Do not say that calling him Austin is your preference and your right
April 21, 2021 9:15 PM Subscribe
How to Name Your Black Son in a Racist Country, an essay by Tyrone Fleurizard, from Roxane Gay's emerging writer series.
"When the time comes, he will give his Black son a name that signals to him that he is fine just the way he is."
"When the time comes, he will give his Black son a name that signals to him that he is fine just the way he is."
It’s hard to write a response to something so eloquent. I’ll just say, that was powerful and beautiful. And it felt strangely familiar, and reminded me of all the imagined possibilities that unspool from the process of naming. Reminded me of checking meanings of Sophia and Lavinia, of remembering the Jake and the Jameses who left a bad, lingering taste. Of reading the cards.
And then a few months later, after the calculus is done, you have the actual human out in the world and crunched up on your abdomen, and you think oh you’re the one. And the name is maybe too big for them and too specific. They’re just a baby! So there are nicknames to fill in. Baby Buhbuss, Pumpkin Lumbalump.* But they grow into their proper name. They become who you thought they might be.
I’m not at the point where they fashion their own names and decide their own paths, yet. I hope I can learn a bit of this writer’s grace by then. It’s a beautiful piece.
*This might be just me. I am a nonsense factory around fussy babies.
posted by erinfern at 10:55 PM on April 21, 2021 [6 favorites]
And then a few months later, after the calculus is done, you have the actual human out in the world and crunched up on your abdomen, and you think oh you’re the one. And the name is maybe too big for them and too specific. They’re just a baby! So there are nicknames to fill in. Baby Buhbuss, Pumpkin Lumbalump.* But they grow into their proper name. They become who you thought they might be.
I’m not at the point where they fashion their own names and decide their own paths, yet. I hope I can learn a bit of this writer’s grace by then. It’s a beautiful piece.
*This might be just me. I am a nonsense factory around fussy babies.
posted by erinfern at 10:55 PM on April 21, 2021 [6 favorites]
Wow. This essay was nothing short of brilliant.
I haven't read many things written in the 2nd person perspective but I've always enjoyed the way they put you in someone's shoes. I cannot express how much work like this needs to shared all over!
posted by Jbc970 at 11:05 PM on April 21, 2021 [2 favorites]
I haven't read many things written in the 2nd person perspective but I've always enjoyed the way they put you in someone's shoes. I cannot express how much work like this needs to shared all over!
posted by Jbc970 at 11:05 PM on April 21, 2021 [2 favorites]
This was excellent. Thank you for posting it.
posted by Soi-hah at 12:11 AM on April 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Soi-hah at 12:11 AM on April 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'd be down to see the author of that read it out loud. I want the voice in my head to be the author's voice.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:33 AM on April 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:33 AM on April 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
I thought the empathy the father showed for his son's differing point of view was remarkable, then, as the essay continued, stopped, scrolled up, looked at the byline, and realized I was instead reading the son's empathy for his father.
posted by pykrete jungle at 5:58 AM on April 22, 2021 [20 favorites]
posted by pykrete jungle at 5:58 AM on April 22, 2021 [20 favorites]
In this country, there is no difference between your Black son and anybody else’s Black son. [...]
You would have done this if not for the immigration industrial complex that would ensure you prioritize citizenship to this country over citizenship to your family. You would have done this if not for the deeply entrenched belief in this country that success is determined by your proximity to white, middle-class America. Your son understands this, which is why he is not mad at you, although you do need a good talking to sometimes, like now.
The piece is so well done I'm not sure it's worth me making any comment. I was moved by the tension between "here's what you don't understand, Dad" and "I understand why you don't/won't understand."
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:08 AM on April 22, 2021 [12 favorites]
You would have done this if not for the immigration industrial complex that would ensure you prioritize citizenship to this country over citizenship to your family. You would have done this if not for the deeply entrenched belief in this country that success is determined by your proximity to white, middle-class America. Your son understands this, which is why he is not mad at you, although you do need a good talking to sometimes, like now.
The piece is so well done I'm not sure it's worth me making any comment. I was moved by the tension between "here's what you don't understand, Dad" and "I understand why you don't/won't understand."
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:08 AM on April 22, 2021 [12 favorites]
Like pykrete jungle, I flipped back and forth a few times between whose voice I was reading.
What a great piece! And judging by the closing lines, a great peace, too. Some day I hope to have as great an understanding of my own father's perspective.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:14 AM on April 22, 2021
What a great piece! And judging by the closing lines, a great peace, too. Some day I hope to have as great an understanding of my own father's perspective.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:14 AM on April 22, 2021
This piece reminded me of my favorite novel, which is also about naming and families and immigration and intergenerational tension, and maybe eventually coming to understand.
