Talking Cock,

August 6, 2002 3:51 PM

Talking Cock, a humorous and sensitive look at the penis and the relationships men form with it, is starting to gain a lot of attention in the UK (now bring it to the States, dammit). Based on more than 3,000 responses to a still-online questionnaire, humorist Richard (Dick!) Herring has devised a one-man show that covers everything from Freudian nightmares to different cultural views of the penis, to the biscuit game. Oh, and the reader submitted penis poetry is a hoot. Warning: definitely average nearly nude male picture on the front page. May not be safe for work.
posted by WolfDaddy (20 comments total)

From the site's front page:

Is size important? And if not, why are there no two inch, pencil thin vibrators?

Not to be a stickler for detail, but surely he means dildos here, not vibrators; and I still think this must demonstrate that he hasn't set foot in a place like Toys in Babeland (or the British equivalent) recently, which stock an amazing variety (all shapes and sizes) of such things. Or so I hear. *cough*
posted by jokeefe at 3:56 PM on August 6, 2002

so, men finally get their own version of the vagina monologues?
posted by damn yankee at 4:13 PM on August 6, 2002

Reminds me of a satirical friend's grand scheme to open a chain of restaurants called Cocks.

The premise - Hooters for those more inclined to stare at men than women. All servers would be males wearing tight orange shorts, the logo was a rooster's head drawn in a phallic manner, and the menu would lean towards a female demographic - more chocolate, less fried meat.

I still think she had something there, but she lost interest after drawing the logo and letting the joke run its course.
posted by Fezboy! at 4:17 PM on August 6, 2002

on closer look at the front page, i see i've been beaten to the punch on such an obvious observation. i guess i should have assumed that somebody, somewhere -- most likely in the guy's front-and-center promotional materials (hey, at least let me revel in a bad pun or two) -- would have mentioned VM.
posted by damn yankee at 4:17 PM on August 6, 2002

Not to be a stickler for detail, but surely he means dildos here, not vibrators

jokeefe, enlighten me please. I remember seeing vaguely penis shaped plastic devices demurely advertised in my grandmother's Fingerhut catalogs as "neck massagers". I assumed that, since they vibrate (and since my mom hid hers under her bed) it would be called a vibrator, not a dildo--a term I understand as being a vaguely (or not) penis shaped non-vibrating device.

Have I been using these terms incorrectly lo these many years?
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:36 PM on August 6, 2002

Well, Wolfdaddy, what in your grandmother's day was a "neck massager" (and let me take a moment here to be glad that your mom and your grandma were able to buy such useful things) would perhaps be considered today to be a dildo that vibrates--dual function, if you see what I mean. I think that the technology been improved a great deal in the last decades: vibrators, meaning clitoral stimulators, come in all shapes and sizes, some very tiny, no bigger than a lipstick, whereas dildos are indeed more or less penis shaped (some more than others) and are non-vibrating. I would say that your grandmother's clever device was a vibrator which could also be used as a dildo.

The cultural history of vibrators is a really interesting one--that they were first used as a medical device (to "calm" women) by doctors, but later went "underground" as the true nature of the treatment (i.e. to elicit orgasm) became apparent... there are very early erotic movies featuring turn of the last century vibrators, and the fact that the women in your family could discreetly order them, under cover of a "neck massager" is interesting too. You're British, no? I wonder if it was the same in North America *trots off to Google*
posted by jokeefe at 4:49 PM on August 6, 2002

Heh heh, well, that seems to have stopped the discussion cold...
posted by jokeefe at 5:34 PM on August 6, 2002

You're British, no?

I'm a Merkin, actually, though I feel extremely complimented, rabid Anglophile that I am :-) Thanks.

The information you related I find simply fascinating as well, specifically the impression that many people think using a vibrating device to attain orgasm is something only females do.

That impression would be, um, incorrect. *cough*

And on preview, you try to type "vibrating device to attain orgasm" while also troubleshooting someone's cranky DSL connection ;-)
posted by WolfDaddy at 5:39 PM on August 6, 2002

the fact that the women in your family could discreetly order them, under cover of a "neck massager" is interesting too. You're British, no? I wonder if it was the same in North America

My mom had a "neck massager" when I was growing up here in the upper midwest. As a child I actually used to use it to massage my neck and wonder why it left me feeling so ahem, unsatisfied. And because I was using the thing against my bare skin, I like to think that's all my mom used it for too.
posted by triggerfinger at 5:51 PM on August 6, 2002

WolfDaddy: You're a merkin?
posted by jennyb at 6:38 PM on August 6, 2002

Yes, jennyb, I'm an American. I clean cannons really well too. ;-)

Have any UK members caught this show? he asks, trying to gently re-rail the thread.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:50 PM on August 6, 2002

Knob, dick, schmuck, rod, tool, percy, John Thomas, the bald headed mouse, the yoghurt-spitting sausage, Kojak's Moneybox, the salty salami....

