Rose-Colored Glasses and Emotional Abuse
June 15, 2018 11:23 AM Subscribe
Actress and cosplayer Chloe Dykstra has published a thoughtful essay on Medium about her abusive relationship with a man who went from being "a mildly successful podcaster to a powerhouse CEO of his own company". Most sources have gone ahead and identified Chris Hardwick, whose name has already been disappeared from his former site/brand Nerdist Industries. (trigger warning: emotional and sexual abuse, eating disorders, misogyny and homophobia)
Content warning: Also anorexia.
The stories coming out about him in the comments on Twitter...I know exactly how he got away with it for so long, but man, how did he get away with it for so long.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:30 AM on June 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
The stories coming out about him in the comments on Twitter...I know exactly how he got away with it for so long, but man, how did he get away with it for so long.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:30 AM on June 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
I hope Dykstra gets the closure she is searching for. I am glad she survived the ordeal, and is now in a better place. I also hope Hardwick learns/has learnt to be better healthier person.
posted by Faintdreams at 11:31 AM on June 15, 2018
posted by Faintdreams at 11:31 AM on June 15, 2018
Having listened to the episode where she guested and they talked about the pregnancy incident, I'll just say... yeahhhh, not surprised.
posted by lovecrafty at 11:31 AM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by lovecrafty at 11:31 AM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
It's amazing, how precisely his (alleged) behavior lines up with what could be explained away, if you looked at it in just the right way, and didn't really want to believe that he could be a monster. Why, if you were to write a character who knew exactly what he'd be able to get away with and tailored his behavior to fit those boundaries, it would look an awful lot like the person presented in this essay.
posted by Etrigan at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2018 [28 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2018 [28 favorites]
That was a tough fucking read, but an important one. If you can manage it, I'd suggest reading the whole thing. My heart goes out to her.
(I'm hoping we can mostly stay away from weighing in on if we did/didn't "care for X's work anyway" and similar?)
posted by ODiV at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
(I'm hoping we can mostly stay away from weighing in on if we did/didn't "care for X's work anyway" and similar?)
posted by ODiV at 11:32 AM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
Just his public behavior toward/at/around her when they were together was one of the things that started souring me on him, and I could have sworn that either Chloe herself or a friend had said something firm but undetailed about abusive behavior much closer to the breakup, but I think it was in the general shitstorm of ggate so I'm not sure if maybe it was some other couple entirely. But anyway, I am sorry for what she went through and this, I think, is a thing we need to be talking about a lot with young people:
I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you’re dying of thirst, that water is the best water you’ll ever drink. When you’re alienated from your friends, there’s no one to tell you that there’s a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you’re worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:33 AM on June 15, 2018 [28 favorites]
I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you’re dying of thirst, that water is the best water you’ll ever drink. When you’re alienated from your friends, there’s no one to tell you that there’s a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you’re worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:33 AM on June 15, 2018 [28 favorites]
Also CWs for eating disorders, misogyny and homophobia.
All of which points to some really monstrous behavior from Hardwick. His accomplice, who hounded Dykstra and apparently six other women, also has a a lot to answer for.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:34 AM on June 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
All of which points to some really monstrous behavior from Hardwick. His accomplice, who hounded Dykstra and apparently six other women, also has a a lot to answer for.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:34 AM on June 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also CWs for eating disorders, misogyny and homophobia.
I am 100% amenable to these being added if a mod wants to make that call.
His accomplice, who hounded Dykstra and apparently six other women, also has a a lot to answer for.
The Twitter rumor mill is trying to hash this one out right now, and some of the possible answers are really upsetting to me.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:38 AM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
I am 100% amenable to these being added if a mod wants to make that call.
His accomplice, who hounded Dykstra and apparently six other women, also has a a lot to answer for.
The Twitter rumor mill is trying to hash this one out right now, and some of the possible answers are really upsetting to me.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:38 AM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
I feel like an expression of not having liked his work is legit in this context. His entire career is selling a persona. He's not an actor -- or anyway, he hasn't been one in a long time. That smarmy facade has always been deeply unappealing to me. I feel like I know him, although I never asked to know him, and I really do not like him.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:40 AM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:40 AM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
I didn't know this, but apparently Hardwick started distancing himself from Nerdist late last year. He still has his podcast, but it's not affiliated with Nerdist any more. Sounds to me like either or the Nerdist board was expecting this to come out and started planning in advance for a clean separation.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:44 AM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 11:44 AM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
I remember when they were dating and he'd mention her on the podcast, he'd almost always mention who her father was and how he got a real actual 1977 Star Wars crew t-shirt from him. It felt kinda skeevy even then. Like, "My girlfriend whose dad worked on STAR WARS EVERYONE."
And really, anyone who rubbernecks at r/relationships knows the number one red flag is someone in their 40s dating someone in their early 20s. It did change my opinion of him way back when. Thankfully by then there were a lot of other podcasts doing long format interviews.
I hope Chloe finds some peace.
I hope Lydia Hearst got an iron-clad prenup.
posted by lovecrafty at 11:44 AM on June 15, 2018 [27 favorites]
And really, anyone who rubbernecks at r/relationships knows the number one red flag is someone in their 40s dating someone in their early 20s. It did change my opinion of him way back when. Thankfully by then there were a lot of other podcasts doing long format interviews.
I hope Chloe finds some peace.
I hope Lydia Hearst got an iron-clad prenup.
posted by lovecrafty at 11:44 AM on June 15, 2018 [27 favorites]
I don't feel smug about the fact that I dropped him off my podcast feed a few years ago, because before that I really enjoyed that persona. I quit listening because I lost interest in his interviews and, as my sister pointed out, it seemed like his ego was starting to inflate. But before that, I really liked hearing him banter with the two co-hosts of Nerdist, ( before they all ended up moving in different directions for their careers and now I wonder if they were quietly pushed away) and I liked the topics they ran through. I also really, really liked @Midnight, and was sad when it was canceled. Now, part of that was because sometimes the group of comedians just meshed beautifully, but he was a part of it and it was his show.
Podcasts feel really intimate, like friends talking to friends, and that's how I knew him and now I feel gross even though it's been years since his voice has been in my ear.
posted by PussKillian at 11:48 AM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
Podcasts feel really intimate, like friends talking to friends, and that's how I knew him and now I feel gross even though it's been years since his voice has been in my ear.
posted by PussKillian at 11:48 AM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
I have opinions about Chris Hardwick, but I think maybe this is just a moment to listen to Chloe Dykstra. Her story is upsetting and I hope her life finds sunnier days.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:57 AM on June 15, 2018 [52 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:57 AM on June 15, 2018 [52 favorites]
Why is it so hard to not abuse people? Don't do it. Do you think maybe you'd like to abuse someone? No. One time, please? NO.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:58 AM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:58 AM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
I didn't know this, but apparently Hardwick started distancing himself from Nerdist late last year. He still has his podcast, but it's not affiliated with Nerdist any more. Sounds to me like either or the Nerdist board was expecting this to come out and started planning in advance for a clean separation.
