2 minutes and 52 seconds of squelching noises
May 20, 2018 2:41 AM   Subscribe



 
I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to eat half a grapefruit again.
posted by XMLicious at 3:21 AM on May 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


Spoiler/Money Quote: “It’s chamois! It’s all chamois. It’s very unglamorous and unsexy.”
posted by valkane at 3:40 AM on May 20, 2018 [2 favorites]


And if you’re just licking your hand, it’s like a pudding pop. That’s not sexy or tasteful.

Well, if you say so...
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:57 AM on May 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


Metafiter — “It’s chamois! It’s all chamois. It’s very unglamorous and unsexy.”
posted by Glomar response at 5:36 AM on May 20, 2018 [4 favorites]


It’s very unglamorous and unsexy

You don't know chamois like I know chamois
posted by chavenet at 5:51 AM on May 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


I couldn't get paid enough money to do this.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 8:46 AM on May 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


As someone who has stopped watching shows because I found the kissing or sex foley distracting and/or disturbing, I endorse the general idea of having more conversations about this topic. It seems clear to me that a broad swath of the audience isn't aware that artistic choices are being made at all whereas I've really honest to god stopped watching things I wanted to see because the sounds in the makeout scenes turned my stomach.
posted by potrzebie at 9:02 AM on May 20, 2018 [5 favorites]


I haven't seen Call Me By Your Name but while I was watching that clip, all I could think about was how disgusting it was when he wipes his hands on the mattress. Hopefully it's burned later in the movie.
posted by AFABulous at 9:04 AM on May 20, 2018


You don't know chamois like I know chamois

Chamois is a friend of mine. You, sir, are no chamois.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:12 AM on May 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


raw chicken cutlets slapped together; a man jamming his fist into a giant jar of mayonnaise.

Those are both probably somebody's kink.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:20 AM on May 20, 2018 [3 favorites]


Those are both probably somebody's kink.

No "probably" about it.
posted by adamgreenfield at 10:42 AM on May 20, 2018 [5 favorites]


I am approximately 99% sure that all the kissing sounds ever used in any episode of teen wolf were of someone's enormous slobbery flapjowled dog licking its own junk. It was an auditory assault of extremely grotesque proportions that I can still recall with haunting and traumatizing clarity to this very day.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:11 AM on May 20, 2018 [11 favorites]


sometimes it was lizards tho
posted by beerperson at 11:17 AM on May 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


Well, now we all know where that annoying kid that always made tried to make gross, sloppy sex noises whenever anyone had to call their parents to tell them they were going to be out late ended up.

After I've accidentally learned perhaps too much about sound design and engineering (and foley) from farting around with music, a lot of movies are now difficult to watch, or more importantly, listen to. Mismatched sounds become glaring and ugly. Hip new sound techniques or sound fonts like the Inception brap or the thrumming/growl of spaceships/transformers/jaeger gets reduced to an LFO ducked and over-compressed sample, and get tiresome somewhat more quickly.

And I'm totally over the crazy spread of dynamic range and maximum compressed volume in most mainstream movies and the theaters that run their soundsystems cranked to max on all channels. I can't remember the last time I went to a theater and the sound wasn't garbage-loud and blown out, or otherwise just too damn loud to be near without earplugs, and I'm a frickin' raver who used to stick their head in speakers.

I think the last time I didn't hate the sound was a proper full IMAX+THX theater.
posted by loquacious at 11:25 AM on May 20, 2018 [6 favorites]


Also: mandatory.
posted by adamgreenfield at 11:56 AM on May 20, 2018 [1 favorite]


You, sir, are no chamois.

A sham chamois, as it were.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:38 AM on May 21, 2018 [2 favorites]


This is more effort than I would go to. I'd just re-use a bunch of sounds from nature documentaries.

I hate that I have that in my Youtube history now, but at least it's stopped the algorithm from constantly pushing Joyner Lucas at me.
posted by um at 4:32 AM on May 21, 2018




Stay away from gooey, wet sounds, because it usually doesn’t contribute to the scene and make it romantic

Maybe not where *you* come from...
posted by FatherDagon at 11:44 AM on May 21, 2018


I was surprised to not see this linked here yet.
posted by illongruci at 1:25 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


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