A nation of PTSD Victims
March 24, 2019 8:43 AM Subscribe
On Friday we learned that Parkland shooting survivor Sydney Aiello committed suicide. "Sydney's mother, Cara Aiello, told CBS Miami her daughter struggled with survivor's guilt and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder in the year following the tragedy." A second survivor took his life last night.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Hey, it's not that we can't talk about this at all, but there are better and worse ways to report on this and the latter article isn't following best practices. -- restless_nomad
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posted by East14thTaco at 8:56 AM on March 24, 2019
posted by East14thTaco at 8:56 AM on March 24, 2019
Actually, I have a bit more to say than "." and it's gonna be impolite and sweary but I'm really pissed off.
THIS is your collateral damage, NRA. This is what happens in your best case scenario because there is no other scenario where a person seeing another human being shot and killed improves their mental health. A few kids will off themselves behind incredible tauma because the solution to a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
The important thing is the right people get shot. This is, demonstrably, the ethical framework the NRA is working from.
c'est la gurre right?
posted by East14thTaco at 9:05 AM on March 24, 2019 [29 favorites]
THIS is your collateral damage, NRA. This is what happens in your best case scenario because there is no other scenario where a person seeing another human being shot and killed improves their mental health. A few kids will off themselves behind incredible tauma because the solution to a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.
The important thing is the right people get shot. This is, demonstrably, the ethical framework the NRA is working from.
c'est la gurre right?
posted by East14thTaco at 9:05 AM on March 24, 2019 [29 favorites]
Warning: the second link contains details about suicide methods.
It's often impossible reach out, especially when you're that young and hurt and confused and dealing with so complex a trauma, especially when I imagine the survivor's guilt is compounded by becoming a huge national symbol of tragedy. I worry so much about these kids, I worry about what being thrust into the orbit of life of activism (which I don't say to disparage amazing teen activists in any way) whether you want to be or not does to you when you're not even an adult. What we owe to these kids is to build them a world where "help", whatever that means, exists for them always, around them, after something like this.
. .
posted by colorblock sock at 9:06 AM on March 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
It's often impossible reach out, especially when you're that young and hurt and confused and dealing with so complex a trauma, especially when I imagine the survivor's guilt is compounded by becoming a huge national symbol of tragedy. I worry so much about these kids, I worry about what being thrust into the orbit of life of activism (which I don't say to disparage amazing teen activists in any way) whether you want to be or not does to you when you're not even an adult. What we owe to these kids is to build them a world where "help", whatever that means, exists for them always, around them, after something like this.
. .
posted by colorblock sock at 9:06 AM on March 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
This is utterly tragic
posted by supermedusa at 9:14 AM on March 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by supermedusa at 9:14 AM on March 24, 2019 [1 favorite]
There’s a reason I keep calling them the NHA - the National Homicide Association.
. for them both.
posted by mephron at 9:32 AM on March 24, 2019 [4 favorites]
. for them both.
posted by mephron at 9:32 AM on March 24, 2019 [4 favorites]
I wonder if this has anything to do with New Zealand. The Parkland kids had some momentum for change behind them and for once there was a small glimmer of hope then ...nothing. And to watch New Zealand change their gun laws virtually overnight must have just compounded the meaninglessness of what happened at Parkland and the indifference with which this country treats victims of mass shootings.
Fuck the NRA.
..
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:34 AM on March 24, 2019 [24 favorites]
Fuck the NRA.
..
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:34 AM on March 24, 2019 [24 favorites]
Imagine surviving Parkland. You weren't even one of the 17 killed, or one of the 17 others injured. You were one of the lucky ones.
Enough is enough. *Parkland*? We can do better. We're smart. We're the best. *Everyone says so.* We're going to protest. We're going to fight.
We're going to make a difference.
Everyone says so.
So you fight. You protest. You march. Hell, you get THOUSANDS to march. And to protest. And to donate.
And it doesn't matter.
Nothing is changing.
So why did you survive, if you can't change things?
...and that is what I imagine is happening now. While my high school didn't have a shooting, my family has known tragedy. And there have been times when I've asked, literally, why not me? And in those times, I was very fortunate to have great loved ones with the right word, and the right hugs, at the right time. I was also fortunate to not be a teenager going through it.
