Comments on: Comments on 1889

Post number 1889

jbushnell — Tue, 30 May 2000 19:11:53 -0800

I'm giving $30 to some Metafilter user. I'm stealing this idea from the Shiny Thing giveaway that usr/bin/girl held a while back. I liked her contest, but I would have liked it more if we got to see everything people asked for. So here goes.
I will buy one lucky Metafilter user something off of the Web of a $30 value or less (I will pay shipping and taxes).
To enter: add a comment to this post. The comment must link to the thing you want and provides a bit of contextualizing commentary. (I'd prefer it if the link pointed to something that has at least a semi-permanent home on the Web, no eBay please.) I will choose and announce a winner within (roughly) the next forty-eight hours.
This winner will be chosen based on a single criteria -- "coolness." Whatever item I find the most "cool" wins. I make no claim that my definition of what's "cool" will match any commonly socially-accepted definitions (or your own personal definition, for that matter). Decision of judge is final.
I set the bar here: in order to win, your item must be at least as cool as this; otherwise I will declare myself the winner.
Have fun. Play fair.

By: Almac

Almac — Tue, 30 May 2000 19:27:30 -0800

I need this Book Badly...

By: chaz

chaz — Tue, 30 May 2000 19:59:11 -0800

You can't buy my love with your little games. fool.

By: Succa

Succa — Tue, 30 May 2000 19:59:23 -0800

I want me some CHICKEN, baby! Yeeeeeeeeeee-haw!

By: CrayDrygu

CrayDrygu — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:03:42 -0800

Does it get much cooler than a titanium spork? I don't think so.

By: nickdoro

nickdoro — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:10:19 -0800

Look at this cool t-shirt from Kung Fu Nation. It's just the raddest thing I ever did see.

By: blivet

blivet — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:21:47 -0800

the coolest thing I can think of (right now, this moment) is The Dust Blows Forward ~ Captain Beefheart. I have to return the borrowed CD set tomorrow :-(

By: zenhues

zenhues — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:22:53 -0800

I've always wanted this. It is cool.

By: judith

judith — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:49:03 -0800

Does it count if I kick in the other $5? Because I've been eyeing Creative Time's tattoo kit, with tattoos from artists Mary Beyt, Rodney Alan Greenblat, Tibor Kalman, Lady Pink, Cary Leibowitz/Candyass, Sol Lewitt, Daniel J. Martinez, Shirin Neshat, Robert Reitzfeld, Alexis Rockman, Peter Saul, Roger Shimomura, Kiki Smith and Tom Wesselman.

By: thirteen

thirteen — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:53:52 -0800

I was gonna say your Devo cd and a buck, to win "Price is Right" style, but now I gotta vote for the spork guy. Love that Spork. Who won USR/BIN/GIRL's contest anyway? I don't recall the winner being announced.

By: flestrin

flestrin — Tue, 30 May 2000 20:56:00 -0800

I want a desk clock that just screams "I am a big geek". But not enough to buy it for myself.

By: creon

creon — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:09:11 -0800

It's animated, it's cyberspacey, it's heavily discusses on Geeks in Space, it's Lain. There's about a hundred other DVDs I'd recommend - first and foremost Being John Malkovich, which includes an interview with Spike Jonze where he pukes, and City of Lost Children because it's *gorgeous* - but this one would make my world better. And ain't that what this contest is all about?

By: cadence

cadence — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:24:17 -0800

Poi Dog Pondering was never my favorite band, but they're good, regardless. Still, this post isn't quite as cool as the photos.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:25:43 -0800

How about 30 pounds? I want a Wallace and Grommit animated clock.

By: rabi

rabi — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:27:27 -0800

hyper-peppy! if I had a robot, I would not be so lonely all the time at school where my pets are not allowed to come (roommates do not count as pets)... plus its name is hyper-peppy!

By: icathing

icathing — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:35:10 -0800

I want a half-pint klein bottle. Because I think a zero-volume, one-sided bottle would really tie my living room together. Plus, it's guaranteed for FIVE WHOLE YEARS to be free of magnetic monopoles - who else gives you that, I ask you.

By: Dean_Paxton

Dean_Paxton — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:37:24 -0800

I love the caffeine mug. There is plenty of time for sleep when you are dead.

