All the trains in my son’s train podcast ranked by how much I hate them
July 22, 2021 9:05 PM Subscribe
“A lot of people don’t like Gordon, who is haughty and rude, but I feel an affinity with this train because the contempt in which he holds all the other trains on the Island of Sodor comes very close to matching my own.” An overview of the characters featured on the Thomas and Friends Storytime podcast. (SLGuardian)
My kids watched Thomas incessantly but I have been able to complete avoid fomenting the Thomas hate that is common these days. I simply paid almost no attention to the plot and dialogue of the show and did other things while it was playing. I can't tell you the plot of a single episode. Simple but effective--just don't care!
posted by zardoz at 10:25 PM on July 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by zardoz at 10:25 PM on July 22, 2021 [4 favorites]
My friend's toddler only wants to watch videos of train crossings, which might be worse.
posted by emmling at 10:51 PM on July 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by emmling at 10:51 PM on July 22, 2021 [1 favorite]
I know way too much about this topic.
posted by iamck at 11:02 PM on July 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by iamck at 11:02 PM on July 22, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't speak Spanish. Yet:
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:37 PM on July 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
– ¡Hola! ¡Soy Dora! ¡And this is mi amigo Boots!This is burned into my brain and one day they will find me sitting in a corner, rocking backwards, and muttering “¿Donde esta, Dora? Where has my sanity gone?”
– ¡Hola!
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:37 PM on July 22, 2021 [10 favorites]
You've just got to divert kids away from Thomas and Pepper and onto Octonauts and the Penguins of Madagascar.
posted by jjderooy at 11:47 PM on July 22, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by jjderooy at 11:47 PM on July 22, 2021 [11 favorites]
My kids watched Thomas incessantly but I have been able to complete avoid fomenting the Thomas hate that is common these days.
Hating on toddler icons has a long history: some adults, especially younger ones, parents or not, oft despise the TV young children love.
Some people I know despised Fred Rogers when he started out -- the putting on a cardigan, changing his shoes, his soft, bland warmth, his edgelessness, the way he focused his patient attention on the toddlers. How totally icky and unhip he was.
Obviously, the toddlers felt and feel otherwise.
Likewise I remember reading about a shopping mall Barney pummeled by a bunch of rowdy college men, injuring the poor eighteen year old inside the costume. And in looking that up, I seen it is one of many such attacks over the years, possibly still ongoing.
All I can say is...
Oh, the humanity!
posted by y2karl at 12:15 AM on July 23, 2021
Hating on toddler icons has a long history: some adults, especially younger ones, parents or not, oft despise the TV young children love.
Some people I know despised Fred Rogers when he started out -- the putting on a cardigan, changing his shoes, his soft, bland warmth, his edgelessness, the way he focused his patient attention on the toddlers. How totally icky and unhip he was.
Obviously, the toddlers felt and feel otherwise.
Likewise I remember reading about a shopping mall Barney pummeled by a bunch of rowdy college men, injuring the poor eighteen year old inside the costume. And in looking that up, I seen it is one of many such attacks over the years, possibly still ongoing.
All I can say is...
Oh, the humanity!
posted by y2karl at 12:15 AM on July 23, 2021
You can dull the pains of Thomas the Tank Engine overdose by watching Thomas and the Magic Railroad, a movie from 2000 featuring Alec Baldwin (no, really), Mara Wilson (no, really!), Russell Means (as embarrassing Native American caricature) and ... Peter Fonda (no, really!!, absolutely phoning it in). This movie is wonderfully terrible and probably conducive to being watched when in an altered state, a.k.a. "shining time."
posted by chavenet at 12:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 12:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
Ugh, Percy. I knew he’d be at number one. Finally a listacle I agree with completely. I was subjected to the old VHS shows for years upon years as it was the only thing my brother would watch. Our house was wall to wall Thomas paraphernalia. My eye still twitches at the toot toot. I hated it all, but Percy was the absolute worst.
posted by lilac girl at 1:49 AM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by lilac girl at 1:49 AM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I was just reading this, brought to mind an internet classic, "Thomas the Imperialist Tank Engine: The not-so-hidden subtexts". It really is a terrible show for terrible children, Ringo notwithstanding.
