Lock-in Time
June 21, 2018 10:30 PM   Subscribe

Australia's been having a bad week with several high-profile violent assaults on women. An eyebrow-raising police response urging people (women) to 'have situational awareness' and 'be aware of your surroundings' sparked another angry wave of calls nation-wide for the onus to be placed on (cis) men to not assault women.

With men asking what they can do, Victoria Against Violence's Call It Out videos (first one was BBQ released two months ago) gains fresh attention with two new videos this week (Public Transport, Bar) (links all go to FB)

Australia's comedy scene has also been active with acerbic responses to the police response and the #notallmen protesting:

ABC comedy show Tonightly with Tom Ballard suggest that After Nine: It's Lock-In Time (SLFB)

Local satirical news website Betoota Advocate released a slew of articles:
“Women Need To Be More Careful” Says Man Who Passed Out In Pub Car Park On Friday Night
Man Walking Past Drunken Pack Of Women Clenches His Keys Like He Was Taught At School
Police Address Violence Against Women By Asking Google Maps To Remove Walking Option
Irresponsible Woman Walks Somewhere

(I came at this post with the responses angle and decided not to link to direct news about the assaults because I felt that's probably the angle Metafilter's general mood can handle right now, but if anyone feels like they should be posted or I'm not giving the subject enough gravity and seriousness I could link them and provide context and other serious responses in a comment)
posted by womb of things to be and tomb of things that were (28 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
I think we're all struggling to find ways to change the discourse and reframe the expectations of responsibility around violent assaults on women. You've pulled together a series of links from one section of the public dialogue. The witty/satirical voice has a long-standing place in disrupting political and cultural structures. Thanks for giving us a window into a current piece of this work.
posted by Silvery Fish at 11:18 PM on June 21, 2018 [3 favorites]


I have a wheat paste graffiti fantasy. In the NYC subway there are these posters that advocate victims of subway sexual assaults help fix the problem.

Which. No. A, i don’t have time to wait around on the platform to make a police report every time some whips their dick out, rubs up against me, or touched anyone inappropriately. A, it’s not MY job to prevent these guys from doing it again. C, I shouldn’t need the resources available to victims because there should be no victims.

I want to copy the fonts and make the signs instruct men (but #notallmen!!!!) to call the police it alert an MTA employee if they feel tempted to harass or assault another rider. I want the signs to say that sexually assaulting and harassing people on the subway is criminal and rude so don’t do it. I want the sign to say it’s not ok anywhere so please don’t assault or harass women anywhere ever.

I want every ‘funny’ reaction to stop reinforcing that it’s ‘normal’ for potential victims to be hyper vigilant. I want ALL the conversations to tell men not to stare/grope/ANYTHING people who aren’t consenting. This extra layer of telling men to step in and say something when they see something is not helpful because the number of men I know who would say they’ve never seen this on a nyc subway is staggering. And the rest get argumentative and say ‘maybe that dude has a knife. If he’s willing to grope a woman what’s going to stop him from hurting me?’

More insidiously, these messages remind perpetrators that there are plenty of potential targets who are truly alone. And they remind perpetrators to be mindful that nobody sees them.

The message I get from these ’cute’ Comedy responses is still ‘make sure he attacks someone else. They also give fodder to the bullshit ‘virtue signalling’ Conversation. In two of these videos the ‘heros’ (more on that in a sec) have an inner dialog about not wanting to step in. I realize that’s real but there are going to be folks crowing about free speech and how snowflakes want to force men to say things they don’t want to say.

Heros. I don’t want to need a hero to be on the bus. I want men to be directly, explicitly, and constantly told not to harass and assault people.

While I’m dreaming big, I want to never hear someone offer a pithy reminder that sometimes women really actually truly do assault men. Yes. That is true. Why are you dropping in to silence this conversation about men who need to be stopped? Oh. Right.

At any rate. I’m sure these videos and snarky satires will open someone’s eyes to the need to do something. And something is better than nothing. But I want the message to be ‘dudes, don’t do this shit. Also tell your friends not to do this shit.’

I don’t want these interventions/conversations to only happen when a man is in the middle of harassing someone. I want men to find out which of their friends are rapists and rape apologists. Ya. That’s uncomfortable. There’s another way to find out you have a rapist friend.