By: Ezrael

Ezrael — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:52:42 -0800

It wasn't until the Emperor's head disappeared and then reappeared in the air above the room that Procopius began to think something was amiss in Byzantium. Not a novel, but rather a viciously slander-laden epic history, the Anekdota is amazing fun if you like your history leavened with a side of demonic sorcery, spruced up with wild orgies, and laden down with epic battles and misguided heroes. My copy, alas, left my possession when my own Theodora departed; I have pined for both since. For when one examines closely, there is a clear difference between what is human and what is supernatural. There have been many enough men, during the whole course of history, who by chance or by nature have inspired great fear, ruining cities or countries or whatever else fell into their power; but to destroy all men and bring calamity on the whole inhabited earth remained for these two to accomplish, whom Fate aided in their schemes of corrupting all mankind. For by earthquakes, pestilences, and floods of river waters at this time came further ruin, as I shall presently show. Thus not by human, but by some other kind of power they accomplished their dreadful designs. Procopius, Part 12 of the Anekdota

It gets better. Much better. Especially in a good translation. I'd really like one, and I would be willing to do almost anything to get it, except of course marry a demonic harlot who would teach me black sorcery so that I might reconquer Spain, North Africa and Italy from the Vandals, Ostrogoths and Visigoths in the name of the Domina Cruciae. A man's got to draw the line somewhere, or a headless emperor might do it for him.

By: costas

costas — Tue, 30 May 2000 21:59:15 -0800

The contest is over. I want this. One year of DNS from Joker.com oughta do it. In exchange for the registration I will host a blog to run this contest as often as people come forth and volunteer their $30.

By: efader

efader — Tue, 30 May 2000 22:07:14 -0800

I would like to have many benders. Take a look they are dolls that have magnets and you can position them any which way you want... The ultimate office cube conversation piece... They cost 7.99 each. http://www.hogwildtoys.com/benders.asp

By: Sqwerty

Sqwerty — Tue, 30 May 2000 22:31:25 -0800

The ultimate in poker faces, commie playing cards. http://www.color.spb.ru/eng/cards/komandir.htm

By: skinnyjimmy

skinnyjimmy — Tue, 30 May 2000 22:37:03 -0800

For my first post on metafilter, I would like to win the competition with this entry: The Mosque Clock. Sheer genius...

By: SilentSalamander

SilentSalamander — Tue, 30 May 2000 22:42:05 -0800

Imagine a Frisbee with an electronic billboard built into the side -- This will give you an idea of what the E-Writer is.

We agree, it's hard to imagine a toy like this exists. If we hadn't seen it with our own eyes, we wouldn't have believed it was possible. But the E-Writer really works and it is really, really cool.

By: treebjen

treebjen — Tue, 30 May 2000 22:46:29 -0800

Start with KLEENGUARD REPEL Coveralls then add a Flashing Electroluminescent Armband. Then you're ready to go clubbing with all the popular kids. (Note: You'll need to hit one of the URLs, let their site set a cookie, and then come back and hit the URL again to go to the correct page.)

By: bug

bug — Wed, 31 May 2000 00:16:14 -0800

You should buy me one of these flashing light watches so that i can look cool in disco nightclubs.

By: premiumpolar

premiumpolar — Wed, 31 May 2000 00:16:36 -0800

Fuck all these other guys, just buy me a goddamned sumo-wrestler-fan.

By: nate

nate — Wed, 31 May 2000 00:57:11 -0800

Here's my entry.

By: pixelboy

pixelboy — Wed, 31 May 2000 04:22:23 -0800

All I can say is: Code Name Satan

By: plinth

plinth — Wed, 31 May 2000 05:38:38 -0800

If you want something cool, how about a glass of bioluminescent water?

By: novarese

novarese — Wed, 31 May 2000 05:53:52 -0800

I would like a blue Photon Micro-Light II and a red original Photon Micro-Light.

By: fvw

fvw — Wed, 31 May 2000 06:42:57 -0800

Gimme. the Darwin Single Sided Shirt, Black, XL.

By: Georgina

Georgina — Wed, 31 May 2000 07:53:26 -0800

What a fun idea, I'm loving reading the entries. The spork! The spork! Here's mine: I've never seen anyone wearing a Fray t-shirt in Sydney, and I'd rather like to be the first. The Tell Me a Story shirt in black XL would go down a treat, and save me the hassles of currency exchange to boot. Whee.

By: sudama

sudama — Wed, 31 May 2000 08:37:57 -0800

The Hello Kitty Toaster toasts a Hello Kitty face onto every slice... it doesn't get any cooler than that. (Unfortunately, it doesn't get any cheaper than $34.95 either.)

