How Bush made his millions.

July 22, 2002 11:11 AM

How Bush made his millions. A short story by a very conservative journalist. "It is the story of a man who has been rewarded for repeated failures by having money shot at him through a fire hose. It is the story of a man who talks with a straight face about having "earned" a fortune of tens of millions of dollars, without having ever done an honest day's work in his life."
posted by nofundy (45 comments total)

Fantastic!
(now where's Dhartung with his refutation?
posted by niceness at 11:40 AM on July 22, 2002

I like the image of the hose. Reminds me of Homer Simpson's ranch dressing hose.
posted by donkeyschlong at 11:45 AM on July 22, 2002

film at 11.
posted by delmoi at 11:51 AM on July 22, 2002

But... but... he has a Texas ranch... and he drives a truck... plus he wears boots with his tux. He's totally one of us!
posted by Dirjy at 11:52 AM on July 22, 2002

"Only in America! God Bless America!"

*throws back remainder of shot glass*

(sorry for the somewhat obscure reference)
posted by almostcool at 12:02 PM on July 22, 2002

You mean, he drank 6 years after he said he stopped?

Truly, my faith in humanity is shattered. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.
posted by insomnyuk at 12:10 PM on July 22, 2002

These "facts" have been discussed on MetaFilter for years. From December 2000: "W. started two failed oil companies, was let off the hook on an insider training scandal, and got brought into the Rangers ownership because of his family connections, then served as Texas governor a term and a half."

This is not exactly an original thesis.
posted by pardonyou? at 12:13 PM on July 22, 2002

This is not exactly an original thesis.

Not only is it not original, beyond a few "facts", the entire piece is just fluff; mud-slinging nonsense to rev up far lefties and Bush-haters.

BTW, could someone explain this line to me:

("Rook! That's me with Lodger Crinton!")

Is that a joke, or did Mr. Caldwell just throw out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at Asians?
posted by BlueTrain at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2002

ooh it makes me wonder!
posted by y2karl at 12:22 PM on July 22, 2002

Is that a joke, or did Mr. Caldwell just throw out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at Asians?

The joke is bestowing credibility upon the ny press...
posted by krewson at 12:24 PM on July 22, 2002

Not only is it not original, beyond a few "facts", the entire piece is just fluff; mud-slinging nonsense to rev up far lefties and Bush-haters.

What "facts" in the article do you dispute, Blue Train? Caldwell is a senior writer at the Weekly Standard, so trying to dismiss his work as lefty mudslinging is pretty ignorant.

("Rook! That's me with Lodger Crinton!")

Is that a joke, or did Mr. Caldwell just throw out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at Asians?

No, he's just solidifying his right-wing credentials with some crude racial humor.
posted by Ty Webb at 12:31 PM on July 22, 2002

No, he's just solidifying his right-wing credentials with some crude racial humor.

Can we say troll?
posted by BlueTrain at 12:32 PM on July 22, 2002

do we have to say troll, bluetrain? this piece isn't terribly worth getting worked up over. not much is.
posted by moz at 12:43 PM on July 22, 2002

You can say what you like. I'm still waiting to hear which "facts" in the article you dispute.
posted by Ty Webb at 12:46 PM on July 22, 2002

so trying to dismiss his work as lefty mudslinging is pretty ignorant.

Here's a small rundown of his mudslinging...

For decades now, the "small government" Republican Party has been slamming the corrupt conduct of, say, trial lawyers who just suck money out of the economy and put it in their pockets in the name of the ideal of "representing the little guy." When they talk this way, I'm all ears. But, Jesus, this is what they have to offer in its place?

Suddenly Bush represents the entire Republican party? And when one member is involved with a scandal, the party is to blame? Hmm...in that case, all Democrats are lying adulterers.

No decent human being could disagree. But no half-intelligent human being could fail to note that such things are a lot easier to say when you've already banked your own 30 or 50 mil.

He slams Bush for using a rhetorical tactic. He then proceeds to use the exact tactic against Bush. Hypocritical at best; disingenuous is probably more appropriate.
posted by BlueTrain at 12:49 PM on July 22, 2002

No, he's just solidifying his right-wing credentials with some crude racial humor.