He had sold it a while back. The distancing was, from all accounts (even before #MeToo blew up), mutual and intentionally slow. I doubt they knew about this, or at least knew any more than missing-stair sort of whispers.
I think it's most likely that they "knew" he was kind of a creeper, but didn't realize how much of one, and figured it was no big deal anyway, some guys are creepers, whaddaya gonna do, not like there's gonna be a massive movement that suddenly upends the usual way of doing things in Hollywood, right?
posted by Etrigan at 12:01 PM on June 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
He had sold it a while back. The distancing was, from all accounts (even before #MeToo blew up), mutual and intentionally slow. I doubt they knew about this, or at least knew any more than missing-stair sort of whispers.
I think it's most likely that they "knew" he was kind of a creeper, but didn't realize how much of one, and figured it was no big deal anyway, some guys are creepers, whaddaya gonna do, not like there's gonna be a massive movement that suddenly upends the usual way of doing things in Hollywood, right?
posted by Etrigan at 12:01 PM on June 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
I believe her. I unsubscribed from his podcast today. I hope Chloe gets the peace and happy live she deserves.
posted by Pendragon at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'd been a defender of Hardwick's in the past, because I thought that the work he did to help raise the profiles of podcast media and of the current crop of comedy talent outweighed his obvious narcissistic quirks. I had always chalked up the self-involvement and always-on intensity to being coping mechanisms for a recovering alcoholic, but now I see that was convenient cover for some really toxic behavior that was going on in plain sight.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [13 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [13 favorites]
I am 100% amenable to these being added if a mod wants to make that call.
Sure thing, done.
posted by cortex at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Sure thing, done.
posted by cortex at 12:06 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
The number of Nerdist employees, past and present, who have come out to vehemently second this (along with discussions about his unabashed racism) has been startling if only because of the apparent consensus-- the only people I've seen defending him have been people who don't seem to know him at all.
Also, for the rest of my life, I will probably feel physically ill when I hear the term "starfishing". There are a lot of horrors in her account, but that is the one that really made my bile rise.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:07 PM on June 15, 2018 [45 favorites]
Also, for the rest of my life, I will probably feel physically ill when I hear the term "starfishing". There are a lot of horrors in her account, but that is the one that really made my bile rise.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:07 PM on June 15, 2018 [45 favorites]
Reading this was like reading my diary. The parallels are disturbing, even after all this time. She deserved and continues to deserve better.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:11 PM on June 15, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:11 PM on June 15, 2018 [10 favorites]
Scott Weinberg has left Nerdist, "I dont want my name or work affiliated in any way with Chris Hardwick"
posted by Pendragon at 12:13 PM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 12:13 PM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
Nerdist Removes Chris Hardwick References From Site Amid Chloe Dykstra's Abuse Claim
posted by Pendragon at 12:14 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 12:14 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
> The number of Nerdist employees, past and present, who have come out to vehemently second this (along with discussions about his unabashed racism) has been startling if only because of the apparent consensus-- the only people I've seen defending him have been people who don't seem to know him at all.
I think it's super telling that on reddit of all places, the vast majority of people are supporting her and believing her, and any half-hearted defenders are swiftly downvoted. Reddit, people.
posted by lovecrafty at 12:16 PM on June 15, 2018 [54 favorites]
I think it's super telling that on reddit of all places, the vast majority of people are supporting her and believing her, and any half-hearted defenders are swiftly downvoted. Reddit, people.
posted by lovecrafty at 12:16 PM on June 15, 2018 [54 favorites]
We loved her in Heroes of Cosplay. We loved her encompassing love of all things cosplay — a lovely woman who revelled in those around her. you could see the nerdy awkward girl she was when she’d ask her dad to help her out.
I hope setting this essay out into the wild gives her the relief she needs. I believe her. And I hope she’ll emerge stronger and content, with enthusiasm for life, once again, intact.
posted by lemon_icing at 12:20 PM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
I hope setting this essay out into the wild gives her the relief she needs. I believe her. And I hope she’ll emerge stronger and content, with enthusiasm for life, once again, intact.
posted by lemon_icing at 12:20 PM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
I was not ready for this... It was legit horrifying.
I also hope Hardwick learns/has learnt to be better healthier person.
Yeah, but like... On a deserted island monitored by an ankle bracelet.
posted by selfnoise at 12:22 PM on June 15, 2018 [38 favorites]
I also hope Hardwick learns/has learnt to be better healthier person.
Yeah, but like... On a deserted island monitored by an ankle bracelet.
posted by selfnoise at 12:22 PM on June 15, 2018 [38 favorites]
I think it's super telling that on reddit of all places, the vast majority of people are supporting her and believing her
FWIW, I think there was always a large chunk of internet nerd culture (as exemplified by Reddit) that had it out for Hardwick because to them he was this MTV game show dudebro who totally disappeared in the late '90s and then suddenly reappeared out of nowhere years later to declare himself King of the Nerds. (Which I always felt was an unfair characterization, but it's all kind of a moot point now.)
So part of me wonders if this is a sincere change in Reddit culture towards #metoo and believing women and abuse victims, or if this is just a bunch of angry nerds settling a score over imagined insufficient nerd-authenticity.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:42 PM on June 15, 2018 [22 favorites]
FWIW, I think there was always a large chunk of internet nerd culture (as exemplified by Reddit) that had it out for Hardwick because to them he was this MTV game show dudebro who totally disappeared in the late '90s and then suddenly reappeared out of nowhere years later to declare himself King of the Nerds. (Which I always felt was an unfair characterization, but it's all kind of a moot point now.)
So part of me wonders if this is a sincere change in Reddit culture towards #metoo and believing women and abuse victims, or if this is just a bunch of angry nerds settling a score over imagined insufficient nerd-authenticity.
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:42 PM on June 15, 2018 [22 favorites]
Yeah, I'm sure there's a bit (or a lot) of that. But even r/nerdist mostly has her back.
posted by lovecrafty at 12:46 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by lovecrafty at 12:46 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
From the essay: To be fair, I did go along with it out of fear of losing him.