Rapists and harassers have something in common. They believe ‘everyone does it.’ Please guys, teach them they’re wrong.

/sad vulnerable rant
posted by bilabial at 11:21 PM on June 21, 2018 [26 favorites]


We had something that looked at changing gender ideology in Australia. The govt threw it away.

“Starting a conversation” about domestic violence, as Turnbull claimed he wanted to in 2015, is a much cheaper option than doing anything to stop it. Unlike funding the social services women need to secure their independence outside relationships or marriage, “starting a conversation” is free.

posted by AnhydrousLove at 11:37 PM on June 21, 2018 [1 favorite]


Worth noting that Australia is also the country where the chief of army famously broadcast a video responding to sexual abuse in the army where he popularised the phrase 'the standard you walk past is the standard you accept' in reference to a culture unwelcoming or abusive to women. This resonated particularly strongly in Australia, and some of the framing of this discussion, particularly around the responsibility of men, takes this as a given.
posted by Merus at 11:47 PM on June 21, 2018 [15 favorites]


The reason the comedy community in particular is responding right now is because one of the most recent high-profile victims, Eurydice Dixon, was an emerging stand-up comedian.

I helped with the Melbourne vigil for Eurydice. None of us (as far as I know) knew her directly; a couple knew her friends from various contexts. Some of us had experience with other feminist organising and wanted to channel our rage and frustration (especially at the Victorian Police's response) into some kind of action. We were also pinged by other people in the community who also wanted to Do Something and asked if we knew of anything that was happening.

Eurydice's loved ones requested that our first event be quiet, respectful, and non-politicial: a time to mourn and grieve. There were some major concerns about her death being politicized and reduced to a statement. Even then, we faced all kinds of backlash: from people who thought us organising anything at all was disrespectful as we were just "doing it for celebrity", from people who thought we weren't doing enough, from people who were angry that she got the big vigil while so many other victims, especially women of colour and Indigenous women, don't get any recognition. (That last part in particular was a big topic of discussion amongst us; we all felt that honestly we'd be doing vigils 24/7 and indeed are currently contemplating an action that echos that sentiment.)

The Melbourne vigil was bigger than any of us could have expected. 10-20,000 people in attendance, as well as sister vigils across the state & country, including one at Parliament House attended by the Prime Minister, Opposition, and various senators. Buildings went orange at the same time as the vigil. We had media interest from damn near everywhere - corraling them to not be so invasive and predatory was a challenge. People donated candles, food, security, support services, Auslan, all kinds of help. It was quiet, as requested: Welcome to Country, a short intro, 20 mins silence in Princes Park as the lights went off, then a choir singing Hallelujah. Things could have gone massively wrong (the memorial got vandalised that morning) but it mostly went well - there were maybe 2 people that were getting loud and apparently one mother got shushed away coz their baby started crying, which was upsetting for me to hear because that's not what we meant by "silent vigil". We mean no speeches or music or chanting, not no crying or other natural expressions of emotion. We would have been happy if it was just us, but the sheer amount of support we got was heartwarming. The love and kindness in the air - god. Undescribable.

We're currently resting while working on the next action. There's been a lot of ideas (including the "24/7 vigil" thing I mentioned earlier) and even her loved ones have asked for a space to process anger. This unfortunately isn't going to be the last - there was a report just yesterday about someone who was abducted and sexually assaulted very near Eurydice's murder site. We are so tired. But we don't want to stay silent. We're just figuring out what to do next.

(Tom Ballard is currently dealing with accusations of sexual assault)
posted by divabat at 11:59 PM on June 21, 2018 [42 favorites]


Thank you divabat for the added context. You are doing such necessary work. It sounds like hard work and I hope people are taking good care of you while you help others mourn.
posted by bilabial at 12:24 AM on June 22, 2018 [5 favorites]


Eurydice Dixon was murdered just down the road from where my partner and I live. There was an (unrelated) assault/attempted rape less than a kilometre away the night before. Jill Meagher was murdered literally around the corner from us.

It's galling that the authorities seem to think the solution to this societal, cultural problem is to effectively blame women for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as if what happened to them and what will happen to other women is a freak accident.

