Humble Bachelor who is Prone to Conniptions
December 13, 2018 5:25 PM Subscribe
Humble Tutor with a Dark Secret
...
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:37 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
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posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 5:37 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Troubled Aristocrat with Homosexual Tendencies
Excuuuuuse me for living.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:38 PM on December 13, 2018 [29 favorites]
Excuuuuuse me for living.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:38 PM on December 13, 2018 [29 favorites]
Simple country Lady in want of a Wife ❤
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:38 PM on December 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:38 PM on December 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
Regrettably French widow with a dark secret.
Is the dark secret that she is, regrettably, French?
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:39 PM on December 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
Is the dark secret that she is, regrettably, French?
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:39 PM on December 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
je regret
posted by poffin boffin at 5:41 PM on December 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 5:41 PM on December 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
The more you click, the more variations you get
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:42 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:42 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Check out also Daniel Ortberg's 18th-century variation, featuring Tragic Squidward and Eyebrows the Horsewoman
posted by Countess Elena at 5:42 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 5:42 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Dashing Hero with Homosexual Tendencies
I thought this was supposed to be fictional
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 5:43 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
I thought this was supposed to be fictional
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 5:43 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Byronic Bohemian who is Prone to Conniptions
wow i am Attacked
posted by poffin boffin at 5:43 PM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
wow i am Attacked
posted by poffin boffin at 5:43 PM on December 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Foreign Lady who is Engaged in a Torrid Affair
I accept this.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 5:52 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I accept this.
posted by Secret Sparrow at 5:52 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Humble Maiden Aunt with Ulterior Motives
I think this is also a Dr Who plot generator. Just add ", and aliens are trying to take over earth" to the end.
posted by bleep at 6:03 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
I think this is also a Dr Who plot generator. Just add ", and aliens are trying to take over earth" to the end.
posted by bleep at 6:03 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
Bookmarked For Purposes Most Nefarious
*retreats behind painting of lookalike ancestor*
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:04 PM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
*retreats behind painting of lookalike ancestor*
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:04 PM on December 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
Brooding Heroine who is Secretly Wed
At first glance I was sure that said, "Wet."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:06 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
At first glance I was sure that said, "Wet."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:06 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Mysterious Widower in want of a Husband
I've got a twist!
posted by traveler_ at 6:34 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I've got a twist!
posted by traveler_ at 6:34 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Used to see so many of these fun, glorified "pick once from each column" things on LiveJournal a decade and more ago. I might actually have referred to them and only them as memes.
I got Headstrong Orphan who is the subject of Occasional Scandal. I'd like to think that as the frequency of my scandals falls their magnitude increases.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:35 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I got Headstrong Orphan who is the subject of Occasional Scandal. I'd like to think that as the frequency of my scandals falls their magnitude increases.
posted by I'm always feeling, Blue at 6:35 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Bumbling Lady with Ulterior Motives
i feel seen and known
posted by palomar at 6:46 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
i feel seen and known
posted by palomar at 6:46 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Bumbling Lady with Ulterior Motives
i feel seen and known
"Ha! Ha! I spilt the tea so I could see which of you gentlemen possess the blood-stained handkerchief!"
"But, Lady Bustleworth, you will allow me to observe that none of the present company has a spot upon his linen, save Mr. Dullwhittle and his infernal tobacco-juice."
"You, sir, are standing upon my train."
"Milady, I believe that is your own foot, as none of the assembled gentlemen appear to be wearing a matching ladies' slipper."
"Look! Over there! Behind the broken teapot!"
"Broken teapot? What broken teap.. "
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:14 PM on December 13, 2018 [13 favorites]
i feel seen and known
"Ha! Ha! I spilt the tea so I could see which of you gentlemen possess the blood-stained handkerchief!"
"But, Lady Bustleworth, you will allow me to observe that none of the present company has a spot upon his linen, save Mr. Dullwhittle and his infernal tobacco-juice."
"You, sir, are standing upon my train."
"Milady, I believe that is your own foot, as none of the assembled gentlemen appear to be wearing a matching ladies' slipper."
"Look! Over there! Behind the broken teapot!"