I have no idea how we fix this.
posted by andreaazure at 9:35 AM on March 24, 2019 [13 favorites]
Enough is enough. *Parkland*? We can do better. We're smart. We're the best. *Everyone says so.* We're going to protest. We're going to fight.
We're going to make a difference.
Everyone says so.
So you fight. You protest. You march. Hell, you get THOUSANDS to march. And to protest. And to donate.
And it doesn't matter.
Nothing is changing.
So why did you survive, if you can't change things?
...and that is what I imagine is happening now. While my high school didn't have a shooting, my family has known tragedy. And there have been times when I've asked, literally, why not me? And in those times, I was very fortunate to have great loved ones with the right word, and the right hugs, at the right time. I was also fortunate to not be a teenager going through it.
I have no idea how we fix this.
posted by andreaazure at 9:35 AM on March 24, 2019 [13 favorites]
I have taught through an active school violence incident. It was pure luck that the student in question did not have a gun, and instead went after other students with a knife; pure luck that only one student died, and oh yeah, four days later Texas passed a law permitting open carry of knives of any length.
I have personally tried to reassure students that if the photos of bloody victims two blocks away showed them on their feet, probably no one was dead. I have personally encouraged students to avoid their homes, because reports on social media said the stabbing had happened only a few blocks away from a major dorm. I have personally gotten to tell students I was responsible for things like "Okay, can you monitor Twitter while we're in class and tell us if you see anything dangerous?" and "Okay, what do we do if we see reports that a shooter is approaching us? Right, we'll move away from the windows and barricade the doors." in the breath before I asked "Now, does anyone have any questions on Homework Nine?"
I have personally had to explain to my students the next morning why there would be no pause in their finals schedule (approaching in the next few weeks), why their instructors were numbly marching forward with business as usual, why we don't get any training for this. That we were in as much shock as they were, but we at least mostly felt safe in our homes.
Later in the week, my spouse got held up at gunpoint in an unrelated incident. I don't understand this world. I don't understand why we let this happen here.
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posted by sciatrix at 9:36 AM on March 24, 2019 [29 favorites]
I have personally tried to reassure students that if the photos of bloody victims two blocks away showed them on their feet, probably no one was dead. I have personally encouraged students to avoid their homes, because reports on social media said the stabbing had happened only a few blocks away from a major dorm. I have personally gotten to tell students I was responsible for things like "Okay, can you monitor Twitter while we're in class and tell us if you see anything dangerous?" and "Okay, what do we do if we see reports that a shooter is approaching us? Right, we'll move away from the windows and barricade the doors." in the breath before I asked "Now, does anyone have any questions on Homework Nine?"
I have personally had to explain to my students the next morning why there would be no pause in their finals schedule (approaching in the next few weeks), why their instructors were numbly marching forward with business as usual, why we don't get any training for this. That we were in as much shock as they were, but we at least mostly felt safe in our homes.
Later in the week, my spouse got held up at gunpoint in an unrelated incident. I don't understand this world. I don't understand why we let this happen here.
.
posted by sciatrix at 9:36 AM on March 24, 2019 [29 favorites]
My heart is breaking over this.
posted by Catbunny at 9:53 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Catbunny at 9:53 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:03 AM on March 24, 2019
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:03 AM on March 24, 2019
Because I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere, and I don't recall seeing much prominent discussion of this, but: the primary trauma is the shooting. A secondary, compounding trauma -- and for some people, in some circumstances, this is the greater trauma -- happens when the original trauma is, either through explicit endorsement or through inaction or both, socially sanctioned. It's when your society tells you that what happened to you, as a public victim, was right and correct and acceptable. And this often prevents you from integrating and healing from the original experience because it prevents you from regaining -- or gaining -- a sense of safety. Of course you're not safe; society decided it was fine. Of course it can happen again. It becomes a never-ending nightmare.