Oh, no no no. Nope. There's no "to be fair" about that. I hope Chloe's friends can help her see she bears zero responsibility for him abusing her.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:56 PM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
Oh, no no no. Nope. There's no "to be fair" about that. I hope Chloe's friends can help her see she bears zero responsibility for him abusing her.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:56 PM on June 15, 2018 [17 favorites]
I think a lot of Nerdist fans recognize Hardwick from Chloe's essay. I stopped listening before she was a part of Nerdist, and even I can see Hardwick in what she wrote. He revealed just enough of himself on the podcast that it's very easy to see him as the abuser she knew.
posted by gladly at 12:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by gladly at 12:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [10 favorites]
And, I don't mean "recognize," like make the connection that's who she's writing about. I mean it's consistent with the person they know from being a fan.
posted by gladly at 12:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by gladly at 12:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
Yes. I’d love to say I’m surprised, as a fan in the past, but for the most part I’m not. It all fits. This was the first podcast I listened to and loved, I haven’t listened in a good long while, but to me it’s still pretty meaningful to remove it from my feed.
posted by Secretariat at 1:23 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Secretariat at 1:23 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
I was not familiar with it either, but based on the Urban Dictionary definition it sounds like a reference to the splayed-out position of the starfish-ee. It's not great.
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018
It means "lie there spread out and unresponsive like a starfish and just 'allow' sex to happen".
*sigh*, why do I know this?
posted by lovecrafty at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018
*sigh*, why do I know this?
posted by lovecrafty at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018
With a TW for a description of a kind of rape:
posted by XtinaS at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018 [19 favorites]
[Starfishing is] hetero guys' coded way of telling their friends that a woman they had sex with just laid in bed and "allowed" sex to happen without being involved or participating in any way shape or form.I regret that I learned this.
posted by XtinaS at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2018 [19 favorites]
The way that she talked about it in the piece suggested that it was actually one of his requirements: for her to be naked and spreadeagled on his bed, waiting for him, whenever he arrived home. Talk about some hateful evil shit.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by a fiendish thingy at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2018 [7 favorites]
The two people I felt for most in this whole mess were Chloe (of course), but also Wil Wheaton, who's been having some struggles with depression as of late.
Fortunately - he finally responded on Twitter to say that he's shocked and deeply saddened, but is going to take longer to process the whole thing before making any kind of a Public Statement because yikes, and with ONLY ONE EXCEPTION all the comments responding to him are saying "no that's cool, we get it, take all the time you need, we're thinking of you". Some people are even saying that "we actually don't need a statement from you at all, we get how hard this must be, you take care of you".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
Fortunately - he finally responded on Twitter to say that he's shocked and deeply saddened, but is going to take longer to process the whole thing before making any kind of a Public Statement because yikes, and with ONLY ONE EXCEPTION all the comments responding to him are saying "no that's cool, we get it, take all the time you need, we're thinking of you". Some people are even saying that "we actually don't need a statement from you at all, we get how hard this must be, you take care of you".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:59 PM on June 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
Something suddenly popped into my head that had kind of weirded me out before. I follow Hardwick on Instagram (I should make that followed), and he has posted so many photos of Lydia and him appearing to be kissing passionately. Not like "cute pic of us kissing on our vacation" (although I would never post a pic like that, because why would people want to see me and my husband kissing?), but full-on dramatic kissing, like sometimes he'd be dipping her, or whatever. Every time he posted a photo like that, it felt vaguely icky and just made me think, "Why is he the only celebrity (of many I follow on Insta) who feels the need to do this?"
posted by trillian at 2:05 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by trillian at 2:05 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
Well, this is horribly disappointing as the knowledge of Hardwick I had was principally from Midnight and The Wall, and I liked him.
So sorry to hear that Chloe had to go through all of this.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
So sorry to hear that Chloe had to go through all of this.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 2:16 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
> "Why is he the only celebrity (of many I follow on Insta) who feels the need to do this?"
Because this time around, he perceives the woman has the money/cachet/power in the relationship? It would align with his controlling Chloe's social media posts re: pictures of them together, per Dykstra's account.
I hate the "he was no true nerd!" stuff thrown around, but I too dropped the podcast as it became more commercialized, and Hardwick's fame-chasing, corporate shilling persona grew (in my eyes). Maybe I was naive.
posted by onehalfjunco at 2:18 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
Because this time around, he perceives the woman has the money/cachet/power in the relationship? It would align with his controlling Chloe's social media posts re: pictures of them together, per Dykstra's account.
I hate the "he was no true nerd!" stuff thrown around, but I too dropped the podcast as it became more commercialized, and Hardwick's fame-chasing, corporate shilling persona grew (in my eyes). Maybe I was naive.
posted by onehalfjunco at 2:18 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
I've been waiting for this to show up on the blue today. Ugh. I figure Dykstra was bracing for blowback, and thus far I've been surprised at how sympathetically it's been received. I hope she's got her people with her today anyway, because coming out like this must certainly involve a good chunk of reliving it.
Hardwick has always struck me as equal parts performative fanboy and driven fame-seeker, but I still enjoyed some of what he did. His ID10T podcasts have definitely been a big part of my bike trainer sessions, but I guess that's over now.
All that said, though, dudes who consistently seek companionship from women much, much younger are almost always creepy. Hearst isn't much older than Dykstra. (Oh, and also has that famous family thing happening.)
Regarding Wil, I sure hope his other friends are there for him today, too. I've chatted with him several times on the JoCo cruises, and seen him handle weird fan interactions from other people with grace and kindness. He just seems so fundamentally decent, you know? To discover your best pal of 20+ years is someone completely different is unimaginable to me. I'm thinking about him and Anne today, too.
posted by uberchet at 2:24 PM on June 15, 2018 [19 favorites]
Hardwick has always struck me as equal parts performative fanboy and driven fame-seeker, but I still enjoyed some of what he did. His ID10T podcasts have definitely been a big part of my bike trainer sessions, but I guess that's over now.
All that said, though, dudes who consistently seek companionship from women much, much younger are almost always creepy. Hearst isn't much older than Dykstra. (Oh, and also has that famous family thing happening.)
Regarding Wil, I sure hope his other friends are there for him today, too. I've chatted with him several times on the JoCo cruises, and seen him handle weird fan interactions from other people with grace and kindness. He just seems so fundamentally decent, you know? To discover your best pal of 20+ years is someone completely different is unimaginable to me. I'm thinking about him and Anne today, too.
posted by uberchet at 2:24 PM on June 15, 2018 [19 favorites]
Hardwick is down to host the Doctor Who panel at San Diego Comic-con that will feature Jodie Whittaker ... and I'm hoping they change that
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:28 PM on June 15, 2018 [25 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:28 PM on June 15, 2018 [25 favorites]
The stories coming out about him in the comments on Twitter...I know exactly how he got away with it for so long, but man, how did he get away with it for so long.
A couple weeks ago, one of the developers of the recent Battletech computer game was outed as a harasser and ousted from the company (article says he resigned, other sources frame it quite differently). This one hit close to home. While I've only met him a couple times, we shared a bunch of very good people as friends for going on twenty years--particularly people who are sensitive to issues of abuse, harassment, etc.
Watching the outpouring of stories on Twitter from women who'd suffered his harassment at the same time as hearing furious women and nonbinary friends who said stuff like "He made such a point of sitting and listening to my concerns about GamerGate" and "he said and did all the right things to signal being a safe person" to express their sense of betrayal was really something. But it hit me again reading the stuff about Hardwick this morning, because I only knew of him from appearances where he seemed like a caring and decent person. I really liked his work on @Midnight.