By: jbushnell

jbushnell — Wed, 31 May 2000 08:49:55 -0800

Wow. Many good entries. It will be hard to choose-- there is not really a single thing on here that isn't at least a *little* bit cool. The winner will be decided and announced around midnight tonight, Chicago time.

By: Spyderella

Spyderella — Wed, 31 May 2000 09:17:12 -0800

I hope I'm still in time to be considered. Plus, I might get disqualified. You can get it for me as a wedding present, Jer--did I mention I'm marrying your friend? Probably September, 2001. But I digress... Two great fashion trends coming together for the must-have in every bride's wardrobe: Cargo Chucks!

By: jess

jess — Wed, 31 May 2000 09:31:26 -0800

I don't know if this company is still around, or what, but at the top of my hypothetical "buy me this now" list is this t-shirt. Praise the Lord!

By: inviolable

inviolable — Wed, 31 May 2000 09:52:40 -0800

I'd like to have Sally Struthers shut up. And hey, you get to feed a village for a year. But the spork is way frickin' cool.

By: wiremommy

wiremommy — Wed, 31 May 2000 09:54:44 -0800

Criteria for hyper-coolness: 1) It must be Japanese. 2) It must have lots of Kanji on the package. 3) It must in some way be ridiculous. 4) It must be incredibly, unbelievably cute. My choice would be Street Licca, a doll of a 12-year-old girl that comes with DJ headphones and Rough Trade labeled accessories. Tell me that's not the coolest, most absurd thing you've ever seen. Unfortunately she's $50. So my entry is Angel's Garden Shop Staff Moe. At a cool $30, she's goofy and super-cute and really, just awfully cool.

By: rcade

rcade — Wed, 31 May 2000 10:06:17 -0800

I would like the Young Scientist Anatomy Set, a 20-inch-tall toy that sells for around U.S. $11.87. On May 19, British artist Damien Hirst reached an undisclosed settlement in a copyright infringement lawsuit with the toy's manufacturer, Humbrol. It seems that Hirst's 20-foot-tall bronze sculpture Hymn is an exact replica of the Young Scientist toy with the optional rib-cage cover removed. Before news of the infringement broke, Hirst sold his sculpture to Charles Saatchi for U.S. $1.48 million. Since Saatchi has established the going rate for this object at $6,166 dollars an inch, I feel that the actual toy is a steal at only 59 cents an inch.

By: snarkout

snarkout — Wed, 31 May 2000 10:26:19 -0800

Boy, I was going to ask for a Giant poster, but that's not as cool as the spork or the Hello Kitty toaster. Speaking of toasters, my girlfriend and I got one of these babies used for only $75. If there's ever a contest to give away ridiculously overengineered kitchen accessories, you know where to go! No, wait, the spork counts for that, too. Dang.

By: syn

syn — Wed, 31 May 2000 10:41:30 -0800

I could really go for anything here, but the "sinner" or the "f*ck with me and i will saw off your legs" shirts are particularly fanciful. not to mention the "touch me, i'm sick" or "mcdonalds isn't food" stickers.

By: werty

werty — Wed, 31 May 2000 10:53:18 -0800

This is pretty cool. (I can't believe no one beat me to this.)

By: snarkout

snarkout — Wed, 31 May 2000 11:31:28 -0800

Glad to see I'm not the only one with Yuppie kitchen lust, Werty. Mmmm. Outrageously expensive cooking gear. But I think a Sub-Zero refrigerator is well out of the specified price range.

By: prolific

prolific — Wed, 31 May 2000 11:48:54 -0800

Can you make it 3030? Cause I want this. Badly.

By: mkn

mkn — Wed, 31 May 2000 12:25:50 -0800

damn, somebody beat me to it, I want a domain. Say, something like this would do. Or maybe this? Might I suggest domainmonger.com for your $17 domain name registration.

By: mcguirk

mcguirk — Wed, 31 May 2000 12:56:39 -0800

I just want some African biblical action figures.

By: andy

andy — Wed, 31 May 2000 13:01:43 -0800

i need a medium-sized belle & Sebastian "ampersand" t-shirt. they are my new favorite band.

By: FAB4GIRL

FAB4GIRL — Wed, 31 May 2000 13:11:32 -0800

I WANT THIS!!!!!! BUY IT FOR ME !!!! PLEEEASE! http://www.etoys.com/toy/g/product/ert/01/09/

By: FAB4GIRL

FAB4GIRL — Wed, 31 May 2000 13:17:28 -0800

Oh, I just wanted to add that on those Biblical Action Figures. If they are African why is Eve still white? ;-)

By: andy

andy — Wed, 31 May 2000 13:56:30 -0800

I need the Guv'ner album Spectral Worship. They kick butt.