This is a trauma that can be, and often is, particularly when a group is targeted, experienced by people who were not present for the original event. It is real, it is punishing, it is damaging, it has untold health consequences. It is something that's suffered by POC, by women, by queers. The NRA appears determined to expand that locus of terror to everyone in the country and to compound it in unmeasurable ways on the groups that already experience it.
Gun violence, like racism, like misogyny, like so many other things (and yet unlike them, too, as each of these evils is its own unique demon), is a public health problem with almost unimaginable repercussions, and the NRA is a cancer. It is a terrorist organization. It should be treated as such.
posted by schadenfrau at 10:08 AM on March 24, 2019 [20 favorites]
This is a trauma that can be, and often is, particularly when a group is targeted, experienced by people who were not present for the original event. It is real, it is punishing, it is damaging, it has untold health consequences. It is something that's suffered by POC, by women, by queers. The NRA appears determined to expand that locus of terror to everyone in the country and to compound it in unmeasurable ways on the groups that already experience it.
Gun violence, like racism, like misogyny, like so many other things (and yet unlike them, too, as each of these evils is its own unique demon), is a public health problem with almost unimaginable repercussions, and the NRA is a cancer. It is a terrorist organization. It should be treated as such.
posted by schadenfrau at 10:08 AM on March 24, 2019 [20 favorites]
Well. Life doesn't stop when you break someone's heart. You get up, hollow-eyed and hollow-chested, and you go through the motions hard enough to fool everyone into pretending you believe it.
Classes gotta go on; degrees gotta be obtained; wages gotta be earned. You say a moment of silence and you go on as you are.
We don't pay for hearts to heal, here. We don't value hearts, and why should we? You're not entitled, after all, and you're walking, so it can't be so bad. You're not walking? Well, get up and walk, you lazy shit! All these young people, think they're so special!
What does one person do about this? What do two people do? What can three people do, or thirty, or three hundred, or three thousand?
(I'm not allowed to insist that students meet with me in a gun-free space. By state law, I am required to either permit concealed carry of guns in my office, or else meet in a concealed-carry-permitted area of campus at the request of any student that wishes, whether or not I am afraid of them.)
Walked through a hallway a few weeks ago, passed by signs: "PLEASE REQUEST OUR DESIRE TO WORK IN A GUN FREE ENVIRONMENT." Tweeted about it; within a day, got seized on by some pro-gun libertarian asshole trying to make me feel shitty for expressing dull horror about my everyday context.
That's all it is, now: dull horror. You learn to live with anything. You go on. You get up. And you go through the goddamn motions.
posted by sciatrix at 10:12 AM on March 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
Classes gotta go on; degrees gotta be obtained; wages gotta be earned. You say a moment of silence and you go on as you are.
We don't pay for hearts to heal, here. We don't value hearts, and why should we? You're not entitled, after all, and you're walking, so it can't be so bad. You're not walking? Well, get up and walk, you lazy shit! All these young people, think they're so special!
What does one person do about this? What do two people do? What can three people do, or thirty, or three hundred, or three thousand?
(I'm not allowed to insist that students meet with me in a gun-free space. By state law, I am required to either permit concealed carry of guns in my office, or else meet in a concealed-carry-permitted area of campus at the request of any student that wishes, whether or not I am afraid of them.)
Walked through a hallway a few weeks ago, passed by signs: "PLEASE REQUEST OUR DESIRE TO WORK IN A GUN FREE ENVIRONMENT." Tweeted about it; within a day, got seized on by some pro-gun libertarian asshole trying to make me feel shitty for expressing dull horror about my everyday context.
That's all it is, now: dull horror. You learn to live with anything. You go on. You get up. And you go through the goddamn motions.
posted by sciatrix at 10:12 AM on March 24, 2019 [10 favorites]
I wonder if this has anything to do with New Zealand.It might, but it's also the one-year anniversary of the March for Our Lives, and it's a month from the one-year anniversary of the shooting, and I imagine this has been an intense month for everyone involved.
I think that we in the US are in denial about what a huge percentage of our population is living with PTSD. It's not just survivors of mass shootings: it's also people who live with other kinds of violence. We have a real mental health crisis on our hands, and we're completely ill-equipped to deal with it. And I'm not sure we've thought enough about the long-term health effects on people who lived through the murder epidemic of the late '80s and early '90s, and what that means for their kids.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:18 AM on March 24, 2019 [8 favorites]
It's not just survivors of mass shootings: it's also people who live with other kinds of violence.
