June 20, 2002

9:19 AM

"Welcome to www.villainsupply.com, your best online source for everything EVIL. If you are a supervillain, mad scientist, warlord, dictator, or despot, then this is the place for you."

Need a doomsday device? Gear for your henchmen? How about an impenetrable fortress? Save 35% on the Orbital Space Station!
posted by starvingartist (12 comments total)

www.villainsupply.com is owned and operated by Global Domination LLC, a consortium of organizations devoted to the consolidation of global capital by a single cabal or individual. Member organizations include The Trilateral Commission, The Bilderberger Group, Alternative 3, The World Zionist Conspiracy, VilAnon, The International Union of Mad Scientists, Majestic-12, World Freemasonry, SMERSH/The Second Soviet, Switzerland, The Arctic Nazis, The Hellfire Club, Price/Waterhouse/Coopers, Sanrio, Archer/Daniels/Midland, Dr. DeSpayr, The U.S. Military-Industrial Complex, and Amway.
posted by ColdChef at 9:26 AM on June 20, 2002

From the Superpowers page:
THE LOC-NAR

A green cosmic orb of mysterious origin, the Loc-Nar has consumed or destroyed most of those who have tried to possess it. Are you willing to take the risk in exchange for the powers of a GOD? Destroy planets with the wave of a hand; consume galaxies and influence friends. Do YOU have what it takes?*

Price: Negotiable (seller seeks physical immortality and freedom from the soul-crushing horror of the Loc-Nar; will entertain any serious offer)
*92% of those who possess the Loc-Nar are destroyed by it.
**There is in every generation born a person called The Guardian who can destroy the Loc-Nar. Avoid this individual.
posted by ColdChef at 9:30 AM on June 20, 2002

Lance's new B2B project huh?
posted by riffola at 9:31 AM on June 20, 2002

from the SMALL ARMS page:

LASER CANNON MK V, SHOULDER MOUNT

This portable shoulder-mounted laser cannon from ADM Defense Systems fires a Chemical Oxygen Iodine Laser Beam at 100,000 megajoules/second, sufficient to burn a 1" diameter hole through 10 feet of steel-reinforced concrete at 2.4 miles. And it weights only 425 lbs.! Easy to use with illustrated instruction manual. Cold Fusion battery pack extra.

Price: US$2,700,000 each; battery pack US$270,000 each
*DISCLAIMER: Under certain circumstances, the heat from the projected beam has been known to melt the operator's face clean off; operator should be low-level henchman, or have no face.
posted by jzed at 9:33 AM on June 20, 2002

Now anyone can have a metaphysical bionic implant? Feh. I want my money back - where is the return policy on this site???
posted by gloege at 9:44 AM on June 20, 2002

God help us all if the TERRORISTS find this page! Then for sure they will already have won...
posted by John Smallberries at 9:53 AM on June 20, 2002

Insta-classic.
posted by mathis23 at 9:57 AM on June 20, 2002

Dammit, the shopping cart is offline! My evil plans are foiled!


Curses.
posted by ebarker at 10:17 AM on June 20, 2002

Evil Axis is unavailble for comment.
posted by stbalbach at 10:24 AM on June 20, 2002

Don't neglect to read the banner ads--I clicked through five or six pages before I noticed one.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:56 AM on June 20, 2002

Thanks for pointing that out, DevilsAdvocate. I didn't realize the ghost of Ayn Rand was running the country.
posted by mrbula at 11:12 AM on June 20, 2002

Hysterical site. Great link. Now...to find a small island nation to overthrow....mwhahahahahahaha!
posted by dejah420 at 7:43 AM on June 21, 2002