On for 8 seconds, off for 2 seconds, on for 8 seconds, off for 2 seconds
June 20, 2019 6:13 AM Subscribe
A simple how-to video for performing a factory reset on C by GE light bulbs (slYT). I mean, it really can't get simpler than this.
Sometimes the engineers need a good slap, followed by 8 seconds, then another two slaps, followed by 8 seconds, then two more slaps, then a pause of 8 seconds, another two slaps, eight more seconds, then a single final slap. If they then whimper three times, you will know that they're finally paying attention, and will put a gorram reset button/pin poke on the bulb instead of this nonsense.
posted by bonehead at 6:20 AM on June 20, 2019 [62 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 6:20 AM on June 20, 2019 [62 favorites]
If you want a picture of the future, imagine turning a light bulb on for 8 seconds, off for 2 seconds — forever.
posted by q*ben at 6:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [50 favorites]
posted by q*ben at 6:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [50 favorites]
I was really hoping this was going to turn into a Too Many Cooks thing, but no.
posted by gwint at 6:27 AM on June 20, 2019 [20 favorites]
posted by gwint at 6:27 AM on June 20, 2019 [20 favorites]
bonehead, you have your slaps and seconds mixed up. For engineers, it takes at leas 6 slaps before they notice.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:31 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:31 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
oh my god i hate the future
posted by poffin boffin at 6:33 AM on June 20, 2019 [26 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 6:33 AM on June 20, 2019 [26 favorites]
why is everything so STUPID why do we pretend it is SMART
where is the meteor it is time
posted by poffin boffin at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [31 favorites]
where is the meteor it is time
posted by poffin boffin at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [31 favorites]
For once, Youtube's Up Next comes through:
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Kitchen
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Bedroom
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Living Space
This is amazing.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Kitchen
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Bedroom
How to: Add Vintage Charm in Seconds with Oversized Vintage Style LEDs -- Living Space
This is amazing.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
I've just re-watched the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie so now I'm hearing Stephen Fry narrate this light bulb situation to me.
posted by turkeybrain at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by turkeybrain at 6:34 AM on June 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
Bulbs have firmware now? Thomas Edison is turning in his grave (for eight seconds, etc.).
posted by pracowity at 6:36 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 6:36 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
I have a YouTube video on "How to turn off the Maintenance Required light in a Prius V" bookmarked on my phone because not even actual professional mechanics can remember all the stupid different methods manufacturers have decided to sprinkle around their fleets.
posted by Etrigan at 6:37 AM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 6:37 AM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
Toward the middle of the first segment, I thought, "Okay, this is just looping now, har har..." and then it actually finished.
posted by xedrik at 6:39 AM on June 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by xedrik at 6:39 AM on June 20, 2019 [8 favorites]
I understand why this exists and it doesn't seem as insane to me as it probably should but what does seem insane is that there is nothing close to a standard set of commands even within a manufacturer, or as this video shows even in the same model with different firmware. There is no good excuse for that.
will put a gorram reset button/pin poke on the bulb instead of this nonsense.
I'll bet there are unpopulated pads on the board for that switch but it was scrapped after development to save costs. That's a different kind of maddening. These aren't $1 bulbs. Toss in the extra 2 cents worth of parts and bit of machining to put the reset on there!
The way the VO guy says OFF and ON was funny to me. It was some combination of trying to sound positive about this very simple process while realizing how many more OFFs and ONs he'd have to say.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 6:48 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
will put a gorram reset button/pin poke on the bulb instead of this nonsense.
I'll bet there are unpopulated pads on the board for that switch but it was scrapped after development to save costs. That's a different kind of maddening. These aren't $1 bulbs. Toss in the extra 2 cents worth of parts and bit of machining to put the reset on there!
The way the VO guy says OFF and ON was funny to me. It was some combination of trying to sound positive about this very simple process while realizing how many more OFFs and ONs he'd have to say.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 6:48 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
My bike headlight has one button to control everything. You turn it on or off with a long-press. You change it between bright and dim with a single press. But when I first turn it on I don't know which level it's at, especially if it's dusk. So I press the button, oops no I want it back the other way. So I press it again, but oops that was too quick and it was interpreted as double press, which puts it in flashing mode! So then I have to mess around more to get it back. Three commands possible from one button, and some different meanings for those commands based on state. It's not convenient.
