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Peaceful co-existence with the animal kingdom, example #240.
August 21, 2002 2:49 PM   Subscribe

Peaceful co-existence with the animal kingdom, example #240. At a local boat ramp in the Richmond, VA suburbs, there is a problem with black vultures causing damage to cars. The buzzards are being attracted by trash and food scraps being left by fishermen cleaning their catch. The birds are scratching trucks and cars, crapping wherever they please (the nerve!), and ripping out the rubber from windshield wipers. What does Chesterfield County decide to do about it? They hired the U.S. Department of Agriculture's wildlife services program to eradicate the entire flock.
posted by machaus (29 comments total)

 
Well, Machaus, how would you like it if a fucking bird shat on your SUV?!?
posted by zekinskia at 2:55 PM on August 21, 2002


Example, #239 (minus the tongue-in-cheek)
posted by piskycritter at 2:56 PM on August 21, 2002


i love the fact that we have all these conservation efforts, but when animals do what is natural and it impedes us or offends us in any way, the only solution is eradication. let's hear it for the department of agriculture.
posted by chrisroberts at 3:12 PM on August 21, 2002


could the fishermen throw their scrap elsewhere? they started it.
posted by dabitch at 3:15 PM on August 21, 2002


It's because they're black, isn't it? - Call Al Sharpton!
posted by zanpo at 3:20 PM on August 21, 2002


If they were good-eatin', I'd shoot 'em for ya. Big ol' Buzzard broil.
posted by Witty at 3:36 PM on August 21, 2002


If they were good-eatin', I'd shoot 'em for ya.

If that's your sole criteria for justifying violence, may I recommend the human quadriceps, biceps femoris, semitendinosus,and semimembranosus muscles ("steak", to you). Marinate overnight in a mix of red wine, red pepper, and red blood. Pass briefly over glowing charcoals. Voila!


Long pig. The other white meat.
posted by fold_and_mutilate at 4:09 PM on August 21, 2002


So, its not okay to eat meat then?

*pouts*
posted by Lord Chancellor at 4:16 PM on August 21, 2002


If foldy had his way, you'd be jailed for the abuse of every hamburger, and medallions of veal would be a capital offense.
posted by Dreama at 4:23 PM on August 21, 2002


Buzzards are animals of opportunity who can and do survive anywhere on anything. Squirels, rabbits, crows, deer, rats, etc.. are at levels in this country never before known. I live in an urban area of 5 million people and there is a den of coyotes in the empty lot next door (they look like mangey foxes). What do we do, they wouldnt be here if it wasnt for humans we created the urban/suburban environment they thrive on, we should have the right to remove them also. They spread diseases for one thing and damage property its not like they are going extinct anytime soon.
posted by stbalbach at 4:23 PM on August 21, 2002


As a native of Northern New Jersey, I can't go into detail about the massive campaign against the newest terror on our commerce: the Canada Goose.

C-Geese are enormous (they can get like a 7-foot wingspan) and amass in groups of, at minimun, about six hundred or so. North Jersey being the shopping mall capital of the world, they started a few years ago to take over the parking lots. They're loud, they're aggressive, and most offensive of all, they spend every waking hour of their lives depositing white-and-green semi-solid shit anywhere you might have wanted to once walk.

And they're like goddamn velociraptors about the group stuff too. I swear, on time one of them stopped in front of my car in a parking lot and quacked at me while ten of its friends walked by... on the cross walk path. Damndest thing I've ever seen.

So, a few years ago someone proposed that the Geese should be captured en masse, slaughtered, and fed to homeless people. The idea fell flat when, after capturing and slaughtering countless hundreds of them, they discovered that the taste (and nutritional value) of cooked C-Goose is almost that of their own fecal matter. I am pretty sure they haven't tried the idea again since then.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:27 PM on August 21, 2002


sorry, I meant to say I can't go into enough detail, as I'm sure the length of that last post was, umm, pretty damned in detail.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:28 PM on August 21, 2002


What do we do, they wouldnt be here if it wasnt for humans we created the urban/suburban environment they thrive on, we should have the right to remove them also.

What do those two things have to do with each other? The birds have adapted to our encroachment. I say its high time we adapt our behavior.
posted by machaus at 4:31 PM on August 21, 2002


Our encroachment?

What is our original habitat? And is it bad when we adapt to others, like the buzzard?
posted by Lord Chancellor at 4:34 PM on August 21, 2002


machaus - I say its high time we adapt our behavior.

Then the birds have already won.
posted by NortonDC at 4:39 PM on August 21, 2002


Perhaps our new overlords will be better at using apostrophes than I.
posted by machaus at 4:41 PM on August 21, 2002


Unfortunatly the Birds gots-ta-go, or better yet, Move your freaking SUV outta crap range, moron?.