He forgot "heat seeking moisture missile"..

Not that I'd ever call mine that.
posted by slipperywhenwet at 8:13 PM on August 6, 2002

That impression would be, um, incorrect. *cough*

Point taken. What happy devices men might use is not really within my field of expertise, if you know what I mean, but I'm always interested in learning new things.

I'm not sure I phrased that properly.
posted by jokeefe at 9:36 PM on August 6, 2002

I'm also a person who thought that vibrators and dildos were one and the same. I was about to do some research but then remembered all porn-type sites launch thousands of pop ups (oooh er) so I can't be bothered.
posted by Summer at 6:27 AM on August 7, 2002

My one objection to the Yahoo Coverage of this story is where Herring says "You don't come out of the Vagina Monologues as a man thinking 'I have learned something.' You come out thinking 'Oh God they all hate us.' It talks all about the downside."


ObDisclaimer: I work with Eve Ensler. I was a man last I checked. I've seen the Vagina Monologues more times than I can count. And I've read lots of comments from other men in e-mails and the press. Eye-opening, entertaining, and uplifting is the most common reactions I've heard. Unless you view the play through a very selective filter, I don't see where you get the depressing and man-hating.
posted by alms at 6:40 AM on August 7, 2002

Jokeefe,
I am very impressed with your knowledge of instruments of female pleasure. You go, girl. I see I have a lot to learn....
posted by aacheson at 9:27 AM on August 7, 2002

I am very impressed with your knowledge of instruments of female pleasure.

Grad school has to be good for something...

Seriously, if you are interested, check out Toys in Babeland or the Good Vibrations website (quick google will bring it up).

Whoops.
posted by jokeefe at 12:34 PM on August 7, 2002

Unless you view the play through a very selective filter, I don't see where you get the depressing and man-hating.

alms, I think that VM performed by a 22-year old women's studies student in front of an audience full of college students will be performed and interpreted differently than VM performed by Glenn Close in front of an New York City theater audience.

A recent performance at the university in my hometown greatly bothered a number of males I know who caught the show and most of them had the "my god, women have always hated men!" reaction. Some of them felt they had to slink out of the theater. This may be an exception rather than the rule, but I see as how that reaction could be provoked in the way the show is performed.

I'm not sure I phrased that properly.

Sorry jokeefe, I didn't mean to imply that you meant to give the impression that vibrators were used by only females; I was following your train of thought to google where I read up on a number of books concerning female sexuality at the turn of the 20th century and found most attitudes even to the present day makes this assumption. I think this is one of those male 'don't ask, don't tell' things, as most (gay) men I know will willingly admit to using dildos if they do indeed use them but almost none (gay or straight) will admit to using a vibrator for anything other than a 'massage'. You can't tell me that a randy lad holding something that makes your neck feel nice and relaxed is not going to put it somewhere else just to see what it feels like. :)
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:49 PM on August 7, 2002

WolfDaddy,
The Vagina Monologues certainly has some negative stuff about men in it, specifically in two sequences when she discusses wartime rape in Serbia and childhood rape and molestation using the voices of the women who were attacked. But this is just a fact of life of being women. Until men stop using rape as a power weapon, women will continue to discuss it. And there's no way to discuss those things without being down on men. Women sure aren't raping women during wartime.

That said, the rest of the Vagina Monologues don't say much at all about men because it's not about men. It's all about women. Perhaps that's what bugged the guys so much, that they aren't even mentioned. They aren't important in the VM because it's for women, about women. Women having sex without men. Women discovering themselves without men. That's probably why it's considered "anti-men" because men are so used to being the center of women's attention (bad or good) vis-a-vis sex.

The VM is great. It's healthy and fun and interesting. And I certainly came out happier and didn't feel at all angry at men. In fact, I hadn't really thought about them at all for 2 hours.
posted by aacheson at 9:16 AM on August 8, 2002

My favorite vibrator.
posted by alms at 11:20 AM on August 8, 2002