Could be worse though, resetting the bulb could require tapping in F-A-C-T-O-R-Y-R-E-S-E-T in Morse code on the switch.
posted by traveler_ at 6:48 AM on June 20, 2019 [11 favorites]
Could be worse though, resetting the bulb could require tapping in F-A-C-T-O-R-Y-R-E-S-E-T in Morse code on the switch.
posted by traveler_ at 6:48 AM on June 20, 2019 [11 favorites]
Yeah I hear ya but there's no way I'm approaching a potentially live socket with a bent paperclip. I'm guessing the GE marketing staff feels the same way.
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Great - you have successfully reset your light bulb. Now repeat for ever light bulb in your house.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 6:53 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by inflatablekiwi at 6:53 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Yeah, you could use the master breaker at your panel to cycle them all at once.
The downside is that you've now destroyed every GE appliance in your kitchen with all the power surges. Oh wait, maybe that's an upside for GE.
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:57 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
The downside is that you've now destroyed every GE appliance in your kitchen with all the power surges. Oh wait, maybe that's an upside for GE.
posted by JoeZydeco at 6:57 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
I understand why this exists and it doesn't seem as insane to me as it probably should but what does seem insane is that there is nothing close to a standard set of commands even within a manufacturer, or as this video shows even in the same model with different firmware.
Yep. It makes sense given the circumstances. You need a way to do a reset, you already have one input method, and if you can do it without having to add a separate button, great (at least for the manufacturer). But I have smart bulbs of different brands, and their methods of reset are similar, but not the same.
Also, this sort of reset method is very prone to failure -- on some bulbs I've repeated the sequence 4 or 5 times before it actually reset. It made me feel insane and it also feels almost dangerous!
posted by odin53 at 7:11 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yep. It makes sense given the circumstances. You need a way to do a reset, you already have one input method, and if you can do it without having to add a separate button, great (at least for the manufacturer). But I have smart bulbs of different brands, and their methods of reset are similar, but not the same.
Also, this sort of reset method is very prone to failure -- on some bulbs I've repeated the sequence 4 or 5 times before it actually reset. It made me feel insane and it also feels almost dangerous!
posted by odin53 at 7:11 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
I have IKEA smart bulbs, and have had to reset them before. Their process is much more intuitive and I think shows genuinely great design. Essentially if you flick the switch over and over in an act of mad frustration they will reset. I think officially it's something like turning it off and on 6 times in 5 seconds.
Getting them to actually pair with the remote in the first place on the other hand...
posted by the long dark teatime of the soul at 7:13 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Getting them to actually pair with the remote in the first place on the other hand...
posted by the long dark teatime of the soul at 7:13 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Now, how do I factory reset my shoes?
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:17 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:17 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yeah I hear ya but there's no way I'm approaching a potentially live socket with a bent paperclip.
A tiny capacitor could solve that problem would it not? Unscrew, poke, replace. I doubt we're talking about more than a penny or two in parts cost. Put the poke hole somewhere it couldn't be accessed while the bulb was in the socket.
posted by bonehead at 7:18 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
A tiny capacitor could solve that problem would it not? Unscrew, poke, replace. I doubt we're talking about more than a penny or two in parts cost. Put the poke hole somewhere it couldn't be accessed while the bulb was in the socket.
posted by bonehead at 7:18 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
My god, it's so hypnotic.
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 7:23 AM on June 20, 2019
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 7:23 AM on June 20, 2019
If the lightbulbs were physically resettable, you'd be making fun of them for requiring homeowners to unscrew them from ceiling fixtures, and sharing stories about how the canister lights in their coworkers' 18 foot loft ceilings went dark until they could hire a handyman to come in with a stepladder and a paperclip.
What would be better are multiple reset methods . What would be ideal are bulbs that don't need to be reset, and that shouldn't even be impossible.
posted by ardgedee at 7:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
What would be better are multiple reset methods . What would be ideal are bulbs that don't need to be reset, and that shouldn't even be impossible.
posted by ardgedee at 7:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
If the lightbulb is already paired to an app (and, in all honestly, my brain semi-imploded in a fit of wtf??? just from putting those words together in that order) why can't the app be used to do the reset?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:25 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 7:25 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Right. Send me an email or something when I can pair my toddler to my smartphone. There are quite a few processes running there that I'd like to reset. Or at least schedule in advance.
posted by Naberius at 7:26 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 7:26 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
They may have been trying to design it so you don’t need to get out the ladder to reset the bulbs. Vs a physical button.