I swear folks is stupid about animals.

Colorado, People move next to the deep forest and then plant a garden and then complain about criiters in the rubarb!.
Typical and figures.

I'd give the fishermen the bill for the damage (for leaving a initial mess that caused this) . a shame yes, but Hind site bieng what it is...
posted by Elim at 4:46 PM on August 21, 2002


If foldy had his way, you'd be jailed for the abuse of every hamburger, and medallions of veal would be a capital offense.

Ah, maybe, although as you know I'm not into capital punishment. It is true that our friends in the meat industry ain't any different from child abusers, and those who eat meat aren't much different from consumers of child pornography (preying as they do on the weak to satisfy their "tastes" and appetites, etc).

Education and some insight into our selves might go a little further toward a better world than jail, however. I live in hope.

But I'm not trying to derail the thread. I do disagree that "tasting good", or fecal material deposited on SUVs (is there a better place for fecal matter?), is a valid reason to shoot buzzards. In fact, there are no good reasons to shoot buzzards...or anything else for that matter.

~wink~
posted by fold_and_mutilate at 5:08 PM on August 21, 2002


I eat vegetables!! I'm such a monster, preying upon the ultimate weak and helpless: the immobile.

Okay, I'll calm down. Just makes me think: when are we allowed to intervene in the world? Evidently, not to change things we already changed.

Oh, yeah, anyway, the fecal matter probably would hit all vehicles, and besides SUV having a little bit more surface area than the standard compact, defecation from above would impact all of us. Well, those who drive convertibles more so. What's this site's deal with SUVs?
posted by Lord Chancellor at 5:25 PM on August 21, 2002


I just had a beautifully thick porterhouse steak, which I grilled (I like it rare, still grazing, you know, so I can still taste the blood) right next to some delicious tilapia, which I sprinkled with pepper, rosemary, and lemon juice. Take me off to jail, I'm ready.

Personally, I'm pissed off that the Dept. of Agriculture is so asinine. They shouldn't be spending tax dollars to fund killing these animals. They should go for a more-cost solution, like putting poison in the scraps of fish.
posted by insomnyuk at 5:39 PM on August 21, 2002


*more cost-effective. The afteraffects of a heavy late dinner are still with me.
posted by insomnyuk at 5:40 PM on August 21, 2002


Totally ludicrous and despicable behavior by Fish and Wildlife-more birds will reappear until the underlying problem of dumbasses not throwing their trash away is solved. Perhaps they should set up a dumbass trap.
Email the Richmond Audubon Society at audubon@www.cvco.org and encourage their agitation. Thanks for the tip Machaus.
posted by quercus at 5:54 PM on August 21, 2002


Wouldn't it be a lot more cost-effective to make it an offence to clean fish at the boatramp? That's how we do it in my neck of the woods. No vultures here, but plenty of rats and gulls, and the stink of rotting guts isn't that great either.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:15 PM on August 21, 2002


What a waste. If the vultures must go, they should be caught and sent somewhere that vultures are needed, like at the Towers of Silence in Bombay. Sure it would be expensive, but it would also be much more humane.
posted by homunculus at 6:19 PM on August 21, 2002


What's this site's deal with SUVs?

SUVs are the pancakes that it is not alright to love. Personally I want one of these beauties.

As to the vultures, they would not be around if humans were not making a mess for them to eat. Catch them, haul them way off into the woods and release them and then keep the area clean so there is nothing to attract scavengers.

At least that is a problem that can probably be fixed. Unlike the European Starling. The one happy thought I have about the world's future is that after the nuclear war, the long cold winter might wipe out most of those irritating birds.
posted by bargle at 6:40 PM on August 21, 2002


The vultures perform many services:now they're going to have to pay someone to pick up the road kill in that town.

The usual, don't make humans think or modify their behavior. Just kill or remove anything immediately inconvenient.
posted by Red58 at 6:52 PM on August 21, 2002


what about the fish? somthing must be done.
posted by stbalbach at 9:29 PM on August 21, 2002


We have a similar problem in my home town (Gloucester, UK) with seagulls. This was made all the more serious when a nearby pensioner was killed by them.

They are absolute b*stards, particularly when they have young around. As well as their aggression they are absolutely chock full of horrible gloopy divebomb ammunition. (I've been hit twice in last 4 months!)
posted by prentiz at 2:08 AM on August 22, 2002


Kill Chop Trap Troll!

We're talking about birds here. Birds, granted, that have evolved behavior most obnoxious to the humanoid. But Jesus Christ Shit, haven't we as humanoids also done the same to ourselves? We've constructed a way to shit all over ourselves and be perfectly cool about our own extermination.
posted by crasspastor at 2:31 AM on August 22, 2002


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