If you can read this, leave me alone I'm watching Hallmark movies.
December 10, 2018 9:33 PM   Subscribe

Why an ad for bootleg Hallmark socks is one of the most ubiquitous of the holiday season. Have you been bombarded with strange online ads for socks about Hallmark movies? It's not a clever marketing ploy by the network. It's all about drop shipping.

While the practice has been going on since the 1950s, the relative ease with which you can buy inexpensive tchotchkes from Chinese retailers, set up a storefront on sites like Shopify, and advertise on social media has led to a huge business opportunity for the small-time "work from home" entrepreneur -- as well as scams.
posted by dw (38 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
(To be exceedingly clear, I find this stuff skeevy, but I found the piece interesting in how ubiquitous these damn sock ads have become.)
posted by dw at 9:35 PM on December 10, 2018


I think it all started with Richard Nixon...
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:40 PM on December 10, 2018


I think Jamie Lauren Keiles is dropshipping articles over to MeFi 'cuz that's two FPPs in as many hours. Is it a clever marketing ploy by the web'em'up-site?
posted by glonous keming at 9:47 PM on December 10, 2018 [1 favorite]


The text on that pair of socks seems weirdly "off" to me. Leave Me Alone, I'm Watching Hallmark Movies is a reasonable thing to put on warm fuzzy indoor socks, but it doesn't make any sense to precede it with If You Can Read This, which ought to be paired with another sock that has a punchline, like You're Sitting Too Close.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 9:55 PM on December 10, 2018 [4 favorites]


The whole point is that the text is on the bottom of the socks and so they'd have to be parked in front of the television with their feet up on a recliner or davenport and thus firmly entrenched in their viewing.

The whole joke is that if they aren't in that state of physical being, you can't read it, and so therefore it's "okay" to bother them.

Jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them.
posted by hippybear at 9:59 PM on December 10, 2018 [8 favorites]


Drop shipping has also led to the weird as hell world of targeted shirts.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:00 PM on December 10, 2018 [16 favorites]


For me, the word "dropshipping" will forever be associated with this glorious rant on /r/digitalnomad, containing the phrase "a magical paradise full of dropshitting unicorns".
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 10:03 PM on December 10, 2018 [6 favorites]


Squatty Potties!
posted by hippybear at 10:06 PM on December 10, 2018


Drop shipping has also led to the weird as hell world of targeted shirts.

Personally, the best part of that hell world is it spawned @tshirtsbot.
posted by dw at 10:17 PM on December 10, 2018 [5 favorites]


So many sock ads!
posted by Secretariat at 11:24 PM on December 10, 2018


The "scams" link is fascinating (and has kitty photos!). I wonder if legal complaints could be filed about arbitragers committing theft of intellectual property for stealing photos and ad copy. That's easy enough to get around, of course, by taking your own photos and writing your own ad copy. But it could shut down the lazier product scrapers.
posted by bryon at 11:44 PM on December 10, 2018


do not knowingly click on a link that says scams...
do not knowingly click on a link that says scams...
do not knowingly click on a link that says scams...

I feel like I'm playing 'Dumb Ways to Die' and I'm on the level that just has the big red button. All my training to this point has led me to this point.

I know exactly what not to do...
... but this is metafilter - do I really need to follow this rule? I mean...

oh come on... It can't hurt...
posted by Nanukthedog at 1:18 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


I'd buy some "smoko" ones. Are you listening, dropshippers?
previously
previouslier
posted by carter at 1:56 AM on December 11, 2018 [3 favorites]


Does this having anything to do with the hairy body sweatshirt ads I keep getting on Yahoo?

I don't know why I get those ads, since I can achieve the effect just by taking my own shirt off.
posted by clawsoon at 3:51 AM on December 11, 2018 [2 favorites]


I think the original “If you can read this” sock design finished with “bring me a beer”, in case you wanted it to be extra skeevy.
posted by quaking fajita at 4:17 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


What are hallmark movies?
posted by DreamerFi at 4:43 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


... nobody's going to point out that one of the quoted sources is MeFi's Own?
posted by uncleozzy at 4:50 AM on December 11, 2018 [2 favorites]


The four-chord songs of television.
posted by seanmpuckett at 4:50 AM on December 11, 2018


My partner’s been tinkering with a Twitter bot that generates Hallmark Christmas movies and I feel like it pretty well encapsulates the experience if you want the three minute version of “what the fuck is that?”

I thought I was seeing that ad everywhere because of how much we talk and tweet about that bot, and am sorry to hear it’s plaguing the rest of you too.
posted by Stacey at 4:57 AM on December 11, 2018 [3 favorites]


The mace as the symbol of royal authority extends into the Commonwealth.