"Broken teapot? What broken teap.. "
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:14 PM on December 13, 2018 [13 favorites]
Regrettably French Lady who is the subject of Occasional Scandal
C'est moi.
posted by merriment at 7:19 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
C'est moi.
posted by merriment at 7:19 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Worldly Bohemian with Homosexual Tendencies.
1 out of 3 at most.
posted by Grimgrin at 7:28 PM on December 13, 2018
1 out of 3 at most.
posted by Grimgrin at 7:28 PM on December 13, 2018
Foreign Great-Aunt with Homosexual Tendencies
That's just the plot of Mrs Doubtfire.
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:31 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
That's just the plot of Mrs Doubtfire.
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:31 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I also got "Worldly Mother who is Prone to Fainting" but I thought it said Farting, which would be much more accurate.
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:32 PM on December 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by Emmy Rae at 7:32 PM on December 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
Mysterious Gentleman who is 47th in the Line of Succession
posted by prufrock at 7:38 PM on December 13, 2018
posted by prufrock at 7:38 PM on December 13, 2018
Mysterious Widower in want of a Husband
I've got a twist!
this is basically a Cat Sebastian book
posted by Countess Elena at 7:39 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I've got a twist!
this is basically a Cat Sebastian book
posted by Countess Elena at 7:39 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I also got "Worldly Mother who is Prone to Fainting" but I thought it said Farting
I found myself doing that every time "prone to fainting" came up. It shifts the tone of the surrounding tale from melodrama to broad comedy, but not always in a bad way.
posted by Paul Slade at 7:55 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I found myself doing that every time "prone to fainting" came up. It shifts the tone of the surrounding tale from melodrama to broad comedy, but not always in a bad way.
posted by Paul Slade at 7:55 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Regrettably French Protagonist with Ulterior Motives"
LIES! I'm Quebecois!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:17 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
LIES! I'm Quebecois!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:17 PM on December 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Brooding Widow who is having an Affair with the Groundskeeper, Lady Chatterly, I exhumed that memory with remarkable agility.
posted by Oyéah at 9:19 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 9:19 PM on December 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
“Foreign Romantic who is the subject of Occasional Scandal”
Only occasional?
posted by scruss at 9:28 PM on December 13, 2018
Only occasional?
posted by scruss at 9:28 PM on December 13, 2018
Meddlesome Orphan with Ulterior Motives
...now I want to call my mom and make sure she's okay, because the rest of it is spot on.
posted by huimangm at 10:05 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
...now I want to call my mom and make sure she's okay, because the rest of it is spot on.
posted by huimangm at 10:05 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Troubled Scholar who is Prone to Conniptions
This is basically my most recent evaluation letter from my Chair.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:47 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
This is basically my most recent evaluation letter from my Chair.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:47 PM on December 13, 2018 [14 favorites]
Brooding Maiden Aunt of Noble Birth
It mostly me.
posted by greermahoney at 10:58 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
It mostly me.
posted by greermahoney at 10:58 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I also got "Worldly Mother who is Prone to Fainting" but I thought it said Farting
I found myself doing that every time "prone to fainting" came up. It shifts the tone of the surrounding tale from melodrama to broad comedy, but not always in a bad way.
it's like that thing where you go through the hymnal and add "Between the Sheets" to all the titles.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:28 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I found myself doing that every time "prone to fainting" came up. It shifts the tone of the surrounding tale from melodrama to broad comedy, but not always in a bad way.
it's like that thing where you go through the hymnal and add "Between the Sheets" to all the titles.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:28 PM on December 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Needs illustrations in the style of Edward Gorey, or perhaps Aubrey Beardsley.
posted by acb at 1:45 AM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by acb at 1:45 AM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Dashing Bohemian of Noble Birth
I feel this trope has been amply overused.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:27 AM on December 14, 2018
I feel this trope has been amply overused.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 3:27 AM on December 14, 2018
it's like that thing where you go through the hymnal and add "Between the Sheets" to all the titles.
That would finally add some pep to “Isaiah, Mighty Seer in Days of Old,” although probably too little, too late.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:56 AM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
That would finally add some pep to “Isaiah, Mighty Seer in Days of Old,” although probably too little, too late.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:56 AM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Ah ha! At last, the perfect time to link to Spiffington Manse.
posted by h00py at 4:22 AM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by h00py at 4:22 AM on December 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Headstrong Governess who Dies of Consumption
Yep. I don't even survive the whole dang book.
posted by cooker girl at 6:11 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yep. I don't even survive the whole dang book.
posted by cooker girl at 6:11 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
"it's like that thing where you go through the hymnal and add "Between the Sheets" to all the titles."