But hey, I grew up watching Thomas the Tank Engine and now I'm a Marxist, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by Acey at 3:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [9 favorites]
But hey, I grew up watching Thomas the Tank Engine and now I'm a Marxist, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by Acey at 3:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [9 favorites]
I devoured all the books when I was a kid. My son mostly watched the TV series, but we read all the books together from a giant bound copy when he was younger.
I kind of miss it now he's not into Thomas anymore.
Toot toot
posted by TheophileEscargot at 3:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
I kind of miss it now he's not into Thomas anymore.
Toot toot
posted by TheophileEscargot at 3:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
You can dull the pains of Thomas the Tank Engine overdose by watching Thomas and the Magic Railroad
The original Shining Time Station also had George Carlin succeed Ringo. I think that might be why my parents put up with me watching it so much.
Also, I've never seen the movie, but reading that it carries forward some elements of Shining Time Station feels really quaint. The early 2000s were about the time that producers started quietly ditching derivative-IP in favor of just importing the original (see every 90s video game cartoon vs those made in the 2000s)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
The original Shining Time Station also had George Carlin succeed Ringo. I think that might be why my parents put up with me watching it so much.
Also, I've never seen the movie, but reading that it carries forward some elements of Shining Time Station feels really quaint. The early 2000s were about the time that producers started quietly ditching derivative-IP in favor of just importing the original (see every 90s video game cartoon vs those made in the 2000s)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:36 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
I sign off on this list 100%. I used to work in childcare, and I am here to tell you that most (all?) childcare workers hate Thomas the Tank Engine with the burning fire of a thousand supernovas. The books, the show, the stupid little toys that all the kids fight over even though there are ten normal trains sitting right there, the weird capitalism, the trains' creepy grey faces stuck to the front of otherwise normal machines. When a kid walked up to me with a Thomas book, I read it to them (I'm a professional) but my soul would feel a little bit barfy.
If you have/spend time with kids, there's a kids' show on Netflix called Chuggington that's also about trains learning lessons, but the character design is much cuter and the lessons are pretty wholesome, with absolutely zero characters being bricked up in a tunnel to suffer for all eternity. I've had success diverting train-obsessed kids to to it, and it's significantly less annoying. You're welcome.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 5:21 AM on July 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
If you have/spend time with kids, there's a kids' show on Netflix called Chuggington that's also about trains learning lessons, but the character design is much cuter and the lessons are pretty wholesome, with absolutely zero characters being bricked up in a tunnel to suffer for all eternity. I've had success diverting train-obsessed kids to to it, and it's significantly less annoying. You're welcome.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 5:21 AM on July 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
British comedian Micky Flanagan does a funny bit about Thomas.
posted by ceejaytee at 5:24 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by ceejaytee at 5:24 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Not enough criticism has been made of Octopod user interface design.
posted by mhoye at 5:35 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:35 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
(sorry, that was a derail.)
posted by mhoye at 5:44 AM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:44 AM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
Hate the trains all you want, they're still a thousand times better than that collar-less, Canadian whiner, Caillou.
posted by wenestvedt at 5:47 AM on July 23, 2021 [13 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 5:47 AM on July 23, 2021 [13 favorites]
the weird capitalism
Random Thomas fact: The Fat Controller used to be called the Fat Director, but that was before the railways were nationalized.
there's a kids' show on Netflix called Chuggington that's also about trains learning lessons
I don't love early Thomas, but I like Chuggington even less and I'm glad my daughter didn't really get into it. The past few seasons of CGI Thomas haven't been too bad.
From what I can tell, though, the CGI series is coming to an end, seemingly replaced by the teenage boys of the Thomas Creator Collective.
posted by clawsoon at 6:03 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Random Thomas fact: The Fat Controller used to be called the Fat Director, but that was before the railways were nationalized.
there's a kids' show on Netflix called Chuggington that's also about trains learning lessons
I don't love early Thomas, but I like Chuggington even less and I'm glad my daughter didn't really get into it. The past few seasons of CGI Thomas haven't been too bad.
From what I can tell, though, the CGI series is coming to an end, seemingly replaced by the teenage boys of the Thomas Creator Collective.
posted by clawsoon at 6:03 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Are we sure this is by Ben Jenkins? It doesn't mention cum even once.
(Ben co-hosts Free to a Good Home, the only funny podcast. Cum comes up a lot.)
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:11 AM on July 23, 2021
(Ben co-hosts Free to a Good Home, the only funny podcast. Cum comes up a lot.)
