Proise, Grantfulness, Glofe, and most of all, Chart
September 16, 2021 11:16 AM   Subscribe

With so many disasters pumelling the UK simultaneously—Brexit, Covid, GB News—it's nice to see that our most famous sponge monarch has decided to share her innermost thoughts with us as a balm to a broken nation. Queen Elizabeth II is now issuing a digital newsletter, defiantly written in her own hand and controversially available to aristocrats and commoners alike, and it's a true delight. The latest royal retelling? Wondruful I Just foumd Proncess Diano Skleneton Isnade A Suit Or Amror posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs (19 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
I heav been avid quinn reader for som whil and so happy to see it on BLUE +++log off
posted by phooky at 11:20 AM on September 16, 2021 [3 favorites]


(and given the decline in my orthography over the past decade I will be delighted to be as comprehensible as this at her age)
posted by phooky at 11:25 AM on September 16, 2021


Every ten years, without fail, someone uses the KLANG tag on MetaFilter.
posted by oulipian at 12:23 PM on September 16, 2021 [21 favorites]


But what does KLANG mean? Is it just another inside joke? Nice FPP, Ten Cold Hot Dogs. Thanks.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:32 PM on September 16, 2021 [1 favorite]


We never gave name to gornillar Because in the 1950 it was illegal to name animals , especially gorillna. Today ovbiously thing are different and you can name Anything ,
Thigms wore very direffengt in the old dags,
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:20 PM on September 16, 2021 [5 favorites]


conKLANGspiracy!

Apologies for stoking the derail.

Delightful moonarchrw.
posted by BlackPebble at 4:26 PM on September 16, 2021


Attempting to read this makes my brain hurt...
posted by Windopaene at 4:34 PM on September 16, 2021 [2 favorites]


I watched every episode of Are You Being Served on PBS in the 1980s and I still don't get this.
posted by Horkus at 6:15 PM on September 16, 2021 [2 favorites]


I still don't get this.

Okay, I can decipher a bit. She's basically mistyping a lot, but it's pretty clear if you keep up with the royalty at all.

So "Proncess Diano" is the queen's mistyping of Press Once Dianetics, a simplified version of the Scientology leveling system made for inbred monarchs who might not be able to handle the rigors of the full system. I get why you might not be familiar with that; it's a more recent thing, coming out of the Scientology-for-All-Royalty equity and inclusion push that the mainstream media has disgracefully overlooked.

[The basic idea is that a qualifying monarch is sent a large, easily-pressed button (sort of like the Staples Easy Button), and any time they wish to advance in rank, they press the button. It's all wifi- and 5G-enabled, with automatic billing of course, so as long as the monarch isn't out stalking deer on the heather it goes through no problem.]

So anyway, the queen is writing about how she fumed that button (we all know how she's big into fumigation these days — the tabloids can't get enough of that!) along with her custom Peloton Ski exerciser (she wanted a NordicTrack, but she also wanted Julio, her favorite Peloton instructor, so....), part of her usual Saturday routine. Apparently she sneezed (fumes, duh) on her lover. Oh, "Suitor Amor" is just what she calls him when she's teasing him about his predilection for salsa dancing. That one's a little bit inside-baseball, I'll grant you.

Anyway, I hope that helps!
posted by whatnotever at 7:53 PM on September 16, 2021 [16 favorites]


[stop whatnotever, laughter is killing me]
posted by straight at 7:57 PM on September 16, 2021


This is very interesting - an impression of what satire would be like if written by someone witless about a person they’ve barely heard of.
posted by Phanx at 4:16 AM on September 17, 2021 [5 favorites]


This is very interesting - an impression of what satire would be like if written by someone witless about a person they’ve barely heard of.

like a beuatiful Grambling moment on completer ,
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:56 AM on September 17, 2021 [1 favorite]


askmefi: Helpo My Bone Promblem
posted by .holmes at 9:48 AM on September 17, 2021 [2 favorites]


Checks out: here she is on the radio talking about William and Kate’s wedding in a similar coherent manner.
posted by tinwhiskers at 10:24 AM on September 17, 2021 [1 favorite]


But what does KLANG mean?

How To Goodbye Bones PRoblem: If You Call //KLANG\\ On The Little Phone And He Goodbyes It. Malarkey? Or Effective Way?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:31 AM on September 17, 2021 [2 favorites]


Thanks whatevernot, that did help a lot.
posted by Horkus at 12:09 PM on September 17, 2021


Pore gornilla.

And yes, this is exactly how posh English people actually write.
posted by fallingbadgers at 9:57 PM on September 17, 2021 [2 favorites]


This is also how Chuck Grassley tweets
posted by BungaDunga at 2:01 PM on September 19, 2021 [1 favorite]


The Royal Secret is that these items are written by a KITTEH.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 2:24 AM on September 20, 2021


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