I imagine the reason they changed it from the old version (2s on, 2s off, etc) was people complained about resetting them by accident, so they made it something that’s a bigger pain in the ass to do. I’m sure their hope is that nobody will have to use this sequence anyway.
posted by aubilenon at 7:26 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
I imagine the reason they changed it from the old version (2s on, 2s off, etc) was people complained about resetting them by accident, so they made it something that’s a bigger pain in the ass to do. I’m sure their hope is that nobody will have to use this sequence anyway.
posted by aubilenon at 7:26 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
> If the lightbulb is already paired to an app (and, in all honestly, my brain semi-imploded in a fit of wtf??? just from putting those words together in that order) why can't the app be used to do the reset?
My guess is that this would be to handle the case where the device with which it's paired no longer is available. Or something.
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 7:27 AM on June 20, 2019
My guess is that this would be to handle the case where the device with which it's paired no longer is available. Or something.
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 7:27 AM on June 20, 2019
I had to do a bunch of the reset->pair stuff when switching my zigbee stuff from a hacked Wink hub to a USB zigbee/z-wave gateway a couple of years ago. I only had six zigbee bulbs at that point, but I'm pretty sure anyone looking at my windows that night thought I was not-right in some way. Flash flash flash flash flash grumble try again flash flash flash.
posted by Alterscape at 7:34 AM on June 20, 2019
posted by Alterscape at 7:34 AM on June 20, 2019
If the lightbulb is already paired to an app (and, in all honestly, my brain semi-imploded in a fit of wtf??? just from putting those words together in that order)
I told my phone to remind me to plug in my wallet the other day. I woulda rather had flying cars.
posted by Etrigan at 7:35 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
I told my phone to remind me to plug in my wallet the other day. I woulda rather had flying cars.
posted by Etrigan at 7:35 AM on June 20, 2019 [10 favorites]
I live in a large two-floor loft with one set of light switches at the front door.
Last year I installed remote control lightbulbs from Ikea. Absolute life-changer... until the router died and I tried to reset the firmware. You have to punch in a serial number that looks like it was generated by 1Password. It kept telling me it was wrong -- I entered it 20 times before I stomped it to dust.
I then left a negative review on ikea.com warning people to never buy it. Ikea reached out and told me to bring it to the store for an exchange. "Don't forget your receipt!"
"Who keeps the receipt for a lightbulb?!"
"Oh. Right. Just bring it back and show them this email."
"Well... also, I stomped it to dust."
"Oh. Well... that's okay... Just show them this email."
Surprisingly, Ikea gave me a new one for my baggie full of dust and shards. Life is good again, but every time there's a power outage and the router gets reset I get hives. Thankfully, the serial number on this one is more pronounceable.
posted by dobbs at 7:39 AM on June 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
Last year I installed remote control lightbulbs from Ikea. Absolute life-changer... until the router died and I tried to reset the firmware. You have to punch in a serial number that looks like it was generated by 1Password. It kept telling me it was wrong -- I entered it 20 times before I stomped it to dust.
I then left a negative review on ikea.com warning people to never buy it. Ikea reached out and told me to bring it to the store for an exchange. "Don't forget your receipt!"
"Who keeps the receipt for a lightbulb?!"
"Oh. Right. Just bring it back and show them this email."
"Well... also, I stomped it to dust."
"Oh. Well... that's okay... Just show them this email."
Surprisingly, Ikea gave me a new one for my baggie full of dust and shards. Life is good again, but every time there's a power outage and the router gets reset I get hives. Thankfully, the serial number on this one is more pronounceable.
posted by dobbs at 7:39 AM on June 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
Researchers Shine Light on Smart-Bulb Data Theft
and
Proof-of-concept IoT worm can hack Philips Hue lightbulbs, spread across cities
posted by lalochezia at 7:40 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
and
Proof-of-concept IoT worm can hack Philips Hue lightbulbs, spread across cities
posted by lalochezia at 7:40 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
There are many things that make this video great, but the best to me is the way the human operating the switch is not fully in frame. Not even sure of gender, but maybe a woman? A bit of hip, a slender arm clad in soft blue purple polyester. So patient, turning the bulb off for two seconds, on for eight seconds, off for two seconds, on for eight seconds.
And then the rest of the framing. The lamp, the subject of the film, its arm bent in a jaunty angle so it seems to be dancing a duet with its human operator. The arm also suggests the famous Luxo Jr Pixar short. Only this lamp is lifeless, disanimate.
