A new use for haiku!

August 20, 2002 12:03 PM

A new use for haiku! Ancient Japanese art as spam filter? Habeas seems to think so. Come on kids, let the sorry attempts at poetry begin!
posted by krunk (28 comments total)

they'll have to find the spammers before they can file suit against them. if it were that easy to find them, i think they'd have been found by now.
posted by fore at 12:12 PM on August 20, 2002

Practical or not
I think it's a neat idea
Go, Habeas, go!
posted by catfood at 12:20 PM on August 20, 2002

sour spam in summer
melting inbox, far too full
no more e-mail, please
posted by DenOfSizer at 12:21 PM on August 20, 2002

Do you really think
that spam senders will respect
any copyright?
posted by eriko at 12:27 PM on August 20, 2002

I don't really understand why this is such a big thing. Sure, it might be possible to sue the spammers for using copyrighted material, but is it actually going to work if the spam is coming from outside of the US?
I get the feeling that Habeas is just trying to become the middleman in this situation; charge companies for a "spam license" and then tell consumers that they're protecting them by only allowing authorized e-mails through.

From a filtering standpoint, I don't see this method as working at all. According to a this article, spam filtering can be fairly simple and yet be very effective.
posted by Pharkas at 12:29 PM on August 20, 2002

Haiku stops no spam,
Hormel sues for hijacking
meat product brand name.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:30 PM on August 20, 2002

Or: Turn Your Spam Into Haiku. [self-link]
posted by Shadowkeeper at 12:32 PM on August 20, 2002

The weary crane
deletes and deletes
penis enlargement avalanche.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:32 PM on August 20, 2002

I demand they use limericks instead
Since haiku is over my head
With verses from Lear
I'd have nothing to fear
And spam would be killed just as dead
posted by skyscraper at 12:43 PM on August 20, 2002

Cool wind rushes through
A sky that has no storm clouds
Your mailbox is free
posted by briank at 12:50 PM on August 20, 2002

Anti-joke-haiku rant here
posted by skyscraper at 12:53 PM on August 20, 2002

Thank you for that skyscraper. I dare anyone here to try to do limericks rather than pancake related haiku.
posted by insomnyuk at 12:57 PM on August 20, 2002

There once was a loud libertarian
Insomnyuk, a MeFi contrarian
He didn't like taxes
Or pancakes, or faxes
And certainly not a librarian
posted by briank at 1:02 PM on August 20, 2002

Pharkas: as long as the email is coming from a country that is a member of the Berne Convention (of which the US became a member in 1989), copyright laws are enforcable.
posted by o2b at 1:06 PM on August 20, 2002

That, briank, made my day.
posted by insomnyuk at 1:09 PM on August 20, 2002

My mailbox is all full of junk
Porn, investment offers and bunk
I'll scream, rant and yell
Till they all go to hell
Or till I say, "Fuck me I'm drubk."
posted by ColdChef at 1:16 PM on August 20, 2002

My dork is too small.
I'm over my head in debt.
Yet, strangers help me.
posted by NedKoppel at 1:17 PM on August 20, 2002

Dear sir, I don't wish to brag
Of my wealth, but I have a snag.
These fund I must move
So would you approve
Of a cut of Nigerian swag?
posted by Shadowkeeper at 1:30 PM on August 20, 2002

fore, it's not hard to find spammers, hell one of them did a piece in a newspaper (cool sidenote) the issue is that for the most part what they do is not illegal. While there is some anti-spam legislation in the works this allows us to use existing law and precedent to pursue spammers on legal grounds.
posted by bitdamaged at 2:21 PM on August 20, 2002

I see your spam haiku and limerick and raise you an Elizabethan sonnet:

Daily I open my email inbox,
And find, not sincere letters, notes, or verse
But crude offers for discounted botox
Rife with misspellings, in a tone quite terse.

And who are these unvirtuous maidens
Who write so foully of sinful pleasures?
Tammi, Jenny, these daughters of Satan!
Dare ask me what my member doth measure!

Then heaps of questions of mortgage and cash,
And offers to improve my foul credit,
Then investment advice: do something rash!
So much junk that I wept when I read it.

Strange that the more spam filters we apply,
The amount of foul junk doth multiply.
posted by evanizer at 2:40 PM on August 20, 2002

Pharkas, I see a lot of spam that has been routed through servers in Asia, but the actual senders/promoters/businesses are American. Poor Chinese/Korean documentation for mail servers seems at least partly to blame. And of course Chinese mail admins can't understand the English complaints they get, warning them that their servers are being highjacked. But anyway, there is an American behind it all.

Have you noticed you never see spam from Europeans?

There is a small part of me that wishes the PRC would make having an open relay a capital offence...
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 2:44 PM on August 20, 2002

Evanizer-That's a really good sonnet. Do you write them often?
posted by stoneegg21 at 4:28 PM on August 20, 2002

If I had a nickel for every sonnet that evanizer wrote for me...
posted by ColdChef at 5:04 PM on August 20, 2002

With caution I post
Mailbox empty right now
Harvesters await.
posted by bake at 9:31 PM on August 20, 2002

Higgedly-piggedly,
SMTP,
Spam or haikus,
Now which will it be?
posted by octobersurprise at 9:32 PM on August 20, 2002

Do not put your faith in mere haiku
with syllables too few to save the day.
Choose instead a villanelle or two
to keep the spammers far away from you.
Listen to these words of mine I pray:
Do not put your faith in mere haiku

even though it's easier to do
and its form is short and good for play.
Choose instead a villanelle or two.

Remember, if it's simpler to do
it will not deter the spam a single day.
Do not put your faith in mere haiku,

to keep your email spam-free through and through.
Haiku is clearly not the proper way
Choose instead a villanelle or two.

To paraphrase, short poems just won't do
If you want to keep the spam away.
Do not put your faith in mere haiku,
choose instead a villanelle or two.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:22 PM on August 20, 2002

I think if anyone wants to take the mefi poetry crown from mr_crash_davis, they're going to have to write a 40-page Dr Seuss story, complete with illustrations.
Congrats, Crash!
posted by krunk at 5:51 AM on August 21, 2002

Yes, I can haiku and limerick all day, but I will have to yield to the sonnetteers.
posted by briank at 6:48 AM on August 21, 2002