This sort of shit doesn't just happen, like a branch falling on someone. It is done, with both malice and forethought.

Done by men. Almost always by men – almost always by men with a history of lesser violence toward those physically weaker than themselves, be they women, children or animals.

Their capacity for evil doesn't spring fully formed one late night; there's no sudden burst of a black epiphany, justifying and impelling them to perpetrate heinous acts of violence on another human.

We need to interrogate ourselves and our institutions to find out how we are failing to see and properly address these tendencies when they manifest in our young.
posted by flippant at 2:42 AM on June 22, 2018 [14 favorites]


I read about Eurydice Dixon’s murder the other morning on the Guardian’s website and I went from being sad to angry to stunned. She was just walking home. She texted her partner that she was nearly there. She never made it. And I think of all the times that I’ve done that, even when being my most cautious, and how the onus is always on ME to be the one responsible, and those feelings surface again.
posted by Kitteh at 2:52 AM on June 22, 2018 [6 favorites]


I'm a guy and I was attacked and robbed by 4 men at night just about 1km from the spot she was killed, just on the street outside my front door.

I can't help but think there is a clear deficiency in the way we are addressing this. Look at the ads repeatedly playing on TV, or messages in the media: almost all using negative reinforcement, shaming men for improper behavior.

It's well known that shame or negative reinforcement does nothing to alter behavior. I would imagine we are well past the point where anyone believes that shaming fat people helps them lose weight.

All animal trainers or even pet owners know that negative reinforcement simply does not work. What does work is positive reinforcement: rewarding good behavior. Sure, the shame based approach may make us feel good and righteous but let's not kid ourselves that it changes anything.
posted by xdvesper at 4:22 AM on June 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


Eurydice Dixon was killed very close to my workplace; I cycle or walk home from work regularly between midnight and 1am, so after the news broke but before the victim was identified I got a few "you made it home, right?" messages from alarmed friends. My aunt messaged me urging me to stay safe, and I know she meant well but... staying safe isn't something I have any real power over. I can take all the recommended safety precautions but they are basically illusory, giving us a small sense of control over our environment, because how can we make sense of the fact that in 2018 women still aren't free to participate in public (or hell, private) life without fear of retaliation? Eurydice did everything she was "supposed" to do, but someone still made a decision to take her life and there was nothing she could do about it. "I will, Aunty", I said, because that's what she wanted to hear.

I read an opinion piece in the Herald Sun a few days ago, a guy arguing that we don't know enough what happened and thus the push for a public conversation about violence against women is premature. Because apparently we need to know more than that an innocent woman walking home was randomly murdered. He went on to question doubtfully whether it is "credible that one in five women in Australia has been raped or that women are routinely subjected to violence, with one-third having been attacked in some form?" I see this disbelief a lot from male commentators and I don't understand what is so hard about listening to women. I don't know if I've ever spoken to a woman who didn't have some kind of story about being at the very least seriously threatened by a man.

I did like this piece, on the question of: what should men do now?
posted by lwb at 4:24 AM on June 22, 2018 [13 favorites]


I don't understand what is so hard about listening to women.

It's more basic. They don't believe that women can provide accurate accounts of their experience. Because female accounts are so far outside the male experience, there must be some falsity to them, or at least a misunderstanding on the woman's side. I mean, how could that happen and people not do anything about it? If it was really happening, wouldn't we hear more about it? I mean, a friend of my mate's had a girlfriend once who threatened to accuse him of rape if he didn't stop eyeing-off Cheryl. You can't believe them. They'll say anything to get attention...
posted by Thella at 4:53 AM on June 22, 2018 [18 favorites]


/s "Well, I'm a man, and I've never raped or murdered anyone, so it's obviously not a problem".

Unless these men saw an assault, in the flesh, then I doubt they'd listen to anyone... and even then, i'm not convinced that they wouldn't write it off as an aberration.

I'm kinda at the point where I think we might have to wait for them all to die before we can get anywhere meaningful on this, and that saddens me greatly. In the meantime, I'm talking myself hoarse repeating to my 6 year old son the value of respect and that nobody owes him anything.
posted by trif at 5:12 AM on June 22, 2018


> It's well known that shame or negative reinforcement does nothing to alter behavior. I would imagine we are well past the point where anyone believes that shaming fat people helps them lose weight.

