Butt For You

May 28, 2002 8:34 AM

Butt For You "You can do a lot for your pecs, biceps and abs - but when it comes to your glutes you can only go so far. Great for sports!"
posted by kirkaracha (29 comments total)

...or instead have lots of money.
posted by Postroad at 8:39 AM on May 28, 2002

Aw, not the fake butt! If you guys hate finding out that a woman wears a padded bra, imagine how we feel when we find out that someone's wearing something called "the Stallion". (Like you really need the counterbalancing weight to keep you from falling on your face, eh?)

Eat. Squat. Rest. Repeat. You will get a better butt.
posted by maudlin at 8:41 AM on May 28, 2002

how ironic that some people spend hours trying to reduce their butts and others spend a fortune to build it up with padding.
posted by Red58 at 8:54 AM on May 28, 2002

"You can do a lot for your pecs, biceps and abs - but when it comes to your glutes you can only go so far."

Fascinating-- all muscles but the largest muscle in your body respond to exercise. I did not know that.
posted by squinky at 8:55 AM on May 28, 2002

If these doohickeys follow the same pattern as the fake boob did, soon these will be growing to ridiculous proportions, guys will have ass-shelfs so huge you could tend bar on them, they'll look like R. Crumb cartoon women. Then when all that fails, they'll go under the knife, or got thode parties that I heard about on the news down in Florida where people got together and injected eachother with industrial grade silicone. Vanity knows no bounds, I guess.

And, correct me if I'm wrong, but I was always under the impression that women like smaller tighter butts, rught?
posted by jonmc at 9:03 AM on May 28, 2002

Eat. Squat. Rest. Repeat. You will get a better butt.

yes. if you do squats, and you don't go with an endurance program for it, you will end up with a bigger butt. which, for me, wasn't what i wanted. (!!) so squats are out. while maybe not the best way to bulk up the booty, cross-trainer machines are a great way to exercise all areas of your legs -- particularly the upper leg portions -- cardiovascularly. better than the treadmills, i think.
posted by moz at 9:23 AM on May 28, 2002

Squinky - well put. Not to mention that anybody who is willing to improve their biceps, pecs, and abs is probably inclined to work their butt.

Abs, forearms, calves. Those are the bodyparts where exercise will only take you so far. The butt does not fall into that category.
posted by vito90 at 9:47 AM on May 28, 2002

moz: how long were you squatting before you saw the size change?

It's pretty hard for most men to put on significant muscle mass (and extremely hard for most women who don't go for the Ben Johnson solution). If you train hard, eat enough, and rest enough, the gains will come, but it will take months or years for most people.

Some people who have been on a weight training regime for a relatively short time may report that they're getting bigger instead of smaller. This is almost always because novice trainers may get temporary bulking from retained water in their muscles when they first start the program. If they are also carrying some extra fat, but have lost little or none of it yet, this may look to them as if they're bulking up at a phenomenal rate. But as they continue training with weights, their measurements get smaller again as the fat -- especially the intrasmuscular fat -- is lost.

(moz, this may or may not have been your experience, of course. You may have trained for a while and saw true gains in mass. But because so many people are *afraid* of getting HYUUGE from heavy weights, I tend to post this little blurb whenever the topic comes up).
posted by maudlin at 9:49 AM on May 28, 2002

(Salon.com happens to have an article on how "butt cleavage is not just for the plumber anymore" today....)
posted by mattpfeff at 9:54 AM on May 28, 2002

moz: how long were you squatting before you saw the size change?

i had been doing squats for some time prior, but had begun a heavy workout regimen at the start of a strength training class i was in. i stuck to it for 2 months or so. i don't remember my starting point, but i do remember at my peak performing 3 sets of 10 reps with over 140 pounds (at most maybe 145 or 150). i began to notice that it was getting hard to put on my pants in the morning, but my waist size was not increasing to match the tightness in the rear of my pants. i'd skipped a week of workouts for one reason or another, and found my pants became easier to put on; that's when i put 2 and 2 together. my only leg exercise now comes from my cardio program, which i'm very happy with. (though i've got some big ole muscley calves now. oh well. have you seen mark "calfzilla" prior pitch for the cubs yet? i look like that.)
posted by moz at 9:59 AM on May 28, 2002

How soon before they come out with a new and improved version with a pocket on the front for your cucumber?
posted by me3dia at 10:00 AM on May 28, 2002

Woman have always praised mes fesses. Although some of it is genetic, some of it is from road cycling with look pedals (or any pedal which allows you to pull, as well as push the pedals).
posted by ParisParamus at 10:02 AM on May 28, 2002

mattpfeff- the butt-cleavage is hep for the ladies. Us guys, should by all means hide our hairy asses from public view.
posted by jonmc at 10:05 AM on May 28, 2002

How soon before they come out with a new and improved version with a pocket on the front for your cucumber?