Abusers learn to scout out who will suffer their abuse, who will stand by and tolerate it, and who won't. And some learn how to wear the mask of being decent people in public really well.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:03 PM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
A couple weeks ago, one of the developers of the recent Battletech computer game was outed as a harasser and ousted from the company (article says he resigned, other sources frame it quite differently). This one hit close to home. While I've only met him a couple times, we shared a bunch of very good people as friends for going on twenty years--particularly people who are sensitive to issues of abuse, harassment, etc.
Watching the outpouring of stories on Twitter from women who'd suffered his harassment at the same time as hearing furious women and nonbinary friends who said stuff like "He made such a point of sitting and listening to my concerns about GamerGate" and "he said and did all the right things to signal being a safe person" to express their sense of betrayal was really something. But it hit me again reading the stuff about Hardwick this morning, because I only knew of him from appearances where he seemed like a caring and decent person. I really liked his work on @Midnight.
Abusers learn to scout out who will suffer their abuse, who will stand by and tolerate it, and who won't. And some learn how to wear the mask of being decent people in public really well.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 3:03 PM on June 15, 2018 [14 favorites]
>Hardwick is down to host the Doctor Who panel at San Diego Comic-con that will feature Jodie Whittaker ... and I'm hoping they change that
I'm pretty certain he's going to be booed no matter what panel he's hosting.
There is a post from her on Reddit 5 months ago where she is agonizing about coming out publicly. I am glad she's had the courage and has a great support system in place.
posted by Catblack at 3:12 PM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
I'm pretty certain he's going to be booed no matter what panel he's hosting.
There is a post from her on Reddit 5 months ago where she is agonizing about coming out publicly. I am glad she's had the courage and has a great support system in place.
posted by Catblack at 3:12 PM on June 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
Another woman blacklisted by a popular media personality. What can be done to stop this kind of blacklisting? A law?
posted by RuvaBlue at 3:20 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by RuvaBlue at 3:20 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
Fewer men in positions of power to listen and respond to the lies told by other men who are abusers is always a good start.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:02 PM on June 15, 2018 [48 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 4:02 PM on June 15, 2018 [48 favorites]
The two people I felt for most in this whole mess were Chloe (of course), but also Wil Wheaton
before we elevate Hardwick's uninvolved male best friend to some wholly unasked-for pity pedestal as imagined secondary victim of someone else's painfully and publicly recounted abuse, perhaps we could take a moment to feel our mostest feelings for each and every other woman Hardwick's ever been involved with. and then go on to not do the other thing at all.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:50 PM on June 15, 2018 [90 favorites]
Mod note: Lets call it done on Wheaton; noted, moving on.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 5:09 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 5:09 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
As an episode one listener of the Nerdist Podcast (who fell away during the shift from hostfuls to mainly an interview show) I remember very clearly receiving his relationship with Chloe as a middle aged man dating an inappropriately young woman as a reaction to the end of his long relationship with Janet Varney, a woman his own age and a professional peer. In retrospect it’s more obviously the move of an abuser looking for someone to dominate. I regret I didn’t see it sooner.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:12 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:12 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
Maybe we don't start listing the ex-girlfriends of Chris Hardwick here.
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:35 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:35 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
Ugh. I used to listen to Nerdist but drifted off a few years ago. He seemed nice enough, didn't come off as a closet fucking rage monster like some celebs do. I vaguely remember him mentioning Chloe but had no idea on the age difference or any of that shit. Ugggggggggghhhhhhh. Some folks I'm not 100% shocked about and some I am and this is falling in the latter for me, but then again I wasn't a superfan so I didn't know what was going on in his life in general. If I find his book around my house, it's getting chucked, though.
"Why is it so hard to not abuse people? Don't do it. Do you think maybe you'd like to abuse someone? No. One time, please? NO."
I suspect that at least for some people, abusing others is the biggest manly man happy high in the world.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:37 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
"Why is it so hard to not abuse people? Don't do it. Do you think maybe you'd like to abuse someone? No. One time, please? NO."
I suspect that at least for some people, abusing others is the biggest manly man happy high in the world.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:37 PM on June 15, 2018 [4 favorites]
I suddenly feel vindicated for always feeling oddly skeezed-out about Hardwick all these years. From the very first time I saw him do his shtick, and every time thereafter, I just felt...ew, get me outta here...about the guy.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:45 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 7:45 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
I suddenly feel vindicated for always feeling oddly skeezed-out about Hardwick all these years. From the very first time I saw him do his shtick, and every time thereafter, I just felt...ew, get me outta here...about the guy.
Same. I didn't listen to the podcasts, but watched some of his shows and he always struck me as the sort of assholish cool guy who was always cruel to girls like me. Glad to know my instincts were right.
posted by triggerfinger at 8:45 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
Same. I didn't listen to the podcasts, but watched some of his shows and he always struck me as the sort of assholish cool guy who was always cruel to girls like me. Glad to know my instincts were right.
posted by triggerfinger at 8:45 PM on June 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
There's some pretty awful people out defending Harwick.
Pro tip - if randos are searching your name to hassle people who mention you, you are probably an asshole of some variety.
posted by Artw at 8:56 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Pro tip - if randos are searching your name to hassle people who mention you, you are probably an asshole of some variety.
posted by Artw at 8:56 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
He was just announced on 6/14 as the moderator for a Doctor Who panel at SDCC featuring Jodie Whittaker. Commenters on BBC America's twitter post have other ideas.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:04 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:04 PM on June 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
He denies it, of course. He's trying to frame her as a jilted lover, somehow making her a liar.
As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.
Ugh, gross. Fuck off.
posted by Pendragon at 11:21 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.
Ugh, gross. Fuck off.
posted by Pendragon at 11:21 PM on June 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
He denies it, of course
barely, though! or maybe not even at all. he seems to be only concerned with not having a particular word (assault) used to describe one piece of his pattern of behavior, and that because it has specific criminal connotations. he doesn't address the detailed allegations of long-term abuse. and that says everything about what he thinks is important. what is important: hurting women? no, what is important is anything that could get Chris Hardwick in real trouble. what could do that? only a crime he could be convicted of. what else matters? nothing.
Hardwick doesn't understand that nobody but Hardwick is primarily concerned with what technical term beyond "horrible abuse" is appropriate for belittling and terrorizing a much younger woman with such continual controlling contempt that when you repeatedly order her to endure you, she's afraid to say No. nobody but Hardwick and men as bad as him believe that if he couldn't get arrested and successfully prosecuted for such a thing, it isn't abusive, isn't extraordinarily shameful, or shouldn't ruin his career and indeed his life. nobody but him and men like him pretend to believe we live in such a feminist legislative paradise that all serious crimes against women carry real legal penalties, and thus that if you can argue that you face no legal penalties, you have harmed no-one.
this reads like an admission more than a denial.