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:11 AM on July 23, 2021
I was just reading this, brought to mind an internet classic, "Thomas the Imperialist Tank Engine: The not-so-hidden subtexts". It really is a terrible show for terrible children, Ringo notwithstanding.
My niece gets super annoyed when I talk about overthrowing the monarchy in Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood but is slightly mollified when I am envious of their infrastructure (a talking trolley? yes please).
posted by joannemerriam at 6:12 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
My niece gets super annoyed when I talk about overthrowing the monarchy in Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood but is slightly mollified when I am envious of their infrastructure (a talking trolley? yes please).
posted by joannemerriam at 6:12 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
For your pleasure: The Repressive, Authoritarian Soul of “Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends”
And... "The Sad Story of Henry"
From jwz
posted by rozcakj at 6:21 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
And... "The Sad Story of Henry"
From jwz
posted by rozcakj at 6:21 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
collar-less, Canadian whiner, Caillou
Hey! He's "French-Canadian"... So that explains the extreme whining. (But, Canadian's will still always have some baseline level of whining...)
posted by rozcakj at 6:32 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Hey! He's "French-Canadian"... So that explains the extreme whining. (But, Canadian's will still always have some baseline level of whining...)
posted by rozcakj at 6:32 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
From now on I'm going to call the problem of finding children's entertainment that is neither incredibly regressive not bland and corporate-dull the Thomas/Chuggington Dilemma.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:41 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:41 AM on July 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
Just before the piling on gets out of hand:
Do children with autism spectrum disorders have a special relationship with Thomas the Tank Engine and, if so, why? [PDF]
Why do kids love Thomas the Tank Engine? [summary of the article in the Grauniad]
posted by chavenet at 6:45 AM on July 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Do children with autism spectrum disorders have a special relationship with Thomas the Tank Engine and, if so, why? [PDF]
Why do kids love Thomas the Tank Engine? [summary of the article in the Grauniad]
posted by chavenet at 6:45 AM on July 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
So around a decade back, my wife and I would occasionally babysit a friends' toddler. Said boy loved Thomas the Tank Engine and as a result, I saw far too much of the show. So we would amuse ourselves by pretending it was retelling of Lord of the Rings ("One does not merely take the train to Sordor") as the child watched the show and we were grateful that he wasn't he wasn't reenacting Sliver[1].
In any case, one time the child watched a different series, some bad CGI thing about talking airplanes. And after that, I developed an appreciation for Thomas, in that at least it wasn't that show.
[1] The Nirvana song, not the voyeur movie.
posted by suetanvil at 7:13 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
In any case, one time the child watched a different series, some bad CGI thing about talking airplanes. And after that, I developed an appreciation for Thomas, in that at least it wasn't that show.
[1] The Nirvana song, not the voyeur movie.
posted by suetanvil at 7:13 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Our son became enchanted with Thomas before he could speak clearly, and were so confused by his constant chatter about "dumbass train" for a bit there.
Thomas and the Magic Railroad probably deserves its own post, but apparently one of the antagonist characters wound up on the cutting room floor after focus groups found him "too scary" which is part of why chunks of the plot don't make much sense.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:46 AM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
Thomas and the Magic Railroad probably deserves its own post, but apparently one of the antagonist characters wound up on the cutting room floor after focus groups found him "too scary" which is part of why chunks of the plot don't make much sense.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:46 AM on July 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
If you enjoy watching people shit on children's television programs, you might also like Deadspin's (RIP) long-running Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks.
posted by box at 8:22 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by box at 8:22 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Thomas and the Magic Railroad probably deserves its own post, but apparently one of the antagonist characters wound up on the cutting room floor after focus groups found him "too scary"
Was that Pinchy? (he asked, the story rising to mind far too quickly and with disturbing clarity)
posted by doctornemo at 8:51 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Was that Pinchy? (he asked, the story rising to mind far too quickly and with disturbing clarity)
posted by doctornemo at 8:51 AM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
My niece gets super annoyed when I talk about overthrowing the monarchy in Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood but is slightly mollified when I am envious of their infrastructure (a talking trolley? yes please).
I was really disappointed to see that the Trolley got bustituted and now seems to be a glorified street-running, rubber-wheeled bus instead of a real tram running on tracks.