Damn straight! Only dirty, evil fascistic right wingers are racists. I'm soooo glad that the left wing has the moral high ground from which they can decry racism. Thanks for pointing out to me what I had not noticed before: that many of my friends and family are racist. Only the moral clarity of a left-winger can save me from my mis-informed ways.
posted by insomnyuk at 12:51 PM on July 22, 2002

mudslinging ain't what it used to be, i guess.
posted by zoopraxiscope at 12:51 PM on July 22, 2002

These "facts" have been discussed on MetaFilter for years.

You say "facts" like you think there's a possiblility that W has worked for a living sometime in his life. But you're right, this is only news if you haven't yet caught on that the foxes are guarding the henhouse.

Is that a joke, or did Mr. Caldwell just throw out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at Asians?

Yeah, that little racial dig was kind of jarring, wasn't it? Completely out of character for the rest of the article, and absurdly unnecessary. Hmmm. Could it be a code phrase of some kind intended for the agents of evil among us? Should we notify someone?
posted by norm29 at 12:56 PM on July 22, 2002

Bluetrain,
Not only is it not original, beyond a few "facts", the entire piece is just fluff; mud-slinging nonsense to rev up far lefties and Bush-haters

Can we say troll?
posted by aacheson at 12:57 PM on July 22, 2002

Blue Train, the examples you offer as "mudslinging" are nothing resembling mudslinging. Most of the first paragraph is a jab at trial lawyers, and ends with a criticism of the GOP for apparently having nothing better to offer. The second, well, the tired old standby "the writer is actually guilty of exactly that which he accuses his subject!" speaks for itself.

Again, this is a well-known conservative writer criticizing Bush and his own party. Dismissing it as mudlsinging just will not fly.

Also: still waiting for the refutation of those "facts."
posted by Ty Webb at 1:08 PM on July 22, 2002

Suddenly Bush represents the entire Republican party? And when one member is involved with a scandal, the party is to blame?

...guffaw...too much...

Ship sails slack,
Hull timbers balsa?
Rodents with water wings.

~wink~
posted by fold_and_mutilate at 1:16 PM on July 22, 2002

To me this is exactly the same kind of sweetheart deal that previous president and his wife got on their land deals, fat-cat retainer fees and cattle futures. Anybody read Hillary's $8 million memoirs? How's the work on them going, anyway?

I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. Opinions can differ about who's the bigger cad, but what rankled about the Clintons was the hypocritical pretense that they weren't involved in the same get-rich-quick schemes as every one else in their demographic; oh, and that they were already in public office when they started "investing."

The point is that at least GWB has the good taste to say as little about his past as possible. That's old money for you.
posted by coelecanth at 1:18 PM on July 22, 2002

maybe I've been living in a hole or something, but I hadn't seen those numbers before. I mean, selling $50,000 for $1,000,000 is pretty impressive. Then look at what he's doing with the national budget and it makes you wonder if it's even the same guy....

what struck me about the "Rook! That's me with Lodger Crinton!" line was that in addition to being in poor taste it wasn't even an accurate depiction of an accent -- why would somebody that has to replace 'L's with 'R's then go and replace an 'R' with an 'L'????
posted by LuxFX at 1:41 PM on July 22, 2002

I don't know about y'all, but between November of 1998 and March of 2000, a good number of my friends and acquaintences sold 10% of companies which were in many cases little more than power point slides for $100,000, $1 million, or even $10 million ... and none of us was the son of the Vice President of the United States. That's capitalism in good times, not corruption.
posted by MattD at 1:49 PM on July 22, 2002

That's capitalism in good times, not corruption.

...head explodes... «
posted by chrismc at 2:16 PM on July 22, 2002

... why would somebody that has to replace 'L's with 'R's then go and replace an 'R' with an 'L'?

Several Asian languages contain no sounds corresponding exactly to the English 'R' or 'L'. Rather, they contain a sound that is somewhere in between the two English sounds. So, when someone with an accent from one of these languages speaks English, they use the median sound from their language rather than an English 'R' or 'L'. To the ears of an English speaker, this makes every instance of an 'R' or 'L' sound off, since the 'R' had more 'L' than it should and the 'L' has more 'R' than it should. An English speaker doesn't recognize the sound from the Asian language, so it sounds to that English speaker like every 'L' is being replaced by an 'R' and every 'R' is being replaced by an 'L'.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:17 PM on July 22, 2002

The point is that at least GWB has the good taste to say as little about his past as possible. That's old money for you.