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:47 PM on June 15, 2018 [35 favorites]
barely, though! or maybe not even at all. he seems to be only concerned with not having a particular word (assault) used to describe one piece of his pattern of behavior, and that because it has specific criminal connotations. he doesn't address the detailed allegations of long-term abuse. and that says everything about what he thinks is important. what is important: hurting women? no, what is important is anything that could get Chris Hardwick in real trouble. what could do that? only a crime he could be convicted of. what else matters? nothing.
Hardwick doesn't understand that nobody but Hardwick is primarily concerned with what technical term beyond "horrible abuse" is appropriate for belittling and terrorizing a much younger woman with such continual controlling contempt that when you repeatedly order her to endure you, she's afraid to say No. nobody but Hardwick and men as bad as him believe that if he couldn't get arrested and successfully prosecuted for such a thing, it isn't abusive, isn't extraordinarily shameful, or shouldn't ruin his career and indeed his life. nobody but him and men like him pretend to believe we live in such a feminist legislative paradise that all serious crimes against women carry real legal penalties, and thus that if you can argue that you face no legal penalties, you have harmed no-one.
this reads like an admission more than a denial.
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:47 PM on June 15, 2018 [35 favorites]
This somehow brings to mind that Polygon contributor... *googles* Nick Robinson, who similarly blindsided some erstwhile colleagues when news of his Twitter/con behavior came to light. Not to resuscitate the Wheaton thing but Griffin McElroy would be the analogue there.
I'm an old (school) nerd who has lately found it bizarre trying to reconcile that with my pro-intersectional-feminism. Like, I like star wars and video games too, but fuck directly off if you are brigading Kelly Marie Tran online or engaging in whatabout wordgames. I'm not here for your bullshit. I guess it's a tiny bright spot that Chloe Dykstra's account is not being brushed under the rug (especially on Reddit, surprisingly). I hope Hardwick is blacklisted now. Fuck him.
posted by axiom at 12:29 AM on June 16, 2018 [11 favorites]
I'm an old (school) nerd who has lately found it bizarre trying to reconcile that with my pro-intersectional-feminism. Like, I like star wars and video games too, but fuck directly off if you are brigading Kelly Marie Tran online or engaging in whatabout wordgames. I'm not here for your bullshit. I guess it's a tiny bright spot that Chloe Dykstra's account is not being brushed under the rug (especially on Reddit, surprisingly). I hope Hardwick is blacklisted now. Fuck him.
posted by axiom at 12:29 AM on June 16, 2018 [11 favorites]
this reads like an admission more than a denial.
From his statement:
at no time did I sexually assault her.
I’m devastated to read that she is now accusing me of conduct that did not occur.
That doesn’t look like an admission to me.
posted by Pendragon at 1:40 AM on June 16, 2018
From his statement:
at no time did I sexually assault her.
I’m devastated to read that she is now accusing me of conduct that did not occur.
That doesn’t look like an admission to me.
posted by Pendragon at 1:40 AM on June 16, 2018
Seconding the view that his statement is pretty damming. It's such a suspiciously narrow and petty defence, essentially 'I didn't sexually assault her...and she was a cheater desperate to stay with me anyway'. It doesn't adress the accusations of controlling behaviour, the isolating a partner, the coercion, the blacklisting etc. Why not?
posted by genuinely curious at 2:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by genuinely curious at 2:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [15 favorites]
"As a husband, a son, and future father, I do not condone any kind of mistreatment of women.”
Oh yuck, it's that creepy formula where he irrelevantly defines women by their roles that relate to him, instead of as people who shouldn't be abused, period. Guess it's not just for grandstanding conservative politicians!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:09 AM on June 16, 2018 [31 favorites]
Oh yuck, it's that creepy formula where he irrelevantly defines women by their roles that relate to him, instead of as people who shouldn't be abused, period. Guess it's not just for grandstanding conservative politicians!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:09 AM on June 16, 2018 [31 favorites]
Mod note: An earlier comment deleted. Let's avoid naming someone based on rumor-based speculation about who the woman ex-friend mentioned in the article might be. Thanks.
posted by taz (staff) at 3:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 3:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
Oh yuck, it's that creepy formula where he irrelevantly defines women by their roles that relate to him, instead of as people who shouldn't be abused, period. Guess it's not just for grandstanding conservative politicians!
Pretty much the same audience, so.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:03 AM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Pretty much the same audience, so.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:03 AM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Ugh. She says she has receipts, so of course he zeroes in on the one part that would be the most difficult to prove, the 'starfishing'/coercive sex. Fucking asshole.
When like, all the people who used to work for you come to her support and the only people who try to defend you are gross TRP-ers, maybe there's a problem that calls for some self-reflection, dude.
posted by lovecrafty at 8:25 AM on June 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
When like, all the people who used to work for you come to her support and the only people who try to defend you are gross TRP-ers, maybe there's a problem that calls for some self-reflection, dude.
posted by lovecrafty at 8:25 AM on June 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
Has Hardwick actually impregnated his wife or is he just bullshitting about "future father?" Either way I am totally gagging, mind you, but it sounds even worse if she's not pregnant. (And if she is, darlin', I feel sorry for you.)
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:40 AM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:40 AM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
Oh, man, that “response” from Hardwick. He says he took a full day to respond to this article ostensibly to insure he came up with the most appropriate, well-thought out, considered response possible, and the best he can come up with is “She’s a liar and slut”?
posted by The Gooch at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by The Gooch at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
Chris Hardwick and Why Geek Culture Can’t Shake Its Misogyny
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [4 favorites]
That time was 100% spent writing the response with a legal team and publicist.
posted by lovecrafty at 9:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by lovecrafty at 9:45 AM on June 16, 2018 [10 favorites]
a giant pile of fedoras doused in Axe Body Spray.
That is now his remaining audience.
posted by Artw at 10:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [19 favorites]
That is now his remaining audience.
posted by Artw at 10:17 AM on June 16, 2018 [19 favorites]
I would be amazed if that was a lawyer-and-publicist focus-grouped apology-but-not-really. Because not only did it suck, but it exposed him to massive liability — Dykstra never named him, and his response was to make a specific and defamatory allegation against her, by name.
posted by Etrigan at 10:32 AM on June 16, 2018 [20 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 10:32 AM on June 16, 2018 [20 favorites]
My impression is that his statement would fall under opinion, and thus not be defamatory. IANAL.
posted by rhizome at 12:50 PM on June 16, 2018
posted by rhizome at 12:50 PM on June 16, 2018
Following Allegations of Abuse, Chris Hardwick Has Been Pulled from AMC Programming and San Diego Comic-Con
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:36 PM on June 16, 2018 [24 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:36 PM on June 16, 2018 [24 favorites]
Following Allegations of Abuse, Chris Hardwick Has Been Pulled from AMC Programming and San Diego Comic-Con
Now that sounds like lawyers and publicists are involved, but on AMC's side rather than Hardwick's, maybe even reaching out to current and former co-workers to confirm what we've already heard.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:12 PM on June 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
Now that sounds like lawyers and publicists are involved, but on AMC's side rather than Hardwick's, maybe even reaching out to current and former co-workers to confirm what we've already heard.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:12 PM on June 16, 2018 [8 favorites]
But even r/nerdist mostly has her back.
