hard time picturing the layout as described by Uncle, so dream brain took over. Now I can picture it.)
posted by Ruki at 9:32 AM on April 19, 2018 [2 favorites]

Now I feel like we need to host a meet up so y’all can see what the heck our weird little compound looks like... we have plenty of Diet Coke.
posted by Aunt Maude at 10:06 AM on April 19, 2018 [5 favorites]

Well, you used to.
posted by nickmark at 10:24 AM on April 19, 2018 [16 favorites]

And then I realize my only option is to go to the closet business and use their phone.

I run to mf Baskin Robbins.

I was really excited to learn what happened at the closet business. Like it was a Modern Family crossover episode. Much disappoint that it is just a typo.
posted by srboisvert at 7:33 PM on April 20, 2018