Truck-nutz?

August 11, 2002 12:53 PM

Truck-nutz? Can it get any more crude, I mean 'red', than this? (here, another brand and lots of pics - click on mugshots). Who in their right mind would hang these under thier bumper?
posted by tomplus2 (33 comments total)

double post
posted by banished at 1:02 PM on August 11, 2002

they look like dog biscuits to me
posted by Stars Kitten at 1:05 PM on August 11, 2002

I don't know what you've been feeding your dog, but I don't think I approve.
posted by jjg at 1:54 PM on August 11, 2002

Who would hang them under their bumper? The kind of brain donors who have those stupid signs stuck to their back window saying stuff like "I'm naked from the waist down" or "Honk if you got it last night". I sincerely hope these things never cross the Atlantic to England.
posted by essexjan at 2:24 PM on August 11, 2002

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but...Don't they seem a bit small?
posted by anathema at 2:42 PM on August 11, 2002

I see this a method of Self-Tagging so that the rest of us know to give these idiots people a wide berth. Deez Nuts [sorry, couldn't resist] are just like the WEBN frog stickers in the greater Cincinnati area that take up the whole rear end of the car that tell me to stay away from the truck that sports said bumper sicker.
posted by plemeljr at 2:47 PM on August 11, 2002

Is it any worse than the mud flaps some trucks sport? I think it's hysterical, but wouldn't put them on my car.
posted by RunsWithBandageScissors at 3:03 PM on August 11, 2002

Earlier last month, me and girlfriend were on our way back from Grand Teton National Park, when we say a couple big pickup trucks in Montana with these on, and I remember thinking, where in the world would you get something like that to put on your truck (let alone why).....

Well know I know. Thanks.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 3:22 PM on August 11, 2002

err... now i know
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 3:22 PM on August 11, 2002

With so many fine retailers, it is going to difficult to decide which are the best mock testicles for my needs.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 3:44 PM on August 11, 2002

The thing is, if I hadn't seen the site, I don't think I would have known what they were supposed to be if I saw them!
posted by Miss Beth at 3:51 PM on August 11, 2002

Sure, it's all fun and games until they smack into debris on the road at 65 mph. Whap!
posted by madprops at 3:56 PM on August 11, 2002

"As advertised in Small Business Opportunities Magazine, Aston Enterprises is looking for you to join our team. Take 5 minutes and see how the Ultimate Truck Accessory can change your Future. "


Uhh, how about... no.
posted by shecky57 at 4:00 PM on August 11, 2002

I foresee "truck castration" overtaking cow tipping as the number one form of juvenile delinquency in towns with populations under a thousand.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:01 PM on August 11, 2002

madprops --- or self-castrate at 65 mph, sending two solid chunks of hard rubber hurtling at somebody's windshield.

I live in North Dakota --- I've seen these things on sale everywhere. It lends credo to my theory that in 50 years, the only people left in this state will each have an extra toe.
posted by nathan_teske at 5:46 PM on August 11, 2002

These truck balls (OK, I know you can put 'em on a car, but that don't seem right) prove what every halfwit Freudian amateur cultural critic said about cars and masculinity. It also reinforces the old saw about how hard it is to do satire these days, with shit like this out there.
posted by kozad at 5:59 PM on August 11, 2002

The ones at the second link seem to be crafted with more loving detail. Notice how one hangs lower. You have to applaud attention to detail like that.
posted by Xkot at 6:07 PM on August 11, 2002

So are they going to make giant penises to hang under your chassis as well (following kozad theory)? How many of these already don't talk about their dicks enough anyways?
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:21 PM on August 11, 2002

I sincerely hope these things never cross the Atlantic to England.

Too Late (or early)
posted by stbalbach at 6:36 PM on August 11, 2002

It lends credo to my theory...
are they going to make giant penises...
once they get some credo in south dakota. the extra toe comes in handy during giant rubber penis assembly.
posted by quonsar at 6:39 PM on August 11, 2002

I'd buy a pair if they were hairy and flesh colored.
posted by ColdChef at 7:01 PM on August 11, 2002

Who in their right mind would hang these under their bumper?

Half the pickup-drivin' mill-workin' good ol' beer drinkin' boys in my home town, that's who. The same people who used to buy Ayatollah Khomeini 'toilet targets' (I assume some enterprising folk have created ones now for Bin Laden...), the same guys who peeled off the 'Proud Canadian' stickers from the backs of their Royal Reserve rye bottles and stuck them on the back window of the cab of their trucks...

It's interesting to watch North America's socio-eco classes become more and more culturally divergent, and watch the head scratching that goes on when they intersect.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:39 PM on August 11, 2002

stbalbach: yes, and the Cerne Abas giant practices safe sex and sets a good example for others. Can truck nuts users say the same?
posted by Slithy_Tove at 7:41 PM on August 11, 2002

yes. hairly, flesh-colored head scratching. it's all good.
posted by quonsar at 7:41 PM on August 11, 2002

I wish I had the money to purchase one, but I've just spent all my available funds on the whole "Big Johnson" T-shirt collection. Maybe in a couple of months, though...
posted by byort at 7:06 AM on August 12, 2002

You'd think that if "size does matter," as TruckNutz claims, they'd offer bigger ones. These look, well, kinda wimpy.
posted by me3dia at 9:51 AM on August 12, 2002

Furthermore...
This is where you can purchase the "Original Your-Nuts" for your truck, buggy, car or motorcycle.

Exactly where would you put these on a motorcycle? Wouldn't they smack up against the back wheel?
posted by me3dia at 9:53 AM on August 12, 2002

Exactly where would you put these on a motorcycle?

I think the ideal spot would be on the back of the helmet, so everyone would know that the rider was a dickhead.

But then again, the kind of person that would buy fake testicles for a vehicle wouldn't wear a helmet, would they?
posted by Jart at 12:45 PM on August 12, 2002

I'm amazed that they offer them in blue. You'd think that someone trying to make such a "manly" statement with these things would avoid a color with such negative connotations for the male genitalia.
posted by illusionaire at 7:02 PM on August 12, 2002

Pretty ballsy link, tomplus2.

They seem a bit small relative to the size of the vehicles they are intended for, in my view.

illusionaire - never heard of "blue balls"?

All seems a bit pointless, unless they were at least remotely lifelike. Even then, actually, but at least they could make some effort.
posted by dg at 7:49 PM on August 12, 2002

stavros: yes.
posted by mlang at 8:39 PM on August 12, 2002

dg: What I was trying to say is that I don't think that guys would like to advertise that they have "blue balls" -- or would they?
posted by illusionaire at 10:19 AM on August 13, 2002

... I don't think that guys would like to advertise that they have "blue balls" ...

Well, I certainly wouldn't, but I can't speak as an authority on redneck mating rituals, so who knows?
posted by dg at 4:00 PM on August 13, 2002