Not after he released his statement today. It's a total shit-show now.
posted by Pendragon at 4:02 PM on June 16, 2018
Not after he released his statement today. It's a total shit-show now.
posted by Pendragon at 4:02 PM on June 16, 2018
Chloe rocks.
posted by lazaruslong at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by lazaruslong at 4:13 PM on June 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Not after he released his statement today. It's a total shit-show now.
Ugh, it's like all the rats woke up. There are a few valiant hearts holding the line though. That fake book excerpt did NOT help anything.
posted by lovecrafty at 4:22 PM on June 16, 2018
Ugh, it's like all the rats woke up. There are a few valiant hearts holding the line though. That fake book excerpt did NOT help anything.
posted by lovecrafty at 4:22 PM on June 16, 2018
Oh yuck, it's that creepy formula where he irrelevantly defines women by their roles that relate to him, instead of as people who shouldn't be abused, period.
OMG, yes! I have no patience for this bullshit.
Newsflash: every male rapist, abuser and plain misogynistic asshole on the planet ever has been at least one out of ‘a husband, son and future father’. Why the actual fuck do men who say this think it means anything at all??
posted by Salamander at 6:32 PM on June 16, 2018 [21 favorites]
OMG, yes! I have no patience for this bullshit.
Newsflash: every male rapist, abuser and plain misogynistic asshole on the planet ever has been at least one out of ‘a husband, son and future father’. Why the actual fuck do men who say this think it means anything at all??
posted by Salamander at 6:32 PM on June 16, 2018 [21 favorites]
Ugh. I was wondering why Chloe Dykstra was trending on twitter but didn't make time to follow up until I saw this on the blue. I feel so terrible for her that she went through this and just now able to find some closure.
I didn't follow Hardwick's works that closely, but I enjoyed @midnight like many of you. I also followed him on Instagram (which has disappeared so it saved me the effort of unfollowing him), because his life just seemed so fun (of course that was the persona he put on), and now I'm worried for Lydia Hearst. I did just have this notion: so I actually watch Instagram Stories (it's similar to Snapchat, where a "story" will disappear after 24 hours), and he doesn't put his stories on regular posts; lately he's been showing off the construction of a home they recently bought, with stuff they're buying and the handymen doing stuff; it would be pretty great if all these handymen learn about this and just up and quit (if their contract allows them to) and he's left with an unfinished house while Lydia stays somewhere else. It's a petty and cruel thought, but I'm just running out of patience and politeness for these men.
There is a post from her on Reddit 5 months ago where she is agonizing about coming out publicly.
Thanks for this. There's some details there not in the Medium post which makes me just even more angry.
- "I never washed my face for bed because I was afraid for him to see me without make up"
- "People tell me he hasn't changed at all, either, which is even worse."
- "[The best friend] implied she thought I was torpedoing hers and my careers by leaving him"
- "I probably deserved some of [the best friend's betrayal] because I left my abuser for another guy." To which a commentor correctly told her she shouldn't feel that way. This reminded me of hurdy gurdy girl's comment above about her saying "To be fair" about the starfishing. She's still making some excuses for the abuse she's taken and it's just heartbreaking.
People on Twitter are pointing out how many of people they follow are still following him, and I'm saddened to see that many supposedly good people I follow also are still. I hope that changes.
posted by numaner at 10:24 PM on June 16, 2018 [10 favorites]
I didn't follow Hardwick's works that closely, but I enjoyed @midnight like many of you. I also followed him on Instagram (which has disappeared so it saved me the effort of unfollowing him), because his life just seemed so fun (of course that was the persona he put on), and now I'm worried for Lydia Hearst. I did just have this notion: so I actually watch Instagram Stories (it's similar to Snapchat, where a "story" will disappear after 24 hours), and he doesn't put his stories on regular posts; lately he's been showing off the construction of a home they recently bought, with stuff they're buying and the handymen doing stuff; it would be pretty great if all these handymen learn about this and just up and quit (if their contract allows them to) and he's left with an unfinished house while Lydia stays somewhere else. It's a petty and cruel thought, but I'm just running out of patience and politeness for these men.
There is a post from her on Reddit 5 months ago where she is agonizing about coming out publicly.
Thanks for this. There's some details there not in the Medium post which makes me just even more angry.
- "I never washed my face for bed because I was afraid for him to see me without make up"
- "People tell me he hasn't changed at all, either, which is even worse."
- "[The best friend] implied she thought I was torpedoing hers and my careers by leaving him"
- "I probably deserved some of [the best friend's betrayal] because I left my abuser for another guy." To which a commentor correctly told her she shouldn't feel that way. This reminded me of hurdy gurdy girl's comment above about her saying "To be fair" about the starfishing. She's still making some excuses for the abuse she's taken and it's just heartbreaking.
People on Twitter are pointing out how many of people they follow are still following him, and I'm saddened to see that many supposedly good people I follow also are still. I hope that changes.
posted by numaner at 10:24 PM on June 16, 2018 [10 favorites]
(You reminded me that I was following him. Emphasis on the WAS. So, thanks.)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 10:44 PM on June 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 10:44 PM on June 16, 2018 [3 favorites]
He was just announced on 6/14 as the moderator for a Doctor Who panel at SDCC featuring Jodie Whittaker.
Several news outlet have said that he's been pulled from all SDCC panels by AMC, but some are also saying all panels which would also include the BBC America one for Doctor Who, however none are saying that specifically. The tweet from BBC America that announced his involvement is deleted, though, so maybe it's true.
posted by numaner at 10:46 PM on June 16, 2018
Several news outlet have said that he's been pulled from all SDCC panels by AMC, but some are also saying all panels which would also include the BBC America one for Doctor Who, however none are saying that specifically. The tweet from BBC America that announced his involvement is deleted, though, so maybe it's true.
posted by numaner at 10:46 PM on June 16, 2018
also holy shit Twitter is full of people defending him with pretty gross language about Chloe Dykstra and I can't report them fast enough
posted by numaner at 10:47 PM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by numaner at 10:47 PM on June 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
sorry for the multiple posts but just a correction: the official statement from AMC does state that he will also not be hosting the BBC America panel.
posted by numaner at 11:41 PM on June 16, 2018
posted by numaner at 11:41 PM on June 16, 2018
As a fellow survivor of emotional abuse, the way she wrote about it and her feelings she described were such a visceral flashback, that I believe her 100%. The entire story has been this weird gut punch and all the this isn't abuse comments on social media is exactly why I'm forced to share joint custody with mine.