I dunno about your analogy tbh; fat people aren't comparable in any way with people who engage in violent or antisocial behaviour. Public shaming has been shown to be pretty effective against certain types of antisocial behaviour, for example the TAC's successful 'If you drink , then drive, you're a bloody idiot' campaign.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 5:58 AM on June 22, 2018 [15 favorites]


I also think that the narrative about focusing on men isn’t just about shaming actual perpetrators; it’s more about educating boys and young men in ways that reduce their involuntary submersion in cultural attitudes and narratives that are radically hostile to women. If we are going to take the (rather doubtful) analogy to obesity, for example, the argument people are making is really more similar to arguments for teaching kids to develop a healthy relationship with food, exercise, their bodies and their emotions, as a long-term solution.
posted by Aravis76 at 6:25 AM on June 22, 2018 [5 favorites]


Women and gender-non-conforming people are being murdered by men no matter how nice they try to be and you think the problem is that we're not being nice enough?!

Also, way to be fatphobic there. Being fat is not a thing that needs shaming.
posted by divabat at 6:25 AM on June 22, 2018 [19 favorites]


I'm uncomfortable with the idea that we should congratulate men for not assaulting women, because that seems to be the idea behind positive reinforcement? It reminds me of the Chris Rock line about the men who crow about looking after their kids.

I don't congratulate my son for every day that he doesn't hit his sister. It's just expected that he behaves that way. If he does hit his sister then he gets a privilege taken away.
posted by trif at 6:26 AM on June 22, 2018 [4 favorites]


Divabat, it didn't seem to me that xdvesper was making any judgement about fat people, so it's probably unnecessary to call names?
posted by trif at 6:31 AM on June 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


I don't care if there was no judgement implied (although I don't necessarily believe that), bringing fat shaming into a thread about women being attacked really feels like a back-handed blow, as let's face it, it's usually women who suffer the brunt of that too, just as women are usually the victims of the kind of violence being discussed.
posted by sardonyx at 6:40 AM on June 22, 2018 [8 favorites]


Telling someone they're being fatphobic isn't "calling names", it's pointing out the impact of their statements. And yes, completely out of place in a discussion about violence against women - especially since fatphobia often drives violence against women who aren’t seen as “being attractive enough”.
posted by divabat at 6:46 AM on June 22, 2018 [13 favorites]


When I first read about the comments made by the Australian police in this case, it really angered me, because we've heard very similar things from Canadian police officers.

It just doesn't matter what a woman does. It's never enough and it's always her fault. Just the other day, a young woman was on the witness stand in court when she accused of not doing enough (such as not "clenching her legs") to prevent her own rape.
posted by sardonyx at 6:58 AM on June 22, 2018 [8 favorites]


I really love the three PSAs that zoom in on a person observing something wrong, and let you “hear” their internal dialogue that leads up to their decision to do something. I can empathize so much with both the victims and the people unsure of what to do, but aware that something should be done. It’s really validating all around.
posted by samthemander at 7:03 AM on June 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


The PSAs are like much more digestible versions of this PSA from NZ about date rape that has always kind of haunted me too.
posted by samthemander at 7:06 AM on June 22, 2018 [3 favorites]


Back in the early days of Israel there was at least one serial rapist in Tel-Aviv and it was proposed in the government (by a man, naturally) that a curfew be imposed on women to protect them. Golda Meir said that a curfew seemed like a great idea, but since it was men committing the crimes surely the curfew should apply to men, not to women.

Strangely the government dropped the idea of a curfew after she made that suggestion.

It seems that men in power (#notallmen of course!) never tire of blaming women for the crimes men commit against them, as we see here in Australia. As an American I suppose it could be refreshing to see that my government isn't the only one infested by such men, but really it's depressing.

Of course the defenders of such posters will be playing the wounded innocent. "How can it be bad to urge people to protect themselves? Don't we advise people to lock their doors and cars?"
posted by sotonohito at 7:08 AM on June 22, 2018 [17 favorites]


"How can it be bad to urge people to protect themselves? Don't we advise people to lock their doors and cars?"