And then the most daring directorial choice, the shot framing. All the action takes place in the left quarter of the frame. An amateur would have centered the lamp. A hack would have put the lamp at the left 1/3 point. No, here the lamp is a full 80% of the way to the left. Balanced by a knit gold blanket and a kit black pillow, on a bland grey couch against a bland grey wall. The most lively thing in the whole video is the tiny spikey houseplant.
Find yourself a man who sounds as excited to see you as this man is when he says and then turn it one last time! Turn me on one last time, bulb narrator.
posted by Nelson at 7:45 AM on June 20, 2019 [13 favorites]
And then the rest of the framing. The lamp, the subject of the film, its arm bent in a jaunty angle so it seems to be dancing a duet with its human operator. The arm also suggests the famous Luxo Jr Pixar short. Only this lamp is lifeless, disanimate.
And then the most daring directorial choice, the shot framing. All the action takes place in the left quarter of the frame. An amateur would have centered the lamp. A hack would have put the lamp at the left 1/3 point. No, here the lamp is a full 80% of the way to the left. Balanced by a knit gold blanket and a kit black pillow, on a bland grey couch against a bland grey wall. The most lively thing in the whole video is the tiny spikey houseplant.
Find yourself a man who sounds as excited to see you as this man is when he says and then turn it one last time! Turn me on one last time, bulb narrator.
posted by Nelson at 7:45 AM on June 20, 2019 [13 favorites]
Great - you have successfully reset your light bulb. Now repeat for ever light bulb in your house.
Hah, yes. Firmware is automatically updated overnight to account for security holes (see above). Then maybe you would have to do this.
posted by carter at 8:08 AM on June 20, 2019
Hah, yes. Firmware is automatically updated overnight to account for security holes (see above). Then maybe you would have to do this.
posted by carter at 8:08 AM on June 20, 2019
I'm hoping for a whole fleet of video remixes of this: ten hours of factory resetting your C by GE bulb, factory resetting your C by GE bulb except every time they say "off" it speeds up, steamed hams but it's factory resetting your C by GE bulb
posted by cortex at 8:12 AM on June 20, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by cortex at 8:12 AM on June 20, 2019 [12 favorites]
I've found that torque builds up in my DVDs and I can relieve it by turning the DVD upside down and pressing play.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:14 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 8:14 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
For once it's worth reading the comments. A rare moment for YouTube.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:14 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 8:14 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
OMG SEND HELP I just tried this on a regular LED lightbulb and now headcrabs are pouring out of some kind of dimensional rift or vortex.
posted by loquacious at 8:22 AM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 8:22 AM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
How many engineers does it take to screw up a lightbulb?
posted by Oyéah at 8:38 AM on June 20, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 8:38 AM on June 20, 2019 [11 favorites]
please can somebody make "10 Hours of Resetting C by GE Light Bulbs [ASMR Remix]"
posted by mustardayonnaise at 8:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by mustardayonnaise at 8:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
Put a reset button on the light switch. Automate it from there.
posted by punchee at 9:24 AM on June 20, 2019
posted by punchee at 9:24 AM on June 20, 2019
Never gonna give you up for eight seconds
Never gonna let you down for two seconds
Never gonna run around and desert you for six seconds
Never gonna make you cry for two seconds
Never gonna say goodbye for eight seconds
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you for two seconds
posted by moonmilk at 9:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
Never gonna let you down for two seconds
Never gonna run around and desert you for six seconds
Never gonna make you cry for two seconds
Never gonna say goodbye for eight seconds
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you for two seconds
posted by moonmilk at 9:24 AM on June 20, 2019 [16 favorites]
> I'm hoping for a whole fleet of video remixes of this
"Bee Movie" except every time someone says "bee" it's replaced by the voiceover saying "C by GE Light Bulbs".
"Bee Movie" except every time someone says "bee" the movie's speed is adjusted so there's either eight or two seconds until the next time someone says "bee".
"Bee Movie" except the dialog is pitch-shifted to the tune of "All Star" and every time the original lyrics for the tune would be the phrase "all star" it's replaced by the voiceover saying "C by GE Light Bulbs".
posted by ardgedee at 9:32 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
"Bee Movie" except every time someone says "bee" it's replaced by the voiceover saying "C by GE Light Bulbs".
"Bee Movie" except every time someone says "bee" the movie's speed is adjusted so there's either eight or two seconds until the next time someone says "bee".