I do "but at what cost?"
Christ the Lord is risen today ... but at what cost?
O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing ... but at what cost?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:11 AM on December 14, 2018 [13 favorites]
I do "but at what cost?"
Christ the Lord is risen today ... but at what cost?
O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing ... but at what cost?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:11 AM on December 14, 2018 [13 favorites]
"it's like that thing where you go through the hymnal and add "Between the Sheets" to all the titles."
I do "but at what cost?"
Damn I wish I had thought of this when I still went to church! We just raced to see who could open to the right page of the hymnal fastest.
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:32 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do "but at what cost?"
Damn I wish I had thought of this when I still went to church! We just raced to see who could open to the right page of the hymnal fastest.
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:32 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Regrettably French Lord who is Prone to Fainting
which was more fun when I mis-read "fainting" rhotically.
posted by Quindar Beep at 7:51 AM on December 14, 2018
which was more fun when I mis-read "fainting" rhotically.
posted by Quindar Beep at 7:51 AM on December 14, 2018
Ah ha! At last, the perfect time to link to Spiffington Manse .
posted by h00py 3 ½ hours ago [+] [!]
OMFG, I still hurt from laughing!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:58 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by h00py 3 ½ hours ago [+] [!]
OMFG, I still hurt from laughing!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:58 AM on December 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Worldly Gentleman who is having an Affair with the Groundskeeper
Did this just invent E.M Foster?
posted by The Whelk at 8:48 AM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Did this just invent E.M Foster?
posted by The Whelk at 8:48 AM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Troubled Great-Aunt who is the subject of Occasional Scandal
Perfection.
posted by zoetrope at 9:16 AM on December 14, 2018
Perfection.
posted by zoetrope at 9:16 AM on December 14, 2018
Troubled Squire who is Engaged in a Torrid Affair.
Oh my.
posted by Liesl at 9:47 AM on December 14, 2018
Oh my.
posted by Liesl at 9:47 AM on December 14, 2018
Regrettably French Lord with 10,000 pounds a year
I could live with regret
posted by nubs at 10:29 AM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I could live with regret
posted by nubs at 10:29 AM on December 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
Meddlesome Lady who has fallen upon Hard Times
Give me money and i’ll retire to Bath and stop bugging you.
posted by PussKillian at 11:33 AM on December 14, 2018 [5 favorites]
Give me money and i’ll retire to Bath and stop bugging you.
posted by PussKillian at 11:33 AM on December 14, 2018 [5 favorites]
Dashing Great-Aunt in want of a Wife
I'll take it.
posted by paduasoy at 1:03 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'll take it.
posted by paduasoy at 1:03 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Ah ha! At last, the perfect time to link to Spiffington Manse
Oh dear God, I am crying so hard I cannot breathe! Lo, I am dead. Dead, I say!!
posted by ninazer0 at 1:59 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Oh dear God, I am crying so hard I cannot breathe! Lo, I am dead. Dead, I say!!
posted by ninazer0 at 1:59 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Charming protagonist with 10000 pounds a year.
Eat a dick, peasants!
OK, maybe I missed out on the charming part.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:42 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Eat a dick, peasants!
OK, maybe I missed out on the charming part.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:42 PM on December 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
In college, I regularly got ~1 hour of sleep before showing up at my job as a church organist. Extremely glad I didn't know about the fortune cookie treatment then, but delighted by it now. One or the other seems to work on any title!
Anyhow:
Headstrong Lady who is the subject of Occasional Scandal
Giggling uncontrollably in front of a collection of elderly Congregationalists would've been one of them.
posted by cage and aquarium at 7:52 AM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anyhow:
Headstrong Lady who is the subject of Occasional Scandal
Giggling uncontrollably in front of a collection of elderly Congregationalists would've been one of them.
posted by cage and aquarium at 7:52 AM on December 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
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Shit.
posted by Fizz at 5:30 PM on December 13, 2018 [3 favorites]