July 6, 2002

6:45 AM

Fake Harry Potter novel hits China.An anonymous Chinese author has decided JK Rowling is taking too long to write the fifth book - so has written a new adventure to satisfy the huge Potter market in the country, according to a report in The Times. Harry Potter And Leopard Walk Up To Dragon, on sale in Beijing street markets for about £1, is selling fast to the dismay of the publisher of the genuine Potter books in China.
posted by ncurley (14 comments total)

The book begins with the lines: "Harry doesn't know how long it will take to wash the sticky cream cake off his face.

Good God, that's funny. If anyone knows how I can get my hands on a copy of this title, please, oh please, let me know.
posted by bradth27 at 7:48 AM on July 6, 2002

how terrible! this book is an insult to all real potter fans.
'If anyone knows how I can get my hands on a copy of this title, please, oh please, let me know.'
me too! and, er, translate it into english, if it isn't in english already, please.
posted by asok at 8:07 AM on July 6, 2002

Does he finally get busy with Cho Chang?
posted by adampsyche at 8:20 AM on July 6, 2002

dude, it's like fan fiction gone legit!

and i want one. so bad.
posted by sugarfish at 10:57 AM on July 6, 2002

I have been searching online all morning. No luck so far. Anyone? Anyone? we need a copy of this.
posted by bradth27 at 11:28 AM on July 6, 2002

With lines like these, this guy is going to put J.K. Rowling out of business.

He lies in the high-quality china bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dali's face, which is as fat as the bottom of Aunt Penny.
posted by jaden at 11:43 AM on July 6, 2002

I know! I can't wait to read the whole thing. I hope he does weird stuff with his broom and owl.
posted by bradth27 at 11:51 AM on July 6, 2002

Some more excerpts:

After Harry is turned into a dwarf:

"Harry is only half as tall as a normal person and he has a beard. In fact,
he no longer possesses much sorcery now. He has a big belly and his clothes
are in gay colours (mainly yellow and green). He doesn't wear shoes since he
has a thick layer of brown hair on his feet. When Harry woke up like this he
was so astonished that he almost cried. But at once he realised he was a man
now, and an accomplished wizard. He must not be afraid of difficulties. He
was determined to find the criminal who turned him into a dwarf."


And later:

"Harry was quite scared. Now the balance of power between the adventurers
and treasure seekers was 5:9. He obviously did not hold the advantage.

He hid the jewel in his bag in which he usually put his magic tools. He knew
clearly what would happen if the jewel was found by the treasure seekers. He
didn't admit that the jewel was in his hands.

Germor (the dragon) ran at Harry fiercely and showed his teeth, long and
thin, like army knives. Harry dived at Germor and stabbed the dagger into
his head. At once a stream of black blood spattered on the ground as if it
was raining.

Germor's tail swung viciously from side to side and Harry was almost hurt.
Before Harry flew up Germor turned. Harry saw his face and found the two
bulb-like yellow eyes of Germor were all blind. One was stabbed by mother's
wooden hairpin, another by his dagger.

Without eyes, Germor could not find his target. He didn't know what he
should do, but he was still dangerous. Germor blindly ran to Harry and Harry
raised the bleeding sword high. He used all his strength, stabbed the short
sword into the upper jaw of Germor till the whole length of the sword was in
Germor's mouth."

posted by ( .)(. ) at 1:04 PM on July 6, 2002

He used all his strength, stabbed the short sword into the upper jaw of Germor till the whole length of the sword was in Germor's mouth."

Not only is it fan fiction, it's NAUGHTY fan fiction.

This is going to sell like crazy on Ebay.
posted by bradth27 at 1:13 PM on July 6, 2002

do harry and draco finally get it on?

cos that's the harry potter book i've been waiting for.
posted by pikachulolita at 3:31 PM on July 6, 2002

do harry and draco finally get it on? cos that's the harry potter book i've been waiting for.

yeah, several times. creepy.
posted by chrisege at 4:48 PM on July 6, 2002

Are you sure you guys want this book? It's written in Mandarin! You're not going to understand it.
posted by timyang at 7:00 PM on July 6, 2002

Well, no surprise this coming from China. For better or worse, it's the same guys who flood our markets with fake versions of anything else under the surface of the planet to be sold at dirt cheap prices. No racist overtones here, you know. It's just matters of fact.
posted by betobeto at 8:39 PM on July 6, 2002

hehehe. this is hilarious. at least he's anonymous and gets no royalty fees. or at least I don't think he does? I'm not a fan of harry potter, and i only went to see the movie for the visual imagery, but otherwise this is not my cup of tea. Now Isaac Asimov... Ben Bova... Stephan Baxter... *giggles with utter delight*

*SmAcK*

Sorry... got off track for a minute...
posted by spidre at 9:52 PM on July 6, 2002