"Bee Movie" except the dialog is pitch-shifted to the tune of "All Star" and every time the original lyrics for the tune would be the phrase "all star" it's replaced by the voiceover saying "C by GE Light Bulbs".
posted by ardgedee at 9:32 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Sometimes the engineers need a good slap, followed by 8 seconds, then another two slaps, followed by 8 seconds, then two more slaps, then a pause of 8 seconds, another two slaps, eight more seconds, then a single final slap.
The Engineers aren't the ones at fault here - the "product managers" who got degrees in Font Colors and a Business Certificate in Excel are the ones that needed to be convinced to add a reset at all, and think that a reset button that adds 2cents to the cost is a far greater marketing dilemma than an inane reset process.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:35 AM on June 20, 2019
The Engineers aren't the ones at fault here - the "product managers" who got degrees in Font Colors and a Business Certificate in Excel are the ones that needed to be convinced to add a reset at all, and think that a reset button that adds 2cents to the cost is a far greater marketing dilemma than an inane reset process.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:35 AM on June 20, 2019
Thinking about it, the answer is clearly a hard reset button with a clapper-activated useless machine to push it.
posted by bonehead at 9:41 AM on June 20, 2019
posted by bonehead at 9:41 AM on June 20, 2019
IME, the worst decisions are often made by Former Engineers who have been promoted to Management and who now have Ideas about Design.
posted by bonehead at 9:43 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by bonehead at 9:43 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
My suggestion every time one of these "geez, engineers are so stupid" hot takes happen:
Everyone who thinks they have a better engineering solution to this type of issue is welcome to develop it and collect their millions (likely billions) of dollars.
posted by sideshow at 9:45 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
Everyone who thinks they have a better engineering solution to this type of issue is welcome to develop it and collect their millions (likely billions) of dollars.
posted by sideshow at 9:45 AM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
I say that as someone who who works for a major (if not the biggest) target of these kind of takes. You can solve whatever issue you are complaining about that literally 100's of the smartest people in the world couldn't solve, within whatever restrictions (budget, timeline, Newtonian physics, etc.) that prevented them from solving it? Come work for us and earn that 7 figure salary.
posted by sideshow at 9:50 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by sideshow at 9:50 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
How many engineers does it take to screw up a lightbulb?
Eight. And then two.
posted by emelenjr at 10:01 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Eight. And then two.
posted by emelenjr at 10:01 AM on June 20, 2019 [7 favorites]
Everyone who thinks they have a better engineering solution to this type of issue is welcome to develop it and collect their millions (likely billions) of dollars.
my solution is a light bulb that you screw in to the light fixture and then you flip the switch and the light turns on. later when you want to turn the light off you flip that same switch again. sometimes it's on the wall but sometimes it is on the light fixture itself. where do i collect my billions.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:27 AM on June 20, 2019 [29 favorites]
my solution is a light bulb that you screw in to the light fixture and then you flip the switch and the light turns on. later when you want to turn the light off you flip that same switch again. sometimes it's on the wall but sometimes it is on the light fixture itself. where do i collect my billions.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:27 AM on June 20, 2019 [29 favorites]
sometimes it's on the wall but sometimes it is on the light fixture itself
The billions were already collected. You are late to the party.
It seems, finally that smart light bulbs, thermostats, speakers with microphones and camera doorbells have actually pushed me over the edge from being an "enthusiastic technology geek", into "fussy old 'get off my lawn', luddite curmudgeon"...
Sure... when I was young, I would read all those 80's tech/hobbyist magazines about smart-homes, and eventually I wanted to do that when I built my "forever-home", but... Not with today's IoT nightmare mess of horrible user experiences, planned (or unplanned) obsolescence and complete reliance on cloud-based services and surveillance capitalism.
posted by jkaczor at 10:37 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
The billions were already collected. You are late to the party.
It seems, finally that smart light bulbs, thermostats, speakers with microphones and camera doorbells have actually pushed me over the edge from being an "enthusiastic technology geek", into "fussy old 'get off my lawn', luddite curmudgeon"...
Sure... when I was young, I would read all those 80's tech/hobbyist magazines about smart-homes, and eventually I wanted to do that when I built my "forever-home", but... Not with today's IoT nightmare mess of horrible user experiences, planned (or unplanned) obsolescence and complete reliance on cloud-based services and surveillance capitalism.
posted by jkaczor at 10:37 AM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Bulb on. Apply directly to the forehead.