Movies on the Hallmark Channel, which is a thing on American cable tv systems. It is related to the Hallmark company, who makes cards for all occasions, Christmas ornaments, and the like, usually pretty glurge-ey. Hallmark movies are stereotypically glurgey romances made on a low budget and featuring arguably has-been actors. ISTR there was a metafilter thread relatively recently about Hallmark Xmas movies?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:10 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


Soulja Boy has apparently gotten into the game with some probably-unlicensed emulation consoles.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:36 AM on December 11, 2018


Next: dropshipped algorithm shirts that say "Is this something I'd need a _______ to understand?"
posted by cage and aquarium at 6:02 AM on December 11, 2018


I didn't know this was a thing.

I feel like I should get some socks that say "If you can read this, I can't because I use uBlock Origin"
posted by Foosnark at 6:03 AM on December 11, 2018 [13 favorites]


This reminds me of those targeted Facebook ads for T-shirts proclaiming my disdain for my wife, or messages to would-be daughter suitors about my firearms.
posted by Brocktoon at 6:25 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


See the genius thing about is that you can diversify into a whole line of sock pairs with a whole range of messages:

If you can read this, tip me back up.
If you can read this, check my vitals.
If you can read this, blow me.
If you can read this, I love my yorkie.

Anything you can think of, and - and this is the genius part - they all use the same right sock! So you can order those in huge bulk quantities for next to nothing a unit and just produce the left ones on demand. Slashes your costs, and the potential upside is huge!
posted by Naberius at 6:37 AM on December 11, 2018 [5 favorites]


Ooh, if you are interested in the weird world of drop shipping, I recommend the Reply All episode about it!
posted by aka burlap at 7:40 AM on December 11, 2018 [2 favorites]


they all use the same right sock!

There needs to be industry standardization on this, that nobody gets the idea to make socks that only make sense when your legs are crossed, or read from left to right spanning both feet, or some other non-standard layout, otherwise if you accidentally match your socks incorrectly you could get "I love my yorkie check my vitals" on your feet or some other Cards Against Humanityesque footwear structure.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:40 AM on December 11, 2018 [7 favorites]


or read from left to right spanning both feet, or some other non-standard layout

Yeah, the Walking Dead tie-in, "Don't Dead. Open Inside." socks didn't go over all that well.
posted by Naberius at 7:58 AM on December 11, 2018 [2 favorites]


Wayfair.com are an exceedingly large and profitable company who openly use Dropshipping and have done for years.

I think the major difference is that they have international warehouse partners and are selling bigger ticket items such as furniture.
posted by Faintdreams at 8:00 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


There is a Hallmark Channel on Freeview (free to air digital TV) in the UK, though it's quite recent. I think the equivalent channel for us really though is True Christmas.


It begins broadcasting in October.
posted by mippy at 8:06 AM on December 11, 2018


I find these massively less annoying than last summer's endless variations on "People born in X month are adjective, adjective and adjective" t-shirts. At least my friends don't share these ads on Facebook as if they provide a true window into their soul.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:12 AM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


Hallmark: The Nickelback of TV networks.
posted by prepmonkey at 12:35 PM on December 11, 2018


This was semi-inevitable after the Hallmark Greeting Card company got its own TV channel and Fruit of the Loom started printing their full brand name on socks big enough to be read across the room.

It's interesting I've never seen any "Hallmark Socks" ads but I avoid Facebook like the plague and buy all my funny printed clothing from Woot.com, 6Dollar and Topatoco.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:17 PM on December 11, 2018


An absolutely fascinating subject, and also rather maddening.
posted by davidmsc at 3:03 PM on December 11, 2018


Davidmsc, thanks for contributing the phrase I personally want on a pair of socks.
posted by thesmallmachine at 3:10 PM on December 11, 2018 [3 favorites]


If you can read this article you don't need it - 25 December 1949.
posted by unliteral at 6:17 PM on December 11, 2018 [1 favorite]


Just FYI, faceless adbots, I am never ever going to buy an anorak that looks like a hairy naked torso.
posted by zamboni at 9:20 AM on December 12, 2018


I have a pair of socks that say "If you can read this, bring me a glass of wine." One of the Monsters got them for me last Christmas, and they amuse the hell out of me.

I've seen the ads for the Hallmark socks and have been hella confused, because I don't have cable any more, and didn't watch Hallmark when I did.
posted by MissySedai at 9:34 AM on December 12, 2018


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