You mean, like this or this?
posted by agaffin at 10:06 AM on May 28, 2002

No, more like this.
posted by me3dia at 10:10 AM on May 28, 2002

women like smaller tighter butts, rught?

Uh, there you go, thinking like a heterosexual again.
posted by xiffix at 11:02 AM on May 28, 2002

The guy in the pic on the splash page is so sticking out his bum. Look at the arch in his lower back. Workin' it for the camera.

So now instead of asking, "Do these jeans make my ass look too big?", we should ask, "Do these jeans make my ass look too small"? And if the answer is yes, run, do not walk, to get yourself some bum pads.
posted by iconomy at 11:15 AM on May 28, 2002

Uh, there you go, thinking like a heterosexual again.

That would be because I am a ......I give up.
posted by jonmc at 11:23 AM on May 28, 2002

jonmc, I have heard heterosexual women say:

[looking at a big muscly man-ass] "Mmmm, look at that juicy beef-cake."

"I like men with big butts. I want something to hold on to when they're on top of me."

I know anecdotes aren't real science, but I post this in hopes that it helps you in your quest for truth...
posted by squinky at 11:30 AM on May 28, 2002

The lunge is a good way for a guy to get a good butt. . . .

But as previously noted, these things take time. . .
posted by Danf at 11:32 AM on May 28, 2002

I've found squash and Ultimate to be excellent sports for the butt. Anything that has you cutting / changing direction while sprinting. :)
posted by dobbs at 12:05 PM on May 28, 2002

Squats, squats, squats, I tell you. Which will give you manly thighs as an added bonus. Just make sure you do them right: Krista Schaus has a particularly good explanation on her site. (Any women interested in weight training shoulod have a nose around there; for that matter men too).

Cycling and rugby are also likely to yield dividends in the derierre department.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:58 PM on May 28, 2002

You know, I made a bet with myself that someone would bring up Krista's site sooner or later in this thread. (It's Scott-Dixon, not Schaus, though).

If you want to read all 4 articles on The Squat, start at her home page, click the What's New link at the left, and look at the May 2002 update. There's a lot of other interesting links on that page, including a good discussion of body fat and some ab workouts that don't waste your time.
posted by maudlin at 3:49 PM on May 28, 2002

Woah. That was one freaky site there, maudlin.

"...find out what fun the boys have been keeping under wraps."

Someone's idea of increasing the amount of fun in life is lugging heavy objects around? Or more precisely, lugging heavier objects than they already lug? Guess it takes all kinds, but still... *shudder*
posted by majick at 5:28 PM on May 28, 2002

Well, I'm a freak, too, I guess. I go out and lift heavy stuff 4 days a week. As time goes on, the heavy stuff gets heavier, and I get happier. I guess if you've never been expected to carry heavy crap around, you're more likely to get a real kick out of it. (Except carrying luggage around the airport -- I *hate* that).
posted by maudlin at 6:45 PM on May 28, 2002

<derail type="thread">
Get something with wheels and another something that straps to it. It makes the 200M Gate Dash almost fun, tailing a little train of luggage. Almost.
</derail>
posted by majick at 6:51 PM on May 28, 2002

Or, become a rickshaw driver. Manhattan could use more of those.
posted by ParisParamus at 7:17 PM on May 28, 2002

It's a masochistic kind of fun, maybe, but fun it is. There is the joy of achievement; the knowledge that you are strong; and best of all, having lifted something groin-bustingly heavy, the joy of putting it down again. ;-)

And while dieting, spandex-clad ninnies lose muscle, bone density and sanity (but bugger-all fat) you get to wear what you like to exercise and eat like a piggy.

There is also a certain amount of everyday benefit, as maudlin observes. I cannot remember the last time I had to run for any length of time, whereas I lift and move things regularly.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:08 PM on May 28, 2002

Taking the stairs to the sixth, eighth, tenth floor with a backpack of stuff will also do you good.
posted by ParisParamus at 3:40 AM on May 29, 2002