There's also the literally THOUSANDS of kids who are put on lockdown, wondering if this is going to be the one where there's a shooter about to burst through the door. I set up a Google alert earlier this year for "lockdown" and "school" together, there are literally pages of alerts every day.
posted by waitingtoderail at 10:22 AM on March 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
There's also the literally THOUSANDS of kids who are put on lockdown, wondering if this is going to be the one where there's a shooter about to burst through the door. I set up a Google alert earlier this year for "lockdown" and "school" together, there are literally pages of alerts every day.
posted by waitingtoderail at 10:22 AM on March 24, 2019 [6 favorites]
What we owe to these kids is to build them a world where "help", whatever that means, exists for them always, around them, after something like this.
I think we owe them a world where something like this just doesn't happen.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:32 AM on March 24, 2019 [7 favorites]
I think we owe them a world where something like this just doesn't happen.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:32 AM on March 24, 2019 [7 favorites]
I am more "pro gun" than most on the left (unless you go a little bit further left than me, then it gets real common). I plan on getting a conceal carry permit within the next year. I think it's more a society problem than a gun problem, but I still think the NRA is the same kind of batshit fucking crazy as suggesting someone with dysentery shouldn't be getting fluids because that won't kill the bacteria.
I'm on the younger end of the MeFi spectrum. I grew up with school shootings (and other forms of public violence). I remember columbine and then 9-11 happening when I was in elementary school. I was in highschool, in VA, when the Virginia Tech shooting happened. I had friends there. Friends had siblings there. It was the alma mater of some our teachers. We had active shooter drills (and I have them where I work now). As a child it stuck out in my mind because it was one of the first instances where you're hit with the reality that not everyone thinks the way you do, and sometimes the way people think is violent and gross and it churns your stomach. I remember hearing some of the methodology of shooters, aghast, thinking "i never would have thought of that".
Growing up with this kind of stuff fucks you up. I have PTSD from other things, and part of my obsessive thinking is disaster preparedness. I get intrusive thoughts about worse-case scenarios in my every day life. I was taking the bus home from new york and we crossed the CBBT and I made sure to note where the infants were on the bus in case their mothers couldn't swim. Made note of the soda bottles I had that i could quickly dump out and recap for extra air to go back for people.
I think we as a culture are obsessed with apocalyptic and survival narratives, and I think growing up around these things has a huge impact on that.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:02 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'm on the younger end of the MeFi spectrum. I grew up with school shootings (and other forms of public violence). I remember columbine and then 9-11 happening when I was in elementary school. I was in highschool, in VA, when the Virginia Tech shooting happened. I had friends there. Friends had siblings there. It was the alma mater of some our teachers. We had active shooter drills (and I have them where I work now). As a child it stuck out in my mind because it was one of the first instances where you're hit with the reality that not everyone thinks the way you do, and sometimes the way people think is violent and gross and it churns your stomach. I remember hearing some of the methodology of shooters, aghast, thinking "i never would have thought of that".
Growing up with this kind of stuff fucks you up. I have PTSD from other things, and part of my obsessive thinking is disaster preparedness. I get intrusive thoughts about worse-case scenarios in my every day life. I was taking the bus home from new york and we crossed the CBBT and I made sure to note where the infants were on the bus in case their mothers couldn't swim. Made note of the soda bottles I had that i could quickly dump out and recap for extra air to go back for people.
I think we as a culture are obsessed with apocalyptic and survival narratives, and I think growing up around these things has a huge impact on that.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:02 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
There is good evidence that suicide is contagious, especially among groups of people who share a trauma. I want us all to mourn these losses, and we should, and honestly I'm crying thinking about this, but I wonder if these stories need to be news.
posted by dis_integration at 11:05 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by dis_integration at 11:05 AM on March 24, 2019 [2 favorites]
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posted by wires at 8:46 AM on March 24, 2019 [14 favorites]