Electronic Masturbation

September 18, 2002 12:12 PM

"When you talk about running electricity through someone's genitals, most people think of torture. However, we have found that low power, high frequency (audio) current can produce some very interesting tingling and throbbing sensations." Bored of the same, day-in, day-out masturbation routine? Try electronic masturbation! "
posted by Pinwheel (28 comments total)

If you are electronically illiterate -- if you've never handled a wire stripper and soldering iron -- do not attempt to perform the experiments described below. Get a person with electronic experience to help you.

"Hey, Fred, can you help me...ummmm...fix my stereo?"
posted by byort at 12:15 PM on September 18, 2002

When you talk about running electricity through someone's genitals, most people think of torture.

Cite, please.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:15 PM on September 18, 2002

We cannot vouch for the accuracy of this material, and we do not know anyone who has tried it.

So they're posting this because...? Maybe they are hoping that someone will try it, survive, and report back that it was hot shit so they can go for it assured of its safety.
posted by orange swan at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2002

We believe electronic masturbation could be very useful for relieving tension in certain situations: in prisons, aboard submarines, and so forth. Because it can be more satisfying than ordinary masturbation, you can use it to reward yourself (or someone else) for completing a difficult task.

such as loading torpedoes I suppose.

this could be the basis for a whole new society!

impressed as I am, I just don't have the balls to try it.
posted by gravelshoes at 12:32 PM on September 18, 2002

Because it can be more satisfying than ordinary masturbation, you can use it to reward yourself (or someone else) for completing a difficult task.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the next big dotcom perk.
posted by tittergrrl at 12:39 PM on September 18, 2002

Ooh shocking revelation.

"Best Buy's sales, amongst other things, rise since the introduction of the MasturStation..."
posted by murmur at 12:43 PM on September 18, 2002

Hmm, didn't people use the Bone Fone for similar self-pleasuring purposes back in the '70s? I seem to recall that you could buy a "special" after-market attachment for them that could be [ahem] inserted into bodily orifices.
posted by MrBaliHai at 12:47 PM on September 18, 2002

Like auto-asphyxiation (no link, because it's also too dangerous), I would not recommend this technique unless you don't mind the very real possiblity of ending up like the gentleman whose estate we probated a few years back. We always referred to him as "Sparky".
posted by yhbc at 12:59 PM on September 18, 2002

Funny, I've always considered posting on Metafilter to be electronic masturbation.
posted by bondcliff at 1:15 PM on September 18, 2002

Electrical play is uncommon, but not unheard of as a sexual practice. And no, I've never done it. But I know there is at least one company that caters to this: Folsom Electric Company - sold online at Blowfish.

As you may guess, the links are probably work-unsafe.
posted by O9scar at 1:28 PM on September 18, 2002

my friend's brother claimed to have donated sperm for money when he was in the military down south about 10 years ago. he and his buddy figured they could go in, spank one out and grab a few bills. but then the nurse hooked up little clamps, ZAP!, and the donation was in the cup! no stimulation, no erection, just the gooey end result... can anyone confirm if this was anywhere close to a truth? i was a gullible kid at the time...
posted by adamms222 at 1:47 PM on September 18, 2002

So... let me get this straight. It, uhh... vibrates?
posted by mychai at 1:56 PM on September 18, 2002

It is probably not coincidental that this thread follows one labeled What is Pain? As for this being the weirdest bit of kink, read on ....
posted by ElvisJesus at 2:06 PM on September 18, 2002

...the same, day-in, day-out masturbation...

New Mefi tagline
posted by gnz2001 at 2:11 PM on September 18, 2002

I still jerk off manually.
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:14 PM on September 18, 2002

When you talk about running electricity through someone's genitals, most people think of torture.
voice of experience?
posted by quonsar at 2:25 PM on September 18, 2002

There was a company in the '60s selling a machine for "exercise" which was a pretty good sex toy, (I know this from first-hand experience) so this isn't totally new. That company is out of business, so I'm not optimistic about finding any references to them on the net. Next time I see my friend who owns one, I'll get the name and give it a try.

There were also a number of novelty devices which ran current through people for no other reason than to get a rise out of them. Amusement parks have included these for well over a century. It was perhaps thirty years ago that I saw one at a major amusement park that challenged the customer to see how long s/he could endure the voltage. This, to me, defines "moron".
posted by Nicolae Carpathia at 2:46 PM on September 18, 2002

Darwin.
posted by plexi at 2:51 PM on September 18, 2002

The safe way to do this is with a Tens Unit.

Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation Units can be used for pain relief, simulated exercise, and uh, other things. THE EMS-400 Neuromuscular Stimulator is an easy to use system. A marvel of miniaturized electronics, the lightwieight power unit transmits electrical pulses through the skin surface and stimulates motor units (nerve and muscles), effectively exercising the muscles. The electrical impules are "ramped" so that they closely emulate natural muscle contractions.

These things are available all over the net and in Japanese grocery stores. Health Insurance covers them for, uh, some uses.
posted by alms at 3:06 PM on September 18, 2002

masturbate for peace.
posted by xowie at 3:06 PM on September 18, 2002

"Insert the small loop electrode just inside your urethra "
no. that is an exit.
although the idea of playing a song that that makes you feel good is quite hilarious. perhaps the "body electric"?
posted by the aloha at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2002

Athletic coaches, military trainers and others who need to harness the wild energy of young men should look into this. Uhm... do we really want to associate these men with sexual pleasure?
posted by spotmeter at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2002

Will the wonders of our new push-button age of the future never cease?

Our bovine friends have known about this for years. Controversy! The artificial vagina people think they "do it" better. I think that they should settle this like Real Scientists and have a spitball fight.

You can buy kits for home experiments! There is even a clinic (in L.A., of course) where trained technicians will do it for (to?) you! Sperm Banks were saved!
posted by bonehead at 4:06 PM on September 18, 2002

For alt. folks, have you heard of using a handful of chili sauce?
posted by semmi at 6:15 PM on September 18, 2002

One day in a Kyoto onsen (ubiquitous public bath - one of the best things about visiting the country) I was trying the various tubs: hot water, cold water, bubbly massaging water, blue medicinal water, etc.

One small hip-deep pool didn't seem to have much going for it until I brushed near a grid of holes in the side wall and my thigh muscles contracted like a cramp. It stopped when I moved away. My fingers and toes curled like claws near the holes, too.

I finally figured out, after much monkey-like experimentation, that there was a current going through the water. Some kind of health benefit, probably. Although the idea of water + electricity still made me shiver, and I got out.

Anyway, that's my weird-electricity-near-the-family-jewels story.
posted by gottabefunky at 6:46 PM on September 18, 2002

You're so lucky! I don't have any weird-electricity-near-the-family-jewels stories...possibly because I don't have any family jewels.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:10 PM on September 18, 2002

"Is that a small loop electrode just inside your urethra, or are you just happy to see me?"
posted by pekar wood at 4:48 AM on September 19, 2002

Yeah, gottabefunky, same thing happened to me in Morioka, at a sento called "Mars." (Huge place, great baths, much needed in Morioka winter).

I had just got back from snowboarding and my muscles were tired and sore. The electric bath took away the soreness, but only increased the tiredness. The shiatsu massage chair took care of that.

By the way, everybody, what is this "masturbation" you're talking about? Why, I've never heard of such a thing!
posted by dfowler at 7:12 AM on September 19, 2002