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:41 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:41 AM on June 20, 2019 [2 favorites]
In my ideal world, GE would have found a way to resurrect Orson Welles and do the video over with him attempting to read this script.
posted by Copronymus at 10:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Copronymus at 10:52 AM on June 20, 2019 [5 favorites]
Wait until you see the videos for resetting the new GE Sex Robots.
posted by Gorgik at 11:55 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Gorgik at 11:55 AM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Waiting for the 2 hour version of this video that gets to "on for 8 seconds, off for 2 seconds" and just keeps looping over and over and over...
posted by Hamusutaa at 12:07 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Hamusutaa at 12:07 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Never mind; I'll just sit here in the dark.
posted by theora55 at 12:08 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 12:08 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Clap on, clap off, it's dark in here, who turned off the fridge?
posted by Oyéah at 12:24 PM on June 20, 2019
posted by Oyéah at 12:24 PM on June 20, 2019
I thought it was going to let me program my bulb in C. Or maybe get it to play Terry Riley's composition, "In C". Either way, I'm in.
Now that I watched it, I have no idea what this does.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:28 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Now that I watched it, I have no idea what this does.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:28 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Is this something that I'd have had to voluntarily place a wiretapping listening device in my house to care about?
posted by humboldt32 at 12:31 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by humboldt32 at 12:31 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
camera doorbells
these are actually great and have been an amazing resource in my ongoing battle against my local post office whose LIES AND UNTRUTHS about deliveries, both those alleged to have been attempted and those alleged to have been made, have been systematically exposed by my doorbell camera's recording archives. oh but on the other hand i've just realized i'm the wild-eyed lunatic with an ongoing battle against the local post office so that's maybe not great.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:39 PM on June 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
these are actually great and have been an amazing resource in my ongoing battle against my local post office whose LIES AND UNTRUTHS about deliveries, both those alleged to have been attempted and those alleged to have been made, have been systematically exposed by my doorbell camera's recording archives. oh but on the other hand i've just realized i'm the wild-eyed lunatic with an ongoing battle against the local post office so that's maybe not great.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:39 PM on June 20, 2019 [14 favorites]
My suggestion every time one of these "geez, engineers are so stupid" hot takes happen:
Everyone who thinks they have a better engineering solution to this type of issue is welcome to develop it and collect their millions (likely billions) of dollars.
People have listed better solutions (just making each flip to be a consistent length would be better) in this thread, for example the Ikea one. Each one would take the same programming effort.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:46 PM on June 20, 2019
Everyone who thinks they have a better engineering solution to this type of issue is welcome to develop it and collect their millions (likely billions) of dollars.
People have listed better solutions (just making each flip to be a consistent length would be better) in this thread, for example the Ikea one. Each one would take the same programming effort.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:46 PM on June 20, 2019
why doesn't youtube give you the option to both like and dislike a video
posted by numaner at 12:58 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by numaner at 12:58 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Being a skilled designer or engineer doesn’t mean you get to ignore user complaints. It actually means the opposite, particularly for companies that make things that people want to purchase.
posted by q*ben at 1:13 PM on June 20, 2019
posted by q*ben at 1:13 PM on June 20, 2019
resurrect Orson Welles and do the video over with him attempting to read this script
for the uninitiated: previously
Director: A fraction more on that "seconds", because you rolled it around very nicely
Welles: Yeah roll it around and I have no more time, you don't know what I'm up against. Because it's full of things that are only correct because they're grammatical but they're tough on the ear you see? This is a very wearying one, it's unpleasant to read. Unrewarding.
Welles: Here under protest is "Firmware 2.7 or earlier". 'Start with your bulb off for at least 5 secs. Then turn on the bulb for 8 seconds. Turn off for 2 sec-' This is a lot of shit, you know that? You want one more? More on 2.7?
Director: You missed the first "seconds" actually.
Welles: When did I miss it?
Director: You're emphasizing "5".
Welles: But you can't emphasize "seconds". That's like wanting me to emphasize "bulb" before "off"! Come on, fellas, you're losing your heads!
posted by numaner at 1:44 PM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
for the uninitiated: previously
Director: A fraction more on that "seconds", because you rolled it around very nicely
Welles: Yeah roll it around and I have no more time, you don't know what I'm up against. Because it's full of things that are only correct because they're grammatical but they're tough on the ear you see? This is a very wearying one, it's unpleasant to read. Unrewarding.