By: howa2396

howa2396 — Wed, 31 May 2000 14:44:58 -0800

I'm thinking a carbonated beverage backpack (price not listed, but comes complete with dispensing hose and money pouch) would make me the life of all the parties. If that is out of the price range, then I would need the Party Shooter Beer Bong ($4.99) to make myself the ultimate party machine. I would probably need a Big Fat 6-Pack© ($12.95) to go along with the bong. Of course, I want all this beer stuff because I turn 21 on June 15th and I've never had a beer before. ;)

By: hc

hc — Wed, 31 May 2000 15:26:28 -0800

Folks, these are all good suggestions, but nuttin' says cool, funny or hip like this.

Its so bad its good!

By: baylink

baylink — Wed, 31 May 2000 16:20:31 -0800

Well, *this* thread has certainly fulfilled it's hidden purpose...

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Wed, 31 May 2000 16:27:57 -0800

As a professional monster, me like to eat puny humans, but me no like putting up with the h-bombs they keep shooting at me, and that superman guy keeps hurting my head. Me no like that either. So please, it would be really cool if you would buy me this. Then we can all live in peace and harmony. Thank you.

By: mkn

mkn — Wed, 31 May 2000 17:33:04 -0800

About those African Biblical Figures: is it just me, or is Job wearing a Hawaiian shirt?

By: bird_on_a_wire

bird_on_a_wire — Wed, 31 May 2000 18:57:49 -0800

Some Groovy Candy would make me happy. Candy cigarettes, wax lips and Hot Dog gum. What could be better?

By: baum

baum — Wed, 31 May 2000 19:03:47 -0800

The Kryotech SuperG: 1 GHz of Athlon whupass at -40 deg. C. You can save the freaking universe and keep the beer cold at the same time. If it got any cooler than this you'd be pissing barbed wire.

By: Ezrael

Ezrael — Wed, 31 May 2000 20:04:28 -0800

Could I have a big bag of Ecstasy? Or some Mescaline, if you've got better connections... Note: please don't get arrested or actually mail me drugs. I find jail annoying.

By: sylloge

sylloge — Wed, 31 May 2000 21:40:10 -0800

You can mail them to me though. Fill out the customs form with "Commercial samples, no value." Works every time.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Wed, 31 May 2000 21:53:08 -0800

So midnight Chicago time is 10:00pm here? I can't wait. I noticed this thread has generated much more than $30 worth of stuff I want now...in fact I'd say I might be spending a couple hundred bucks buying some of the quirky crap that was posted.

By: jbushnell

jbushnell — Wed, 31 May 2000 22:06:00 -0800

I hope no one was planning an eleventh-hour coup: I'm tired and I want to go to bed, so I'm closing up the contest. Ezrael's link to another Metafilter thread provides some fittingly self-referential closure to the contest. Speaking of self-referential, I thought that Costas' offer to permanently a 30-dollar-giveaway blog if I'd register the domain for a year was an approach to this contest that was definitely cool. I liked the self-referentiality, the perpetuation of the giveaway spirit, and the idea that this contest could yield something permanent. So, Costas, I'm definitely game, contact me and we'll discuss the particulars. I balked at declaring that an official winner because there's a certain ego-factor: I don't really feel comfortable saying "the coolest thing someone else's willingness to carry on my idea [actually my theft of usr/bin/girl's idea]", so although I'm happy to finance registration of worththirtybucks.com, I also felt the need to declare something else the winner. I was torn between the bioluminescent water, the African Biblical action figures, and the (fan favorite) titanium spork. Checking the prices, I realized I could cheap out: award a **three-way tie**and still squeak in under $30. (McGuirk, I'll buy you any two of those action figures, your choice.) Honorable mention goes to the Beefheart 2-CD retrospective and the fray T-shirt: these are the things I'd be most likely to buy for myself, but they lacked the component of spectacular uselessness that characterized my three finalists (and which always characterizes true "coolness"). Everyone blogged good stuff; well worth my $30 to watch it unfold. Winners, please stay on the line.

By: jbushnell

jbushnell — Wed, 31 May 2000 22:11:44 -0800

PS: Sorry about the typos. It's my bedtime.

By: eyesandfists

eyesandfists — Fri, 14 Jul 2000 05:48:58 -0800

What a greedy lot of people you are. :)