"They didn’t think I’d go out there and pitch with it"

September 16, 2019 7:34 PM

In case you missed it, now you know about baseball pitcher Mike Fiers' short-lived beard.
posted by LobsterMitten (26 comments total)

OK, showed this around at work, and was offered $20 if I came into work with this same beard. I think that's not enough to buy me. I sure hope Fiers got more than $20. (SAIT)
posted by Metro Gnome at 7:49 PM on September 16, 2019

The "A" is for audacious.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:59 PM on September 16, 2019 [1 favorite]

Somehow that beard looks completely weird and completely normal at the same time. Look at one half of the face: Normal. Look at the other half of the face: Normal.

The weirdest part for me is the way that the beard ends at the top end. The cat's tail is there, but there is no cat.
posted by clawsoon at 8:04 PM on September 16, 2019 [4 favorites]

The A's are the best at "dancing like no one's watching" because generally speaking, no one is. Which is great because it means I can still afford to go see these wild & wonderful goofballs whenever I want.

LET'S GO OAKLAND
posted by turbowombat at 8:12 PM on September 16, 2019 [5 favorites]

I will profess to being a bit of a connoisseur of facial hair. I fairly thrive on looking for beards and stubble around me.

That's the weirdest beard I've ever seen.
posted by hippybear at 8:13 PM on September 16, 2019 [2 favorites]

OK, showed this around at work, and was offered $20 if I came into work with this same beard. I think that's not enough to buy me.

I gave it some thought, and I think $20 is more than enough to buy me.

But no one has offered, and my beard doesn't grow in thick enough to pull this off.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 8:23 PM on September 16, 2019 [4 favorites]

It does require a certain type of beard genetics to even be possible.
posted by hippybear at 8:30 PM on September 16, 2019

I had an asymmetrical mustache/beard for a while.

People didn't notice it was only on one side down to my chin. Freaked them right out when after a month of wearing it, they said, "hey what happened to your beard?" and I said it had been like that for a month.

Their brains filled in the rest I guess...
posted by Windopaene at 8:34 PM on September 16, 2019 [6 favorites]

This is amazing. Thank you for sharing. Such a shame he got injured wearing it—imagine if he'd tossed a no-hitter! We'd be seeing this style in ballparks throughout the land.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 8:36 PM on September 16, 2019 [3 favorites]

This is everything about baseball that is glorious and why I just can’t seem to quit watching eVen though I have zero interest in the game itself.
posted by photoslob at 8:58 PM on September 16, 2019 [2 favorites]

Why am I reminded of the Expos logo?
posted by zamboni at 9:04 PM on September 16, 2019 [2 favorites]

I just can’t seem to quit watching eVen though I have zero interest in the game itself.

Baseball is the only sport that I can just put on and watch without needing to invest in a team or whatever. I've had seasons where I've really followed a team closely and that's also fun, but like, truly, "America's pastime"... it is interesting even when I don't care.
posted by hippybear at 9:06 PM on September 16, 2019 [3 favorites]

as a veteran of asymmetrical facial hair (giant bushy beard on my right face, clean shaven left, giant dreddy punk hair left, closecropped mr t stripe connecting beard to other side of head at the base of my skull) I so wholeheartedly approve this beard I might copy it when I decide to move on from my current absurd 18” white mane.
posted by mwhybark at 11:49 PM on September 16, 2019 [2 favorites]

Windopaene: "Their brains filled in the rest I guess..."

Or not, as the case may be...
posted by chavenet at 2:02 AM on September 17, 2019

Strangely compelling. I think it's just that it looks so well groomed hat it somehow tricks me into thinking it's perfectly normal? Too bad about the injury jinxing it for life!
posted by sldownard at 3:46 AM on September 17, 2019 [3 favorites]

I could probably do this. But could is not the same as should.
posted by Fizz at 5:01 AM on September 17, 2019

I find that I don't mind this. It is kinda charming and so neat and tidy.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:06 AM on September 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I totally want to try this myself - it looks really cool and well thought out.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:10 AM on September 17, 2019

From failing hands fingers we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high.
posted by furtive at 6:00 AM on September 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

I thought I told you told you to trim those sideburns!
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:03 AM on September 17, 2019 [4 favorites]

I once worked with a guy who, on a dare, came in one day with the left half of his full lumberjack beard shaved off. It turns out that asymmetrical facial hair is deeply disturbing. It pokes at something deep in your lizard-brain that wants to tell you that something ain't right.

Kudos to the cat-tail, though. I'm 100% in favor of escalating competition to see who can grow the weirdest facial hair.
posted by Mayor West at 6:20 AM on September 17, 2019

I'm 100% in favor of escalating competition to see who can grow the weirdest facial hair.

I have good news for you.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:46 AM on September 17, 2019

That was pretty hilarious.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:37 AM on September 17, 2019

I am tempted to shave mine into one of these right meow
posted by exogenous at 7:53 AM on September 17, 2019 [1 favorite]

right meow

Well played, well played.
posted by notsnot at 10:26 AM on September 17, 2019

I will try this out to freak out my family the next time I decide to shave my beard, in much the same way I give myself a faux hawk for a few minutes while shaving my head.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:12 PM on September 17, 2019