Welles: Here under protest is "Firmware 2.7 or earlier". 'Start with your bulb off for at least 5 secs. Then turn on the bulb for 8 seconds. Turn off for 2 sec-' This is a lot of shit, you know that? You want one more? More on 2.7?
Director: You missed the first "seconds" actually.
Welles: When did I miss it?
Director: You're emphasizing "5".
Welles: But you can't emphasize "seconds". That's like wanting me to emphasize "bulb" before "off"! Come on, fellas, you're losing your heads!
posted by numaner at 1:44 PM on June 20, 2019 [6 favorites]
If Daniil Kharms had made short films, he couldn't have surpassed this.
posted by Aubergine at 2:42 PM on June 20, 2019
posted by Aubergine at 2:42 PM on June 20, 2019
There shouldn't be a reset mode, because here's no reason why a device controlling a single circuit should be capable of getting into an unrecoverable state. It shouldn't be hard to make the firmware provably-correct.
If the reset command were delivered through something inaccessible then maybe there'd be some point to it: the reset command could be used to forcibly un-pair or prevent pairing with a controller. But this reset is delivered through a switch that's accessible to everybody, so it's even less secure than any controller-based solution.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:12 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
If the reset command were delivered through something inaccessible then maybe there'd be some point to it: the reset command could be used to forcibly un-pair or prevent pairing with a controller. But this reset is delivered through a switch that's accessible to everybody, so it's even less secure than any controller-based solution.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:12 PM on June 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
So I design this sort of thing (not this one) how would you do it? bearing in mind that all you have is the power switch, and you have to wait at least 2 secs for the internal capacitors to drain in order to reliably detect "off", and when it's off the internal CPU is not powered so it can't do anything
No you can't add another switch, it would end up on the metal part of the screw fitting and you would have to be able to press it while it is screwed into a light bulb fitting (because it needs to be powered on when you press it)
Chances are this thing goes into this state when first powered on, you're only likely to ever need to do this when you change your wifi access point's password (or move)
posted by mbo at 4:50 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
No you can't add another switch, it would end up on the metal part of the screw fitting and you would have to be able to press it while it is screwed into a light bulb fitting (because it needs to be powered on when you press it)
Chances are this thing goes into this state when first powered on, you're only likely to ever need to do this when you change your wifi access point's password (or move)
posted by mbo at 4:50 PM on June 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Now I'm going to need some sort of smart socket to automate this process.
And a smart circuit breaker for when that smart socket inevitably needs to be reset.
posted by ckape at 5:56 PM on June 20, 2019
And a smart circuit breaker for when that smart socket inevitably needs to be reset.
posted by ckape at 5:56 PM on June 20, 2019
You'll notice that the old firmware used to require 2 seconds on 2 off (repeat 4 times) - I guess way too many kids playing with the light switches reset the light bulbs by mistake.
Note: if I were implementing this I would say "8 seconds on" in the documentation but accept anything between 6 and 10 in the code
posted by mbo at 6:29 PM on June 20, 2019
Note: if I were implementing this I would say "8 seconds on" in the documentation but accept anything between 6 and 10 in the code
posted by mbo at 6:29 PM on June 20, 2019
So I design this sort of thing (not this one) how would you do it?
I'd like to hear why it's necessary, because that would dictate the form of the answer.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:34 PM on June 20, 2019
I'd like to hear why it's necessary, because that would dictate the form of the answer.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:34 PM on June 20, 2019
have you tried turning it off and on again?
posted by huffa at 6:52 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by huffa at 6:52 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
how do I factory reset my shoes?
Same way you reset your underwear - with your genitals - except of course you have to do to twice. On the plus side it makes one look forwards to firmware updates.
posted by CynicalKnight at 7:09 PM on June 20, 2019
Same way you reset your underwear - with your genitals - except of course you have to do to twice. On the plus side it makes one look forwards to firmware updates.
posted by CynicalKnight at 7:09 PM on June 20, 2019
Obviously the simplest solution is for the bulb to have an always-on microphone listening for the command “RESET BULB” and sending anything it overhears otherwise to GE’s servers so they may serve you better.
posted by ejs at 7:52 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by ejs at 7:52 PM on June 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
Chances are this thing goes into this state when first powered on, you're only likely to ever need to do this when you change your wifi access point's password (or move)
Or you get a new wifi access point and the SSID is different (which is a thing that happens in normal people's homes because Comcast gave them a new box or whatever) or everything just randomly stopped talking to the router and needs to be reset before it starts again (which happened to me with a bunch of WeMo stuff last month). So really quite a lot of reasons, meaning that if you buy these things, this is probably something you're going to have to do at least once per bulb (times however many tries it takes to actually get it right) at least every couple years.