I always want to respond: Do the police refuse to prosecute auto theft if the doors were unlocked, or if the car didn't have an alarm?

"You parked your car where? In that neighborhood? You should've known what kind of place it was!" And "Hey, it says here that you once gave a car to your nephew for his birthday. So... you're kind of in the habit of giving out cars. How do we know this was stolen, instead of just given away, and now you're wanting it back?"
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 9:50 AM on June 22, 2018 [7 favorites]


I have never, ever heard or seen a public service campaign along the lines of "If you feel tempted to grab a woman, don't. You will be prosecuted" I've seen similar campaigns about avoiding shoplifting, acting in anger, being a good parent and so on, but appealing directly to the offender in this situation has never even occurred to me. Probably someone has looked at what sort of keywords or slogans might be effective in reaching a sex offender, why not a campaign to address the real problem? Being aware of your surroundings is smart for anyone, agreed, but is not a reasonable response to address a problem of assault on women in public places.
posted by sophrontic at 10:13 AM on June 22, 2018 [4 favorites]


Probably someone has looked at what sort of keywords or slogans might be effective in reaching a sex offender, why not a campaign to address the real problem?

There was the Men Can Stop Rape org/campaign, which seems to be inactive. They had a My Strength Is Not for Hurting campaign, with good posters, but they weren't focused on bystander intervention.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 11:13 AM on June 22, 2018 [2 favorites]


I'm sorry I didn't say things the right way in my comment, and I'm guilty of the very thing that I'm criticizing (being negative, not offering a solution) it's just something that I feel very passionately about and it frustrates me how inadequate and useless our response has always been. And then I literally fell asleep at my PC after a long week at work.

Everything we do is behavior management, and not only do I know and have seen that negative reinforcement and shame don't work, I also now hate doing it to others. I did enjoy shaming others when I was younger, and I feel disgusted at my younger self. Whenever I see incorrect behavior at work I have to resist the natural urge to call it out (you made a mistake, what you did was not acceptable, how many times have I told you this, you aren't behaving professionally, this is not what we agreed, your work is below expectations). Many people say, oh, humans are more intelligent than animals, but honestly I'm not so sure. The right approach is more of a carrot - lay out and discuss career plans, how to get what they want, do lots of role modelling by having higher standards for yourself, give them a wider perspective and concrete examples other other employees where the right behaviors led to success.

Who role models how a guy is meant to display wholesome sexual interest in women? Not Harrison Ford or James Bond. Who role models how to resolve conflict? Not virtually every "hero" who wins by punching or shooting the bad guy, whether in movies or computer games. Who role models how to deal with anger, frustration, sadness? Not the stoic heroes who grimly "pack it in" and use it to fuel their rage and determination in destroying their "enemy". In a media landscape that glorifies violence and sexual conquest and stoicism, and then runs ads telling you that you're a terrible person for entertaining such thoughts, it feels like we, I, have an uphill battle when shaping the minds of the next generation. We absolutely need all these things, and it's clear when I poll guys they don't even know what these mean - what is wholesome sexual interest, what is a healthy way of processing anger and sadness, how do you "win" without physically attacking your enemy? When I was younger I did not have these tools either: my first reaction at someone hurting or insulting someone I loved was to try and destroy them with violence.

I think Rose's message in the The Last Jedi is a good start - "This is how we win, not by destroying those we hate, but saving those we love". So many people hated it, though, because maybe they've been conditioned to believe the only satisfying ending is where the hero kicks the ass of his enemy in an explosive display of righteous violence. I imagine it would be a stronger role modeling experience for guys if it was the twist ending by a male lead (Tony Stark?). As it is, it's perceived by some as a woman blocking a guy from fulfilling his heroic destiny (seriously!!??).
posted by xdvesper at 5:53 PM on June 22, 2018 [1 favorite]


This FPP is about women who were assaulted, raped and murdered and the inadequacy of official response and lack of giving a shit and somehow this thread just like every other thread about the rape, assault and murder of women has swung to be about men's feelings.

Yeah, the fucked up official response and lack of giving a shit about raped, assaulted, murdered women is totally a fucking mystery.
posted by E. Whitehall at 7:15 PM on June 22, 2018 [12 favorites]


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