"Old money"? The Bushes are about as nouveau riche as a family can get. All money and no taste, as my grandmother used to say...
posted by JollyWanker at 2:49 PM on July 22, 2002

Wow, domo arigatou, mr_roboto.

/me ducks.
posted by donkeymon at 2:59 PM on July 22, 2002

Better stay away from those that carry 'round a fIREHOSE.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:04 PM on July 22, 2002

"No more terms, No more terms"
posted by clavdivs at 3:50 PM on July 22, 2002

No more terms

unconditional surrender all 'round!

... sweetheart deal that previous president ...

honestly, folks, can we not see the difference between someone who lied and stole to become president, and someone who became president to facilitate his lying and stealing?
posted by hob at 4:14 PM on July 22, 2002

holy cow, how'd a fIREHOSE reference get in here!?
One of my favs, I think I'll dig out those mp3's....
posted by imaswinger at 4:20 PM on July 22, 2002

When exactly did senior editors for the Weekly Standard become "lefties"? Or am I mistaken?

Suddenly Bush represents the entire Republican party?
As far as economic policy, stance on fiscal improprieties, regulation of industry - uhmmm... yes.
posted by owillis at 4:22 PM on July 22, 2002

Elect a bum, he becomes a millionaire.
Elect a millionaire, he becomes a bum.
Caveat emptor, Politicians bad.
posted by Mack Twain at 4:32 PM on July 22, 2002

Is that a joke, or did Mr. Caldwell just throw out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at Asians?

No, thats him throwing out his credibility with a completely unnecessary jab at logic.

Why would anyone screw up Ls and Rs? Why would anyone screw up Rs?
posted by delmoi at 5:04 PM on July 22, 2002

Suddenly Bush represents the entire Republican party? Er, yeah, dumbass. He's your President. Representing your entire country, or at least those bits of it that voted for him, and I think we can broadly refer to those folks as 'Republicans' without being too disingenuous, is his job.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:16 PM on July 22, 2002

[tangent]
I'm not sure what you mean delmoi. Did you read the thread before posting?

I'd add to what mr_roboto said, which is correct, that in Korean, the character which represents the liquid sound that is intermediate between 'l' and 'r' in English is also pronounced differently based on position within a syllable (intial or terminal). The ingrained habit derived from this structural variation in pronunciation of the sound in Korean leads to some of the seemingly-inconsistent problems Korean speakers often have with 'r' and 'l'.
[/tangent]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:29 PM on July 22, 2002

Elect a bum, he becomes a millionaire.
Elect a millionaire, he becomes a bum.
Caveat emptor, Politicians bad.

Worst. Haiku. Ever.
posted by Dirjy at 9:33 PM on July 22, 2002

This article seems to be rewritten as a rant from the long and detailed Harper's magazine article of Feb. 2000 which is resting on my knee right now. "Notes on a Native Son: A Heartwarming Tale about Baseball, $1.7 Billion, and a Lot of Swell Friends" by Joe Conason of the New York Observer and Salon.com. It's a very good one, which is why I kept it, and goes into more details, and includes a cool diagram called the George W. Bush Money Tree.
posted by planetkyoto at 1:11 AM on July 23, 2002

But who bought Bush's stock?
posted by niceness at 2:50 AM on July 23, 2002

I seem to recall reading that it was apparently some Saudis *cough*, but I can't back that up with a link right now, as it's beer o'clock.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:07 AM on July 23, 2002

"Notes on a Native Son: A Heartwarming Tale about Baseball, $1.7 Billion, and a Lot of Swell Friends" by Joe Conason of the New York Observer and Salon.com.

Cached Google Copy now deleted from Centre for Research on Globalisation (CRG) website.

Abdullah Taha Bakhsh - Harken investor.
Google: Harken Saudi Sheik
posted by y2karl at 4:51 AM on July 23, 2002

robot wisdom linked to this nymag article posing an interesting dichotomy between boardroom captains of industry and the trading floor (wall street or otherwise) suggesting the former's approach to managing/handling/massaging the economy has been anathema to financial markets.
posted by kliuless at 6:23 AM on July 23, 2002

(Thanks, y2karl.)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:30 AM on July 23, 2002

Moron ends up elected President in an unconstitutional subversion of democracy. Film at 11.

Thank God for nepotism getting dumbass scions into Ivy League schools.

What? You were surprised! You shouldn't have been.
posted by mark13 at 4:27 PM on July 23, 2002