June 6, 2002

8:00 PM

A Boob in the Hall of Justice
Poet Claire Braz-Valentine's hilarious reading of her open letter to Attorney General John Ashcroft. (Text here for the QuickTime impaired.)
posted by quonsar (27 comments total)

"John there is still one very big boob left
standing there in that picture."

Amen, sister.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:04 PM on June 6, 2002

The content is great, but is soured by a bad reading.
posted by fnord_prefect at 8:26 PM on June 6, 2002

Yeah, I agree with her sentiment, but her delivery was weak and the actual text isn't particularly hilarious. More like "obvious." Valid, all the same.
posted by donkeyschlong at 8:53 PM on June 6, 2002

Didn't watch the quick time, but read the text...loved the text...just loved it. Agreed, not hilarious...but brilliant.
posted by dejah420 at 9:17 PM on June 6, 2002

Spot on. Get your priorities straight, and dump that victorian mindset that naked bodies are sinful! It reminds me of the Simpsons episode with Michelangelo's David.
posted by cx at 12:40 AM on June 7, 2002

Shouldn't this have the *boobies* tag? Oh hang on, this isn't Fark..
posted by salmacis at 1:02 AM on June 7, 2002

posted by quonsar at 5:58 AM on June 7, 2002

I guess if your name is Clare Braz, you're pretty much destined to write poems about b(.)(.)bies.
posted by straight at 7:01 AM on June 7, 2002

I thought her comments were shrill, easy, pompus and self-righteous -- and her voice has that exact smug timbre that years ago drove me from listening to NPR. My version of tolerance also includes tolerance of people with "Victorian mindsets," such as John Ashcroft. Why is it that people who go to the mat to preserve endangered species and endangered old buildings and neighborhoods, don't recognize rare and historic point of view when they see it? Ashcroft's prudery is an endearing eccentricity, that is a real holdover from a previous age, like the old Executive Office Building. Instead of appreciating Ashcroft for the unique individual he is, smarty pants like this poet think they're doing something clever and brave by attacking him -- as if the battle against prudery hasn't been won more thoroughly than any conflict since Carthage was razed and the ground sown with salt.
posted by Faze at 7:45 AM on June 7, 2002

I thought the poem was as bloated and pretentious as covering up the statue in the first place, but what do I know. At least it didn't cost the taxpayers anything.

Here's my contribution:

A boobie made of brass --
Ashcroft found it crass
So Justice got a burka
Proving Ashcroft is a jerk-ah.
Now he's trying to cover his own ass.

OK, so it doesn't scan. Dammit.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:49 AM on June 7, 2002

Faze, I can't remember the last time I saw someone demolish both sides of an argument with that kind of casual backhanded grace. Good post.
posted by Mars Saxman at 8:56 AM on June 7, 2002

LOL Faze! That's an hilarious tour de force!
posted by rushmc at 9:24 AM on June 7, 2002

Smarmy.
posted by mikegre at 9:45 AM on June 7, 2002

Faze, Ashcroft may be an amusing fuddy-duddy as a person, but I sure as %#@($^! don't want MY tax dollars funding his eccentric whims.
posted by mkultra at 9:47 AM on June 7, 2002

hear hear, mkultra. if he was the crazy old guy down the block who covered up the statue in his backyard, i'd bake him a cake. but i draw a line when said person is in a position of very real power.
posted by pikachulolita at 10:08 AM on June 7, 2002

unelected as he is, too.
posted by crunchland at 10:10 AM on June 7, 2002

Heh, funny post Faze...now, can I get your take on Ashcroft having himself anointed with Wesson Oil? :)
posted by dejah420 at 10:11 AM on June 7, 2002

Sorry to ruin your fun, but here's the other side of the story:

"The problem for the conservative Attorney General relates to the habit of press photographers who go to great lengths to include the breast in any pictures they take at the department. The most famous photograph dates from when former president Ronald Reagan's Attorney General, Edwin Meese, released the final report of his Commission on Pornography. Photographers lay on the floor, flat on their backs, to ensure Minnie Lou was included in their shots.

According to a report on ABC Television, Mr Ashcroft has decided enough is enough and drapes were installed at a cost of more than $8,000"
posted by mikegre at 10:15 AM on June 7, 2002

Didn't ruin my fun mikegre...Ashcroft looks like the stupid ass he is for a lot mor reasons that this. And any good photographer knows a pair of boobies looks better than just one...symmetry and all that..thus they go to great lengths to display a matching set (as Faze mentioned) of historic boobs.
posted by nofundy at 10:28 AM on June 7, 2002

i love assing bashcroft.
posted by quonsar at 10:36 AM on June 7, 2002

What's funnier than the DOJ boob job is how someone loses an election to a man dead 6 weeks and gets rewarded by an unelected fraud with a job that puts the lives and freedoms of all Americans at risk. Not haha funny.
posted by nofundy at 10:49 AM on June 7, 2002

Yeah, that sucked.

you may now resume your ashcroft bashing

big time.
posted by BlueTrain at 11:02 AM on June 7, 2002

the habit of press photographers who go to great lengths to include the breast in any pictures they take at the department.

Yeah, if only Ashcroft could read this great poem by Ms. Braz he'd realize that the photographers are only doing this as "a testimony to motherhood" and the "spirit of survival"!

Seriously, it sounds like it has very little to do with Ashcroft's prudery and very much to do with having had enough of the press acting like Beavis and Butthead.

"Heh-heh! Here's a picture of Ashcroft with a breast!"
"Dude! You said 'breast'! Heh-heh-heh!"
"It's like, a *pair* of boobs! Heh-heh-heh!"
"Dude! That is one astute critique of the administration!"
"Heh-heh! You said 'ass-toot'!"
"Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!"
posted by straight at 12:49 PM on June 7, 2002

The most famous photograph dates from when former president Ronald Reagan's Attorney General, Edwin Meese, released the final report of his Commission on Pornography. Photographers lay on the floor, flat on their backs, to ensure Minnie Lou was included in their shots.

More likely, they were rolling on the floor with laughter.
posted by groundhog at 12:51 PM on June 7, 2002

Are you trying to imply that there is something wrong with being in a picture that includes a stone representation of a breast??

It's the BREAST OF JUSTICE, dammit!!
posted by rushmc at 1:02 PM on June 7, 2002

i was hooked after "shrill".
pedantic, didactic, histrionic, soap box prattle merged with meandering cramp posture is one thing but this is.... shrill.

resume the bashcroft. (pulls cord) It's corndog and porno night some where in America.
posted by clavdivs at 1:08 PM on June 7, 2002

Well, you've all "MeFi'ed" the site offline for bandwidth overuse.....that'll teach me to wait until late in the afternoon to check links.
posted by briank at 1:28 PM on June 7, 2002