I'd like to think that the producers might have consciously made this decision because most children probably live in places where a trolley-shaped bus is more common and hence more relatable. I'd like to think that the Kingdom of Make Believe didn't purposefully rip up all that magical track and replace it with subpar service.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:29 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was really disappointed to see that the Trolley got bustituted and now seems to be a glorified street-running, rubber-wheeled bus instead of a real tram running on tracks.
I'd like to think that the producers might have consciously made this decision because most children probably live in places where a trolley-shaped bus is more common and hence more relatable. I'd like to think that the Kingdom of Make Believe didn't purposefully rip up all that magical track and replace it with subpar service.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:29 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Plot inflation in Thomas The Tank Engine. I used to not get Thomas at all, but now it mostly makes me think fondly about how much my son loved it when he was the right age.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 9:57 AM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 9:57 AM on July 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
greenland: Bring Ashima back, you cowards.
Looks like she got a couple of episodes per season since her introduction. Not disappeared, but nothing like the attention that Victor got after his introduction.
I assume that every decision made about Thomas is made on the basis of toy sales versus cost ofadvertising making television series, given that it's all owned by Mattel.
posted by clawsoon at 11:25 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Looks like she got a couple of episodes per season since her introduction. Not disappeared, but nothing like the attention that Victor got after his introduction.
I assume that every decision made about Thomas is made on the basis of toy sales versus cost of
posted by clawsoon at 11:25 AM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Joe in Australia: You need some Maraka.
Everyone of these infernal kids shows needs a Robert Smigel skewering.
posted by bbrown at 3:34 PM on July 23, 2021
Everyone of these infernal kids shows needs a Robert Smigel skewering.
posted by bbrown at 3:34 PM on July 23, 2021
I love Thomas the Tank Engine. We have two tubs full of Thomas Wooden Railway parts and pieces. I have made it very clear to my wife that they Never. Get. Thrown. Out.
But once they started with the CGI, the Thomas I loved went away. Zombie CGI Thomas is awful and my sons never watched it.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 6:41 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
But once they started with the CGI, the Thomas I loved went away. Zombie CGI Thomas is awful and my sons never watched it.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 6:41 PM on July 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
y2karl: As a teen, my siblings loved Barney and watched it incessantly. I can still vividly recall the joy when I saw Tom Arnold and Hugh Grant pummel a version of him called Arnie.
Alongside my Maraka recommendation, I'd be remiss if I didn't link Smigel's anti-kids-show series TV Funhouse featuring the Anipals.
posted by bbrown at 10:41 PM on July 23, 2021
Alongside my Maraka recommendation, I'd be remiss if I didn't link Smigel's anti-kids-show series TV Funhouse featuring the Anipals.
posted by bbrown at 10:41 PM on July 23, 2021
suetanvil: The show you regret seeing is the utterely execrable Jay Jay the Jet Plane, which my kids loved. (I had the pleasure recently of making them sit through an episode as late teens. It was worth watching it once more for that.)
posted by bbrown at 10:49 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by bbrown at 10:49 PM on July 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
You think this is bad, and it is, but then your kid gets old enough to discover, like, Adam and Justin, revealing whole new levels of possible annoyance.
But yes, divert the 3 year olds to Peppa Pig and the Octonauts!
posted by slidell at 10:26 AM on July 24, 2021
But yes, divert the 3 year olds to Peppa Pig and the Octonauts!
posted by slidell at 10:26 AM on July 24, 2021
I am desperately annoyed that I can’t find the Ringo seasons of Thomas on any streaming in the U.K. I am this close to buying a physical DVD for the first time in years.
The best thing for toddlers is Sarah and Duck (QUACK!).
posted by DoveBrown at 11:26 AM on July 24, 2021
The best thing for toddlers is Sarah and Duck (QUACK!).
posted by DoveBrown at 11:26 AM on July 24, 2021
I was subjected to the old VHS shows for years upon years as it was the only thing my brother would watch.
This was me too! But the "toot toot" is a pleasant memory for me, as it meant that mum had finally given into his nagging and let him watch TV. Which meant that I was free to read my book without being bothered.
posted by kjs4 at 1:25 AM on July 26, 2021
This was me too! But the "toot toot" is a pleasant memory for me, as it meant that mum had finally given into his nagging and let him watch TV. Which meant that I was free to read my book without being bothered.
posted by kjs4 at 1:25 AM on July 26, 2021
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