September 13, 2002

3:31 PM

Intelligent Grappling: the new creationism?Teachers for Equal Time hopes that the addition of the warning stickers will pave the way for the teaching of its alternative theory, Intelligent Grappling, the theory that certain intelligent and conscious agents "push" things together. (hey its friday)
posted by skallas (18 comments total)

Daniel Mason, a Georgia science teacher, is critical of Intelligent Grappling Theory and claims "IG theory isn't at all scientific. It appears to just be a thin veneer for the idea that 'little angels' push things around. This is a religious idea, not a scientific one, and as such has no place in science class."

"I'm not saying they're little angels," says Dr Sternberg, "Intelligent Grappling only says that conscious agents are the cause of all apparent 'gravitic' phenomenon. There's no religion involved."

So, this is the theory of fate?
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 3:35 PM on September 13, 2002

Note the motto of the sourcing site:

"The stories are real. Only the names, facts and events have been changed."

Gotcha, mon freres.
posted by blueshammer at 3:43 PM on September 13, 2002

damnit!

/me blushes
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 3:45 PM on September 13, 2002

From The INTELLIGENT GRAPPLING FAQ:

In order to accept Intelligent Design, must I accept Intelligent Grappling as well?

YES. Intelligent Design says that there is a non-naturalistic, conscious designer at work at the biological level. Intelligent Grappling says that there is a non-naturalistic, conscious grappler at the physical level. Accepting a naturalistic explanation for one phenomenon but a non-naturalistic explanation for another is a philosophically corrupt position and we do not advocate it.

posted by timeistight at 3:57 PM on September 13, 2002

A tree grows fruit because it is a magic tree. Water runs downhill because it is bewitched. The sun shines because it is bewitched.

- G.K. Chesterton
posted by mhjb at 4:13 PM on September 13, 2002

I really liked this touch:

Dr Sternberg founded Teachers for Equal Time soon after getting his PhD from the Alabama School of Divine Motion.

They also teach ballroom dancing and miming.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:15 PM on September 13, 2002

I'm not saying they're little angels," says Dr Sternberg, "Intelligent Grappling only says that conscious agents are the cause of all apparent 'gravitic' phenomenon. There's no religion involved.

This guy needs some conscious agents to push his hypothesses into a more coherent argument.
posted by Shadowkeeper at 4:16 PM on September 13, 2002

Dr Sternberg founded Teachers for Equal Time soon after getting his PhD from the Alabama School of Divine Motion.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:17 PM on September 13, 2002

Hey, wait a minute... I'm starting to suspect this may not be completely serious!
posted by moss at 5:01 PM on September 13, 2002

Y'think??
posted by dash_slot- at 5:53 PM on September 13, 2002

Follow up report from same source....
posted by dash_slot- at 5:56 PM on September 13, 2002

this reminds me of a piece from mcsweeneys that made me laugh out loud on night. of course i had been up for almost two days and was functioning on nothing but caffeine and nicotine at the time but you know . . . "Even if you don't believe in gravity, gravity believes in you."
posted by nyoki at 6:40 PM on September 13, 2002

dash_slot:

A shattering link. ROTFLMAO.

skallas:

Thanks for unleashing such intellectual drollery--especially welcome in these days of wars and rumors of wars. May Elf Sternberg dwell in Lorien until the Intelligent Grappler catches up with him.
posted by rdone at 6:45 PM on September 13, 2002

Wait -- Elf Sternberg? What, isn't he net.famous anymore?
posted by webmutant at 7:24 PM on September 13, 2002

Elf Sternberg -- Intelligent Grappling (groping?). Heh. Best troll of the month, without doubt.
posted by Cerebus at 8:06 PM on September 13, 2002

It should be noted that Dr Sternberg's doctorate is in phrenology.
posted by Devils Slide at 9:40 PM on September 13, 2002

I have a better theory: Intelligent Groping. Some things just reach out and grab other things. I also have a correlary theory, the theory of Intelligent Slapping, which comes into play when one of the intelligent agents that is groping, gropes an object which doesn't want to be groped.

Do I get my warning sticker?
posted by RylandDotNet at 11:01 PM on September 13, 2002

From what I know about Elf Sternberg, he is an authority on Intelligent Groping...
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:56 AM on September 14, 2002