There is an inherent tension I think in parenting — how much of your child’s self do you teach them to squish in order to keep them safe? The further you are from whatever is in power where you are, the greater the tension, I assume. Immigration on its own is tough enough. I can’t imagine the stress of raising a black child, here, now. Like I try to picture it and immediately I have to look away.
posted by eirias at 6:29 AM on April 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
There is an inherent tension I think in parenting — how much of your child’s self do you teach them to squish in order to keep them safe? The further you are from whatever is in power where you are, the greater the tension, I assume. Immigration on its own is tough enough. I can’t imagine the stress of raising a black child, here, now. Like I try to picture it and immediately I have to look away.
posted by eirias at 6:29 AM on April 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
That was really good and thought-provoking, and I probably would not have seen it if you hadn’t posted it here. Thank you for posting it!
posted by BeeDo at 7:01 AM on April 22, 2021
posted by BeeDo at 7:01 AM on April 22, 2021
Thank you for posting this.
"However much you thought the name Austin might spare him from not being hired when he deserves to be, or from being turned away from realtors despite how good his credit is, the reality is, in this country, there is no escaping racism. In this country, there is no difference between your Black son and anybody else’s Black son. There is no difference between Austin or Tyrone. "
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:04 AM on April 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
"However much you thought the name Austin might spare him from not being hired when he deserves to be, or from being turned away from realtors despite how good his credit is, the reality is, in this country, there is no escaping racism. In this country, there is no difference between your Black son and anybody else’s Black son. There is no difference between Austin or Tyrone. "
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 7:04 AM on April 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
The reality is, in this country, there is no escaping racism. In this country, there is no difference between your Black son and anybody else’s Black son. There is no difference between Austin or Tyrone.
As the white mother of a Black son, this was a hard lesson to learn. And we learned it the hard way, with cops following him home through our neighborhood at 7 & 8. We have given him The Talk and made him watch the excellent version that Ben Warren gives his sons on Grey’s Anatomy, and he’s all like, “I know, ok, I get it,” but he’s 13 and very independent and we’re not sure he really does get it.
posted by Orlop at 7:14 AM on April 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
As the white mother of a Black son, this was a hard lesson to learn. And we learned it the hard way, with cops following him home through our neighborhood at 7 & 8. We have given him The Talk and made him watch the excellent version that Ben Warren gives his sons on Grey’s Anatomy, and he’s all like, “I know, ok, I get it,” but he’s 13 and very independent and we’re not sure he really does get it.
posted by Orlop at 7:14 AM on April 22, 2021 [13 favorites]
Related: How did the name “Tyrone” become so commonly associated with Black Americans, even though the origins of the name are Irish?
posted by elgilito at 8:17 AM on April 22, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by elgilito at 8:17 AM on April 22, 2021 [11 favorites]
That bit of a sting in the tail left me wondering...
Lovely piece. I look forward to reading what else Roxanne curates for us.
posted by OHenryPacey at 8:29 AM on April 22, 2021
Lovely piece. I look forward to reading what else Roxanne curates for us.
posted by OHenryPacey at 8:29 AM on April 22, 2021
Reading in a very dusty room.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:48 AM on April 22, 2021
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:48 AM on April 22, 2021
Malcolm, Cedric and Reginald were popular Generation X names for Black boys too. Malcolm for Malcolm X; I'm not sure why for the other 2.
posted by brujita at 12:59 PM on April 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by brujita at 12:59 PM on April 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's weird how you read so many things written in second person where "you" is just a presumptuous way of saying "I" that the most straightforward interpretation of something like this, that you're reading something addressed to and intended for someone else, doesn't even occur to you.
posted by straight at 2:36 PM on April 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by straight at 2:36 PM on April 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
(Sorry if that sounded flip. This is a fantastic story and I think the author is intentionally and masterfully using my expectations that way.)
posted by straight at 2:40 PM on April 22, 2021
posted by straight at 2:40 PM on April 22, 2021
Also Denzel; Washington's 1st movie came out in 1981 so I don't think this was a factor.
posted by brujita at 4:30 PM on April 22, 2021
posted by brujita at 4:30 PM on April 22, 2021
Amazing. I also was reading it as the father, paused to read some comments, read the comment pointing out it was the son, and that was stuck in my head.
posted by chunking express at 6:36 AM on April 24, 2021
posted by chunking express at 6:36 AM on April 24, 2021
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