Emotional abuse is still abuse, we just can't see the bruises.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:17 AM on June 17, 2018 [13 favorites]
Emotional abuse is still abuse, we just can't see the bruises.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 5:17 AM on June 17, 2018 [13 favorites]
Anyone have any idea who the female best friend is? I have a sinking feeling I also follow them and I want the POS off my radar ASAP.
posted by Catbunny at 11:05 AM on June 17, 2018
posted by Catbunny at 11:05 AM on June 17, 2018
Idk but I have a lot of hard to describe and/or articulate thoughts and feelings about her not being comfortable with naming the woman and it's just. Difficult.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on June 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on June 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
And to be perfectly clear I don't question her choice not to name the woman, and I accept the reason she gave for not doing so. But for me personally it raises the general question on how, or even if, we (the larger societal we, not we as in we metafiltrationists) can productively discuss the ways in which women are harmed by other women's active participation in patriarchal oppressions, without having those discussions used as bludgeons against us by misogynists, or by having well-meaning allies call it a distraction or derail from larger issues.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:46 AM on June 17, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 11:46 AM on June 17, 2018 [12 favorites]
NBC will "assess" its relationship with Hardwick:
Also, the other big name that's associated with it is executive producer Lebron James, who probably also does not want his brand associated with this new public version of Chris Hardwick.
posted by Etrigan at 11:54 AM on June 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
“These allegations about Chris Hardwick took us by surprise as we have had a positive working relationship with him. However, we take allegations of misconduct very seriously. Production on The Wall does not begin until September, and in the meantime we are continuing to assess the situation and will take appropriate action based on the outcome.”For those who haven't seen it, "The Wall" is a suuuper-schmaltzy game show that's lighter on the game (answer a trivia question, play a big version of Pachinko to win money) than it is on the show ("Tell us how winning this money will change your life. Please, feel free to cry."), which means it leans pretty heavily on Hardwick being charming and nice and uplifting.
Also, the other big name that's associated with it is executive producer Lebron James, who probably also does not want his brand associated with this new public version of Chris Hardwick.
posted by Etrigan at 11:54 AM on June 17, 2018 [6 favorites]
I always admired the diversity of @Midnight's guests, one of the rare shows that nearly always avoided having all white male comics. But aparently the "reformed douche" schtick was not just schtick. I'm wondering now what to do with the framed poster from his Funcomfortable special taping that's hanging in my living room.
posted by wnissen at 10:38 AM on June 18, 2018
posted by wnissen at 10:38 AM on June 18, 2018
Take it down.
posted by Pendragon at 11:01 AM on June 18, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 11:01 AM on June 18, 2018 [5 favorites]
Right, I can't find a Chloe Dykstra poster. Hope she continues to recover.
posted by wnissen at 11:52 AM on June 18, 2018
posted by wnissen at 11:52 AM on June 18, 2018
I hate people who boast about how they knew they didn't like that guy for a reason. It always feels somewhat accusatory of people who were raised not to distrust people - when really I wish I was built with a capacity to trust.
But that's totally where I am on this one. I remember getting the recommendation for @midnight way late. Which meant I could binge the crap out of it on a weekend I needed a pick-me-up.
And it was subtle. It was maybe 20 episodes when I could start to pinpoint why it wasn't cheering me up As Advertised. But it was always 2 dudes and a lady, with the exception of Jessica Chaffin and Lennon Parnham episode. Which I scrolled through 100 episodes after getting sick of watching the Famous Dude only there to promote their new Thing do lazy jokes and rake in the points, while comedians doing the work to make the show have value get ignored and eliminated.
And maybe I mostly noticed because I'm a Paget Brewster fangirl and disagreed with her loss, and built the pattern recognition around it. Or maybe it was because I was slowly getting back into both fandom and comedy after ragequitting both in college after realizing I didn't want to be three times as good as the boys just for the privilege of being second fiddle.
I find myself overly invested in Janet Varney's experience. Sketchfest is very much one of the platforms that made both fandom and comedy welcoming for me again. She's one of the countless women who stayed in this toxic environment and helped make it a better place. And maybe she was able to do so by creating the missing stair that is her ex, propping up injustice because our survival requires us to stop fighting at some point to take care of ourselves. Or maybe she was always aware and always walking on eggshells and had to be polite so he didn't torpedo the fragile success she carved out for herself.
posted by politikitty at 11:57 AM on June 18, 2018 [9 favorites]
But that's totally where I am on this one. I remember getting the recommendation for @midnight way late. Which meant I could binge the crap out of it on a weekend I needed a pick-me-up.
And it was subtle. It was maybe 20 episodes when I could start to pinpoint why it wasn't cheering me up As Advertised. But it was always 2 dudes and a lady, with the exception of Jessica Chaffin and Lennon Parnham episode. Which I scrolled through 100 episodes after getting sick of watching the Famous Dude only there to promote their new Thing do lazy jokes and rake in the points, while comedians doing the work to make the show have value get ignored and eliminated.
And maybe I mostly noticed because I'm a Paget Brewster fangirl and disagreed with her loss, and built the pattern recognition around it. Or maybe it was because I was slowly getting back into both fandom and comedy after ragequitting both in college after realizing I didn't want to be three times as good as the boys just for the privilege of being second fiddle.
I find myself overly invested in Janet Varney's experience. Sketchfest is very much one of the platforms that made both fandom and comedy welcoming for me again. She's one of the countless women who stayed in this toxic environment and helped make it a better place. And maybe she was able to do so by creating the missing stair that is her ex, propping up injustice because our survival requires us to stop fighting at some point to take care of ourselves. Or maybe she was always aware and always walking on eggshells and had to be polite so he didn't torpedo the fragile success she carved out for herself.
posted by politikitty at 11:57 AM on June 18, 2018 [9 favorites]
(MeFi's own) Avery Edison:
I know it can be hard to risk losing the massive cachet of being on at-midnight one time, but I really would appreciate if every comedian even *mildly* associated with Chris Hardwick would *at the very least* publically state that they believe Chloe.posted by zombieflanders at 7:51 PM on June 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
We are multiple days out from her essay and silence is not becoming any better of a look!
silence is complicity and your tacit defense of hardwick is the same kind-of boy’s club bullshit that enabled the small-hands-orange-man you love to make cheeto jokes about!!!
My charitable head cannon is that everyone will mention it in their next podcast.