posted by zachlipton at 10:16 PM on June 20, 2019
Or you get a new wifi access point and the SSID is different (which is a thing that happens in normal people's homes because Comcast gave them a new box or whatever) or everything just randomly stopped talking to the router and needs to be reset before it starts again (which happened to me with a bunch of WeMo stuff last month). So really quite a lot of reasons, meaning that if you buy these things, this is probably something you're going to have to do at least once per bulb (times however many tries it takes to actually get it right) at least every couple years.
posted by zachlipton at 10:16 PM on June 20, 2019
I'd like to hear why it's necessary, because that would dictate the form of the answer.
It's really only needed when the device is paired to a controller and the controller goes away, then you have to tell it disconnect from the lost controller and to go into a mode where you can tell it to connect to a new one.
For example when you first bought it it automatically went into a mode where you could access it and tell it which wifi access point (and its password) to connect to - if you move your lights to another house with a different wifi you need to get them back into that state where you can tell them how to connect to it (password etc)
BTW here's the documentation for another smart light bulb, scroll down for the manual reset instructions ... they've essentially designed it the same way as for the GE light bulb, but more complicated ..... the point I'm trying to make above is that it being a light bulb, and having to fit into a screw fitting really doesn't leave you a lot of options
posted by mbo at 2:41 AM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
It's really only needed when the device is paired to a controller and the controller goes away, then you have to tell it disconnect from the lost controller and to go into a mode where you can tell it to connect to a new one.
For example when you first bought it it automatically went into a mode where you could access it and tell it which wifi access point (and its password) to connect to - if you move your lights to another house with a different wifi you need to get them back into that state where you can tell them how to connect to it (password etc)
BTW here's the documentation for another smart light bulb, scroll down for the manual reset instructions ... they've essentially designed it the same way as for the GE light bulb, but more complicated ..... the point I'm trying to make above is that it being a light bulb, and having to fit into a screw fitting really doesn't leave you a lot of options
posted by mbo at 2:41 AM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
If you think this is crazy you should see some of the things you have to do to go with cars that have keyless entry or keys with chips in them
posted by Gev at 5:13 AM on June 21, 2019
posted by Gev at 5:13 AM on June 21, 2019
Now, how do I factory reset my shoes?
You ... reboot them.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:40 AM on June 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
You ... reboot them.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:40 AM on June 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
Actually, you just need to call Liza Minnelli to turn off your lamp.
posted by profreader at 5:53 AM on June 21, 2019
posted by profreader at 5:53 AM on June 21, 2019
Friendly, “convenient”, and absolutely maddening. We are like one or two leaps away from the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation Elevators from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:53 AM on June 21, 2019
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:53 AM on June 21, 2019
One way of looking at it is that, if we want a smart device, it should probably be the lamp or light switch rather than the bulb. Once it's the lamp or light switch you can easily add buttons or pinholes for resetting.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:25 AM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:25 AM on June 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
No you can't add another switch, it would end up on the metal part of the screw fitting and you would have to be able to press it while it is screwed into a light bulb fitting (because it needs to be powered on when you press it)
Flip switch to reset mode -> plug bulb in -> power on -> wait ten seconds for bulb to reset -> plug bulb out -> flip switch to operate mode -> lightbulb is now as a virgin forest where the hand of man has ne'er set foot.
IANAEE, and I'm sure they chose not to go that route for Reasons, but I don't see how it's technically impossible.
Now, how do I factory reset my shoes?
Having same issue with shirt. None of the buttons seem to do anything.
posted by colin.jaquiery at 4:59 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
Flip switch to reset mode -> plug bulb in -> power on -> wait ten seconds for bulb to reset -> plug bulb out -> flip switch to operate mode -> lightbulb is now as a virgin forest where the hand of man has ne'er set foot.
IANAEE, and I'm sure they chose not to go that route for Reasons, but I don't see how it's technically impossible.
Now, how do I factory reset my shoes?
Having same issue with shirt. None of the buttons seem to do anything.
posted by colin.jaquiery at 4:59 PM on June 21, 2019 [3 favorites]
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It’s easy though. Turn your lights on, on, off, off, left, right, left, right, then push in on the “B” switch, then the “A” switch and you’re good to go.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 6:18 AM on June 20, 2019 [17 favorites]