So you've got to give them a week for recording and production.
posted by politikitty at 11:54 AM on June 20, 2018
So you've got to give them a week for recording and production.
posted by politikitty at 11:54 AM on June 20, 2018
No bad deed goes unmonitized.
posted by rhizome at 12:52 PM on June 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 12:52 PM on June 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
Not going to link to them, but Hardwick's PR team and/or sycophants have been going around to both celebrity and nerd-specific gossip sites to smear Dykstra. It's taking the form of a well-known tactic that abusers, especially of the sort Dykstra accuses Hardwick of being, use to try and convince third parties that their victims are liars after extended cycles of repeated abuse, "apologies," and gaslighting. I guess we'll see who falls for it.
posted by zombieflanders at 1:30 PM on June 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by zombieflanders at 1:30 PM on June 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
The reaction absolutely is the confirmation. This guy is garbage.
posted by Artw at 1:41 PM on June 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
posted by Artw at 1:41 PM on June 20, 2018 [11 favorites]
Co-Creator of 'Juggy Dance Squad' Defends Chris Hardwick, Says Everyone's Making Too Many Allegations
posted by zombieflanders at 9:29 AM on June 21, 2018
posted by zombieflanders at 9:29 AM on June 21, 2018
Lydia Hearst, wife of Chris Hardwick, has posted a....not defense? I am having trouble parsing what she is trying to say, honestly.
posted by lazaruslong at 9:48 AM on June 21, 2018
posted by lazaruslong at 9:48 AM on June 21, 2018
Didn’t Lydia Hearst’s mum invent having Stockholm syndrome?
posted by Artw at 10:00 AM on June 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 10:00 AM on June 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
I am side-eyeing the crap out of the subtext of this tweet.
posted by politikitty at 11:03 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by politikitty at 11:03 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Losing @Midnight and all the Talking Foo shows on AMC is definitely something I could bear, but she's bound and determined to cape for this asshole until Legend of Korra is ruined as well, isn't she?
posted by tobascodagama at 11:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by tobascodagama at 11:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
We're going on two weeks now, so I'd say that it's clear his friendsenablers have just collectively decided to either pull that kind of BS, or hope it goes down the memory hole so they don't have to say "I believe her."
posted by zombieflanders at 12:25 PM on June 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by zombieflanders at 12:25 PM on June 25, 2018 [6 favorites]
Most of the comedians that I know are friends with him focused on the news story of children being separated at the border, and that's understandably has dominated basically everything. But I wonder if they're conveniently just using that to ignore this, since most of them still haven't said jack.
posted by numaner at 11:08 PM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by numaner at 11:08 PM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I feel weird waiting for his friends to say something more substantial, since they are mostly his subordinates in some way or another*. Like, it would be great and for Matt Mira to come out fully against the guy, but isn't it likely that there is a similarly controlling dynamic at play there? How much do I fault him for only giving tepid support to Dykstra and otherwise going about his business? I'm not sure, but I know I'm not ready to listen to him joke about James Bond quite yet.
*primary exception being Wheaton, who falls into another difficult category, being a life-long friend.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 6:15 AM on June 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
*primary exception being Wheaton, who falls into another difficult category, being a life-long friend.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 6:15 AM on June 26, 2018 [2 favorites]
Like, it would be great and for Matt Mira to come out fully against the guy, but isn't it likely that there is a similarly controlling dynamic at play there?
There absolutely was, and may still be to some extent. I don't see if it's been brought up earlier in the thread, but there was a Nerdist podcast episode (Google cached version) from about four years back where Hardwick openly castigated Jonah Ray for being insufficiently dedicated as a friend and podcast cohort, all because Jonah was pursuing outside acting and writing jobs (not to mention a new marriage) that forced him to drop out of certain Nerdist-related events.
It's super weird listening back to it now, because you can hear Hardwick using some really manipulative language (emphasizing how much Nerdist made Jonah's career) as he keeps piling on and piling on, until Jonah just kind of gives up and apologizes for being a bad/ungrateful friend. You can totally see that there's something not quite right under the surface of their interactions.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:41 AM on June 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
There absolutely was, and may still be to some extent. I don't see if it's been brought up earlier in the thread, but there was a Nerdist podcast episode (Google cached version) from about four years back where Hardwick openly castigated Jonah Ray for being insufficiently dedicated as a friend and podcast cohort, all because Jonah was pursuing outside acting and writing jobs (not to mention a new marriage) that forced him to drop out of certain Nerdist-related events.
It's super weird listening back to it now, because you can hear Hardwick using some really manipulative language (emphasizing how much Nerdist made Jonah's career) as he keeps piling on and piling on, until Jonah just kind of gives up and apologizes for being a bad/ungrateful friend. You can totally see that there's something not quite right under the surface of their interactions.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:41 AM on June 26, 2018 [7 favorites]
One of my co-workers pointed out that it's meaningful to her that none of his subordinates are coming out disputing the allegations.
So while I would like to see comedy behave like Tig Notaro in response to Louis CK, I suppose I should remember that the average person reads guilt in these shrugs.
But it's absolutely inappropriate to co-opt our society's fundamental belief in black criminality to muddy the waters for women to discuss the violence they experience at the hands of their white male intimate partners. And part of me wants to believe that's not what Janet Varney had in the back of her head when she was promoting that podcast.
For my sexual assault, I freely recognize there was not enough evidence for me to go to the authorities. But plenty of crimes leave little enough evidence to meet the appropriately high bar for government sanction. That doesn't mean we have to pretend they don't happen, which creates a society where women can only speak up for better treatment if they have overwhelming concrete evidence AND more social capital than the man accused. That just leads to the Emmitt Till situation, not a justice system that actually defends the rights of women against men with power over them.
posted by politikitty at 11:19 AM on June 26, 2018 [5 favorites]
So while I would like to see comedy behave like Tig Notaro in response to Louis CK, I suppose I should remember that the average person reads guilt in these shrugs.
But it's absolutely inappropriate to co-opt our society's fundamental belief in black criminality to muddy the waters for women to discuss the violence they experience at the hands of their white male intimate partners. And part of me wants to believe that's not what Janet Varney had in the back of her head when she was promoting that podcast.
For my sexual assault, I freely recognize there was not enough evidence for me to go to the authorities. But plenty of crimes leave little enough evidence to meet the appropriately high bar for government sanction. That doesn't mean we have to pretend they don't happen, which creates a society where women can only speak up for better treatment if they have overwhelming concrete evidence AND more social capital than the man accused. That just leads to the Emmitt Till situation, not a justice system that actually defends the rights of women against men with power over them.
posted by politikitty at 11:19 AM on June 26, 2018 [5 favorites]
In related news, Yvette Nicole Brown will take over for Hardwick in moderating the Walking Dead panel at San Diego Comic-Con as well as possible hosting duties on Talking Dead. This makes me so happy!
posted by acidnova at 2:07 PM on July 9, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by acidnova at 2:07 PM on July 9, 2018 [6 favorites]
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posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 11:28 AM on June 15, 2018 [6 favorites]